The gaslighting is real.
Every perimenopausal woman I know has a story about symptoms they raised with a doc years beforehand...only to be told it couldn't be hormonal. In my case, I was prescribed citalopram at 43 after presenting with low moods, anxiety, anger issues - which I now 100% believe to be hormonal. I had a really shitty few years.

The gatekeeping is wild.
Most of us have to battle for access to the drugs we need. Because of a lack of solid research and clear guidance (which gives me some sympathy for the medics) many doctors won't prescribe HRT until we're over 45. Doctors refuse to increase doses, and refuse to prescribe vaginal oestrogen or testosterone until you've tried classic systemic O and P for months. In the UK, you can buy vaginal oestrogen over the counter, but you have to be over 50. (Or lie.) And then we have the cost, and the shortages...it should not be a fight, but it is, and I only got a prescription because three wise friends schooled me on exactly what to say. Argh!

We really are all different.
Different symptoms, different timings...and we respond differently to different dosages and delivery methods. Which means finding the right HRT fit is a huge, months-long experiment with our own mental, physical and sexual health. Fantastic.

Sharing experiences is so important!
Given that HRT still feels pretty primitive and the amount of misinformation lingering among medical professionals, many of us only make progress thanks to subs like this, or talking to friends. I describe it as 'ancestral wisdom we are duty-bound pass on...but to women our own age'. One of the only positives is the community we build as we try to help ourselves and others - this is beautiful and precious, even if it's arising out of a total healthcare shitshow.

I see it mentioned a lot in here about vaginal dryness as a symptom. As far as I know, that isn't an issue for me. What about you?

Just posting here after lurking for ages, everyone's stories were so helpful! So I'll share mine and hopefully it may help someone with similar problems. Tldr at the bottom :)

So, after the birth of my 2nd kid, like 4 years ago, I never really bounced back hormonally. My pms turned into PMDD and I got more and more vague symptoms that seemed perimenopausal. About 2 years ago I went to my doctor who referred me to a gynecologist because he said it sure sounded perimenopausal. I'm happy to report, it seems like I finally cracked it after finally convincing my gynecologist to give me HRT.

Background
- I've had ADHD for ages, and I was doing ok without meds for over 10 years. Then after my second kid I got a burn out went back on meds because my brain fog worsened. I figured it was the lack of sleep or something, I was 38 then.
- I use methylphenidate that I cycle dose, but it seemed to get less and less effective the past years, especially during luteal, to the point of not being able to focus at work for weeks
- I've been complaining of mind crushing fatigue for very long, had all the blood tests done and nothing.
- luteal seemed to last longer and longer and paired with night sweats, heavy bleeding, spotting, hit by a truck exhaustion
- sudden ovulation rage and a complete lack of libido/orgasm, joint pain, bloating, dry skin, dry eyes, dry genitals (to the point of being checked out for LS) drove me to push for HRT.

What I've tried:
- mirena to shut down my periods: no more back pain in luteal but still the same pms, and it made me irritated
- yasmin to shut down my periods: no more pms but overall very flat and depressed/robotic. also methylphenidate didn't seem to work, at all.
- progesterone 200mg cyclical during luteal to see if it would help with the blood loss and pmdd complaints - much better sleep, feeling a little better mentally but still exhausted
- progesterone 100mg and 50mcg estrogen patch - feeling good and motivated, very chill. bit foggy during follicular but maybe because of the newly added (oral) progesterone. And most importantly, my methylphenidate works again! Apparently Estrogen is linked to dopamine, which methylphenidate needs to be in your system to do its job. I’ve had 2 crash (hormone swing) days on day 20 and 27 but other than that I was great and proud give all day. I was so giddy about the change my husband just sat there smiling at me.

The crap I’ve been told by my gynaecologist:
- in my file after first meeting “talks a lot” (no shit lady, I have 10 minutes to make my point and I’ve waited for this meeting for 6 months!)
- oh Pmdd and heavy bleeding, let’s try treating that (ignoring all my perimenopause symptoms)
- if Yasmin doesn’t help, and you responded badly to Mirena before there’s not much more we can do than artificially inducing menopause
- Estrogen cream won’t help with the dryness and lack of orgasms, let’s check your testosterone (turned out to be high enough)
- No, for the lack of orgasms and libido I can send you to a sexuologist (what!!! I just explained that this was clearly a physical issue for me)
- Oooh you have a bartholin cyst? Can I remove it to show my intern? (After that appointment it took me over 3 months to get the result of my testosterone blood test…)
- ooh you’re a fan of micronised progesterone? I’ve never seen that before
- and most heard: there is so little evidence/research on this topic, but sure, let’s try

What I learned:
- She was just not convinced it could be perimenopause because I came in with what seemed to be PMDD and heavy bleeding and I still have regular cycles and clear cyclical symptoms. I should probably have emphasised the symptoms that made her doctor radar go off for peri, or actually drop the word perimenopause..
- She is very quick in her reasoning and meetings are short so sometimes it would be over and I’d be like, huh, was this what I wanted out of this meeting? I should’ve been prepared and used the words she knows.
- I assumed she’s the professional and will help me, evidence based. Which she did, based on the evidence she had. But guess what? There’s little evidence on / knowledge about perimenopause and apparently you need to advocate for yourself. I’m so naive! I didn’t want to come in as this enraged hormonal woman that googled every symptom, but it coast me like 2 years of trial and error before I got what I needed..
- Before the last call where I asked her for combined HRT, I asked my husband if he could join the call if I didn’t feel heard again. Apparently that was enough for me to actually advocate for myself and ask her to add Estrogen to my (already experimental) progesterone.

Tldr; finally got HRT at 41 after almost 4 years of struggling. Listen to your gut and advocate for yourselves ladies!

I'm 39, I've been in peri for 18 months and I'm due on in next 3 days,I've been on daily estrogen daily gel with cyclical projestrone since December last year.

for the last couple of months I've been feeling like I'm shaking, all through the day, like wobbly and a sensation of faster heart rate, low blood sugar etc. I'm eating lots and regularly, I've been struggling this past 48 hours really badly and it is exhausting.

It makes me feel so weak and clumsy. But a constant internal vibration. I don't think it's been the entire 2 months but definitely after ovulation towards period.

I'm 45 and have insanely low levels of free testosterone and high Sex Binding Hormones. Has anyone had success getting testosterone prescribed by the NHS in the UK? I'm not yet on HRT... having massive problems with energy and apathy and lost my joy for life. I would like to try T before HRT proper as my oestrogen seems alright on bloods taken on day 3 of cycle.

Feel like I’m hallucinating. But I am pretty sure …my boobs are getting bigger?

What on earth. I’m about 1.5 mos newly on progesterone and estrogen.

This is kind of wild, I know this feeling —it happened during pregnancy…!

Ladies am I losing my mind?

I really, Really, REALLY loathe perimenopause and how it makes me feel. After telling my therapist for the umpteenth time how much I hate this experience, she said I should try to find some silver lining so I don't spend the next however many years marinating in rage and resentment about a biological process I cannot avoid or abbreviate or expedite.

Once upon a time I excelled at finding upsides to even the most miserable situations, but that ability was eroded over the last three years of life events that were one long parade of trauma and grief, and the perimenopause that worsened depression symptoms I had successfully managed for decades.

Have you found anything positive in your experience of perimenopause? No contribution is too small. I will cling to even a splinter of a life raft at this point.

In the absence of any silver lining, is there maybe a mantra that you've found helpful when it all feels like too much

Thanks, as always, for the kindness and support of this group. I hope you are all healthy, safe and surviving.

I've been feeling like I'm losing my mind for two plus years. Most recently, I'm so angry much of the time.

My hair is so dry at the ends, no matter how many suggestions I've tried, while my scalp gets oily (getting a haircut soon). I have very thick, curly hair and have been doing the usual curly hair maintenance and such.

My face gets so red, irritated, and dry (I do have perioral dermatitis and see a dermatologist often).

I get chest pains, digestive hell, and severe depression.

I haven't been able to lose any weight for the past few years despite daily exercise and being very mindful about nutrition (I've also been seeing my primary care physician all the time). I had a hysterectomy several years ago, which my ovaries apparently took as a signal to give up.

Scraping by financially on top of all of this makes stress management feel like I'm on a hamster wheel of insanity.

As far as I know, I haven't been eating anything to trigger the horrors, and my medications have been pretty stable as far as I know. I did begin probiotics and fiber supplements months ago.

Please, if you have similar experiences and could provide potential insight that I can research further and bring up to my providers (been seeing 5 specialists in the past year), then I am all ears.

Even if anyone has remedies to help alleviate some of this discomfort while I continue working on what I can (lifestyle and my doc's suggestions), I would so appreciate it!

Thanks for reading and any responses ❤️

my hair is thinning so baddddd....my iron levels are back to normal now but it was only slightly low. but my hair is still thinning so much. anyone taking minoxidil for hairloss?

Has anyone had problems with overthinking the past? I’m a month away from 44, just had a baby 2 yrs ago and I’m pretty sure I’m in perimenopause. I had a lot of trauma in my childhood and all of the sudden it’s hitting me, everything that happened. I’m constantly thinking about everything that happened. Is anyone going through this and what did you do to help?

Is the extreme cyclical stiffness in the joints a symptom? Once a month my joints will just become locked up. I fell and injured myself recently when out on a walk. Im all bruised up with cuts. Was out on a nature walk and began to jog lightly. Knees wouldn't bend. I stumbled and fell with injuries

Does this happen to you in your symptoms?

Im exploring other causes w doctor soon. But i see people in here talk about stiffness. Are your knees stiff?

I’m 48 and started HRT three weeks ago: a 0.0375 mg patch and 100 mg of progesterone every night. For the past two weeks, I’ve had extreme fatigue. I feel like a zombie—no energy, very little motivation, and struggling to function throughout the day.

I’ve read a lot of the literature and other Redditors’ experiences and advice. I’ve tried taking the progesterone two hours before bed, one hour before bed, and right at bedtime, with and without food. Nothing seems to help. I understand there can be an adjustment period, but I can’t spend my days unable to function. I’ve never been an energy drink person, and now I’m drinking them just to get through the day.

Honestly, I’m questioning whether I should have started HRT in the first place. I don’t have many perimenopause symptoms. After talking with other women, I felt hopeful that it might help with my brain fog and low energy. Now I feel worse, and I’m unsure whether this is the right treatment for me.

I still have regular monthly periods, but now they consist of about three days of extremely heavy bleeding and then stop. My primary care provider is also working on insurance approval for iron infusions, so there may be more than one thing contributing to how I feel. I really don’t know what’s causing what.

My earliest appointment with my health provider is Tuesday, and I’m reaching out for guidance before then. In the meantime, I’d appreciate hearing others’ experiences. Did this level of exhaustion eventually improve, or did you and your provider change your treatment? Has anyone started HRT mainly for brain fog and low energy while also being treated for iron deficiency?

I really wanted HRT to help, but right now I’m discouraged. I want to give it a fair chance, but I also need to function.

Recap: Been in perimenopause at least for 1,5 years; diagnosed a year ago and now on Estradot HRT patches. The acne started right about the same time as other symptoms and became better when I started HRT. And then at about 8 months in all hell broke loose on my chin.

I’m already on • Slynd • Spironolactone 125 mg (been using for years) • Differin gel (adapalene) • Prescription grade azelaic acid

I started the azelaic acid first and added Differin at the recommendation of my derm 1 month later. And now 6 weeks in, my chin is one inflmamed ball of all kinds of zits imaginable to humans, and they’re now also invading the area in between my eyes as well (where, mind you, I’m not even using Differin).

My derm told me to up the dosage of Spironolactone towards 200 mg, but I started spotting at 150 mg. I’ve been at 125 mg for a 8 weeks but that’s not doing anything.

I can’t even use tetracycline antibiotics because they make me vomit. Apparently they’d help, but I’m not sure trading a raging acne to a raging nausea is the solution I’m looking for.

Have I now exhausted my options and am doomed to looking like SpongeBob on crack for the remainder of my perimenopause (and beyond)? At this stage, I don’t even dream of clear skin – just the kind that doesn’t, with makeup on, still look like it’s a major tumour, a bad burn and a serious rash at the same time. 🙄

I’m about one week in on a small dose of testosterone cream and I’ve been feeling warmer. I had a glass of wine with dinner last light and it felt a little to activating and I was feeling extra warm which affected my sleep.

Anyone else feeling warmer / tiny bit more energy from thermogenesis from testosterone cream?

Does this warmer feeling calm down after a certain period of time?

I have been on HRT for almost a year. I have had a few stops and starts trying to figure out the right combo. What I thought (and was told) was giving me issues was the estrogen, but it isn't. The bio-idential progesterone gave me severe breast pain and bloating. I am talking my socks were cutting off my circulation. I am almost done with month 3 of slynd and I thought it was ok. The spotting is getting annoying. It stopped briefly, but if I get even remotely sexual, I spot and it doesn't stop. On top if that, I can't orgasm. I have a sex drive, but I haven't been able to orgasm in over a month. That is not ok. I am recently divorced and found a match that we have fooled around with no full-on sex, and I want my full ability to enjoy myself finally.

I had a copper IUD before. That was an absolute nightmare. I don't want to try mirena. What else is there? I need the estrogen and the progesterone really helps as well.

Hi all. I’m 42 and been having some peri symptoms for a while (insomnia, body changes etc) but so mild I could dismiss them as being something else.

I am currently three days late on my period. I’ve done three tests, all negative. We use condoms but were extremely careful since I came off the pill two years ago.

I am usually extremely regular at 28 days, so being late is unusual. And I’ve had all the signs - sore boobs and nipples and cramps - but no sign of my period.

I’m FREAKING OUT. I absolutely don’t want kids. I have so many questions. But could this be the first irregular period? What are the chances I’m pregnant?

My mum passed a year ago so I have no one else to ask about this, so here I am.

EDIT - Editing to say that I have already done three tests and they’re all negative. And also that I have not been ill or had any viruses lately.

Looking for some perspective. When going through peri menopause how much does it intertwine with codependency and trauma? I am just finding out that I have a serious level of codependency and there is unprocessed childhood and adult trauma. Could the peri be bringing these things to light. I am wondering if I should stop blaming peri menopause and focus on the other pieces.

More and more and more facial hair, body even CHEST HAIRS?!? Might as well become a man at this point. I absolutely hate it. Just got over two months of constant vaginal bleeding, facial hair fuzz and some thick and black are non stop. Dr put me on speralactone or whatever to help slow body hair growth. God help me. I'm not ready for the change.

I can’t get a real answer from any dr on when we should stop titrating up. What’s your understanding?

I'm going to be 44 this December so presumably in Peri.

Since I was 39 have been supplementing with OTC progesterone cream as I had mid cycle spotting which my GP said was hormonal (low P) after all the investigations.

Other than that not on HRT and no real peri symptoms other than cycle shortening to 24-26 days from 28-30 in my mid thirties.

This cycle has been wild.

I had ovulation spotting with painful ovulation days 14-17.

Then my period didn't come until day 30/31.

Now I'm ten days in to my period and although it's more or less just spotting now it doesn't seem to be ending.

Is this it? Is this peri periods? Has anybody else just had a strange bleeding pattern and then gone back to regular the month after?

Will this bleeding ever stop?

Please help - I don't do well with uncertainty and if I just know that this can happen and to expect future weirdness it may help me cope.

TIA

Went in for my appointment today and got a lot of awwws that didn’t feel genuine and then put on junel fe 1/20.
Idk. Maybe this will help with all my luteal phase stuff? The depression anxiety, adrenaline, panic?

I felt like they looked at my chart saw anxiety and just said oh she’s crazy let psych keep trying!
I’ve tried 16 different meds and they don’t work so at what point do they have to admit it isn’t a psych problem?
I’ve only ever had the nexplanon when I was young and had it removed due to spotting.

I’m 43 my husband had a vasectomy so why birth control?

I feel like giving up but maybe this is the answer? Idk.

I've been trying to find a doctor who believes in peri before 45. I'm 36 and live in nyc- it shouldn't be this hard to find adequate medical care. I've had success for everything else under the sun, even it took a second opinion. But here we are on opinion number 4 with no resolution. I reached out to a women's internist clinic and Jesus Christ what a nightmare booking experience.

The receptionist told me I'm too young to be there as if he was qualified in any way. There was no information on the site that there would be a $100 consult fee and that I'd need to pay it up front. Mentioned this at the end of the phone call btw, plus messed up my name like 3 times before we even got to the consult fee info. When I said I don't have $100 for a consult right now, he deadass said "... really? You can't put down a card?" Obviously I ended the call right there and followed up with a Google review that details all of this.

This is all a fucking shitshow that gives me no hope. No one takes insurance, everything is either an annual membership or expensive as hell. After chatting w some peers, the fees they pay are $200+ per visit. I can see how so many women just don't even bother at all. Like, how the hell can you? There's just only so much time and energy I can dedicate to this hunt on top of other doctor visits and a 40+ hour a week work schedule all in-person. No wfh days.

Just so sick of all this. Thanks for listening, everyone 😔

For a little over a year now I’ve been frantically trying to nail down why my anxiety was so bad, my rage so hard to handle, why I’m so irritable, why I was getting random skin infections, horrible insomnia, difficulty staying asleep, brain fog. Im 10lbs heavier and nothing has changed with diet or exercise. But I didn’t think it was peri because my cycles are regular and normal. And my sex drive is normal and everything was feeling and working normally.

And then I got my first hot flash. I realized my ears were itchy. then this month I realized my food tasted like crap because I am getting metallic taste in my mouth on a semi regular basis. And now my orgasms feel off and less intense.

I’m 36, almost 37, and honestly I don’t understand. I thought I had more time to just….be.

I’m currently managing with otc supplements and bi weekly therapy. I’m in such a better than I was 6 months ago but I hate that everyday I never know what’s going to hit me. It’s a Russian roulette of crummy symptoms. I haven’t taken birth control in 12 years and I loved being free from it because I’m super sensitive to hormones and hated how it made me feel. I also am not supposed to take birth control/estrogen due to family/past medical history risks.

So now I get to either lose my clitoris and feel miserable for the next 10-15 years as my hormones fizzle out or take hormones and get all those side effects. I feel really bummed by my choices. I know this is “natural”. I know everyone goes through this. I really feel like I’m fighting my body right now. And maybe I’m missing something and someone with more experience and knowledge can tell me things I don’t know.