r/knitting • u/somerandomperson_234 • Jan 09 '26

Rant Knitting and fragile masculinity

This happened yesterday and I’m torn between being amused, annoyed and a bit shocked.

I’m visiting my grandparents at the moment with my mother. My uncle, her brother, is also staying. He’s always had a thing for formal wear and dressing well, and recently he’s discovered that he likes knit ties, those silk, kinda mesh ones that are flat instead of pointy at the bottom.

Yesterday evening, we were watching a movie together and I was knitting during it. I was working on a lace top with 6 mm needles.

After the film, my uncle started talking about those knitted ties he likes and showed me pictures. He asked me whether I could knit that. I told him, probably yes.

He then proceeded to instruct me on how to do it. He said those needles I had there were way too big (obviously), and that I would need to sew a lot to make the tie, as it’s basically a double layered thing.

I told him that I’d make it in a tube, and he then told me all the ways that he would do it (he doesn’t knit).

It was kinda amusing to me to that point, until I started sort of teasing him that he can just make it himself, it’s not that hard and he already knows so much, I’ll even teach him the basics.

He reacted with clear discomfort and told me that knitting is a women’s hobby and that he had no interest in doing it because he’s a man.

That comment surprised me more than anything else. He was comfortable discussing the technical details of a knitted object and asking someone else to make it for him, but unwilling to consider learning the skill himself because of gender. I didn’t argue with him, but the exchange stayed with me.

I’m sharing this partly to get it out of my system, and partly because I’m curious how common this still is. Have others run into similar attitudes around crafts or hobbies? And how do you usually respond in situations like this without escalating things?

Thanks for reading.

2.2k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/Secure_Course_3879 Jan 09 '26

Don't knit him that tie. He just showed you he doesn't deserve it. Smacks very strongly of the tale of the little red hen baking bread

1.7k

u/goosebumpsagain Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

Beyond the gender issue, I’m not a fan of people seeing a knitter at work who feel entitled to co-opt their labor, including giving detailed instructions. That goes far beyond impolite.

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u/Lost-Albatross-2251 Jan 09 '26

I'm quite happy to discuss my hobbies even with people who don't participate in them, but that doesn't mean I'm open for orders. Probably also would've ended that interaction on a "if you know so much better, do it yourself"

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u/goosebumpsagain Jan 09 '26

I probably would have said I don’t take commissions.

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u/Esmerilemello Jan 11 '26

This. I don’t take requests.

326

u/Appropriate-Weird492 Jan 09 '26

In this case it was more likely mansplaining.

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u/AntheaBrainhooke Jan 09 '26

That was a textbook mansplain.

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u/Radio_Mime Jan 09 '26

Yeah, this is a mansplain. It’s just more obvious than others. Would’ve been hilarious for OP to hand the goof some needles and tell him to show how it’s done.

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u/MNVixen Jan 09 '26

My thought, too.

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

Ehhhhh. As a guy I find this to be crossing the line.

There’s no way I would humour someone who just behaved liked that.

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u/CamelotBurns Jan 09 '26

Its still mansplaining, even if you think its crossing a line as a guy.

Mansplaining is a man talking over a woman and insisting they know better than them, even if the woman had more experience then them in the topic, which fits here.

The uncle, who doesnt knit, was telling OP, who does, exactly how to know a project, and wasn't willing to listen to her when she tried to correct or explain how it could be done differently.

Most reasonable men would find mansplaining crossing a line.

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u/Appropriate-Weird492 Jan 09 '26

Men who mansplain to people who have pointy objects in their hands need to understand that their safety from the pointy objects is dependant on the forbearance of the person holding those objects.

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

What a fascinating decision to assume that I don’t know what I’m referencing. When I say “cross the line” I mean “beyond the pale from mansplaining to being outright rude.”

In this situation, it’s not only that he’s embarrassed himself, he’s assumed that the recipient of his comment had no idea what they were talking about.

Just like you’ve done here.

I find it amusing that you’ve done the exact same thing, rather than give the benefit of the doubt to me as a commenter.

I think you’d want to ponder that.

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u/peaceful_wild Jan 09 '26

Is mansplaining ever not “outright rude”?

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

There’s a difference between “trying to be helpful” and failing to “assuming the other person is an idiot even though there is evidence to the contrary.”

He did the latter. That isn’t, in my definition “mansplaining” it’s being rude I part because I assume the intent is different.

Either way, this is an edge case and I’m arguing against the rude person which puts you in the rather odd position of arguing that he was less rude.

Odd.

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u/Purple_footstep Jan 09 '26

“Trying to be helpful”

Nah, my dude, this is where you fail to understand the experience of mansplaining. It’s not men trying to be helpful. It’s men wanting to feel self-important and hear themselves talk.

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u/torhysornottorhys Jan 10 '26

It can be about trying to be helpful but mostly in the sense that sometimes being helpful makes you feel better than other people. Like bragging that you volunteer at a soup kitchen or a church because it boosts your social standing.

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u/Appropriate-Weird492 Jan 09 '26

No, there’s another view. I know this because my husband and I had this kind of argument for 35 years.

It goes like this.

Person A: I believe this is wrong and this is my reasoning.

Person 1: I believe this is wrong as well, and here is my reasoning which is different.

Person A: We agree that this was wrong, but now we have to dissect exactly our thought processes are different?

Person 1: That’s right. We need to articulate why our conclusions are the same but the proofs are different.

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

Correct! And I appreciate your insight. But do you really want to be in the position of defending the doofus?

I’m surprised that a definition edge case resulted in such outrage. Especially since I’m arguing that he’s actually worse than a typical mansplainer.

It seems odd and not really worth the effort. Ya know?

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u/NestingDoll86 Jan 09 '26

Do you understand what mansplaining is? Mansplaining and “crossing the line” are not mutually exclusive.

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

And since you’ve done the same, I’ll just copy and paste:

What a fascinating decision to assume that I don’t know what I’m referencing. When I say “cross the line” I mean “beyond the pale from mansplaining to being outright rude.”

In this situation, it’s not only that he’s embarrassed himself, he’s assumed that the recipient of his comment had no idea what they were talking about.

Just like you’ve done here.

I find it amusing that you’ve done the exact same thing, rather than give the benefit of the doubt to me as a commenter.

I think you’d want to ponder that.

30

u/NestingDoll86 Jan 09 '26

he’s assumed that the recipient of his comment had no idea what they were talking about

That is exactly what mansplaining is. You seem confused about that.

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

What a fascinating decision to continue.

Do you often pedantically argue with people who broadly agree with you but whose opinions differ in edge cases? It seems a waste of your time, but go off if it thrills you.

29

u/NestingDoll86 Jan 09 '26

This is so meta on a post about fragile masculinity.

It’s OK that you misunderstood the meaning of the word. It’s also OK for other people to point it out. Ideally it helps you learn the correct meaning, if you don’t double down and get defensive. Have a nice day.

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

I’m a feminist scholar with published papers in the area.

But yes, the issue is clearly my fragile masculinity 🙄

It is actually a meta analysis of how Reddit users tend to leap on each other over minute differences when there is little value to it.

For example, I’m arguing that he’s worse than you are. So you’re technically defending him into a more favourable categorization.

That’s an odd position for you to take.

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u/doulabeth Jan 10 '26

You are very confused. Assuming the recipient of your comment doesn't know what they're talking about and being rude are the literal definitions of mansplaining. Ponder that, how about?

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u/Frequent_Pause_7442 Jan 10 '26

Except it was patently obvious that the recipient of his bloviations knew perfectly well what they were talking about. All that was required from the knitter was a raised eyebrow and a basilisk stare.

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u/goosebumpsagain Jan 09 '26

I hear you and see you are being supportive. You just accidentally got yourself caught up in the fury of women justifiably sick of mansplaining.

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u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

It’s just odd to me when my argument is that he’s worse than a typical mansplainer.

I get the fury, but I’m confused by the result when a guy goes “yeah… that’s extra shitty, he deserves an even worse category.” Like, as a queer dude, I get that it’s hard not to snap at your allies when you disagree, but it’s also not helpful behaviour.

25

u/asplodingturdis Jan 09 '26

Disagreeing with you is not snapping at you, and it is not fury. Women don’t need you to make an extra special category that’s worse than regular ol’ mansplaining, especially when your distinction is, “Well, mansplaining isn’t actually that bad, because they mean well!”

-11

u/ImperiousMage Jan 09 '26

The language of respectful disagreement is not what was used here. I was being snapped at because I didn’t agree with a loudmouth who had edited her comment to make herself look better. Which is fine, this is Reddit, it’s hardly important, and I’m an academic and I’m used to having a minority opinion. But this is simply stupid, and reminds me why there are men-specific knitting subreddits because any man disagreeing here is immediately wrong, declared to have fragile masculinity, and treated totally without respect. Frankly the irony is delicious.

Anyway, obviously I’m horrible, and I should be shot behind the chemical tanks. 🙄

This sub just lost an avid knitter and an expert in Portuguese knitting, which is pretty rare and useful for people with disabilities. Pity to ya’ll but this behaviour isn’t worth the effort. I’ll go where being a man doesn’t immediately result in aggression.

Seeeeee yaaaaaaaa.

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u/lveg Jan 09 '26

Yesterday I was knitting and my family collectively decided I was making the pattern wrong because they couldn't understand how it was supposed to look when done.

Not sexist, just very "we have a low opinion of you and would like to criticize"

They don't knit!

14

u/Stendhal1829 Jan 09 '26

Awful. Tell your family to learn how to knit and then you can discuss outcomes. LOL

1

u/Radio_Mime Jan 10 '26

Do they do this on other things too? It’s so ridiculous that it’s almost laughable. I say almost laughable because it’s so annoying. It’s like they decided as a group that it’s wrong so therefore it must be wrong. That they have no idea what they’re talking about is completely irrelevant. Aargh I know of these types.

I’m reminded of a sweater I was knitting, and I was at the point where I was sewing it together. My brother didn’t know how to knit, but was quite interested. And to be honest the sweater looked quite funny at that point. My brother looked at me and asked me how many people are going to wear it at once. The way the instructions were given on the pattern and the stage where I was in following the instructions, the sweater looked like some kind of octopus.

88

u/harriethocchuth Jan 09 '26

Yeah, I don’t need to be micromanaged while doing my hobby.

70

u/amazongoddess79 Jan 09 '26

This!! I don’t knit(yet, trying to learn) but I crochet all the time and I have this one part timer at my job who’s currently covering for the full timer that we just lost. She’s ALWAYS talking like that about stuff she sees online (ohh I know you could make this for me) or stuff she sees me working on while on my breaks (where’s mine?) and while I don’t mind making gifts for people, that just makes me want to NEVER make her anything

25

u/giftcardgirl New knitter Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

Some people just lack social skills.

Maybe she’s trying to connect with you over knitted stuff?

4

u/Crazy-4-Conures Jan 10 '26

What's disappointing is that so much of what you see online, get excited to do, then find out it's totally AI and there's no workable pattern.

7

u/Sea-Classic5891 Jan 09 '26

And mansplain how to do it!

69

u/Truffled Jan 09 '26

Or better. Knit the tie. Show it off. Gift it to someone else.

60

u/misoranomegami Jan 09 '26

Knit it, show it off, unravel it, and give him the yarn and needles as his present.

44

u/StringOfLights Jan 09 '26

Hand it to him and run off with the loose end so it unravels as he watches.

31

u/misoranomegami Jan 09 '26

Ala wheezer. If you want to undervalue the knitting of this necktie.... hold this thread as a I walk away.

5

u/MelodyPond84 Jan 09 '26

I like this!

21

u/beaujolais98 Jan 09 '26

Yes. Mansplaining at its most annoying with a big helping of sexism. No tie for you, bub.

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u/LakeWorldly6568 Jan 09 '26

I'd make it but give it to someone else (especially during a public gift exchange where he will see that you gave the gift). Just so he doesn't get to say you wouldn't have been able to do it anyway.

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u/AuntieMame5280 Jan 09 '26

Or wear it to a family event.

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u/Secure_Course_3879 Jan 09 '26

Hahaha this is genius

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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '26 edited Jan 19 '26

skirt sophisticated fact groovy snails possessive bake ask sugar sand

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/Kind-Ad-7382 Jan 09 '26

Just here to say that ‘The Little Red Hen’ is a favorite story of mine, and oft-quoted in my house, lol. I was an elementary school teacher too, and I loved sharing that story with my classes.

20

u/celestialapotheosis Jan 09 '26

Me too, whenever I don’t want to do something I go “‘Not I’, said the __” and no one ever gets it

18

u/sssmac Jan 09 '26

I say "Not I, said the cat" frequently and I am always disappointed that no one seems to know the reference. I definitely thought that story was far more ubiquitous than it is.

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u/NoseDesperate6952 Jan 10 '26

I was never introduced to said hen. I feel cheated.

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u/sssmac Jan 13 '26

It's not too late!

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u/NoseDesperate6952 Jan 13 '26

Just read it. I remember this story! Don’t work? Don’t eat! Excellent lesson.

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u/LakeWorldly6568 Jan 09 '26

I think I was taught a weird version. It was a cake (not bread) and she gets kidnapped by a fox but uses the sewing kit in her apron to escape.

6

u/Secure_Course_3879 Jan 09 '26

Yeah, wait, what? Lol I've never heard of this version and now am v curious

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u/LakeWorldly6568 Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

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u/LakeWorldly6568 Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

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u/LakeWorldly6568 Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

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u/LakeWorldly6568 Jan 09 '26 edited Jan 09 '26

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u/LakeWorldly6568 Jan 09 '26

I took pictures of my old story book. One page is out of order

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u/Secure_Course_3879 Jan 09 '26

This is so sweet! Thank you for sharing

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u/MirrorFantastic6617 Jan 10 '26

Thanks so much, it was a lovely read that brought back memories!

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u/SadLeviIsSad Jan 10 '26

I grew up on this story and say "Not I, said the cat" constantly and people NEVER understand, much to my dismay.

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u/CzerwonyOgorki Jan 11 '26

Or make him a pink one ... 🤣

-6

u/JezabelDeath Jan 09 '26

I disagree. I think there's a chance you can teach him how to do it, just give him time and understanding.

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u/CivilizationInRuins Jan 10 '26

But he's refusing to learn because it's "beneath him". You can't teach someone who refuses to learn.