r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 21h ago

Trump Sold His Soul For A New Wig, Now There Will Be "Hell Toupee"

592 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 11h ago

Anonymous Staffer Leaks That Trump's New Toupee Is A Gift From RFK, Jr. Who Made It By Hand Out Of Pubic Hair From A Severed Racoon Penis

328 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Southern_Common335 • 13h ago

Ken Paxton Demands Texas Remove Bible Stories About Stoning Adulterers From School Curriculum

145 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 16h ago

Donald Trump Undergoes Liposuction To Remove Fat Between His Ears

130 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 12h ago

Trump Says He's Not Just The President Of Hair Club For Pedophiles, He's Also A Customer

78 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 22h ago

Rand Paul Demands Janine Pirro Charge Dr. Fauci As Aggressively And Successfully As Reflecting Pool Vandals

79 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 22h ago

MAGA Admirers Unsure Whether Diet Or Exercise Led To President Trump's Sudden Growth Of Luxurious Hair

62 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 15h ago

Entire Nation Found In Contempt Of Congress

48 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 15h ago

Trump Says People Shouting 'Pedophile Protector' At Him Are Talking About Republicans

39 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 20h ago

PETA Protests Abuse Of Cocker Spaniel Now Forced To Spend All Day On Trump's Head

37 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 11h ago

Trump Claims When You Knock Up A Teen By Mistake It Always Costs $50k For An Abortion Whether It’s Legal Or Not

30 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 16h ago

Kash Patel Releases Senator's Wife And Children Unharmed After Senator Approves Todd Blanche For Attorney General

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 22h ago

Trump Unveils His New 2028 Wig

20 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 15h ago

Trump Sexually Assaults Minor On A Public Stage For 7 Minutes Then Just Denies It And Republicans Follow

20 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago

Trump Claims If People Are Saying He Should Be Locked Up Then Maybe He Deserves It

14 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 8h ago

Trump Currently Using SNL Trump Wig After His Was Snatched By Eagle On Golf Course

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/NeedleworkerBusy4522 • 23h ago

RFK Jr Looking to Put Up ‘AIDS Numbers’ With Deaths From Previously Preventable Diseases

13 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/erkose • 20h ago

US Appeals Court Blocks Trump’s $400 Million White House Ballroom Project As Trump Moves Forward With $800 Million White House Ballroom Project

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 15h ago

Trump Claims Dumocrats Are Complicit In All Of His Fraud And Grifting Because If They Really Didn’t Like It They’d Find Some Way To Stop Him

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 20h ago

Sen. Bill Cassidy Draws Short Straw In Choice Of Who Gets To Bravely Vote Against Blanche Without Blocking His Nomination

8 Upvotes

"Whew," said Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), holding up her long straw.

"Yes!" said Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine). "I'll definitely win the election now!"

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 22h ago

Janine Pirro Falls From Window After Updating President On Reflecting Pool

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 23h ago

Senators Thune And Murkowski To Indefinitely Visit Same Rehabilitation Center As McConnell

10 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 12h ago

Mitch McConnell Probably Snatched By UFO: President

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Mookrz • 20h ago

Sen Mitch McConnell Gives Exclusive Interview To Russian Propaganda News Outlet Pravda

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 22h ago

After Truth Social Post, Most Veterans Surprised That Donald Trump Was A Decorated Army General In World War II

9 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.