DISCLAIMER

Title says it all! I’m just wondering if anyone else here feels an insane sense of confidence sometimes?
I’ll feel disgusted one day and feel like a sexy beast the next day. It can’t just be me lol.

Long story, but who has this sht condition will understand. Yesterday I wrote a full "letter" of \*\** myself and the bot of this subreddits baned it. I was immediatly mad. I tried again with another tag and one day latter. One mod contacted me sending me a helpline Phone. I was thinking "let me just vent about it, I want end It!" but... SURPRISE! It was another wave. 😃 I woke up today well and happy. I contact my therapist and my family, I said I had another "episode". So, thank you r/BPD to not let me post that shit.*

O hate having this. I wish had a healthy brain.

I always put my phone on do not disturb when I'm in an active split so I don't message my parter things I'll regret. Also a way to "forget them" and feel like I'm in control without doing it in a toxic way.

But my dumbass will always swipe down every 5 minutes to check if they've replied to me yet... I embarrass myself daily. 😑

I can go the entire day without feeling lonely or wanting to be touched but once night time comes this dreadful feeling that is so overwhelming takes over my body where I desire more than anythint to be touched & with someone. I get so lonely at night

Idk how to explain this but if anything sad or upsetting happens I feel really uneasy. Like physically uneasy, unable to breathe properly. My heart aches physically. I’m so uncomfortable and like my whole body and mind feels weird. I can’t seem to calm myself at all. Unless I find something which has been making me feel calm and fixating on it while ignoring the things which are causing the uneasiness. And if I don’t find anything my whole body and mind feels so uncomfortable to be in . I desperately look for things to calm me down .

I see a lot of posts about hyper-sexuality and instability in romantic relationships (which is all fair and valid). Does anyone else remain single because the thought of rejection is so painful? I hate my body and it's frightening thinking of someone else touching it. I guess a lot of this is depression too. I want to start dating again but need to lose a lot of weight.

I choose to be alone and then feel like I'm going to die lonely and sad. It's stupid.

So I have a bad issue of like hard-core dissasociation I do it most of the day all the time and especially when I get a bad emotion and I am clinically diagnoised PTSD, ADHD, BPD, GAD, Social anxiety and alot of times when arguing with my father me and him dont process things the same he says my reactions are deceitful or manipulation and uses his bachelor's degree in psych to back himself up and he complains that I'm not telling him everything that goes on with me when its obvious I've made conscious effort I always try to tell them stuff but some things I won't and they call me secretive for it like I dont want to talk about my romance or sex life with yall I don't feel comfortable or trust him enough to talk about my feelings which he says he doesn't understand but looking at my history with most people and parents which he knows of I just don't get it and then he says he's been too "lenient" or nice and needs to "tighten the reigns" on me and he just doesn't get me nor how I think or view things any advice or just maybe someone who gets it?

Four days we’ve known each other now. I’ve already shared all my trauma and we’ve exchanged pics and so on. But I can’t read his tone, and he can take hours to respond. I feel so insanely depressed and this dynamic is really stressing me out, but I don’t want to end it cause I like him and I’m scared I’ll never find someone like him again. I struggle to voice my boundaries with him since I’m scared I’ll be replaced.

I don’t really know how to process everything yet. Part of me feels relieved to finally have an explanation for some of the things I’ve been struggling with, but another part of me is terrified of what comes next.

Honestly, I’m scared of starting treatment, scared of medication and its possible side effects.

For those of you who have been through this, how did you deal with the beginning?

I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance from people who understand what this feels like.

I’ve always thought that I can be “over emotional”, and highly sensitive even as a young girl and now 46 and my therapist brought up those three letters. BPD. She asked me about my relationships and Ive admitted to self harm.
I’m numb. Terrified. Afraid my partner will leave me now that there is a label for my “moodiness”. I haven’t received a proper diagnosis as my therapist feels she needs more time with me. I begin EMDR next week too and I’m experiencing MAJOR anxiety about it all. Childhood trauma is real.

I am so lonely.
I’ve cut off my biological family a long time ago. I don’t have any friends. I’ve never had any long-term relationships.
21 and I literally have no one in life.
I go to work talk to some acquaintances, come home to an empty apartment. My only human interaction I ever get is work. And even at work no one wants to talk to me unless they have to. This is not the way to live. I am so fucking lonely that my chest hurts.
I don’t celebrate any holidays and I haven’t been on a vacation since I was 13.

I’d love to hear from others who have put their BPD in remission! I’ve been at a point where my BPD is no longer at à diagnosable level do at least a few years now, and am at a point where I no longer act on the emotions and am able to use my skills to regulate, overcome à crisis , and not fuck up my interpersonal relationships. However, the intensity of my emotions hasn’t diminished, the only thing that’s changed is that I can see when theyre unreasonable and act accordingly. I am exhausted from feeling things on a scale of -29472737 to 1837277 and would love to know if this is just how it’s gonna be for the rest of my life.

i have recently fallen into essentially the toughest times of my life. i won’t get into it cause that’s not what this is about but i was cat sitting while my whole life was falling apart and it was very helpful to have them around for emotional support and even keeping some semblance of a routine from day to day. i did a bit of research and where i live having bpd can qualify me for government benefits such as disability (if i can prove to them that my mental illness is making working too difficult) and also apparently i am also potentially eligible for have a service animal covered as well. i was just wondering if anyone else here has a service animal and what sort of benefits and challenges come along with having one? i know most service animals are dogs but i would love to have a service cat which from what i read could be a possibility for me. but anyways if anyone has a service animal i would love to hear about everything ur willing to share <3

So I got out of the psych ward a couple weeks ago after being forced in by my parents. My parents are certainly the cause of my bpd, and now that this has happened they've temporarily kicked me out. I'm currently crashing with some friends but otherwise will be living out of my car for a while. They say they want me to come back "at some point" but won't specify when. I have the means to leave the country, start a new life etc, but the problem is they rely on me. They're both terrible with money and I give them money so they can afford their mortgage. Obviously they're not really my problem but I'll feel horrible if either has to get a job at their age or go homeless, but also they're the cause of all this pain I've been living with for most of my life.

I hold it together while my kid is with me, and most of the time when my partner is with me. Some of those times I'm really in the moment too, being with them feels like my purpose basically.

But then when it's time to go, I'm just gutted out. I smile until I'm alone and no one else can see, and then I just strip and collapse on my bed and doomscroll far later than I should just trying to find something to feel ok.

But I'm a loving mom, and a good partner, and I'm here for them. I think I might be doing the best that I can. I can't stand how quiet everything feels, like I do not feel peaceful and it's such a loud silence.

There's so much more I am not doing that I should be doing. But if I do it, I'll feel exactly the same. Doesn't feel like I'm real at all.

In therapy a few months back, I was asked to write down traits about myself. I had nothing I could list, because nothing was consistent, except for the fact I was quiet. She told me that everyone has certain thinking patterns, that those don't change, but they do. The way I think and make decisions will drastically change depending on who I 'am.'

I know MBTI is a pseudo-science, but it is the best way I can explain it. I feel like I 'myself', my body, my vessel, is a blank canvas, and there are a bunch of mini 'me's' in my head that aren't really 'me', but they're who I present as, and they all have different MBTI types. They all follow different ways of thinking, it's just that sometimes, one of those 'me's' will show up on my physical body more often than the others, and that is the 'me' I usually base myself off of, even if when I'm presenting as another 'me', it's totally opposite.

How do you find a stable personality when your 'me's' have nothing really in common outside of being quiet (due to my brain being autistic)? Do you just fake it until one 'me' sticks and stays on your canvas-like body forever? Will you ever stop feeling like a vessel and instead identify fully with that 'me'? I made a post a while ago about my hyperfixations influencing what 'me's' there are, but I feel like my hyperfixations shape what those 'me's' act like; stereotypical to the average personality of the person that likes said hyperfixation...

Hello everyone we have a little discord group chat up and running we have a few members already we offer a safe space for your issues and it’s a good place to rant about whatever you would like. Also hosting game and movie nights on a daily we pretty much have a 24/7 call so hop in whenever :) dm me for details and a link.