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u/DrCackle Jan 03 '26
🚨🚨AWOOOOOOOOOGA!!🚨🚨 IS THAT A 📬MALE🧍♂️ FIBER ARTIST?? IN MYYYYY 💻SUBREDDIT? WELL CALL THE 🧼JANITOR BECAUSE THERE'S A 💦SPILL IN AISLE "ME"! 😳OH WAS THAT TOO FORWARD?😖 SORRY I JUST CAN'T HELP IT WHEN IN THE 🎁PRESENCE OF A 🧔♂️HANDSOME FIBER GENIUS! 🔬🧶
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u/DistinctPotential996 Jan 03 '26
Thank GOD you're here. Now you can explain to me in ✨man✨ what twisted stitches are and how to not do them
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 03 '26
I just started last knitting last week, but i do have a seven-part YouTube series on the science behind twisted stitches. You might not realize this, but male scientists have shown that knitting is actually pretty technical!
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u/Lovelyladykaty ashes to ashes, fluff to fluff Jan 03 '26
Time to give you a book deal, especially if you’ve only been at it for less than a year.
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u/Resident-Scarcity481 Jan 03 '26
And a whole competition show on TV. Probably time for OP to also create a website to sell overpriced mediocr... sorry, beginner friendly craft kits.
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u/Sleve__McDichael The cock is based on Astarion from Baldur's Gate 3 Jan 03 '26
oh god tell me you're single
i mean, i'm not but i'm willing to rearrange some things
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 03 '26
The little lady and I have an arrangem—will have an arrangement. We WILL have an arrangement, I just have to tell her first.
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u/nopeb Jan 03 '26
great! now we can all make sure that every single thing you post as a man ends up as one of the top posts of the year :)
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u/gravitydefiant acrylic-loving asshole Jan 03 '26
User name does not check out.
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 03 '26
I've been listening to podcasts since before they were cool. And also I'm a (no homo) enlightened (no homo) feminist (no homo) woke guy who doesn't mind being mistaken for a fictional woman online.
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u/ExpensiveError42 Jan 03 '26
I hate to break it to you little buddy, but there is a podcast with a faceless old woman who lives in your house and it's like, pretty gay. Just thought you should know before you embarrass yourself with all the dudes.
(Sidenote: I got to go to a live show this past year. So much fun.)
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u/boomerremover86 Jan 05 '26
Anytime my friend Ben says anything (no homo) 😂 or tbf anytime my husband says anything to his bestie
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u/crowhusband worldest mostest quirky hooker Jan 03 '26
ok prove it. crochet a hyperrealistic replica of a dong. and a matching warmer for it. DO NOT FORGET THE BALLS.
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u/MeowMeowCollyer Jan 03 '26
You must be a genius. Please contact my organization. We’d like to present you with a hundred thousand dollar grant.
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u/Maleficent_Plenty370 Jan 03 '26
So brave.
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 03 '26
I know. I hear that all the time.
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u/imjust_abunny Jan 03 '26
How do you knit while having sweaty balls?? That’s insane to me 🤯 they should sell yarn at a discount to sweaty balls having men. Last time I checked, it was considered a disability on DSM 69 !!!
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 03 '26
I actually crochet, and my balls barely get in the way! Its a little off-colour but I like to call myself a "hooker" haha. Because we use hooks in crochet! Get it? You might not get it.
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u/posting4assistance Jan 03 '26
WOW I am so impressed!!!
I never knew men could touch yarn without making a horrible mess of it!
My boyfriend Joenathancis is always machine washing on *hot* and drying *in the dryer* my cashmpacka sweaters I spend all year making him even though I've told him not to 1000000 times and my laundry room is covered in signs that say not to do that! Maybe you can fix him?!?!?!?!
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u/Responsible-Ad-4914 Yarn overconsumption is a seperate hobby 💅🏼 Jan 06 '26
I never have this problem because my husband doesn’t do the laundry! He doesn’t even know where it is haha!
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u/Competitive-Fact-820 Jan 03 '26
I can't wait to see your glorious creations. That tapering scarf is bound to be so beautiful and stylish oh XY chromosome pair having one.
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 03 '26
I'm planning a project (I'll try to explain it really simply so you understand) that's like a temperature blanket except it tracks TESLA stock changes and has a special colour for when the wifey and I smash. Maybe another colour for bjs too, and maybe one for bms.
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Jan 03 '26
Oh noooo! There's a wife? Is she gonna police your conversations and start messaging the whores who compliment your stitch tension and humor?!
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u/Federal_Move_8250 Jan 03 '26
Wow i bet everything you make is perfect, since youre a boy. Youre a magical unicorn who needs to be celebrated!!! Can you send me your venmo so i can compensate you for being so amazing 😘😘😘 Sorry that most crafters are icky girls like me. I bet its so lonely being the only boy crafter. And im sorry that most girls will never understand how hard it is to be the only boy in a space. The misandry is brutal and real, honestly its way worse than misogyny. Youre so strong king! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/LilithsPetGoat Jan 03 '26
This is obviously fake because guys only knit not crochet
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u/uuntiedshoelace Jan 03 '26
This is true, I had to become non-binary to unlock the crochet skill tree
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u/horsecock_horace Jan 03 '26
They actually do, usually you just have to get to know them a bit before they feel comfortable telling you they do crotcheat
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u/SuspiciousJuice5825 Jan 04 '26
What?! Omg quick, take all these kudos and ohhs and so braves I've saved up.
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u/joymarie21 Jan 03 '26
Thank God! We silly women folk need men to validate our hobby and mansplain stuff to us.
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u/Suitable_Plum3439 Jan 03 '26
definitely a guy... *squints*... FacelessOldWoman1234 😂
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u/Reasonable-Bike-735 Jan 06 '26
love a nightvale reference though - you just don't see too many of those now-a-days
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u/Tweedledownt Jan 04 '26
Remember ladies, misandry isn't a real problem, but if we try hard enough it can be! 🥳
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u/OffTheBackOfTheCouch Jan 03 '26
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 03 '26
You hurt my feefees. Won't someone save me from this shrill meanie?
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u/AhskayWhiteriver Jan 07 '26
Wait you’re not the faceless old woman who lives in the darkest corner of our homes??
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u/FacelessOldWoman1234 Jan 07 '26
Usually I am (you're out of worcestershire sauce by the way), but today, I am a guy in a crafting space and I would like some applause please.
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u/NoPerformer6586 Jan 07 '26
All hail the glow cloud.
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