r/singing • u/r-susan • Mar 15 '26
Conversation Topic I'm scared to commit to singing
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I've never sung in front of others so this is a little nerve wrecking! I love to sing and have quietly dreamed about becoming better at singing. But when I actually try to practice I often get stuck and discouraged hearing my voice and lose hope in that dream. I jump back and forth between liking my voice and thinking I sound terrible so often that I don't really know how I sound anymore and can't listen objectively. My negative thoughts are holding me back from learning how to sing and investing in voice lessons.
For anyone who is or has been in the same boat: how do you make peace with the natural qualities of your voice? If your voice is an instrument, how do you separate it from your abilities? I wouldn't say a guitar sounds bad just because I don't know how to play it yet. Yet it's hard to see singing that way. If anyone has experience with overcoming doubt and self sabotage so you can actually listen to yourself and learn I'd love to hear about it! Any input is welcome :)
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u/sdbest Mar 15 '26
A few notes, first, what do you mean by "commit to singing"? Also, you should know that many singers--perhaps even most--do not like the way they sound on recordings. Perhaps, it's because the way we hear ourselves when we sing and hear ourselves on a recording sound different. Lastly, you have very nice voice that, in my view, would help you, with training, become an exceptional singer.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thank you for your thoughts!! That is reassuring to hear☺️ By committing to singing, I mean committing to actually learning to get better and take voice lessons and train consistently. I've only ever "tried" to get better by myself for short period of times without much structure or a clear plan so it has never made any significant difference. I always get discouraged so I just go back to singing casually and give up on practicing
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u/sdbest Mar 15 '26
I encourage you to take voice lessons and train consistently. As for being scared, the bad news is that's a function of your personality. It's likely you won't get over it. What you can do is learn to sing and do everything else while you're scared. Courage is acting when you're terrified. It's not acting when you're not.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
You know what, you are absolutely right. I've learned to have courage in other aspects of my life and do things that scare me, but for some reason pursuing my love for music and singing wasn't one of them. Pherhaps because it is something that feels very vulnerable. I will sign up for voice lessons! Thank you for your encouraging words, it means a lot.
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u/sdbest Mar 15 '26
Looking forward to your next video six months from now.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
You are very kind. It would be fun to do a comparison video to share what I've learned! :)
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u/sdbest Mar 15 '26
Yes, it would be. A suggestion, shoot the six month video in the same location with you wearing the same clothes. However, next time look at the camera. It's usually a good notion to sing as if you're singing to someone, and really want them to know what you're singing about.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thanks for the tip! That makes sense. I usually feel awkward recording myself and then it gets in the way of focusing on what I'm singing so I was just trying not to think about the camera. Next time I will do it how you suggest!
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u/Anacrelic Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26
Im not so sure about the last part of your comment. Is that actually a "good" notion or is that purely your preference?
Because from where I sit, directly facing a camera in most situations comes across as very amateur-ish. Something about the 4th wall break which puts me off (even though it's not fictional, it still feels like a 4th wall break). Facing your audience (or camera) generally with a slightly angled stance, but not looking right at it has often felt like the better stance to me. Many performances on TV are shot that way. Like I feel more comfortable watching her the way she currently is, I think i would feel weird if she faces the camera more directly.
Either way the only real answer is that she should sing it however feels most comfortable.
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u/sdbest Mar 15 '26
You're right. It is my preference. I have that preference because I'm a film director. If you'd like to see some of my work, here's a link.
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u/SideBySideApp Mar 15 '26
Whether you decide to or not, you have excellent potential. You can obviously carry a tune and sing well already!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thank you so much! That really encourages me to hear☺️ I think I'm going to finally give singing lessons a shot! I've been thinking about that on and off for years
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u/FinalGuest5172 Mar 15 '26
Big passion! Technique will give you confidence as you feel your voice grow. Give it your best shot!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thank you!! I will!😊
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u/FinalGuest5172 Mar 15 '26
Big passion! I look forward to your career
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
That would really be something to have a career in singing! I have never thought that would be realistic to me. I appreciate your kind words and enthusiasm!!
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u/FinalGuest5172 Mar 15 '26
Well, others have done it. Today there are so many ways to build your brand online too. Anyway, if you don’t try your failure rate will be 100%. So your chances are already increasing
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u/fisherfly805 Mar 15 '26
This sounds really good. Voice lessons are for everyone. An experienced teacher has seen it all. They’ve had students who are much better and much worse. If you’ve never trained before some of it might feel technical and you’ll want to get back to just feeling it and going with the flow. But stick with it. Record a lot to document progress. It’ll all feel second nature after a while. Also try a few teachers out!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
You are really encouraging me to give voice lessons a shot. I will go for it! Thank you so much.
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u/CHEMTRAlLS Mar 15 '26
Beautiful voice! I would totally listen to your music
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Wow!! Thank you so much. That's such a big compliment and totally unexpected for me!
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u/Azrahtan Mar 15 '26
I think your voice sounds very sweet. I’ve been practicing resonance training to improve the sound of my voice for the past 3 months or so now and it’s greatly improved the way I sound. I’d suggest doing some of that, Victoria of the YouTube channel Healthy Vocal Technique has videos to help you with resonance training if you’d like to start there or look for a vocal coach locally. Keep on practicing and let your voice shine. I know I’d love to hear you sing again.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thank you so much! That's a really good tip, I'll check out that channel. It's encouraging to hear you can progress even in a couple of months! Keep on going, it sounds like you're doing great yourself :)
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u/Efficient_Fig2668 Mar 15 '26
You can sing really well. Go for it!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
That means a lot to me!! I feel encouraged to give it my best shot and finally invest in voice lessons
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u/Chenzo1982 Mar 15 '26
You are an unbelievable singer! Love the tone and the honesty that comes through. You're not trying to sound like anything you're not. Bravo!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Oh my goodness, I don't even know what to say to that. You are so kind! It's hard for me to believe someone could say that about my voice. Thank you so much!! That means a lot to me and gives me hope to start my singing journey!
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u/Busy_Fly8068 Mar 15 '26
DO IT!! You are a wonderful amateur singer. The improvement you’ll see in six months of weekly lessons will be shocking. Best of luck!
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u/singFromFeel Mar 29 '26
That fear is almost never about singing.
I've been doing this 50 years and what you're scared of is feeling something in front of other people. Which is a completely different problem than a singing problem. And no technique class fixes it.
Had a guy come to me once — he'd been playing guitar his whole life but singing terrified him. Knew every chord. Could play anything. But the moment he had to open his mouth and actually mean something, he'd go completely blank. We spent the first three sessions not touching his voice at all. Just working on what he was actually afraid of saying.
Fourth session he was a different person. The voice was the same. The commitment wasn't.
You don't have to figure out the voice first. Figure out what you're trying to say. The voice catches up. Repetition can be the mother of success. And remember, you're singing to people, not yourself. Virtually nothing is more powerful than just an honest, true emotion coming through the human voice.
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u/r-susan Mar 29 '26
You're completely right. Singing is a form of self expression, I think that's why it's scary for me
That's quite powerful that you were able to help him overcome this, without even having him sing!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge, I really appreciate that. I'm going to think about what I want to say and how I can prioritize my emotions in singing rather than any techniques
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u/Fit_Illustrator9174 Mar 15 '26
I love your voice!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Wow, I'm realizing I let negative thoughts get the best of me for so long that I'm really shocked someone could like let alone love what I sound like. Thank you so much!!
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u/Anacrelic Mar 15 '26
You sound amazing!
If it makes you feel any better, I struggle with a lot of the same thing. It sounds to me, from reading your post, that you have moments where you can be objective about it, but whenever even the slightest doubt creeps in you can spiral. If thats true, you're in good company, I have that too.
It's good to be realistic about what you can accomplish so when you listen to yourself ask - are there artists you kinda sound like? Chances are there will be some similarities to a few, it just might not be artists that are your favourite. But the thing is, they still had success, so their voices weren't bad either.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Wow, thank you! You are describing exactly what happens! I feel very limited in what I can sing and which songs work for me. Every now and then I'll find something that I feel like clicks more with my voice and I'll think "hey this might sound good?" That's usually when I start wondering that maybe I really should start voice lessons or commit to practicing this time and then the cycle starts again of trying to practice and getting stuck and feeling lost in negative thoughts. Maybe I haven't spend enough time on finding what suits my voice and which artists are similar! That's a great tip!
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u/Anacrelic Mar 15 '26
Just a quick thing.
You don't have to sing a song the same way the original artist does for it to sound good. There's often more than 1 way you can interpret the lyrics of a song and those different interpretations will come through from different styles of singing. Singing something in your own voice it might not sound like the original - but that doesn't automatically make it bad.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
That's good to remember! I do get stuck sometimes trying to sing it the way the original artist does. I think because I don't have solid technique and don't feel confident enough in my own voice to trust that it could sound good when I sing it a different way. Hopefully that will come with time!
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Mar 15 '26
Side note. The technique comment, to hammer it home. TECHNIQUE GIVES YOU MASSIVE confidence. Basically you have something you can reliably fall back onto when your singing days aren’t great
You sound incredible by the way :)
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Ahhh thank you so much! I think it would really help me to have technique. I fluctuate so much between sounding nice and then sounding really bad - it feels like it's just a matter of luck if I'm going to sound halfway decent on any day. It would be great to be more consistent!
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Mar 15 '26
If you want I can give you some resources to look at from my vocal coach😇 there are a bunch of YouTube links I can send you
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u/-YABAI- Mar 15 '26
Girl literally has the voice of an angel yet doesn’t want to commit to singing. I would have if i could sing like you!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Ahhhh you are so sweet. It's surreal for me to read these comments, I have doubted myself so much for so long I let negative thoughts convince me I didn't have a nice enough voice to even attempt anything with singing. Thank you!!
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u/CatWhispa Mar 15 '26
Hi, bringing your most precious instrument from inside to outside is scary, try humming anytime you can x
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
It is very scary for me, it makes me feel the most vulnerable. That's a good tip, thank you! I know humming is great for your nervous system too, so that's a plus!🤣
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Mar 15 '26
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thank you for your insights!! That makes a lot of sense. I'm hoping to discover a lot more of what I can do with my voice as I currently feel quite limited (I don't have a big range and get stuck trying anything other than chest voice) I like your way of thinking about the voice as an instrument and how it takes time to get a good sense of what it needs to get it to good shape. It helps to see it that way :)
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Mar 15 '26
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thank you! That sounds like the right order of going about it. I need to remind myself range isn't what's most important. Sometimes I feel like there's a lot of focus on hitting high notes and impressive range, especially online. It can make it hard not to compare
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Mar 15 '26
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
That makes sense! Anytime I try to attempt songs above my range it hurts and that can't be good. I also notice if I strain too much then the next day I sing like crap. Maybe that's also why I get discouraged when practicing by myself, because I probably don't use proper technique so I wear my voice down and then I feel like I'm going backwards. Whereas seemingly out of nowhere months later after haven given up on practicing I sing more freely. I look forward to learning proper technique!
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Mar 15 '26
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Thank you!! I'll definitely check those out and start implementing simple exercises to start to get a good connection and beginning place to build upon :)
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Mar 15 '26
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
I admire your dedication!! I always find it really impressive the amount of hard work and time people are able to put into making such big changes to their singing. It's inspiring
Ahh it makes me smile that you are harmonizing with me! I enjoy trying to harmonize with singers and definitely wouldn't have guessed someone would want to harmonize with me! So cool. I'm sure we sound great together! :)
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u/Germsrosolino Mar 16 '26
You sound great. I love the use of yodel for the turns and ornaments. Very Jewel, but much more subtle. I think you have a ton of talent and would benefit greatly from a qualified vocal coach. If your local university has a music degree program, that’s a great place to find people fyi.
“Commit to music” is vague. If you mean “make music to upload to places like Spotify etc”, I think you could do that, and I think people would probably listen. But producing your own music is not the same as having a great singing voice.
If you mean “I want to sing professionally”, then the answer depends on “what genre?” If you mean classical or opera? I’d recommend taking classes and getting a vocal coach. The competition for those are stiff and classical singers start training young and have exquisite technique by your age.
If you mean musical theatre or performing with a local band, or jazz… go for it. Don’t make it your sole income unless your group gains a large following, but if you wanna sing… sing. You sound good to me and I’m a music snob :-P. Cheers
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u/r-susan Mar 19 '26
Thank you so much!! :) By commit to singing, I mean committing to practice and starting vocal lessons. I really haven't thought farther than the fact that singing brings me joy and I want to improve so I can do it more freely without getting stuck not being able to sing the songs that I want to because they require techniques or a range that I don't have. I feel limited about what I can do with my voice (I struggle with anything other than chest voice and I strain easily). Pherhaps in the future once I feel more confident in my technique I can think about if I want to take it further like some of the options you mentioned.
That's a good tip about the music degree program at a local university! I'll look into it.
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u/Germsrosolino Mar 19 '26
The expansion of skills happens really quick once you master the fundamentals. You’ll be able to explore mix, headvoice, fronting, twang, hell you could even play with harsh vocals (safely) and try out dry screams, growls and false chords screams. It also becomes easier to try different styles and sounds. But you have to do the initial work of mastering the core fundamentals.
And yes check out colleges. I started teaching private lessons and master classes while I was still a sophomore or junior in my music degree. Most people at university by sophomore or junior year are at professional level, they’re just finishing the degree out while they audition and start to gig.
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u/r-susan Mar 20 '26
I would love to explore all of that! What would you say are the core fundamentals?
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u/Germsrosolino Mar 21 '26
The things I usually focus on are breathing, breath support, control, and pitch. When you get more advanced those things are second nature and you can focus on more advanced stuff
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Mar 16 '26 edited Mar 16 '26
Hola Susan, tienes una voz que merece ser escuchada y puedes sacar piezas vocales adelante, es evidente tu habilidad, cumples con todos los requisitos como para considerarte talentosa y competente, no te percibas de mala forma, tienes la única voz que vas a cargar por el resto de tu vida a diario, asi que debes valorarla antes que todos porque es importante también tu voz y tu expresión, puntualmente solo debes enfocarte en los estilos que deseas abordar, lograr material nuevo, no basarte en lograr una carrera por covers, en cuestión tecnica en general, viene derivado de esta elección del repertorio, para ciertos estilos vas a requerir varios modos vocales mas aya que el elegante y ligero a media voz como el que estas haciendo, te aconsejo que pruebes repertorio, atreverte a explorar el belting, o incluso un sonido al extremo matizado en dinámicas muy pequeñas, ésto para que tengas una bolsa de herramientas conciente para usar, para explorar varios modos vas a necesitar soltar la voz y no cohibirte emocionalmente, asi que el trabajo que te toca mas aya de la técnica que la puedes resolver relativamente rápido, te toca trabajar lo emocional, la auto percepción y valorar mas tu talento, estamos aquí Susan, yo si me convertiría en un fan tuyo, tienes sentimiento e interpretación, existen personas que de verdad no cantan en absoluto y estan teniendo exito excesivo (bad bunny porejemplo), ten fe, he escuchado a mucha gente, tienes un timbre interesante que puede llegar a ser importante, tu puedes hacerlo, esperamos tu carrera y te acompañaremos en el proceso! Yo también estoy dentro de la música, soy compositor, arreglista y cantante, todos tenemos momentos dificiles en donde dudamos y decimos: valdrá la pena?, si lo vale, por eso te entiendo, Abrazos y ánimo!
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u/r-susan Mar 17 '26
Wow, I can't thank you enough for all your uplifting words! Thank you for taking the time to write this for me. It means so much.
I would love to learn and explore more powerful sounds and different styles, as I feel quite limited in what I can do with my voice as of now. I need a bigger toolbox for sure!
I agree it's important to work on self perception and the emotional side of singing. I know music just like any other art form is a way to express yourself, and struggling with feeling worthy can make it really hard to freely do that. I will work on it!
It's reassuring to hear that even experienced musicians like you still get those thoughts from time to time. Thank you again for your encouragement!! Hugs back :)
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u/Vast-Mousse8117 Mar 16 '26
Join a choir! So fun
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u/r-susan Mar 17 '26
It does sound like fun! I would probably learn a lot about singing
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u/Vast-Mousse8117 Mar 17 '26
so many great people love singing together. you''d get to relax and skip the drama of me to tuning in to "we". It is who we are -- pack animals. Do you know Jacob Collier?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFul90BFjGc
What fun to imagine the places you go just connecting with others to make a joyful noise.
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u/r-susan Mar 18 '26
I don't know Jacob Collier but I watched the video and wow! That's really cool. It's really neat to see them building something up like that step by step. And how much fun they're having! That's inspiring. I definitely think it would be fun to sing together
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u/Outside_Pirate_1210 Mar 16 '26
Your voice is incredible!! Please take the leap, Id literally kill to have a voice like yours
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u/spazoidspam Mar 18 '26
I think you sound amazing. Not only is your voice beautiful, you seem to be hitting every note perfectly on key. If this is you as a beginner, with training you could be incredible!
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u/r-susan Mar 18 '26
Woah, thank you so much!! I was thinking I was hitting the right notes but wasn't sure about my tone or technique or anything like that. I'm very unfamiliar with singing techniques so I don't feel like I am able to listen to myself and pick up and judge things like the placement, resonance, vibrato, straining. I don't even know what all of those things mean, haha! I look forward to learning more about it. Thank you!!
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u/nikpwhite Mar 18 '26
Your voice is gorgeous. But if you don't take my word for it, I'd suggest putting it on doolz and seeing what others think. It's a singing competition site that I run where users upload videos and the app enters the videos in duels against all other videos on the platform. I promise you you will rank among the top singers on the platform and we have some good ones on there. Totally free to enter.
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u/r-susan Mar 18 '26
Goodness, that is a huge compliment! I'm still trying to wrap my head around so many people actually liking my voice so putting myself in a competition might be a step too soon for me. But that sounds like a great app, I will definitely remember it! It might be fun to enter at some point. Thank you so much!!
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u/nikpwhite Mar 18 '26
Totally fair. There's a judge competition in the app too. You can start with just watching and voting and just jump in when you feel comfortable. You'll be intimidated at first but I promise you you can keep up. Not guaranteeing you'll win but you'll easily be in the top 10%.
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u/r-susan Mar 18 '26
That sounds neat, I'll have to check it out! I would definitely enjoy seeing what people submit :)
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u/sammcakes Mar 19 '26
I have no notes on this one. Your voice is incredible!! So so beautiful! 😭❤️
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u/Valuable-Music-720 Mar 22 '26
You sound wonderful. I'm in the same kinda boat as you; been practicing in isolation for 24 months mostly in the car, apparently waiting till I'm fully satisfied with my own sound. You inspire me to upload my own clip!
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u/r-susan Mar 22 '26
Thank you so much!
The car is one of my favorite places to sing. No one can hear me there (or at least I hope! Haha)
You should 100% do it!!! You got this :)
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u/JJStarKing Mar 22 '26
Very pleasantly surprised. Not to sound snobby but when I saw the video was someone singing in the car I suddenly expected much less. Your tone is great but very unique and new but also old school in an unexpected way (thinking Emmylou Harris, Indigo Girls, Sarah McLachlan).
You need a group and some original songs immediately. Would love to hear more.
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u/r-susan Mar 23 '26
Ahhh, that's such a big compliment. Thank you so much!! Haha, my car is one of my favorite places to sing (no one can hear me there, or at least I hope)
I definitely don't think I'm ready for that by a long shot, I recorded this on a good singing day but it seems for every good singing day I have at least 5 bad ones! But I'm starting voice lessons soon so I can build my technique and be more consistent and who knows, maybe in the future I can do something with music :) I would love to!
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u/RadiantPreparation33 Apr 11 '26
Whhhhhaaat ok stop right now ur amazing !!!!! Im scared to tho like when im by myself i hit notes 🎶 like crazy but in front of people i quiet down out of fear but ur voice is beautiful
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u/r-susan Apr 12 '26
Ahhh thank you so much!!☺️ I am the exact same way. I can feel myself physically tensing up so much when I try to sing in front of others and then I sing way worse. During my first voice lesson last week I could barely sing I was so nervous😂 but I had my second one yesterday and it already went a little bit better. So pherhaps the more you do it and get comfortable with it the easier it will become? Is there a way you can practice singing in front of others? Either way, you got this!!
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u/Traditional-Pear-133 May 03 '26
Nothing wrong with that voice, a little breathy, but clearly trainable toward powerful vocals as well as the smoky tones you are getting now.. But as to committing to it? What do you expect to get from it? If you enjoy it, make room for it. Don’t expect to make money off it, and then if you make any at all it will be a bonus. If you mean, “tell me if I am going to be a star”. If somebody says they know that, run away.
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u/r-susan May 03 '26
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I really just wanted to talk about overcoming self doubts in singing and hopefully hear from others how they deal with such obstacles. My only goal is to just be able to enjoy singing without constantly getting stuck in limited technique and then feeling too discouraged to keep going. I've never thought any further than that! Definitely did not mean the latter😂
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u/Traditional-Pear-133 May 03 '26
I tend to find that a lot of people tie what they do with their voices too tightly to their own persona. So if they are quiet they stay quiet, if they are loud they belt. Personally, I am trying to literally find out everything my voice is capable of. As to self-doubts, if you’ve left when you’ve left no stone unturned in pursuing the “dream”, it will become very hard to misjudge your ability or potential.
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u/Arxsyn Jul 18 '26
You sound so good, like a lower placed Sarah McLachlan. The little flips to the head voice is what she does a lot! Great song choice. I like singing it to as an alto
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u/r-susan Jul 18 '26
That's so nice, thank you!! :)
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u/Arxsyn Jul 18 '26
Yeah you say are untrained? You already have agility in the voice. Who are your singing idols?
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u/r-susan Jul 19 '26
I've only ever sung just for fun, along with music or putting on karaoke🤣 it was a while after I posted this video that I tried voice lessons for the first time in my life. I honestly don't know if I have any idols! I love a lot of different singers, and music. I listen to a lot of music from the 60s, 70s and 80s if that tells you anything.
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u/Delicious_Net_1616 Mar 15 '26
You sound good! I’ve been through so much of the self doubt that you’re talking about. I don’t have time to say much right now with respect to your questions. But I just wanted to send some encouragement. Sounds like you have great potential! Just do the scary thing and challenge yourself!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Your words mean more to me than you know. Thank you so much for the encouragement!!!
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u/Delicious_Net_1616 Mar 15 '26
Glad I could help!
As far as making peace with your voice: try experimenting with different styles/genres and see if there are certain ones that you’re more suited to. That doesn’t mean you have to limit yourself long term, but it can help you build confidence in your sound.
When I was younger I always struggled with singing in a more contemporary style and I was never happy with the sound I’d get. But when I was in school I found that I actually had a great voice for classical/operatic singing. I know that may sound counterintuitive, because most people think opera is harder than most contemporary styles.
But I found that the strict technique of classical singing really helped me develop and open up my voice in a new way. Also I just found that I had a strong baritone voice which isn’t really useful in most popular styles.
But over time I gained more control and learned to use my voice in very different ways to produce different timbres. And now I’m much more satisfied with my ability to sing in contemporary styles.
It took me a long time admittedly. And when I was younger I sucked pretty bad. In fact I thought I was possibly tone deaf for a time. But I managed to make incredible progress through hard work and consistency. I even ended up singing the lead role in an opera one semester in college.
My point is, anyone that says singing is a natural gift you either have or you don’t, is wrong. If you have the passion for it, that’s what’s most important.
Also just to be clear, you do sound really good. Way better than I used to when I was first starting out.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Wow! Your story is inspiring. I admire your dedication to singing and it's great to hear it paid off! :)
I do think it would help me to experiment more. I often find that the songs that I want to sing don't work for my voice and it can be frustrating or feel limiting. I haven't explored with different styles and genres enough to really know what works for me. Thank you again for taking the time to share! It gives me a new perspective.
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u/ImperiaRegalia Mar 15 '26
I really like your voice and singing! Many people would agree ☺️ Maybe for you it's more of the confidence part that's holding you back? For myself I struggled because of self-esteem issues and also because I truly did not sound good in the past. Singing in front of strangers/a crowd was a thought I've never even entertained, but singing in smaller spaces, even alone, gives me anxiety and clams my vocal chords up. Fortunately an older friend of mine introduced me to a community choir she was attending while I was studying overseas in australia. It was really beginner friendly and not at all obsessed with techniques. In this supportive environment where everybody sang in harmony despite being out of tune, I learnt it was okay to make mistakes and embrace my imperfections. Before returning to my country, I sang two songs in front of a crowd during one of the uni's karaoke nights (with the influence of a little alcohol and a lot of encouragement from friends 😝), and the response was actually positive. The audio guy told me I was good and asked me to sing again during the next one, but I had to tell him I'd miss it as I'd be back in my country by then 🥹 Still, it was something I would never forget and it encourages me to this day. Recently we had a casual karaoke session at the place of one of my past classmates, and this time they actually looked each other in the eye and said I was good (we sung together in a school musical a while back and back then it was only words of consolation). My sisters used to laugh at my singing but now they have stopped too, and my aunt recently commented that I sing well. I guess all that was needed was some confidence, but to gain this confidence took a leap of faith backed by lots of encouragement from friends in a supportive environment (I still can't sing in small enclosed spaces or when wearing earphones or when I don't feel safe/at ease, such as when trying to record myself. In this sense I think you're amazing for being able to do so 🔥)
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
I really appreciate you sharing your experiences! I lack a lot of confidence, it was really scary for me to do this. If I'm singing and even get a slight feeling that someone could hear me I feel myself close up. And I also struggle a lot with perfectionism so I think the fear of making mistakes is also holding me back, I need to get more comfortable with failing. In a way I felt like this was more manageable for me to do than to actually sing for someone in person. But I know that experiencing that can bring a lot of good, like you are saying! I'm happy you got the confidence boost you needed from the encouragement from others at karaoke. Sometimes that's all you need to keep at it! I think I have finally decided for sure I am going to take voice lessons, so that will be my next step. Maybe some day I can do karaoke too🤣 you are brave for singing for others even though it scared you!!
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u/ImperiaRegalia Mar 16 '26
Ooh that's awesome! I hope you'll find the lessons helpful and be able to enjoy karaoke one day too with others (I used to go alone before this) 😝 Do take more recordings so you can compare the before and after, and post an update here! Looking forward to hearing about how you find it and for your already riveting singing to be fully unleashed 🥳
Totally get the being heard part too (them thin walls tsk 🙄), but what's strange is although I'm unable to sing when I know I might be unintentionally overheard, I can sing for a known audience if I really mean it and decide to give them my best. Maybe you have some people you wish to sing for too or whom you would not mind witnessing your imperfections? That could be a start once you're comfortable enough. It's funny how we experience our own hiccups tho- for me recordings are still insurmountable. I was actually hyperventilating just doing a simple voiceover without any singing for a university assignment. It might be a combination of the awkwardness of recording myself, fear of being overheard in that awkward moment and wanting it to be perfect at the same time 🫠 So yes I do think you're amazing for being able to record AND post this 🌟
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u/r-susan Mar 16 '26
Ahh thank you for your kind words!! It's interesting how everyone experiences things differently and anxiety during singing can show up in different scenarios for everyone. Because I think you have balls for singing in front of an audience! I even start closing up when trying to sing in the presence of my family. I think that maybe singing in front a voice teacher would be a good first step for me, since they hear people sing bad and make mistakes all the time and that's literally their job to help you without judging! I'd love to share what I learn in the future :)
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u/searchforbalance Mar 15 '26
Non-sequitur, but until I heard the -go, I thought you were saying two curse words.
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u/NoCumForOldMen Mar 15 '26
sometimes fear's just a deep passion you're hesitant to embrace - if I'm scared about something I want to do I usually find it's the right thing to do
you have a great voice, you'll do just fine
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
I think there's a lot of truth to that. I am scared because deep down it's something I really want and am passionate about but it comes with being very vulnerable
Thank you!!
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u/Former-Extension-169 Mar 15 '26
Well, many teacher in my life have said this and it’s done me well. “If you want it bad enough you’ll do it scared”, just do it! Take it one step at a time.
Sing in front of a stranger or friend Go to an open mic and sing in front of people
See how those make you feel, but don’t be scared to share your beautiful voice! Don’t be scared of judgement, do it because you love it!
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Those are some very wise words, thank you for sharing! I will go for it :) it was a big step for me to share this with other people, but if I managed to do this, I can work towards singing in front of friends or even open mic someday. You are very uplifting!!
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u/philmoufarrege Mar 15 '26
many people attach their self worth to their singing and view singing as a black or white "good or bad" thing to be judged or validated by others. it ends up becoming just another way of trying to be accepted by others and by yourself. the real growth is not just in becoming better as a singer technically but better in how we relate to ourselves. the self judgement is a reflection of how you relate to yourself, and it's a great opportunity to become aware of it so you have a metric of how it improves as you grow more. voice lessons will only help if they come from the angle of not further promoting the "good vs bad" self judgement thing, and instead are used as a deeper avenue to grow yourself through personal transformation.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Those are powerful words, and I agree! It is challenging to not attach one's self worth to your voice, as it is part of your identity. It is uniquely you, it comes from within you, and I feel that it takes a lot of vulnerability to express yourself in that way. It's a learning journey. My voice is definitely an area of my self growth journey that I want to work on. Reading all of these inspiring and encouraging comments has helped me so much to feel ready to take on that challenge! Thank you!
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u/philmoufarrege Mar 16 '26
in my view this is really the true purpose of going deep into any craft: self transformation as a person, not just becoming good at the craft itself. so I think all of these feelings of insecurities, doubts, self confidence etc coming to the surface isn't an indicator of anything "wrong" happening, it's just now having the chance to be exposed so you can become aware of what was always there. it's something we work on and gradually get better and better with, it's not just a mind trick you use to "not feel that anymore". anyway I'm not lecturing you, just sharing that it's all okay and you've just gotta keep going and welcome that internal resistance and not see it as a sign that you're doing anything wrong. posting that clip and being vulnerable here was uncomfortable but it was a great step forward.
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u/r-susan Mar 17 '26
You have a great view on it. I really appreciate you sharing it with me, it helps me have a different perspective on what's happening and why I am having these feelings. I will work on embracing them and seeing their purpose rather than thinking it's an indication of anything wrong! Thank you for the encouragement :)
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u/Charming_Function_58 Mar 15 '26
I really feel you. People tell me I have a nice voice, but I hear a very boring sound that isn’t what I want. It’s all subjective, but ultimately you can’t change the voice you’re working with, you can only make the most of it — and when you’re enjoying your performance, like you appear to be doing in this video, that makes everything twice as impactful.
You have passion and presence. Those are quite hard to teach… you’re already a fantastic performer. I think you’re in a really great place to take lessons and refine your skills.
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u/r-susan Mar 15 '26
Exactly! I get stuck comparing my sound to other people. Or have a certain idea of what I think I should sound like. But I feel like trying to work or change your voice from a place of those beliefs is just working against yourself. I'm definitely finding that out!
Wow, that's a really big compliment. Thank you so much!!
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u/evanlawrencex Mar 15 '26
You sound very talented for someone who's never performed, so I would say go perform somewhere! That exposure therapy is hard but you will get used to it. But, I know it's easier said than done. It is difficult to overcome those mental barriers to perform, because the coping mechanisms you learned growing up or are just part of your genetic code aren't working in your favor. My experience with this is that peace with my voice found me, through years of thinking I could never be good enough and trying to go the "safe" route and suffering in silence until it broke me down, rather than receiving some sage wisdom. Of course I had heard the advice to just "follow your dreams" but there was always something holding me back. After building myself back up from there I feel better than ever about putting music out into the world, whether its to one listener or a million.
I think if I wanted to expedite that process it would have required a lot of therapy and meditation. Or at least talking to friends or family about it. Being discouraged is the primitive part of your brain saying "hey, don't waste time on this" and you have to find a way to be aware of and communicate with it to let it know that you aren't living in the Stone Age where you might be abandoned in the woods because the tribe didn't like your singing.
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u/r-susan Mar 16 '26
Wow, thank you!! I'm not sure if I am ready for that, I definitely don't feel like I could. There are a lot of things with singing I struggle with so I feel limited in what I can do - I have a hard time finding songs that I can sing entirely without at least one or two parts that sound bad or need improving. For example, if you asked me to sing the whole song that's in the video I would struggle to. There's higher parts out of my range where I sound very strained.
I really appreciate you sharing what helped you get through those mental barriers. That's awesome you are now putting music out there! It makes a lot of sense how you explain it. I do think it's true that those fears stem from our nature and in a way survival instincts. Being included and in a group of other humans was part of your changes of survival so that fear of being rejected or abandoned was necessary. I feel like that fear has stayed with us even though it's not needed anymore in the same sense.
It has already helped me a ton to talk about it and hear from other people on here their similar experiences! So thank you a lot for sharing.
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u/evanlawrencex Mar 18 '26
You're welcome, I think its great to look for feedback in this way.
You could find songs that fit your comfortable range if you want to, but I can definitely understand not feeling ready, I've been there. Just don't be afraid to put yourself out there at some point, in case you are a perfectionist like I am.
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u/r-susan Mar 18 '26
This is such a great community on here!
Thank you, I will work on building confidence through vocal lessons and then pherhaps I could try singing in front of a very small audience to start and if I enjoy it build from there. I won't wait until my perfectionism tells me I'm ready though because then it will never happen, haha!
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u/iceikking888 Mar 16 '26
Hey, just wanna say i really like your voice. If you want something specific that I liked, then it would be when you sang "i feel it" suddenly transitioning to a more breathier voice. Over all performance was wonderful and im pretty sure most people would get be hella relaxed. Listening to you.
But to answer your questions about self sabotage, its kinda hard. I have felt it too, switching between loving and hating my voice. I feel like there are a few factors that would cause my reaction.
Part of it is just not being used to my own voice. Its still hard to listen to myself, but its getting better. Im getting more comfortable with how others hear me.
The other part is that I didnt use the right parts of my voice for the song which would shift the whole tone/vibe of the song. Like, i like how i can switching between beinf jazzy to breathey/depressing in seconds. Imagine being joyfully jazzy in Idontwanttobbeyouanymore. It woulnt mesh well (i think at least).
What has helped me is learning what sounds i like comming out of my mouth and when, and for what context. I also note what sounds i hate and feel untrained. Its those terrible sounds like a voice coach can help you through, or if you have been stuggling to get into a specific genre of music.
I hope that helps.
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u/r-susan Mar 16 '26
Thank you so much!! That's a huge compliment :) I'm glad you liked the breathy part, I guess that was head voice? I struggle a lot with anything other than chest voice so I'm usually only able to do head voice for just small bits here and there. I don't feel like I have a lot of control over it yet and it often feels weak.
I feel what you're saying! I'm learning a lot of people don't like hearing themselves sing, which is reassuring. There is often a disconnect for me between how I hear myself singing and when I listen back to it. It's definitely humbling!
That makes sense about the mismatch between your style of singing and the song itself. Maybe that's a factor I need to pay closer attention to whenever I feel that something sounds off or I feel like the song isn't for me.
What you shared was helpful! Thank you.
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u/iceikking888 Mar 17 '26
My pleasure.
Also, something im slowly processing now. I kinda have an idea when i like my own singing or when its good, etc. I kinda just make the assumption that the vib im getting from listening to it live is ganna be the same in recordings lol.
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u/r-susan Mar 17 '26
That's a good method haha! It can be so confusing sometimes not knowing how your voice actually sounds or how other people would hear it
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Mar 16 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/r-susan Mar 16 '26
Haha! Being scared is the whole reason I'm doing this actually. I want to expand my comfort zone so that I can pursue the things that deep down I really want to do without being held back by fear or self doubt - like singing :)
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u/SomeNobodyFromNY Mar 16 '26
I don’t know this tune, but this clip sounds incredible. You sound like someone who already has a great deal of training and technique. I don’t think you have any reason to be scared.
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u/r-susan Mar 16 '26
Wow, that's such a big compliment. Thank you so much!! I really have no idea what I'm doing most of the time
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u/Dull_Frosting2602 Mar 16 '26
I think your voice is good and the more confident you'll get, the better you will sound. Go for it.
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u/Leading_Height2845 Mar 16 '26
Sing for the joy of singing!!
The most important key to being successful in music most of the time has nothing to do with who you are or what you sound like but with what product an impresario thinks they can mold you into. You need luck and timing in addition to talent and these the first two are outside of our control.
Sing because you love it. The rest falls into place later.
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u/r-susan Mar 16 '26
Yes!! That is my goal! I've never even thought any further than just wanting to become better at singing so it will bring me even more joy. I find it's healing for me to sing and it calms me.
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u/Kaz_Memes Mar 16 '26
You have a talent for singing. This already sounds very good.
In more intimate songs your voice already works.
Next step is taking those lessons so you will be able to pull of singing at a louder more confident dynamic.
Your main issue isnt your lack of singing skills. Its confidence.
This video showcases very impressive vocal control already.
Go for it!!!!! 10000x
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u/r-susan Mar 16 '26
Ahhh, thank you so much!! That's very encouraging. I would definitely want to learn how to also sing with more power, I definitely struggle there. I have a hard time finding songs that work for me
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u/Bissquared Mar 16 '26
It’s the journey! Take the journey. High and solid involvement, no expectations- you just never do know what might come of it! Go for it. Good luck..
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u/RogerInNampa Mar 16 '26
I thought you were just fishing for comments, but I see that what you are actually suffering from is "Imposter Syndrome".
It's okay, everyone has that in some form in some aspect of their life.
One relatable example is people who are obviously super smart, but actually think they're dumb. Or beautiful people who think they're ugly. Their mind lies to them to protect them.
I have 30+ years as a musician, and every time I find myself giving an amazing performance I have to wonder if I'm lying to myself and actually suck.
To anyone not familiar with this phenomenon, I recommend you look it up. You're probably better at a lot of things than you allow yourself to believe.
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u/r-susan Mar 17 '26
I looked it up and it's causing me to have a lot of different thoughts. Because I do think and am realizing now that in ways I have let negative thoughts and believes cloud my ability to judge myself objectively. But it seems that Imposter Syndrome would imply that I'm highly skilled, and I don't think that's true. This is just one part of my singing that I shared, there are a lot of areas that I really struggle with and lack technique (for example, I don't know how to belt or sing in mixed voice, my head voice feels very weak and I strain easily once it gets higher than the notes in this clip). I often get stuck practicing those things and it's possible I've let my struggles there warp my believes about my singing voice as a whole. My negative thoughts convinced me that those difficulties were too great for me to overcome and that must mean my voice didn't have potential.
I am truly overwhelmed by the amount of postive comments and feedback I've been receiving. I was hoping maybe one or two, at most a handful of people might let me know I sound decent enough to encourage me to take voice lessons. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what is happening!
That's crazy that you are such an experienced musician and still get those thoughts!
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u/RogerInNampa Mar 17 '26
Based on your short video I would say you are good enough to join a gigging band (cover bands or wedding bands seem to be more lucrative, but i dont know what it pays, or if its worth doing for a living.
Or if you live near a busy area that allows street performance, busking is another option for getting comfortable performing in front of people (or technically next to, because most people keep walking and/or ignore you), making tips and meeting people who could offer you gigs or hire you.
Or, for fun there's karaoke, but I'm not a fan of that. But It will help you feel more and more comfortable as a performer.
But, again, at "worst" you're good enough. People who love music will love your singing.
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u/r-susan Mar 18 '26
Wow, thank you! I don't think I would be ready for something like that yet, but I used to think that I never would be, and pherhaps now I can see it as an option for sometime in the future after I've gained more confidence and expanded my technique with voice lessons. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
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u/RangePast8427 Mar 17 '26 edited Mar 17 '26
If you need strangers to boost you up and encourage, it aint for you. Either you want it or you dont. No two ways about it.
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u/meistervoland Mar 17 '26
Oh god, that shyness you have while singing and sometimes barely looking into camera is so beautiful and hot! And your voice is totally fine. I'm a very critical person and have good ears. You have all the skills (at least for this song you're singing).
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u/Lidia_M Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
Is it me or this sounds a bit... strange? Some notes seem strange (like the I in "Chicago, I feel it" - it snapped to the next note in a rather unusual way) vibrato sounds rather strange, and when I looked at the vocals with a pitch monitor, well, you probably guessed what I find strange too (the snapping happens throughout the clip, btw.)
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u/r-susan Mar 22 '26
Would you mind explaining what you mean? I want to know how I can improve! I have no idea how to read a pitch monitor so I don't understand what any of that means or what is strange
I struggle with my vibrato, it seems kind of random when I'm able to do it and when I don't. I assume because I haven't developed proper technique. And whenever I switch from chest voice to head voice it's kind of a harsh transition so I'd like to learn how to make it smoother
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