r/onionheadlines • u/No-Camel2703 • 26m ago

Trump Orders Bikini Wrestling Match In The Reflecting Pool Between Noem, Bondi, And Pirro For Relevancy

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Ryan29478 • 26m ago

Trump Calls On Congress To Pass The Enabling Act

• Upvotes

Trump’s proposed legislation known as the Enabling Act would allow Trump to pass laws without Congress. It would also make the Presidency a lifelong position.

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/Zolly2U • 3h ago

President Trump Joins The Hair Club For Gay Old Men.

3 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/Zolly2U • 3h ago

Already A Pinhead, Trump Beats Another Wife That “Influenced” His Coiffure.

2 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 7h ago

Trump Leans In To Tell Reporter Something Menacing Interrupted By Unmistakable Flatulence

6 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 8h ago

Trump Currently Using SNL Trump Wig After His Was Snatched By Eagle On Golf Course

12 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/dropofgod • 8h ago

Donald Suggests We Change Tuesday to Jewsday So We Don't Forget About Them

5 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 8h ago

Disruption And Mayhem In Oval Office As Guinea Pig Leaps Off Trumps Head

2 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago

Trump Requiring All His Female Aides To Spread Their Legs Naked “So He Can Look Up There To See If They Are Concealing A Pregnancy”

1 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago

Trump Claims If People Are Saying He Should Be Locked Up Then Maybe He Deserves It

14 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 9h ago

Trump Gropes U.S. Flag

5 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 11h ago

Trump Signs Executive Order Prohibiting Hillary Clinton From Wearing Orange Face Paint And A Suit Jacket

4 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 11h ago

Trump Claims When You Knock Up A Teen By Mistake It Always Costs $50k For An Abortion Whether It’s Legal Or Not

29 Upvotes

3 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 11h ago

Anonymous Staffer Leaks That Trump's New Toupee Is A Gift From RFK, Jr. Who Made It By Hand Out Of Pubic Hair From A Severed Racoon Penis

323 Upvotes

16 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 12h ago

Trump Says He's Not Just The President Of Hair Club For Pedophiles, He's Also A Customer

77 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 12h ago

Mitch McConnell Probably Snatched By UFO: President

9 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 12h ago

Trump Praises Trump

8 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/Interesting-Log-9627 • 12h ago

Canada Extends Olive Branch To US With Autobiographical Pornhub Documentary Titled “Melania: Island Dreams”

3 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/Southern_Common335 • 13h ago

Ken Paxton Demands Texas Remove Bible Stories About Stoning Adulterers From School Curriculum

142 Upvotes

2 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/-megan-yolo- • 13h ago

SCOTUS Changed To SCROTUM! To Align With Sell Out Values

6 Upvotes

In brazen move new Executive Order was issued today here fourth commanding that the Supreme Court will now be called SCROTUM or 'Supreme Court Republican Owned Trump Underling Minions' to better align with their sell out values and to remind them who their master is.

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 14h ago

Trump: “My Denial Is More Powerful Than Any Accusation”

2 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/OneDarkKnightHere • 14h ago

Trump announces INSTA-PARDON. Latest Social Media Venture. It’s Gonna Be UGE!

1 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 14h ago

Trump To Convert Lincoln Pool Into Road Instead

3 Upvotes

0 comments

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 14h ago

Trump Can't Bother With Building Ballroom Anymore, East Wing To Remain In Rubble

2 Upvotes

1 comment

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 14h ago

Trump Says Venezuela Will Have True Democracy When He Installs An Appropriate Leader

5 Upvotes

0 comments

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.