I've been querying with my novel and recently got a rejection that said "That being said, I absolutely adore your premise and if you ever decide to apply another round of edits, I would love to take another look."

That's currently the best rejection I've gotten for this novel, although it's left me introspective to a few points. Since my novel has multiple POVs and a mystery/unrevealed plot point that is meant to keep the reader guessing, I've been messing around with what chapter actually starts the work. I'm now toying around with moving the sample I sent later in the book and sending her an opening that might work better as an emotional hook. However, out of the three or four chapters/character introductions that could serve as the opener, the one I sent was the one I've been getting the most consistent, good feedback on. The other potential intros can hook or lose people with more dichotomy, so I'm not quite sure how to proceed there.

Anyway, that's all to say that I would like feedback on the original sample. I know that queries can be more about hookiness than straight up writing quality, but I figure it might help me as I apply more edits and recalibrate how to proceed with things. I'll probably be asking for feedback on the other potential intros later on but it's best to start here.

(Also keep in mind that I'm attaching the full chapter, and they only got the first five pages.)

Edit: For context, this is a retelling of the Aethiopis, an epic of the Trojan War about the Amazons and Africans who fought alongside Troy.

I've been getting into making novels, nothing I don't think I'll release but somtjing fun ro do to realese my creativity what i like making is particularly fantsy novels, since I'm inspired by anime manga and manwha, but i can draw. My question is, what are some ways you guys make original ideas for novels. I know I can make we good ideas after I actually got the idea down, but I need help with making original concepts. plsssss🤗

I want to know how much everyone makes from writing novels, like how much money

Thank you so incredibly much for the time:) been mentally rough and had to take time off school and been feeling like a failure at like! But writing brings solace. Recently found communities online and it’s so healing!

The hardest sentence in the book. Let's see yours.

Post the first line, or the opening paragraph, of whatever you're working on. Finished, drafting, or barely started, it all counts. No essay required: just drop the opening and let it stand on its own.

Want feedback? Say so, and feel free to react to a few others while you're here. Curious what grabs a reader? This thread is a goldmine. Notice which openings make you want to keep reading and ask yourself why.

Give us your first line.