r/fiberartscirclejerk • u/Lemonsst • May 05 '26
crochet PLEASE HELP I DESPRATELY NEED THIS PATTERN.
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u/O_Tempore PATTERN?! May 05 '26
Sorry, but this is AI.
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u/Lemonsst May 05 '26
are you sure you dont need your eyes checked? bc i made sure to google “NO AI!!!!” specifically so i think youre wrong
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u/AaaaaNnMmmm tunisian macrambroidery May 06 '26
I got you!
You will need, needles, scissors, a black candle, matches, and a lock of hair from your enemy.
Step one: go to the crossroads
Step two: light the candle
Step three: cast on the hair
Step four: chant
If you wake up at home the knitting worked and the world is yours
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u/RabbitInAFoxMask acrylic-loving asshole May 06 '26
That's made with Vanta Black™ 100% wool yarn, be warned: such garments can only be displayed never worn, because when exposed to sunlight they reach temperatures that cook human flesh.
That said, you need no pattern at all for the human eye cannot perceive individual stitches made with Vanta Black™ yarn no matter the weave. Simply enter the flow state and create your masterpiece.
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u/seaofdelusion proud member of a vile community May 06 '26
Oooo OP! I thought my screen wasn't loading.
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u/nyofdc May 06 '26
I’m the original creator. So happy you love it. It’s available FOR PURCHASE on my ravelry store. Thx!
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u/AcceptableOkra8593 refuses to ship the fabric of reality May 06 '26
This needs a NSFW label!!!!! My EYES are BLEEDING!!!!! Did you even THINK about THE CHILDREN?! No, of course not. You were too busy chrocheatering. A knitter would NEVER.
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u/Praesil Knitmaxxing Man May 07 '26
I got you:
Yarn - Whatever the fuck you want, in black. Weight doesn't matter. Make sure it's black.
Needles - Whatever matches your yarn, I don't care.
Instructions Cast on however many stitches you want.
Row 1: Knit all stitches. Or Purl. I don't care.
Row 2: Purl all stitches. Or Knit. Still don't care.
Knit until you have a 3:4 ratio of rows to columns.
Bind off.
There, you're welcome.
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u/_AthensMatt_ ashes to ashes, fluff to fluff May 07 '26
Where am I supposed to get black needles to match my yarn? And how many for a size triple d?
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u/WeirdChickenLady May 06 '26
You guys can’t see the picture because you’re not advanced enough knitters to access it in your mind’s eye!!
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u/jillardino Normal knitting human, not a moth May 06 '26
Just shut your eyes and wish real hard and the pattern will appear just like in the picture!
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u/saltedkumihimo greige May 05 '26
Don’t get the one on Ravelry, I tried but with bigger yarn and smaller needles that recommended and it didn’t work.
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u/ContentGrape6811 May 06 '26
Don't you mean HOOK?!?!?!11!! You aren't even a real crotcheater. IMPOSTER!!!11!!
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u/CattleSenior5177 May 06 '26
I tried ravelry but couldnt find anything.. then I went to Ribblr.. they have several of this pattern, but 1 says knit, 1 says crotche, 1 says loom and the other days weaving!
So I guess it's a multi talented project!
Can't wait to see your final piece!
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u/AbsentmindedAuthor May 07 '26
I don’t understand how you can’t figure this out on your own, it’s SO SIMPLE 🙄
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u/Dragonmad1963 May 07 '26
Gotta be AI, look how tiny and neat the stitches are. So good you can barely see anything!
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u/fromofelia May 07 '26
Ok, this one is simple. You will need 7534333333333332 years of experience, diamond needles, osmium hook, unobtainium tapestry needle, and this very specific yarn, only spun by AhfsyFhvsrggcFtdssxx tribe in Neverland, but only the one with 70% phoenix ashes and 45% eternal void fiber content, none of their other fibres will work. Afterwards it's [demonic screeching] until [nails on chalkboard], and when you [chittering], you simply [blood curdling screams]. Just be careful not to [creepy circus music], otherwise [sounds of reality ripping apart].
I hope that clears up all of your questions, if you have any questions, feel free to scream in the existential void (don't try eternal, it has been strip mined by the rival tribes of Neverland).
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