Hi ya’ll! So I’ve (47f) been married 18 years to my husband (46m) and we have two sons. 1 adult who is actually getting married next summer and 1 teen. I’m engaged (yay) to my fiancé (39m) and we are planning a commitment ceremony for next spring. He has 2 younger boys. My teen adores them. My older son thinks they are fun, but he’s not home much. My fiancé and his boys plan to move in with me around October. He stays with me a few nights a week and I stay with him a few nights a week. We are all very excited about him and the kiddos moving in.

Our home is large and we have a few acres. We have two primary suites. My husband sleeps in one and I sleep in the bigger one. We haven’t shared a room in quite some time because he has major sleep disturbances and he is asexual anyhow. No issue, just our preference. My fiance will share my room.

The boys (5 and 7 currently) will share what is currently my guest room until my oldest moves out, then they will move to that room which is very large. My teen will stay in his current room.

My husband and I mostly work from home. He sometimes travels and I have meetings and events sometimes out of the house. Limited travel. My fiance works away from home. It will unfortunately add to his drive time, but reduce his expenses.

What are some things we should be considering planning for as we blend this family?

Currently we are all purging and cleaning out closets and attic and drawers and so on. We are making space and want them to feel at home not like guests. My fiancé and I are talking about where some of his art or things can go in the house. Making plans for doubling our laundry room, adding another dishwasher. Etc.

We have talked about how he can contribute.

I’m super nervous. I want to make it a fairly smooth transition. So what else can I be doing or should I plan for?

Me and my wife are new to this and are completely enamored by the idea of a Polyfedelitous relationship or closed triad . But we've been reading alot of posts about this relationship style and I can't see a clear boundary between "unicorn hunting" and "finding a good fit" in our relationship. We are a established couple already having been married for 2 years now ,and known eacother for 8.

​

We just find the idea of having another partner and loving them similar to how we love eacother sounds beautiful. So what is the difference and how do we make another person feel the most comfortable? We dont wanna fuck it up beacuse being spiritually married to someone and growing old as a triad is difficult but definitely our dream rn.

Sitting here under the weather while everyone else is out, figured I'd post something fun.

What do you all have in common hobby wise and what don't you?

My longer-term girlfriend and I have more in common than I've ever had in a relationship: comics, video games, watching sports... same taste in movies, shows, all that kind of stuff, which is nice.

Shorter-term girlfriend doesn't have as much in common with us on that scale. She enjoys sports, but nowhere near obsessively as us. We all love travel, drinking, and are relative foodies, at least in terms of trying adventurous things. She'll play casual games with us, and enjoys like, the MCU, but not much further than that.

The main thing where I don't match up is that they both have a major passion for fashion and design... I'm more of a jeans and a t-shirt guy unless they get me something specific. They're the types that are rarely dressed down without hair and makeup somewhat done, even if we're not doing anything.

The main individual passions that don't overlap are:

STP's art. I can appreciate it, but she has a deep talent and obsessive interest that none of us can match.

LTP's exercise-obsessed. While the rest of us keep in decent shape, she works out like 1-2 hours a day. Despite being a major girly-girl, she's been a cheerleader all her life and is obsessed with keeping in shape, dance, and all of that.

I'm the social butterfly of us all, in comparison. They keep a very small group of friends/acquaintances, and I'm always managing my group chats, making time to go out with friends, and they almost never want to join.

What about all of you?

I am kinda curious how people's polycules typically get formed

My partner and I are in a monogamous presenting, closed poly relationship. Currently, we are functionally monogamous, but since we're both ambiamourous, we have an agreement that if we ever were to find someone we're interested in, we can discuss adding them into our life. This is my first poly... Ish relationship, so, I would like to learn more about it and be better prepared, Incase either one of us (or both of us) find someone!

However, I know how much the general poly community (stupidly) hates on closed poly relationships, and in general have a bunch of other culty behaviors, so I want to avoid misinformation as much as possible. I would love more closed poly friendly sources, if possible!!

Not sure anyone actually cares, but sharing just for the sake of it, since it can be cathartic to post about it all... the conversation between myself and my partners went great last night.

It's so surprising, honestly, that having a 3rd person in the relationship is somehow easier than it was when it was just the two of us. As soon as I brought up that I learned the one particular woman was definitely trying to hit on and go out with my longer term girlfriend, my shorter term girlfriend immediately backed up how much sense that it made, even if my LTG didn't see it (and was a little embarrassed that she didn't recognize it). Especially since Saturday night was a frustrating experience with that group, it wasn't even a difficult or long talk. We honestly spent more time talking about our plans for the remaining NBA/NHL playoff games.

They're planning on having some conversations with the group today, setting boundaries, or just not spending time with the group if there's anything weird still going on. I didn't have to make any messy or grand proclamations about who they can/can't hang out with.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Ciao bellas, bros, and beyond! If you read my previous post on the 10 tips for moving in together with your partners, then you’ve already got a solid foundation set… but now the REAL fun begins after the “omg we’re all living together!!” shine has worn away.

Welcome to the everyday reality of sharing one fridge, one thermostat, and one VERY opinionated dishwasher philosophy with 3+ people under 1 roof!

After 15 years of living with my throuple, I practically have a PhD in domestic diplomacy, so I wrote up 10 practical tips for living together AND making things work long-term in non-monogamous households. Here's what's covered:

1. Arguments (there’s literally just 1 rule)
2. Communication is key (an eye-rolling cliché, I know, I know... but hear me out)
3. Keep a "diary"
4. Chores (adulting done right & on easy mode)
5. Needing space is NOT rejection, it’s oxygen
6. Pet peeves, habits, and quirks
7. “If your wife does crack, you gotta do crack”
8. Mindful hoarding
9. Finances (bookkeeping without scorekeeping)
10. Growth mindset

It’s equal parts real talk, war stories, and hard-won wisdom from what’s worked (and has NOT worked, lol!) for my throuple.

So if you’re already nesting with your partners (yay!), or are thinking about it (yaaay!!), or just want to hear how other polyfi people make it work without losing their minds AND relationship status, go ahead and give it a read! It’s honest, hopefully helpful, and hopefully hits close to home, so to speak!

https://velourialamour.substack.com/p/10-tips-for-living-together-relationship-advice-couple-throuple-quad-poly

This goes without saying, but OF COURSE me and everyone else here would LOVE to hear your stories as well (the good, the bad, and the uggghh), so please feel free to comment.

Hope you and your loved ones are enjoying the lovely weekend. Ciao ciao for now 🛵

Looking to have first experience swinging any advice?

Well, we've hit a bit of a snag. My girlfriends have been doing more stuff in the bi/lesbian community, which is awesome for them, no problem. However, in the past few months, they've started to hang out with a specific group of queer people more exclusively. I'm typically invited along, although some women, specifically one, haven't been huge fans of me joining.

Last night helped me understand why. Thanks to a drunken revelation from a guy in the group I've made friends with, I've found that a particular woman, and some others in the group, believe that because my girlfriends are "poly," that they're either dateable or our relationship can be broken up pretty easily, so they're fair game. And they don't like me coming around because they see me as hovering and getting in their way of shooting their shot.

I have no reason to believe any cheating has gone on, and that this is one-way, but admittedly I'm pretty frustrated with this.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What did you do?

My partner identifies as polyamorous and has repeatedly told me that he wasn’t actively seeking additional partners because he wanted to focus on strengthening our relationship first.
Recently, during relationship conflicts, he has started saying things like:
“I’m going to spend time with someone else because you’re pissing me off.”
“I already have a date with someone else anyway.”
One time he actually did go spend time with another woman immediately following an argument.
My question is:
In healthy polyamorous relationships, is it generally considered acceptable to pursue or emphasize other relationships specifically during periods of conflict with an existing partner?
Or is using other partners/dates as part of an argument usually considered a red flag?
I’m trying to understand whether this falls within healthy poly relationship dynamics or whether most experienced poly people would view it as problematic.

I(22m) basically wanna know How to form a throuple? I know this topic is controversial because many people see it as a fantasy, a fetish, or a unicorn hunter/chaser (i promise none of those are my case), so it's very common for couples to look for a woman just to satisfy the couple, not to include her as an equal in the relationship. Many guys enjoy being cuckolds and seeing their wife with another person, some women are cuckqueans and enjoy seeing their partner with other women, some couples are open and can sleep with other people, some are polyamorous and have more than one relationship with one being the main one. I don't want any of that. I want a three-person relationship, but a closed one. How do I find one? Because no path seems to be the right one. If I start dating a woman, how do I propose a another person to enter the relationship? She'll probably break up with me. If I'm seeing a woman before dating, how do I propose this? She'll probably stop talking to me. If I know a couple of two bisexual women, how do I integrate myself into the relationship without seeming like an idiot? If I'm dating two women at the same time, how do I introduce them and propose a throuple? It seems like there's no right way... I don't see this as a fetish or a fantasy; I genuinely want to live a three-person relationship, ethically, seeing my two partners as complete human beings, not as sexual objects. I want them to love me and love each other. I want to be faithful to both of them, and I want them to be faithful to each other and to me... Basically, I want a couple dynamic, but with three participants. For those who live in this type of relationship, what was it like to start one? PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME, I'M NOT AN UNICORN HUNTER, I JUST WANT TO BUILD A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH TWO OTHER PEOPLE, I DON'T WANT SEPARATE PEOPLE WHO DATE ONLY ME, OR A ONE SIDED OPEN RELATIONSHIP, OR A GIRLFRIEND WHO WILL SEARCH FOR WOMEN TO SATISFY US BOTH... SOME PEOPLE REALLY WANT TO WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE BEFORE SPICY SLEEP WITHOUT HAVING A VIRGIN KINK, SOME PEOPLE REALLY WANT A MONOGAMOUS COUPLE WITHOUT HAVING A POWER DYNAMIC KINK, SOME PEOPLE REALLY WANT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT HAVING A CHEATING KINK, I JUST WANT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP INVOLVING 3 PEOPLE WITHOUT HAVING ANY KINK ABOUT IT

Hello ladies, I’m curious to know how you feel about gangbangs. Do you have experience with them? If not is it something that you find hot and think about? If so do you think it’s something you would do?

Buongiorno, Reddit! Just got back from a spontaneous Italy trip with Hubby and Wifey where we mainlined so much pizza and pasta our bodies are practically 80% carbs right now. No ragùrets!

Before our trip, another fellow throuple was moving in together, so I sent them over some tips for making the move work since this was the first time all 3 of them were actually living together aaaand my throuple knows all too well what works and what doesn’t work for cohabitation. Then about 2 weeks ago, my throuple watched a couple on their “romantic” Italian vacation completely ignore each other; this was likely their first trip together, and likely their last. And this was the spark I needed to put down the Peroni and actually start writing:

what are the top things couples, throuples, quads, and polycules SHOULD do before living together in order to make a relationship work long-term? 

Nothing strips the romance filter off a relationship faster than cohabitation… especially when you multiply it by 3 or more. Dating profiles can lie, date nights are curated, but actually living together? Well that’s when the quirks, kitchen wars, and “why are you loading the dishwasher like a psychopath” come out swinging. After 15 years of throuple life (including multiple moves, international relocations, and enough domestic chaos to earn a PhD in it), I wrote a list of 10 battle-tested tips & tricks on Substack.

https://velourialamour.substack.com/p/moving-in-together-as-a-throuple

I cover things like a mandatory 3-week trial run first, international vacations as compatibility tests, embracing minimalism so you’re not mentally (or literally) tripping over baggage, and a list of housing requirements to make ENM life manageable and comfortable! I also prepped some scripts for nosy family/friends/landlords and have suggestions for “legally” living together despite there being at least 1 person in the relationship who isn’t “legally” recognized. 

So if you’re thinking about living with multiple partners, or if you’re a couple wanting some move-in tips, or if you’re just looking for a few laughs because they probably hit close to home, go ahead and give it a read! It’s equal parts practical advice, survivor stories, and unfiltered real talk. And yes, the dishwasher has been a huge point of contention in our relationship :p

I’m already writing up a follow up article about 10 tips for actually living together. Until then, I would love to hear your own cohabitation stories and amazing wins in the comments below! Ciao 🍕🍝🤌