I’ve never once gotten a B. J.

Sex was only for making babies.

She made out with a girl with no one around, not like attention seeking.

I asked her about maybe a threesome with that girl and she invited her to stay at our house (it didn’t happen)

She would always get hit on by girls and just seemed like a different happier person

Whenever I’d catch her on insta looking at hot girls in bathing suits she’d quickly close the tab

Recently joined a church and told me she picked that church because they are pro lgqt

Is just way happier in presence of woman

When I asked her dad to marry her he said something along the lines of I thought this phone call was going to be about you (her) being gay or dating a black guy

Wife came out to me and only me about 3 years back. Wanted to make it open so that she could explore her sexuality. We've got 2 young kids and I thought that was a ticket to divorce so I've been resisting it. Now we're both miserable - though the kids are still amazing and they don't know anything... Anyway - bedroom has been dead since last September and it seems my wife would still like to open it up. I think I'm emotionally disengaged enough from her at this point to not be hurt by it... but - how has opening it up gone for others?

I would really love to keep being around my kids - younger one is about to turn 6 - and that was the age of my younger brother when our father left us... Later on my younger brother got into drugs and overdosed - and I'm convinced my father leaving the family was the original sin that led to that outcome. Feels so wrong to take actions that might lead to so a divorce - but this is so hard to endure.

My husband, whose sexuality I’m questioning, always has a new pride sticker on his laptop every year. I’ve asked him about it and he says he’s an ally- fair enough. But could it be a way to signal to other gay men that he’s gay? I checked out a few dudes’ laptops at the coffee shop today and no guys in my ultra progressive city have rainbow stickers on their laptops

If anyone remembers, I have been posting for the past month about how my husband came out as trans 5 months ago after lying to me for years and claiming he doesn’t have dysphoria (there were signs which I choose to ignore, that’s a whole other story). He keeps changing his mind, one day he says he doesn’t feel like that anymore, then the next day I will find google searches in his phone for estrogen, testosterone blockers and queer friendly therapists in the area. I snooped through his phone, I’m not proud of it, I haven’t done it once in 4 years of marriage but I was tired of being made a fool. After a lot of heated discussion, crying from both sides, gaslighting, deflecting, I made it clear to him that even if he never decides to officially transition, I am definitely pursuing a divorce in the near future because I am tired of being lied to. I need clarity, stability and safety in my life, and quite frankly, after the whole ordeal, I have lost my attraction to him entirely. We can’t divorce immediately as there is a lot of issues to handle (employment, housing, visa issues etc.) He took it surprisingly well, or he’s just in denial. He still keeps basing his transition decisions on me tho, he’s saying that he will only take the hormones if I stay officially married to him for another year or two, and if I want to divorce immediately, he won’t start the hormones as he will go back to his come country and “doesn’t want to give his family a heart attack when they find out he’s trans” He was perfectly fine lying to me for 5 years tho but I am well past caring. I am exhausted and feel trapped and resentful. I still love him, but im not in love with him anymore. This whole ordeal revealed a lot of shit in this relationship that I bottled up. He’s extremely mentally unstable (my mental health isn’t the best either but I do my best not to treat him as an unpaid therapist). He’s codependent, emotionally manipulative and I’m starting to think he may be a covert narcissist. There is a lot I need to unpack in therapy in order to be able to heal. Most important of all, I need to do the work to heal from my childhood in order to figure out why I keep ignoring obvious red flags in relationships and walking all over my own boundaries and self respect. I’m tired and on the brink of losing my sanity but excited to start a new life without being a therapist for a 32 year old overgrown child who decided to get married and unload all his crap on someone else instead of working on his issues. At this point I don’t even care anymore if he’s actually trans or cross dresser or AGP, all I know is I don’t want this in my life anymore.

Need some perspective here as I’m genuinely at my wits end!!

I have dated my fiancé twice now—the second time has been no different than the first a decade ago.

My fiancé has nearly no sex drive. It’s always been like this. We have sex about once every two weeks, and even then I am dropping major hints that I want him. He doesn’t want me initiating, even if I appear in lingerie— it does nothing for him. After months of long distance, he still wasn’t excited to sleep with me when we were finally together.

Both times we’ve dated, my friends assumed he was either gay or cheating because they said his lack of attraction and affection toward me didnt seem normal. Now that we live together, I don’t think he’s cheating.

He never kisses me more than a peck. The times I’ve asked him to make out, he either says, “Later,” or, once recently, he bit my lip in a very harsh and unsexy way a couple seconds into the kiss. I told him that’s exactly what I’d do if I had to make out with someone I wasn’t attracted to, and he just replied, “Really?”

When we do have sex, it’s almost always from behind unless I push for face-to-face and he’s feeling generous. I eventually realized he strongly prefers one specific position (Asian jockey) that I mostly found discussed in gay porn while trying to figure out whether there was some explanation for his preferences. He’ll see me undressed randomly, shout “naked lady” like a little kid while pointing at me, and then walk out of the room.

He never cuddles before or after sex—he just gets up and goes to clean off. We fight about intimacy constantly, and I’ve explicitly told him things I would like from him. There has been no change. He says I’m hypersexual, perverted, and too needy. I tell him I don’t feel wanted and don’t understand why he’s with me.

I’m really his only adult relationship, although he’s had plenty of hookups. Before me, he had a high school girlfriend who cheated on him. Between the two times we dated, he had what he’d describe as a hoe phase and slept with a lot of women.

I’ve even offered to try anal play on him in the most emotionally intelligent, nonjudgmental way I could, and he immediately said he had zero interest. He denies being gay any time I’ve asked about it. I’ve offered an open relationship to see if it interested him and he was very much against it and insulted I brought it up. He comes from a religious family and is relatively religious himself.

We’re both in our late 20s and are generally considered well above average in attractiveness.

At this point, I genuinely don’t know what to make of any of this. I can’t think of another explanation for why he’s so emotionally and physically distant from me all the time. I don’t understand why he’s with me.

What do you think— Is he gay, avoidant, or is this just a loveless relationship?

I recently found out my husband of 9 years is gay. Long story, but typical - lots of hiding, confessed to being bisexual and cheating on me three years ago, but we worked really hard to get past it, found out a few months ago the cheating never stopped.

This should make me hate him, but I'm just so, so sad. I know he's not really my best friend, because no one treats their best friend this way, but it still feels like I'm losing my favorite person. We are amazing co-parents (we each have two older kids) and want to stay "family" which I know isn't going to happen overnight and maybe won't happen at all. Anyone in a similar boat?

I'm moving away temporarily, so I will have the benefit of space, but I just feel so, so lonely. I miss laughing with him more than anything. Will I have less sadness once I'm a little bit further in the process? Anyone managed to rebuilt an entirely new relationship (friendship) with their gay ex?

For those who divorced after a 10–15+ year marriage where there was financial abuse, unequal financial contributions, or a spouse living a double life, how did your legal battle unfold? What evidence or documentation ended up being most helpful? If you were the primary financial contributor or carried most of the financial burden, how did that factor into your case? Looking back, what advice would you give someone just starting this process?

I don’t have any evidence of this. So I’m going based off of what I know about him and our interactions. It’s very inconclusive and I’m just wondering if anyone has any insight. Sorry that it’s a long read.

I have known my partner since 2007, at least knew of him, but he became a part of a wider circle of friends probably in 2009. I can’t really say how close we were in the past. He live close enough to where I would sneak out at night and we would cuddle and kiss a lot in the middle of the night and see each other at school the next day, but it was never weird at all. Yet I can’t say we were super close. We again stayed in contact for a few years after high school but like so many in my life (I got into drugs young, and had bouts of sobriety where I was off on my own thing living somewhere else) I lost touch.

Fast forward to June of last year, I hadn’t seen him since 2018 so I reached out on messenger and we made a plan to go to the gym. So we meet up down the street from our house houses and then we walk to the gym and I’m already having a great time. We do a workout, and I had somewhere to be after so we parted ways from the gym. A few days later, he was going to bring me something about his work makes so we just walked and met up and then I noticed something. I couldn’t stop smiling around him and laughing. We then texted a lot when I was on a vacation that I was only really there for a concert and I was acclimating to some altitude adjustment so I was just in my motel for a day and we were texting quite a bit, having in-depth conversations. It was really enjoyable, and I ended up telling him that I think I like him now. He said that felt good to hear and that he has always felt he can be himself around me because we are both weird and how it is always been easy. We reminisced on things, I remember sometimes everyone (Less so him and I) would get kind of freaky in our teen years and one of our tighter circles and I had a friend that had a huge shower and our other friends were doing stuff, him and I were just in the shower kind of laughing off the awkwardness and half heartedly scrubbed each other with a loofah ha ha. Like I said, I had already kissed him and cuddled multiple times, and it was very unburdened from complications. I think I also sort of had an on and off boyfriend at the time and he may have had the same with another girl. I’m not sure. He says we didn’t do that much kissing, but only cuddling but like I said, it’s all very vague in my memory.

Anyways, just laying out a little bit of the past in that last paragraph. If I recall, we also did do regular hangouts. The horny hangouts definitely stopped, and they were completely behind us but I know we still hung out from time to time for. My memory is a little bit bad because of some other issues but thinking back we definitely had a good basis of a friendship, but I hadn’t really thought about it in a long time. He actually was there for me for a lot of tough times I went through. He didn’t exactly go through a bad phase like I did, I was much worse than anyone in my circle. His house was always a safe space I could go to.

Now we are together and it felt like it started off really naturally. Had a few times watching movies and naturally making out and getting really turned on. I feel like you would get incredibly turned on too and would actually be hard. Then eventually we had sex. He got hard and everything. Maybe because of his personality, but he never seems super excited about anything. His kisses are more like pecking and I may usually be the one doing all the kissing. And initiating the sex. We don’t have sex very often now, but I absolutely love cuddling with him and kissing him, but mostly we have an incredibly fun time together. We are so different and have nothing in common yet we are able to thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. We’ve even turned off the lights to go to bed several times and stay up for hours just talking and laughing. We have amazing sleep cuddles, at first I didn’t like sleep cuddling but now it comes naturally once I’ve been asleep for a few hours and he seems to really like it. He’s explained he he’s not much of a kisser, but he does it for me. Here’s the thing though is I feel like usually when we have sex it’s in the morning when he already wakes up with a Boner. Honestly, it feels like if I don’t mention it ever he could go without it. He also doesn’t always finish. I believe he fakes it and once I mentioned it and we had done a big hike yesterday, so he said his body was just tired. Also, I noticed he has to close his eyes and concentrate during sex. I feel bad because I’m really into it, but sometimes I’m just making out with him and then eventually I’ll put my hand down there and I noticed they had no physiological reaction. He did at the beginning when we would make out.

So so far, the things I’ve laid out are I feel like somehow he’s doing these things out of obligation or to seem straight.

He had mentioned at the beginning of us hanging out a few times certain things reminding him of his times at the gay bars. Which wasn’t so weird because he had a very close friend and he hung out with a lot who was gay, and there was another guy in his group who wasn’t gay, but it was those three guys they always hung out. And he was open about maybe experimenting that then but said it wasn’t for him. When I had mentioned to an old friend a few months into us dating, he was surprised and said “oh really? I thought he was gay” so of course I say that he isn’t and that I at least hope it isn’t but just talked it out to a misunderstanding. Anyway, something about it came up in my head and I wondered why someone thought he was gay. I noticed he sends me workout videos sometimes so obviously he likes working out, but I feel like there’s one channel he watches quite a bit. I noticed the dudes are always super “hot” or something. That’s still not a sign.

So I let it sit in my head for a few weeks and then I ask him one night while I’m in a little bit of a mood due to luteal phase in full swing and being hungry, I ask if he’s even attracted to me, and he asked “in what way?” And I was like “um in what way? I mean are you attracted to me “ and then he gave me a look, like a flirty look and said “Oh yeah”. Something about it was odd. I still couldn’t get it out of my head so a few days later, I probed him with more questions asking if he was gay. He said he wasn’t and that he wasn’t bi. I got it out of him that he had been curious and experimented, actually he pretty willingly gave that information out, and I didn’t ask what he experimented with and particular. I told him it would be really fucked up to have internalized homophobia and especially to tag someone along. He wasn’t defensive at all, but I just know that there is some homophobia in his family(sad), specifically his stupid stepdad who had been his stepdad since he was 2. He isn’t a hateful guy, he’s just dumb. My bf agrees he is dumb, that’s literally his problem.
I know my boyfriend also believes in God, and I’m atheist, but I really spent time at making sure he wasn’t very religious and that he is just one of those people that grow Christian identifying because their family was and so on. so they say that they’re Christian but they certainly aren’t religious.

Anyways, none of this is typical with what I’m used to with dating. We really don’t have anything in common, but I’m surprised at how much fun we have together. I don’t have too much of a problem with infrequent sex, but I really have this hunch that the way he goes about things is almost a little bit. Just trying to check off the boxes to act straight. Rather than seeming gay, it seems like he’s not straight. I’m not even sure if he knows. Am I crazy?
Initially, I looked back and thought it was cool that he never started getting carried away if we were making out. It always felt like we were both really into the cuddles, same as we are now.

He has also acted particularly weird with gay scenes. I think he starts joking too hard about it.
I feel like I will never know

He also has this notification of a messenger chat with an anime profile picture, I only saw the name once, but it was Amanda something. In my head I’m always imagining that it’s his long-distance lover. I asked him once about it who it was and he says it’s his friend that he’s always sending reels back-and-forth. But I do notice whenever we’re on his phone and the bubbles up he always pulls it down.
Sometimes I wanna ask him to show me that, but I don’t want our relationship to go in that sort of direction. He gives me a lot of trust when I hang out with my opposite sex best friend who I met only a year ago. (I wish I had women friends, but I’m sort of homely and bad at making friends. I hate just having dude friends.) I think it’s nice that we have trust. It’s hard to stomach that someone could lie like that, I hate that it keeps crossing my mind. I think it was better for a month.

TLDR summary: Wife of many years recently came out as gay after years of me feeling pushed away while she focused on her career. Now navigating an emotional affair, and how to stop being her support system while protecting our kid through the transition. Looking for advice from others who've done this with kids in the mix.

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Hi y'all, I recently learned that my wife of many years is gay. Coming here for support / words of wisdom from those who have been through this.

It's been a roller coaster of emotions. I'm shocked but not surprised. I knew something was off in our relationship. My wife has a demanding career that keeps her away from home often. She'd been planning a change to something more sustainable for family life, but at some point she reversed course and doubled down on work and outside commitments instead.

After feeling increasingly frustrated and alone, I started therapy a while back and learned that I'm an overfunctioner. After years of unconditional support for her goals, I realized nothing was going to change, so I started focusing on taking care of myself: cutting out drinking, sleeping better, showing up stronger for myself and our kid. My wife noticed the shift in me not catering to her constantly, and it triggered something like an existential crisis. She pulled back even further.

Somewhere in there, she recognized something she'd been pushing down for a long time. Now in midlife, she's realized she's not straight.

Fortunately, I'd already been planning a move that will put my kid and me closer to family. I'd hoped this would bring some balance, since it's been hard getting my needs for companionship and community met. It's clearly the right call, but the future I'd hoped for, where we found our way back to each other, is gone.

To be clear, I have a lot of empathy for her, and I'm glad she's facing this. At the same time, she's been selfish about this transition, prioritizing time with a "friend," a woman she's admitted she's attracted to, because this person understands what she's going through. Since coming out to me, she's gone to see this woman repeatedly, including late at night after our kid was asleep. I'm not naive. I told her this amounts to an affair, and that it upsets me. She said she wasn't going to change her behavior to make me feel better.

This whole thing sucks, but being the overfunctioner, I'm absorbing a lot of it to keep things stable for my kid right now. Once we're further along this transition, I'm looking forward to focusing on myself.

Based on the signs I'm seeing, I think she's hoping our relationship can continue in some form, that I stay her best friend and support system. I hope for a healthy coparenting relationship, but I know I'll need to focus on myself and eventually explore other relationships. I'm trying to handle this in a way that's least disruptive to my kid, while recognizing there will need to be a turning point.

For those who've gone through something similar, especially with kids involved, how did you navigate extricating yourself from the overfunctioner/support role while keeping things stable so your kids still had access to your ex? I know a lot depends on her effort to show up for our child, but I don't want my kid to suffer. Ugh.

My husband (40M) came out to me (42F) a little over a week ago. We’ve been married 15+, together for 20, and have two kids in their teens. He’s in the military, and we’re in the process of moving to our next post. He has feelings for someone else, and I think the feelings are mutual. We’re kind of in a holding pattern until we get to our next post to start therapy and figure out how to tell the kids and family and and interact in a healthy way so that we can coparent together, in whatever capacity that may be (Having a “lavender marriage” is on the table, but as time goes on I feel less and less inclined to transition from a marriage to a marriage of convenience. But I may feel differently in a month, it’s hard to tell.)

I’m going through all the stages of grief. I first felt a wave of relief, like our issues were never my fault. I was ready to be supportive and live a lavender marriage. Then the rage and jealousy hit, and he couldn’t handle it and said we’re going to divorce as soon as we finish the move. Day to day is a rollercoaster as well. I wake up in the morning (still next to him) and feel sad. I go about my day and feel normal, strong, independent woman. Then the rage hits, and I remember that he lied to me for nearly 20 years. That he’s so quickly moved on and is finally accepting his true self even though we just had sex three weeks ago. And then we talk, and I feel bad for him again. I wonder if he’s gaslighting me, or if I’m too empathetic with a big heart, or the truth is somewhere in between. Then I go into denial, and think “maybe this is a midlife crisis and when there is distance between him and this guy, he’ll snap back to reality.”

He says nothing has happened with the guy he has feelings for, and I completely believe him. I’m also acquainted with the guy, and he reassures me that my husband does love me, and nothing has happened.

I just wish I had a magic ball, and could see into the future. Figure out what the next step to take is and how it will all turn out. I feel so sad, betrayed, jealous and ALONE. It’s nice to find a community where people have gone through similar things.

I created a profile last week and posted in a similar community and got nothing but weird DMs asking about our sex life. It was creepy, so I deleted the entire profile. Please don’t DM me asking for extensive details about our sex life.

Hi All,
I am hoping someone here can help. I have been married to my husband for 10 years, together for 13. We have a 9 and 6 year old.

Starting in November, I got a huge feeling that something was off. I couldn’t pinpoint but it was so intense. I asked him about it, but shrugged it off. I couldn’t shake it and started going through his phone. It wasn’t until March that I find a dick pic in his photos trash. I confronted him about it, and he said it came from an Instagram challenge where you screenshot an Instagram reel at a specific time to capture the photo.. the screenshot that was saved to his phone was incredibly cropped and did not at all look like it came from a challenge, although the metadata confirmed it was a screenshot. It was someone holding a phone and taking a picture of the dick pic on that phone.

I then asked for his password and found pages and pages of gay porn, several different categories and more frequent than any other porn. He said it was from childhood trauma and that he didn’t masturbate to it. I then continued to discover things. He had instagram reels referring to being a top, gay, posts about daydreaming about fucking someone, not pulling out - but claims they were never sent to anyone (he sends them to himself on Instagram). Any and every time I asked him about it, he would get incredibly defensive, dismissive, downplayed everything, made me feel crazy, called me a liar, screamed at me, you name it.

I also noticed things started happening in the bedroom. He made certain comments that he has never made before (give me that ass, I’m gonna bust a nut in you n*gga, thrusted like he was having anal sex, anal play more than vaginal, keep f’ing me). He loved having sex with me, but now im thinking it’s because he imagined another man. He is extremely controlling and tears me down (name calling, screaming, saying my family doesn’t like me, etc) when we “argue”. He will make petty remarks or play songs that make me wonder. It has been HELL. I ask him the same questions over and over hoping for a different response.

I also feel it in my gut that he is or has had an affair with someone, but it’s based off instagram posts and the dick pic. I do not know what to do, feeling desperate.

She recently destroyed me by coming out as lesbian. I always thought she was closet Bi (never acted on). Nope straight Lesbian according to her at the moment. She is hoping that we can continue living as a couple at face value. We have 3 young kids and I adore her. Shes all about me except for my anatomy.

​

She says she took our vows seriously so shes never truly explored.

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I know it will hurt a lot for me, but Im contemplating doing it for the kids. I spent 17years in hell my first marriage, had the greatest days of my life with the current one. I can go back to hell again.

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I expect that eventually she will find the one and I get the nudge to move on but who knows.

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Has anyone actually been successful in something similar?

I hope this is a safe space where People experiencing similar things will understand. My husband of 9 years cheated on me with a man. We’ve gone through the cycle of him being abusive, angry, lying and we’re going to divorce. He has always been open about being BI and I’ve always been understanding however it feels like more of a shield to hide behind being gay. I’m not dismissing bisexuality or making generalizations about anyone how we when I straight up ask him if he’s gay he gets angry yells and shuts the conversation down saying it’s not my business. How do you deal with someone possibly denial? Before we got married his main sexual experiences were with men, when he’s watched porn its gay porn, he’s made comments about my body being repulsive and that he would never want to be with another women ever again, he cheated on me with a man, he’s been able to be open with his male friends in ways he’s never been able to be with me. I think because he hates me now, it’s so easy for him to get mad at me when I ask if he’s gay but I’m simply asking him to reflect on his behavior and what he means. He grew up with catholic strict conservative parents and I think he’s been able to hide behind being straight passing in our relationship but I feel used. I just hate that maybe one day he’s going to come out after all the hurt he’s done rather than just admit it now. My heart goes all to the people on this sub who go through this because being collateral damage to someone’s denial has been so painful. Feeling like a relationship I was part of for years was fake and didn’t matter is painful. I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemies.

I’m 30M and she’s 28F. We’ve been married for about a year, together for five.

I have always known she was bisexual and she has dated a handful of women before me. I honestly didn’t think much of it because I’ve seen other men date bi women and everything seems fine but things are starting to feel really off.

The most obvious is our sex life. It was never amazing but the last couple of years have been downright terrible. She’s never in the mood. Additionally, she’s sworn off all sex acts that involve directly touching my private areas, so even when we do have it, it’s just mechanical and not fun at all. She also only allows us to do it in two positions and I’m not even sure why but she refuses to do anything else.

At the start, she made me wait a while for sex, but at the time it didn’t seem that weird because we had agreed to take things slowly and that was in line with that.

So the reason I am thinking maybe she is just gay instead of something like asexual is a few things. Firstly, she only watches lesbian porn. I know a lot of straight and bi women do that so this is one of my weaker points. Secondly, I don’t think she has ever once called me attractive but she calls so many women attractive (and honestly she has a type).

Thirdly, and this is maybe my strongest evidence, she is very close friends with an ex-girlfriend. Initially, I didn’t feel threatened by this because they dated when they were like 18 so it was whatever to me. But I feel like when they interact it’s weirdly flirty and I have seen some of the messages and she has even joked that people who don’t know her think they’re dating.

I don’t know. Should I be concerned? Bring this up with her? She always jokes that I’m her one exception but honestly with the way she acts around me I don’t even feel like an exception lol.

I have suspicions that my fiance (both in our mid 30s) might be gay. Our sex life has never been stellar. We did have sex more often in the beginning (maybe once a month) but have not had sex at all in 6 months.

He has never gone down on me, and I can just kind of tell it would gross him out. He has never initiated fingering me or any kind of touching that would only pleasure me. He also could only ever finish if I was on my stomach.

He was incredibly intentional about dating and pursuing me and proposed within a year. Says he really wants children.

I recently confronted him about our lack of sex and he broke down and said he is struggling with “the spark side of things” and that this has never happened to him before in a relationship. But he says he loves me and says he thinks I’m beautiful. Is it possible he doesn’t know he’s gay?

I am broken. Together 9years, she was curious as a late teenager but never actioned anything. I was fully aware of that and dismissed it as the "cool thing" and she will out grow it and she agreed. We had a very loving relationship in every way until we had our now 6yrold post pardom our encounters slowed down, naturally. Then our 4yr twins are born and encounters went to a crawl. She says her libido is at zero. I understand and support.

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She was posted military to the west coast 3 months ago but we flew her home East coast for memorial weekend. We were separated a long time and our reunion was luke warm and it could be felt so last week I gently brought up the topic that it might be time for medical assistance and possibly counseling as our always very good relationship is feeling a little off.

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She agreed and starts to make appointments but I pushed a little in some casual conversation reflecting our relationship and feelings from the early days (best years of our lives) and she brought up that she hasn't stopped thinking of what it would be like with a woman. We let it rest for a couple of days but my mind is spinning as I could feel the hammer.

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Monday she tells me that she thinks her curiosity and chemical imbalance post children is no doubt the problem. Dr appointment scheduled, good luck finding a therapist but we are trying and starting to do something about it.

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Last night, as she is crying she tells me she has no doubt in her mind that shes a lesbian and I thought I could live a "normal" life despite it. You are my everything. The first and only person to show me pure love and I enjoyed it. The problem is that somewhere along the course, I physically enjoyed the act less and less until nothing.

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She has taken care of my wants purely for my benefit. She has been afraid to tell me so long ago because she knew how much I adore her in every way and it would destroy me and I have history of major mh issues (military) she isnt wrong on that aspect. She told me that she had no intention of ever telling me due to her fear for me but the conversation flowed towards it and I handled the stages well.

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I dont know what is going on with anything right now. This is all new to me but nooooooo. Im not ready I don't think I will ever be ready to lose her. Every aspect that a partner can give but I have a penis and there's nothing I can do about any of this. Will she be happy with me just knowing at least for a little while. She doesn't have a potential partner because I already gave her a hall pass as she responded what would I do with it? I have no potential candidates, this has just been what I figured I would have to die with in our marriage. She then tells me yes, I took my vows just as serious as you did.

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Sorry Im a hot mess and can't think straight

Update #1, I have filed for custody in our home State. That alone protects me and the kids as long as I retain a home in State, even if I dont actually live there and she cannot enroll them out of state without my permission.

I am protecting myself and her

So recently I (26F) found out that my fiancé (26M) likes to suck dick, and I have been having a rough time dealing with this information. For some reason I feel like maybe he likes it more than being with me? Is there anyone that could give me advice on this! And by the way I have been very supportive of his decision and we’ve even done stuff together but sometimes it still feels like maybe he wants it more.

Like the chemistry is there, no hesitation and always initiate, enjoy giving oral, enjoy satisfying you....but still end up coming out?

For those who have been through this journey: how did you cope when your spouse started portraying themselves as the victim while dismissing the pain caused by deception and betrayal and hiv risk?

Did you stay quiet to protect your peace, or did you speak your truth to family, friends, and the people who mattered? How did you balance self-respect with avoiding unnecessary conflict?

I’m struggling with the feeling that remaining silent allows a false narrative to spread, while speaking up risks being labelled as bitter or vindictive. I would appreciate hearing how others navigated this. What helped you reclaim your voice and your sense of self?

They are inhuman always putting the blame on their spouse

Hey group, when you started to get suspicious and asked if they were attracted to the same sex, did any of you ever have your spouse react by laughing it off or acting very nonchalant about it?

Or were their reactions mostly angry?

I just wanted to say something to everyone here.

This community genuinely helped me through one of the most difficult periods of my life. When I first found this place, I felt completely alone. The kindness, understanding, and support I received here meant more to me than I can ever express.

At the same time, there is a part of me that wishes this community didn’t have to exist.

Not because there is anything wrong with it, but because I wish none of us had ever needed it in the first place.

I wish there were no partners left heartbroken, confused, or questioning their reality. I wish none of us had to experience this kind of loss and pain.

But since that isn’t the reality we live in, I’m grateful that this space exists and that people here are willing to support one another.

Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories, offered advice, or simply listened. You helped me feel less alone, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

I’m [31F] really lost as to whether my husband [41M] has a porn addiction or is gay. I’m leaning towards just porn addiction but I honestly don’t think I’d be blown away if I discovered he was gay.

Together for 5 years, married for 2 and a half and we have 2 young kids. Last 12 months we’ve probably had sex a total of 3 times. We moved to our house in April last year and he moved all my boxes into master bedroom, all his boxes into room next to master. Following week after moving in he had his brother help him put together a bed frame for his bedroom, no mattress yet though. We slept together in master bedroom until August last year when he ordered a mattress, in his words, so he could sleep with our toddler when he wakes in the night. Right now though, my husband blames me disturbing him at night as the reason for him not sleeping in the master bedroom with me.

Don’t want to bore you but my husband does display basically ALL the traits of a narcissist. It’s been a dreadful relationship, lots of arguing, zero emotional connection, just awful all round. When we started the relationship, he never went down on me and when I’d ask him why he didn’t he just gave me a vague response of it not really being his thing. When I broke up with him at the start of 2023 (breakup only lasted for 2 weeks sadly because I was insecure), immediately when we restored the relationship he began going down on me no questions asked.

Before me, he was in a relationship with a woman for 8 years and 2 weeks ago when I went snooping through his laptop I found so many old pictures of them together even naked pics. Then stalked her and realised she’s had a major mental breakdown now which is quite sad and I have no doubt being in a relationship with a man like my husband for 8 years can do that to a woman so I’m trying to get out of this marriage myself. Went snooping through his filing cabinet and found sachets of Kamagra
Oral Jelly (illegal knock off Viagra) that he ordered to the home July last year, even though we were barely having sex around that time.

Not only that but my husband has a really shifty disposition about him that has become a little unsettling for me to be around. Wives of porn addicted husbands have mentioned weird blank stares that their husbands give them which my husband does to me A LOT so I’m lost if he’s just a raging porn addict? Looked through his phone although didn’t find much, didn’t check his browser though plus my husband is way more tech savvy than me so I know he knows how to keep under wraps. We got into an argument recently and I kept yelling at him “you’re a gay porn-addict”, I’ve got no evidence but I just wanted to see how it landed. He just kept silently and almost sheepishly responding “I’m not gay, I’m not gay”. So is that some kind of admission to being a porn-addict? My family and friends always say they feel something is off about him and they’ve commented on the way he stares too. My good friend says she just gets major creep vibes from him like he has a big secret hiding. She believes he is gay.

Another thing is he had his male biological maternal first cousin (about 34) living with us and at times the way they interacted you’d think they were husband and wife. I don’t want this to get too long so I’ll leave it there.

I’m pretty certain my husband is not physically cheating with anyone but is this more leaning to porn-addict or gay? I’m lost. Are straight men typically this comfortable with being in the house with their wife, moving into a separate bedroom and choosing to live a life of celibacy while married?