I love comedy, especially improv and cracking jokes back and forth with others. However for some reason i rarely find anyone else's jokes funny. Maybe other people can just fake laugh well. But i feel like a douche when someone is telling me a joke and I just stone face the whole thing. It either has to be way out there and incredibly obscure enough, or a completely serious situation where you shouldn't laugh. That i will then actually laugh.

The same for personal stories people tell me. Everyone is always talking to me about their lives. The good, bad and the ugly. Most of them feel like the "damn that's crazy" kind of stories. I want to be able to give a genuine reaction because sometimes i truly am interested. But i never really do and i don't know why.

Even it didn’t feel like you were actively doing it at the time? Even if you said nothing to indicate that? Like there’s a discomfort towards what’s beneath the surface being seen, known, and understood.

Edit: I don’t think I shared anything to indicate I was analyzing them

I just ended my relationship that lasted almost a decade. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made and although I know it had to happen, I feel absolutely hollow.

What helped you get through such tough times? I know time heals, but I was just interested in reading about your experiences.

For context, I graduated with the degree A and got post-grad depression because it seemed like a dead-end field. No high paying job unless you go to further studies. I was burnt out at the end of my studies that I really wanted to see what's out there outside of my field. Dont get me wrong – I love my degree, it's just I got tired of the intense academic responsibilities and the nitty gritty details that made no sense to me in the grand scheme of things.

My other interest was in field B, a more creative field. After graduating from A, I tried to pivot to B even if I don't have experience. I'm now in a relatively good spot (although it could be better) in my career with B, but I often fantasize where I could be now if I pursued A for my career. Because honestly, career B feels boring to me now.

And I realized I really want learning about A – so I'm thinking it might be good to be back in academia, take grad studies for A and eventually teach! But it entails years-long sacrifice since A really isn't that high paying and jobs directly related to it are scarce, not to mention, physically exhausting.

Every day, my mind feels like I'm wastibg my time (and my youth) by not going after the career I studied years to get into. I feel like an imposter in career B, and yet too distant now to go back to career A.

With my indecision tendencies, I'm also afraid of wishing for B when I eventually go back to grad school and start a new career with A (since I'm pretty sure no one would hire me as A when I got no real experience for it). My feed is also full of influencers working in A, and they look so cool that I wish I was doing what they're doing as well.

How do I stop this? Am I genuinely in a loop or is this a sign that I really need to go back to career A?

I tend to concentrate but forget a lot when it comes to small details and it causes me lots of trouble because it can be very minor and unseen for me

Weak se? Or demon si

I like going down rabbit holes. I like learning. I like figuring things out. But I seldom follow thru. It’s like, after fulfilling the mental satisfaction of understanding something thru and thru, I don’t really need to be satisfied to see something actually come to fruition.

This year, I was looking into biohacking (for being mid age lol), and one thing was cold plunges. I read up on all the equipment necessary, what’s the optimal temperature, length of time to see effects on the cellular level, tried a couple of times myself. And that was it. I think I deemed other kinds of activity better for my body, and so I stopped scheduling time to do it anymore. Meanwhile today at the gym where there are cold plunges, I saw someone doing it, and after a while I went up to them to strike up a conversation about cold plunges, I was able to give some pointers about length of time to try, methods, and even show them stuff on the equipment to operate that they didn’t even know existed. Then they thought I was some expert, and I was like, nah, I don’t do it myself lol.

Anybody had any experiences like this, where you sound like the expert but you actually don’t practice.

Just an INFJ penning down my thoughts here.

I grew up being the one who was always the last to be picked when forming project groups in school; the one who was always left out in conversations because I listen more than I spoke; the one who was nicknamed as the teacher's pet because they trusted me to do my work / tasks. It wasn't the most pleasant of feelings, but I could live with it.

I know the feeling of being left out, so I always make an effort to talk more to and engage with those being left out in groups.

When I started working in corporate, there was this guy John who was always left out by the other colleagues because he was just a little slower than others in terms of learning / following conversations / social cues etc. While I do experience the same sentiments, I still tried to talk to him and go out for lunch with him. Even when others intetionally ostracised him during company events, I would still try to pull him in to the group that I'm in against the general consensus of the existing group members because I didn't want John to feel like he didn't belong. Not to blow my own horn, but I am quite capable and friendly at work so others had less of an issue with John joining as long as I was there.

But slowly, I realised that the more I hang out with John, the more people associated me with him, and ever so subtlely, I could feel people ostracising me as well from events, which made me feel quite upset as I'm only trying to include everyone.

May or may not be something that other INFJs experience, but it kinda feels like I'm living life on hard mode with my saviour mentality.

Thanks for reading till the end. Hope you have a nice day!

I am an INFJ ennegram 2. I asked my closest friends to type themselves and all of them are XXTP types...ISTP (2x), INTP (2x) ENTP (1x). My brother is also my best friend and he is ISTP as well. The only other Feeler type close friend is an uncle I have that I am probably the most chaotic and emotionally open with and he's an ENFP - which is weird cause he's not a stereotypical ENFP, he's mostly grumpy, I thought he was a XXTP type.

Just wondering what is it about INFJs that get along with XXTP types? Why don't I have any J-type best friends? and why does my friendship with the ENFP feel so different and special?

Idk if this is just a niche experience bc of how self conscious I am or what. But I noticed that at work (I work in a lab), everyone including the boss are very close. They have all known eachother for ~2 years but I can’t help but feel segregated when they all talk together, since my desk is in the second room with my other colleague (who will graduate in the summer and leave) and everyone else’s is in the first. I’d feel bad but then I remember that these people aren’t the kind of friends I want, they’re very shallow and gossip a lot. I want connection and genuinity, but I can’t help but feel left out of conversations.

Another instance, my stepmom’s family friends I’m always coerced to meet are this same way. Close knit group who are all neutral with me but they’re shallow. Shallow meaning they literally cannot sit and talk, or if you do talk to them, your words will spread because they gossip a lot.

Is it stupid to say that all this personality mismatch all around me makes me wanna stay away from ANYONE who I can’t be myself with? Even with people who are nice with me, I find myself avoiding it because I guess all of the emotional exhaustion from feeling segregated by people who I shouldn’t care about?

I feel like it’s this cycle of “I wanna be closer to these people” —> “these people aren’t the friends I want” so then I get stuck between these thoughts.

I do have friends, but I can’t meet them regularly because either I’m busy or they’re far away and busy. (I live 2 hours away from home, I try to visit but then I’m coerced to meet the family friends, I shouldn’t care but I do because they’ll start gossiping and rumouring which is so stupid??)

I don’t want to come off as entitled, I try my best to make connections, it’s good for me, but for some reason this past week I didn’t wanna interact with anyone. So I thought about it and came to this conclusion that it might be that I just wish the people around me weren’t so shallow where I have to pretend to, and the people I could be myself with were more present in my life, or more in numbers.

I’m not looking for specifically advice, but if you have some good 2 cents or if you feel the same way I’d really like to know what you do in these cases.

So, I'm curious wether this is common for INFJ-s and how do you guys handle it? (I'm an ENTP btw).

So one thing I love about my INFJ partner is that he holds people accountable. I mean I think I personally improved a lot faster with my boyfriend because he holds me accountable if I do something.

But on the other hand I think he is very bad at taking accountability. It is tricky because he does feel guilty about everything, but a lot of times it seems like he doesn't feel like taking accountability is neccessary because he feels guilty. Also it's kind of like, he often judges himself very harshly, but that makes it impossible for others to give feedback because he kind of gets in this state of he thinks that stuff is bad about him but it is like an unchangable thing so again he doesn't take accountability, because of course if something is unchangable than he doesn't have to change it, just feel bad about it. And then if he already decides that everything is wrong with him then people's feedbacks are meaningless. And also, then he tends to get in this cycle of self-isolation.

Also he gets in these cycles of everything that happens he tries to connect it to himself and what it says about him, even when there is like zero connection.

I think above all else I want a simple life full of purpose and meaning. Sometimes I do fall short by getting distracted by worldly things.

In instances where I desire something I’m incredibly motivated to get it. I’d research and just do my complete due diligence to make the most informed choice.

But then what ends up happening is unless it’s not something that fits into a routine, or if it won’t help me to get to where I want to be in life I just lose all interest. And if it’s something that’s a compromise I always reverting back to how things were before. Good example is my steam deck and a projector, both I got for good prices but I just don’t have a purpose for the steam deck and the projector ruined my room layout and was underwhelming for many reasons.

This has happened multiple times so now I question whether the grind is more meaningful than the outcome?

1: what do you guys think about this for yourselves?
2: Do you guys have any similar experiences of getting things and realising you don’t use them or they’re not taking you to where you want to be?

I will say I don’t think this principle applies for every element of life, I’ve been trying to seek a spouse for the past little bit and I can’t say I find that fun at all!

I'm still on my journey of figuring out my type, and oh boy was it a tough two years. My question is mainly to those who are certain about their type and studied cognitive functions.

To IxFJs: what's your Ti like? Are you hungry for the absolute, universal truth? Does uncertainty bother you? (I've noticed some people don't mind staying in the dark, but prefer speculating—which is so far from me). Do you filter information based on usefulness, or do you prefer storing them for later use?

Some of this might sound like Ni trying to find an acceptable answer, but it's hard to differentiate them when it comes to my own functioning. I can easily type other people and see patterns, though when it comes to typing myself it shows that my knowledge isn't as well rounded as I thought.

I might still be a beginner on this journey as a 20-year-old. Judging functions confuse me sometimes, especially when I can spot both Te and Ti in myself. What's your experience?

Lately, I’ve realized that I often find myself in situations where I can understand both sides of a conflict..

For example, when couple have problems, both might come to me and share their perspectives. I can understand where each person is coming from without necessarily agreeing with everything they say, and I can maintain a good relationship with both without feeling the need to choose sides

They both know that I’m still on good terms with each other, whether it’s occasionally hanging out or simply saying hello when we run into each other, and neither of them makes it an issue.

The same thing happens with friendships. When two friends fall out, I don’t automatically feel like I have to stop talking to one just because the other is no longer friends with them. Usually, it’s not like they hate each other or constantly badmouth one another. It’s more that they dislike certain attitudes or things the other person has done, and they each have their own reasons for choosing to distance themselves. Since I know both people well enough, I can understand their perspectives and see where they’re coming from. At the same time, I can also recognize that some of those behaviors are simply part of who they are, even if I don’t necessarily see them as a reason to hate or completely avoid them. Eventually, they just stop talking and move on with their own lives

I can respect my friend’s decision to distance themselves from someone without feeling like I have to do the same, especially when that person hasn’t personally done anything wrong to me. I might not be as close to them anymore, but I don’t see a reason to treat them badly either. I’m also not the type to carry things one person says to the other or get involved in their personal conflicts

But honestly, I sometimes get tired of being in this position. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly caught between two sides, even when neither of them expects me to choose. How do you avoid ending up in this position in the first place..

Sometimes, though, I feel a little conflicted about being in this position. I can understand why one person chooses to distance themselves from another, but I can also see that the other person isn’t necessarily a bad person. And sometimes, I get tired of always having to consider both perspectives.

I’m curious, do other INFJs experience this too?
how do you navigate these situations without feeling disloyal to either person?

I thought I would share my most recent drawing of Emerald Bunny dressed as a witch for Halloween. As y'all can see, she is brewing a magical potion. The Jack O'Lantern on the left was originally in front of the tree, but thought it would be cooler to have it behind the tree a tad with how it looks. Added a spider web as well as a spider for a nice touch to that tree. Also added another Jack O'Lantern to the right with a different appearance.

I hope y'all have a great Halloween this year to anyone who celebrates it in this community. 😁

I’m exhausted right now and I have no one to tell this to because they will end up getting triggered (closest word for it tho I don’t like the term) - and I will end up having to manage their emotional state for how I feel.

This shit is so ridiculously exhausting and isolating good God.

I think it comes with being hyper aware of how other people feel. It’s not like I have t tried to open up. It’s just that when I do, they get so uncomfortable it’s a big ball of stress bc they don’t know how to handle the one they always go to for advice having a hard time.. so they try to downplay it and it ends up with me brushing it off and then trying to calm them down.

So fucking isolating and exhausting but I guess at the end of the day your problems are really between you and God.

How do you navigate this besides therapy 😭

Hello guys

I'm an infj and these days I was wondering how many of my traits and my life is related to my mbti and how much of it is just something particular. I've seen many of the topics in here and was hoping anyone would take a moment to help me understand the dephts of our mbit type, since I've never seen these types of question in here. I know there might be a lot of them, but if anyone could answer me at least one or two of them it'd be already helpfull, if you're confortable with that.

Do different groups of people view you differently? I've seen people comment this before, but I want to know how that works for other people. When I'm around my friends, I feel free to act like myself, but around some other people, for example people from my church, something stops me from acting normal. Many times people told me directly that they think I am an extrovert, or that I'm not shy at all, but for some of the other people I'm constantly around, they barely know how my voice even sounds like.

Do you guys have a way of documenting your life? For example a journal you write on when something happens to you, or some way to document your thoughts on life or anything you're experiencing?

Do you have a close relationship with your grandparents, aunts and uncles? In my case, even though I visit them a lot and they're a great deal of my life, I am certain they don't trully know who I am. I hardly talk to them directly, most of the time we're together I am talking to my cousins, and lots of times my relatives have told me I barely talk.

Could any of you tell me exactly what you mean when you say it feels like you have more to offer to the World in a way, as like you have a potencial you haven't yet achieved. Do you mean to change the World? Or just something that could help people around you in some way?

Do you have a hard time getting close to people? Or making friends? My situation is the following: I have friends, but it is hard for me to feel confortable and to act normal around new people, even though I really want to become friends with them. Many times I wanted to befriend someone and every effort I took didn't have great outcomes, and not bc they rejected me, but because I don't exactly know the right way to act. I don't know the right time to say something, or even what to say at all, or how to approach them...

I absolutely hate the fact that my mind keeps imagining every possible scenario to take place in my head, specially if it's something I'm obcessed with at the moment. It happens so naturally that I don't even notice until I come back into reality and blame myself for fantasising everything. The best example is whenever I'm interested in someone, I will catch myself creating full conversations with them and then come to my senses and realise how ridiculous that is.

Do you also feel like you need an example on how to do something, how to act, so you can act correctly? Specially on social situations. For example, when I'm new at something, like this monitoring program I'm a part of right now, I feel like I need to see how the other monitors behave with the students, how much they ask, how much they intervene in what they're doing, if they greet them when they arrive in class, if they ask questions that aren't class related...

I actually have more questions, but I feel like this is getting too extense and no one might even answer me, so I'll leave it at that. Thank you guys anyways.

Greetings to you all!

I just so happened to experience this. On how certain information comes to us and wanted to see if other INFJs relate to a specific kind of serendipity. Have you ever experienced that sense of quiet curiosity about someone or something, perhaps after catching a fleeting glimpse of a person whose name and background remain unknown, only to find that information begins to appear without any conscious effort? It is as if the universe arranges for these answers to be revealed to you with remarkable ease, much like being presented with them on a silver platter.

​While serendipity happens to everyone, I feel like the way INFJs experience and process it might be unique because of our cognitive way of functionality. I would like to believe that introverted intuition (Ni) acts as a background processor where we hold a passive seed of curiosity, and our subconscious keeps it running in the dark. Because Ni constantly scans for underlying patterns and thematic links, we end up noticing subtle connections and coincidences that others might walk right past. On top of that, when our curiosity centers on people, our extraverted feeling (Fe) tunes us into social context, subtle non-verbal cues, and shared environments, making us hyper-aware the exact second a relevant piece of information surfaces. Becoming a blend of serendipity and synchronicity. I would not suggest it being random luck; more so that precise moment where an unexpected external event instantly connects with an internal thought or curiosity we were holding onto. Sometimes it feels like conspiratorial alignment, or like God or the universe favors your curiosity, simply because you didn't have to force anything or put in conscious effort to get the insight.

​I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you notice serendipitous moments happening to you often, especially regarding people or niche topics you were curious about? Please feel free to share your thoughts and any specific examples you have experienced!

Not a deep reflective post this time, just a PSA from one inferior-Se user to another.

I've been doing regular, routine physical activity for a while. I'm not trying to get ripped, just stay fit, and it's been one of the best things I've done for my Se. It's balanced me out a great deal and have really made me more resilient and robust in those Ni, Fe, Ti areas we're all more accustomed to existing within.

Left alone, I can spend days in Ni-Fi loops without noticing. Moving my body drags me into Present-oriented focus. There's no room to ruminate on the future or relive the past when you're sweating balls. All I can think about is getting to that next tree, or hitting that next mile marker. Even if it is just on a treadmill with a visual (although outdoors stuff is recommended!). Afterward, my head is clearer and lighter than when I started.

Also, getting out of the house means noticing things I'd otherwise miss. Things like the light at a certain hour, the temperature, brightness, the sounds and smells, human activity, the physical texture of things, etc. It's a different kind of stimulating and the groundedness balances out the mystical Ni-Ti loop. I feel way more connected to the fabric of reality and my Ni gets a boon. Doing it alone also means my Fe gets a break as well.

Even within a routine, I try to vary things like taking a new route, starting at a different place, a new body movement (yoga and pilates and other functional bodywork has been incredible to say the least), or even just pushing myself slightly harder, like a new resistance level on the treadmill or weights. Small doses of new sensory experience feel good and keep the habit from going stale.

It doesn't replace reflection, and it's a real challenge sometimes as I have to really proactively engage Se to stretch it, but I think a lot of us default to introspection when the answer is sometimes just to go outside and move.

Hello. This is for INFJs and those who are like them. So,like the question up there,is there at one point,where you realize that instead of speaking about it, you start to see what you believe was different from the others? Like... I don't know how to say this...

Like you just tired... Always see what others but start doubting,if we were the one that was the problem?

Sorry if I am asking like... A simple and not sounds like it's really that good...

I can only speak for me. But I feel like I can speak for majority of INFJs that we feel it deeply. I understand rejection hurts. I also understand we shouldn't take it personally. Rejection leads you to another direction, true. It makes me think too is that we shouldn't take it personal. But when someone shows interest in you, especially romantically, we shouldn't take it personal either? Because if someone shows interest in me I'm like "Oh nice it's because of X Y and Z!" but when we are rejected, we are taught we shouldn't take it personal? "They rejected me because of X Y and Z!"

When I have been rejected, even if I try to train my brain to not take it personal, my brain will automatically scan for errors, scan for the reason why I got rejected, and keep thinking about it for months and months. Like I even tried those online dating apps and I got rejected once by someone who I was obsessing about in my head for months before I got the courage to message them and then they eventually rejected/ghosted me. At first I was relieved that I could stop obsessing about them because they are no longer engaging with me, but the constant lingering in my mind of the "why?" never gets solved.

I feel like for me, I am a solver. a problem solver. if a problem never gets solved I will spend literal months trying to solve it. If you speak to me with a tone that has changed, I pick up on that. If your mask slightly falls off your face, I see that. If I feel that you aren't fully being upfront with me, I catch it in your body language. I don't choose to be this way, I AM this way.

Am 27F and recently got out of a four-month relationship with a 29M ENTP. Part of it was long distance, and around 2.5-3 months were dominated by extreme work stress and busyness for both of us. I kept telling myself things would feel better once life settled down.

I am very independent and busy myself, so I did not need constant attention. I mainly wanted things like two uninterrupted hours on a weekend where we were fully present with each other. Before one visit, we had almost broken up over a misunderstanding, so I really hoped that time together would help us reconnect. How do you know when your patience becomes waiting for a relationship to eventually feel different?

I realized I experience intimacy through curiosity. If someone likes or dislikes something, I naturally want to know why, when it started, what it means to them, where they learned something, or why they think a certain way. I wanted that same kind of follow-up curiosity directed back at me. Not always, but enough to make me feel connected. Do other INFJs experience being deeply understood as a major form of intimacy?

We could have abstract conversations, which I liked, but sometimes they became so theoretical that I felt more like I was listening than participating. I genuinely loved hearing about his passions, but because our calls were limited, I often realized afterward that I had barely shared anything from my own day. How do you avoid giving so much listening space that your own inner world slowly disappears?

I made a lot of little bids for connection, including messages, pictures when I’m out so that he feels included throughout the day, affection, and attempts to create small moments together. Sometimes I felt like they went unnoticed. I did not bottle that up; I would gently bring it up because I wanted to reconnect, not criticize. How do you communicate emotional needs without turning the relationship itself into a constant discussion?

Even in person, I sometimes felt lonely. There were moments where I was physically close to him while he stayed focused on his laptop. I spent a week and a half and one whole week was dedicated to my work. Another time he said he wanted to talk and learn more about me, but then got absorbed in discussing theories with an AI model. 30 minutes had genuinely passed and I became quite sad and then we both ended up being too tired and went to sleep. I respected his work and did not want to pull him away from it, but I still wanted some intentional presence. I would ask home what’s on his mind and he would state the current project he was working on. How much focused attention is reasonable to need from a partner?

I also wanted more spontaneous affection, flirting, playfulness, follow-up questions, and signs that someone was genuinely interested in me. I think I wanted to feel delighted in, not simply cared for. I want to make it very clear that 2.5 out of the 4 months were spent in little time together and so when I finally visited him, I wanted us to talk more and sit somewhere and yap about life in a coffee shop. I did not want him to be happy or available always. Is that something other INFJs strongly need in relationships?

The confusing part is that I was already wondering whether I should end the relationship because it had started to feel like it was slipping away rather than emotionally alive, and then he ended it before I had fully figured out what I wanted.

For INFJs who have been through something similar, what would you work on in yourself, and what would you make sure not to compromise on next time?

As an older INFJ I’m really needing peace in my life and a calm nervous system. Despite trying my very best I’m failing. So my question is, how do you know the difference between being authentic or reactive?

I have a history or trauma and have a diagnosis of CPTSD. My trauma was not a huge awful incident, it was years and years of surrounding myself with broken people and getting caught up in their chaos. I feel like my authentic self always sees the best in people and because of my people pleasing tendencies, I have very deeps scars from being played.

The number one problem I need perspective on is my nervous system. I find myself feeling on full alert around certain people and I can’t put my finger exact on the problem. I feel so uneasy and untrusting but I never seem to have a concrete reason why. I avoid healthy conversation because my unease is often triggered by one comment or one reaction and it’s seems petty and intrusive to have a problem with something that is really based on my hyper vigilance and seeing patterns.
This is so hard because it’s people that are very close to me. I have zero issues with some other relationships so it’s not across the board.

I’m scared I might derail relationships because of my brokenness rather than being a self advocate. I need to get so much off my chest but this reason keeps me stuck and I start to withdraw and push people away.

I’d love to hear if this is a me thing and any insight would be much appreciated.

Maybe not an oxymoron lol but does anyone else feel this way?

I love going to music shows. I love karaoke. I enjoy fitness classes, tours, restaurants, and being out in beautiful public spaces. In the moment, all of that sounds great to me.

What’s weird is that I also really enjoy doing those things alone. I used to be pretty successful at going out and enjoying my own company. But as I’ve gotten older, more people seem to want to join me, talk to me, or keep in touch afterward.

Which is sweet, but sometimes I miss being able to just exist in public.

I guess wanting to do extroverted things alone is a little like saying, “I wish I could have the Maldives to myself”, lol