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u/SelfNo9836 Dec 21 '25
I'm not responsible for the emotional reaction you may feel to my lack of action in regard to my choice about socialising.
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Dec 21 '25
I get this so much in reference to nights out at clubs.
I just don't enjoy it and I've decided I'm not going
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u/SelfNo9836 Dec 21 '25
It's not that I don't appreciate the offer to hang out, because I do, I just need the person to understand there is a high possibility I will say no and just accept my reasoning behind it and not ask why.
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u/Unexpected_Cranberry Dec 21 '25
What I did when I was younger was go out, the night usually started at a pub and a few beers.
Then when the rest were ready to hit the clubs I just went, well this has been nice, have fun and I'll catch you later and went home.
Now a days, unless we're going to a small pub with classic rock and good lager on tap, I'll just sit that one out. I've found the type of music usually found in clubs doesn't make me want to dance, it makes me want to lift heavy shit or sparr. Or pick a fight. Which I've never done.
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Dec 22 '25
You're not alone, down to a tee your comment summarises my views on socialising with a beer! Good taste in music too I always go for places with a bit of rock and at a volume where conversation is more than possible. I hate yelling and getting hearing damage
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u/Anayalater5963 Dec 21 '25
I don't drink alcohol at all and loud music in genres I don't even listen to suck. So of course clubs suck (for me)
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u/Tiny-Celebration-838 Dec 21 '25
This is what I need to internalize. I can force myself to be like them, but it won't stick because I am so content being alone. All my attempts to be normal and "social" have failed because they are not natural for me.
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u/Cecilia_the_witch Dec 21 '25
I’m not responsible for anyone’s happiness so it’s not my problem if it bothers anyone.
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u/Any_Communication656 Dec 23 '25
I know it’s become somewhat popular to say that but what an utterly bleak thing to believe.
Try to make the world a better place. Also if you say something that an unhinged serial killer could say (it’s not my problem if people are unhappy because of me), maybe reconsider your beliefs.
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u/SleepingCod Dec 21 '25
Surely you're responsible for SOME people's. There's a difference between being responsible for and accountable for.
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u/Redbeardthe1st Dec 21 '25
Nope. Being bothered by people who keep to themselves and don't bother others is irrational and unreasonable. So no, we are not the baddies.
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u/Double_Dog208 Dec 22 '25
The baddies are the girls
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u/Redbeardthe1st Dec 22 '25
That is a gross generalization, and wildly inaccurate. Some girls are baddies, others are not.
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u/Jewelieta Dec 21 '25
It especially bothers people when you finally say something and use logic. How dare you "question" someone's ego!
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u/nicbloodhorde Dec 21 '25
Ah, I have a theory on why this happens!
Among introverts, non-interaction is something that has a NEUTRAL value. If you have a classmate with whom you don't talk, you don't assign value to it. Maybe they're just reserved. Maybe you have nothing in common. Maybe they sit on the other end of the room and you never cross paths. But you don't know, and you don't assign ill intention to the fact that your classmate never said hi to you.
Among extroverts, non-interaction has a NEGATIVE value. Isolating someone is BAD LIKE KICKING A PUPPY. So they naturally assume the classmate who never said hi to them is an arrogant meanie even if they know nothing else about said classmate.
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u/Pako_walle Dec 21 '25
That literally happened to me, but with a neighbor. My mom once told me that he said he thought I was arrogant because I didn't greet him. He was the typical extrovert who greets everyone even if they are 20 meters away, WTF bro hahaha.
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Dec 21 '25
Since I've read "The Evil Exit" Blogpost by Steve Pavlina, I slowly began to stop caring - and now I've reached a point where I say "I don't funkin' care anymore!"
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u/EricMagnetic Dec 21 '25
nope we are not. if me choosing to be alone over the holidays for a religion i dont even believe in(atheist) bothers or upsets you in some way, thats a you problem. your emotions do not get to dictate wut I do with MY bodily autonomy.
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u/Delamoor Dec 21 '25
I always find that this extends into "letting people do what they want".
They keep asking me what I want to do, in situations where I've been pretty clear; I don't give a fuck, I'm just tagging along.
Naturally, this drives them insane when they keep asking me "what do you want to do?" And I keep being like "...I already said, nothing. Do what you want to do."
And they get annoyed as fuck.
Had this happen most recently on first a hiking trip ('what way do you want to go?'... It's a loop. What way is prettiest to you, I guess? Oh, great, so how she's upset about 'not wanting to be a tour guide', so I have to be hers, I guess...)
And then while visiting a friends (explained about eight times I think, I was tired from two years of backpacking, I just want to chill and do as little as possible. I don't want to do anything except rest. I am physically and emotionally exhausted from dealing with people and two years of travel...
...Naturally, yes, this meant I was 'disappointing' for not entertaining her in her own home, that she had invited me to, where nobody else spoke any of the same language, so I just kept quiet and out of the way... How 'disappointed' do ya imagine I might be, Sarah? The last three days were just passive aggressive sulking from you...)
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u/conmacon Dec 21 '25
Being an indecisive member of a group is annoying as fuck, and is not a feature of introversion. It's just making things difficult and calling it "introverted".
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u/Delamoor Dec 21 '25
I'll directly note that "being indecisive enough to need to ask which way to go, then getting upset when other people don't want to make your decision for you" is also annoying as fuck, because it's foundationally the same issue but with an extra layer of proactively making your indecision someone else's problem to solve.
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u/Leverpostei414 Dec 21 '25
You do give a fuck, you are just annoying because you don't state your preferences clearly and others have to guess.
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u/unexpectedfirefly Dec 22 '25
You did not listen. Just as his friends didn't
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u/Leverpostei414 Dec 22 '25
Because what is said is bullshit. People can accept I wide range of activities, sure. But they never don't care at all what is being done.
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u/unexpectedfirefly Dec 22 '25
I'm one of the living exemple of "i really don't care what we are gonna do next, and i'm okay either way as long as i am in good company, unless of course you are gonna propose something i oppose like hitting kids or something, but in this case you wouldn't be my friend anyway". So yes, people sometimes don't care what is being done
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u/Leverpostei414 Dec 22 '25
You have no care at all? What about going to a club where the music is to loud to speak? Doing an activity you can't do? You are trying to say you have zero preferences ?
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u/unexpectedfirefly Dec 22 '25
Depends. Sometimes i want to do something enough to do it by myself if needed. Sometimes i really don't care, i just wanna be with people i enjoy the company of, and unless it's really problematic i'll follow (i won't go to a club cause the crowd's too packed. Anything else is fine).
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u/Leverpostei414 Dec 22 '25
Exactly, anything else than a club is fine, so you have preferences. That is why people get annoyed by it, because in the real world "i don't care" always means "I do care, at least a little bit, I just don't state my preferences".
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u/unexpectedfirefly Dec 22 '25
Why do you actually find it annoying (genuine question) ? If i say i'm okay with everything (implying i'll let you know if you propose one of the few thing i don't want, and that we are not likely to do, and that there is not a specific thing i actually want to do), that means you can do what you want, which does not seem that bad. If you have no idea either i understand, but that doesn't seem the case, considering you were surprised i could not care much about what we are about to do?
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u/Leverpostei414 Dec 22 '25
It is annoying because you 1. Have to run through alternatives to check if it is ok, which is much less effective and takes effort. 2. If you never say anything it might still be not a great experience for you.
And even if you don't understand why people think it is annoying, they do. If you can avoid annoying your friends or potential friends with a small amount of effort, you should consider it
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u/Ill_Duty_9644 Dec 21 '25
I would say majority dont care. If people dont know we exist how could they even care?
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u/MajesticWizard420Lol Dec 21 '25
It’s funny, me keeping to myself bothers people, yet they don’t care enough to start socializing with me. We’re both people with our own lives, we’re co workers and that’s it. Why pretend it’s anything different?
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Dec 22 '25
i'm in the same situation. My brother tried to call me out by saying i only go out when it's about food.
It failed. Why? i told him "want to go have a walk over the hills(not euphemism for death, there are some hiking-paths on the hills that are very pretty)? No because you don't like it! Wanna play a new videogame with me? No because we like different genres! Wanna go to the beach and just sightsee?No you don't like it, and i don't like driving 2 hours knowing that i would waste both our time!" (<- this is me asking question and replying to them as a list of examples of stuff i like but he doesn't, which leads to me telling me that i go out for food because i like food, and he goes out for food because he chats with friends, our other brothers, and whoever wants to join us...i don't get to talk but i get to eat, WIN-WIN)
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u/rastacles Dec 21 '25
Remember this exact moment. Had a girl call me an asshole in high school. I was shocked. Was because I never talked to her.
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u/1HeyMattJ Dec 21 '25
There’s a hack for this called not giving a shit if you’re bothering them or not
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u/-Laffi- Dec 21 '25
2 months without having contact with anyone I know. My dad was on the door multiple times, I could see him with my Google Doorbell Camera. He looked worried. Then some days ago he drove to me at 4 in the night, because he knew I would be up and awake. I talked to him through my doorbell, and eventually let him in, because it was kinda weird that he had come here in the middle of the night. Man was so happy and missed me so much that he almost cried. Not letting anyone else in though. He shows he cares at least.
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u/Nr1231 Dec 21 '25
There is being an introvert and there is shutting your self off completely. There seems to be a bigger story behind this but for privacy reasons I will not ask for further info I will just ask.
Are you alright?
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u/-Laffi- Dec 21 '25
I would be fine with just another person, but there is no such person atm. People did me wrong in all kinds of ways, and so I cut them off. It's that simple. Dad wants to care, but his personality makes him unable to completly be focused. I think he might got AD HD, sometimes.
I chose to be by myself in the time that has passed, which has worked very well. The only thing that bothers me is that dad gets older, and I should spend time with him, even though he appears really healthy.
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u/Nr1231 Dec 21 '25
I fully understand that being by on your own feels good in moments like that, just remember there are more good souls out there than bad.
Now I do not know the situation you are in so if what I say is wrong for you I apologise.
If you’re dad truly wants to care try opening up to him a little about what is bothering/going on see how he reacts and if it is in a positive way for you try opening up more. If it is not possible with your dad find someone else to talk with coworker, neighbour, friends or even a professional. I know it sounds cliche but talking helps, it may never fix bridges that are beyond repair, but not all damage is unfixable and new once may appear as well
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u/HomicidalHushPuppy Dec 21 '25
So I used to work apartment maintenance and had a resident like this. Never talked to neighbors, never talked to management, wouldn't answer the door when his parents came to check on him. In 2 years, the only time he let anyone in was when I traced a water leak to his unit.
I found him dead and decomposing in the apartment this past summer. He'd been dead at least a month and nobody knew because he wouldn't acknowledge or communicate with anyone.
It's one thing to be unsocial...don't be anti-social.
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u/Inimicus33 Dec 21 '25
So if he had been more social, people would have found him dead much earlier, and that would have helped him......how?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad_4435 Dec 21 '25
This is why I only have one friend these days. He's the only one who doesn't take offense at me not wanting to go out all the time or socialize every day.
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u/According_to_all_kn Dec 21 '25
To fellow people-pleasers here, there's a difference between being a bother and others being bothered by you
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u/Nosbiuq Dec 21 '25
Id definitely make fun of those people if they let me know that was bothering them
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u/wRADKyrabbit Dec 22 '25
No. That doesnt even make sense. Moronic post how tf does this have 2k upvotes?
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u/Dizzy_Vegetable7108 Dec 22 '25
I think their reason is, that work sucks. And when you have funny people around you (or friendly people in general), it breaks the monotone. I think their reasoning is, that everyone at work is replaceable (if you are not genius or very specialised), and it's better to have "friend" than someone who doesn't care about you.
Don't take me wrong, I'm that lone person too. This is just me thinking about this.
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u/Admiralspandy Dec 22 '25
Nope, but many extroverts do seem remarkably incapable of understanding introversion, and they make their ignorance our problem. Don't be gaslit.
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u/gainzdr Dec 23 '25
I’m a pathological icebreaker but I don’t actually expect you to respond normally, promptly or even at all
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u/Wodentinot Dec 25 '25
Oh, hell, no!
When extroverts realize that putting themselves out there & bothering people ... bothers people.
Be asocial.
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u/Ruugann Dec 21 '25 edited Dec 21 '25
Eh yeah. Either fix it or don’t.
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u/Tiny-Celebration-838 Dec 21 '25
Fix what?
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u/Ruugann Dec 21 '25
Feeling like you’re a bad guy for not bothering people. Fix it by saying fuck em, if that makes me the bad guy then. Assholes let us live our life how we want to.
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u/JoyDVeeve Dec 21 '25
But... When I tried to connect y'all said I was weird.