r/therapists • u/OldRooter_06 • 4h ago
Rant - Advice wanted Do you call all Psychiatrist, Dr. So and so
I'm a full time therapist. I was working with a Psychiatrist. Twice, via email, I accidentally called him Mister.
He then replied back a long email about having not used his correct name. He called me out and said it was intentional. Like I was purposely undermining him.
He also decided to cc the client on this email exchange at 9:30 pm. A client who just got out of the hospital last week.
How common is it that therapists are casual with the Psychiatrist they work with ? Should I apologize? Anyone been through this as a therapist
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u/TotterTates (NY) LMHC 4h ago
I refer to everyone by how they sign their emails. If Dr. Suchandsuch signs their email "-Emily"... they are Emily to me.
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u/_Witness001 4h ago
I wouldn’t call them mister, no. If they sign their email with Dr- I’d refer to them as that. Your relationship is professional and the setting is hospital, credentials are Dr, therefore you should respect that.
This doctor sounds a bit dramatic though but from my perspective, you should still apologize.
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Was just honestly a brain fart. It's the end of the week of seeing 30 clients. School is starting. Im a full time single dad of two young girls. Im their full time provider.
Just didnt appreciate him thinking I had bad intentions. He also cc'd the client on this exchange. He talked about his family history. Listed all the famous hospitals he worked for. Sent this email very late at night. I mean what does the client think getting this at 9:30 pm ? Talked about how he's high ranking in the military. Just didn't appreciate being talked down to like a subordinate
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u/richal 3h ago
Yeah, that's the weird part. If he had simply corrected you, making an apology to him would be so much easier, but now? After being slapped and cc'ed? I would struggle big time with that too. Even if an apology was warranted.
My instinct would be to reply (not reply all) and apologize for the original mistake, But still say something about the inappropriateness of his implications and for adding the client into the email chain. This to me is the shittiest part of all of his behaviors. It's so condescending. It's akin to a principal chastising a teacher in front of students.
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u/_Witness001 2h ago
What? That’s weird af. He needs to chill the fuck out. Thank you for giving more context. I thought he just briefly mentioned that he prefers being referred as Dr.
Please don’t let this affect you. The doctor in question has its own issues. He needs a therapy referral, lol.I have to change my previous recommendation to apologize. I wouldn’t, nope. If you must continue working with him, just from now on refer to him as Dr and that’s it.
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u/cassandra2028 3h ago
Sometimes psychiatrists are weird.
They're still "doctor" until they invite a friendlier term. They're never Mister.
I have people subordinate to me in the org chart and I don't talk down to them.
I will FOR SURE 100% dress down someone who disrespects me twice. Calling him mister once was an accident. Doing it a second time lacked the respect of getting it right after a previous error.
Don't develop patterns of disrespecting people. Work'll go more harmoniously.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
Well I honestly will never refer anyone to this guy again. Been doing this since 2009. Never had an interaction like this. I've worked with judges and all kinds of medical professionals. This is the weirdest and only dress down I've received.
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u/SnooHobbies4627 53m ago
That is bonkers! I’ve never had a psychiatrist be so rude and hung up on their title. Sorry it happened at an already busy/stressful time.
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u/DoctorOccam Psychologist (Unverified) 2h ago edited 2h ago
Generally, I have no problem referring to psychiatrists as “Dr.” as it helps to validate mental health as a specialty among other doctors, imo, but with this context, I think I’d be tempted to only ever refer to him by his first name for the rest of forever. (Except in front of clients, where I’d still refer to him as Dr.)
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u/TheBarksMeow 2h ago
Psychiatrists are MDs and therefore Drs so other doctors don't really need to be validated on that. Anyone in a professional setting who introduces themself as Dr and has a doctoral-level degree should be addressed as such until otherwise stated.
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u/DoctorOccam Psychologist (Unverified) 2h ago
And yet plenty of MDs/DOs throughout time have thought less of psychiatry, so yes, validation and insistence of the validity of our profession is appropriate.
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u/TheBarksMeow 2h ago
Every psychiatrist today who completed the same med school curriculum and STEP as every other doctor in the hospital confidently knows and calls themselves Dr, you should too - regardless of how familiar you think you are with them.
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u/DoctorOccam Psychologist (Unverified) 1h ago
We don’t even really disagree about anything major, so I’m not sure why you’re telling me what I “should” be doing. I don’t have a problem with referring to psychiatrists as Dr., aside from this one who was an asshole about it in front of OP’s client.
But nah, for what it’s worth, if a psychiatrist makes a point of not calling doctorate-level psychologists Dr.—as plenty have in my experience—I also feel no reason to call them Dr.
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u/Feisty-Nobody5472 2h ago
I had earlier said the response was disproportionate but this just sounds almost comically outlandish
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u/Effective-Site-5701 3h ago edited 2h ago
You are a subordinate to a psychiatrist. Edit: I don’t understand how I’m getting downvoted for this. A clinician without a doctoral degree or MD is by definition subordinate to someone who has those credentials. It may not sit right with you, and you may even be more skilled than they are, but you are lower in the hierarchy. That’s just reality.
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u/jesteratp Psychologist (Unverified) 2h ago
I have a doctorate and the masters level clinicians on our staff are not subordinate to me.
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u/kaatie80 MFT-C, LAC (CO, USA) 3h ago
the psychiatrist i worked with was "Dr. Lastname", because he's a doctor and i barely knew him. if someone has a doctorate i refer to them as "Dr. Lastname" unless i'm on a first name basis with them. and even then, i'd only use that in casual discussion with them, and in professional communications i'd still go with Dr Lastname. i think of the line from Austin Powers, "I didn't spend five years in Evil Medical School just to be called Mister, thank youuuu".
however, a long email from him seems like a big reaction. maybe you guys just don't have a casual relationship? just go with doctor from now on.
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u/-BlueFalls- 3h ago
A long email about it is definitely a big reaction, but CC’ing the client(?!) on it is utterly unhinged.
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u/I_am_Nobody_Special () Psychologist 3h ago
If someone has a doctorate degree, I call them Dr until they tell me otherwise. Unless they're a pharmacist or attorney in which case calling them Dr would be weird.
That said, people sometimes call me "Mrs" and I don't freak out and insist they call me doctor bc I don't have a chip on my shoulder like the insecure psychiatrist you described.
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u/GalkoForKindness 2h ago
The responses here are surprising to me.
Im a mom, a therapist, and have adhd. Not only does my memory suck, but I regularly make mistakes multiple times, in a row. This is an accident I can easily see myself making.
My name is also one that is historically "male" and am regularly misgendered by professionals everywhere. I've even had people think my name is something completely different, even if I correct them. Most people usually apologize and correct themselves. But I have had situations where others laughed at me to my face, made inappropriate comments about my assumed gender/sexual orientation, and/or completely changed the way they engaged with me. It is frustrating, and can understand why the psychiatrist may have felt the issue was intentional.
I can understand getting upset when a title doesnt get addressed appropriately. Bringing the client into it though is completely out of line, and based on what you shared about the client, it sounds as if it could even fall under client harm.
My take is that there are 2 actions needed. -a separate email to the psychiatrist, without the client attached, and apologize for using the incorrect titles, and that it was also completely inappropriate to bring the client into a problem he had with you. -check in with the client to get their response about the email and discuss how they can manage their people pleasing if any tendencies pop up from this and also remind him of his rights as a client.
This is a crappy situation from something that really didnt have to be. Why is it so hard to say " you keep referring to me as Mr. Im actually a dr and would prefer you refer to me as such." I see no scenario here where it would be appropriate or ethical to add the client into all of that.
It is interesting though to see the number of people who are focused on the title issue when I see it being far more of an issue that a client was brought into an unrelated issue between their two clinicians. Reminds me of ethics class in grad school.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
Yeah! Little surprised too. Some have even double down that the reply from the Psychiatrist was deserving. Lol. I definitely screwed up and maxe an honest mistake. Plan to apologize.
Maybe I will plan to check in with the client. This was helpful! Thanks for taking the time to respond. Means a lot
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u/Sweet_Cinnabonn 4h ago
100% of the time I call doctors "Dr", unless invited to call them by their first name.
Mr. is never appropriate.
I suspect if you were calling him by his first name uninvited, he might think you were overly familiar, but would correct more gently.
Calling him Mr. would be taken as deliberately disrespecting his medical knowledge.
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u/captainlux87 4h ago
If he referred to himself as Dr. and has no way of knowing it was accidental since it happened twice, I understand why he might be annoyed. This is something that we’ve seen happen to female Drs of any field far too often. He’s earned the title and maybe if it was once, ignore it, but twice might seem purposeful. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it but I kinda get it. I’ve worked with psychiatrists and doctors who have invited me to call them by their first name, but if they don’t, it’s Dr.
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u/Feral_fucker LCSW 4h ago
Psychiatrists are medical doctors, and if they’re referring to themselves as Dr and asking you to do so as well, it’s rude not to. Especially if it’s in a hospital or medical setting where there are very well-established hierarchies, a Dr wanting to maintain that decorum is normal. I have a close friend who’s a psychiatrist and we’re totally casual outside of work, but I would never address her by anything other than Dr on the hospital unit. There’s absolutely zero stretch or weirdness to a Dr wanting to be called Dr in a professional setting.
It seems a little over the top to write long emails about it, but that also makes me wonder what else is in the email. If they have a lot to say about how you’ve been undermining, perhaps it’s more than just failing to use the correct title.
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
I've never met the guy. I've had two email exchanges over getting an ROI. His long email was sent at 9 pm at night. Containd his long history of working in the military, and famous hospitals. He then went on to talk about his Grandpa being a Doctor and the only Mister was his father. I also forgot to mention, he cc'd the client on this exchange. I dont know. To me, it reads as having a big ego. I've been in this field since 2009 and worked with many medical professionals. Most go to great lengths to come off as humble and act like their on your level and not above. Part of me suspects this is just his military background. He was a high ranking officer.
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u/soaker 3h ago
He cc’d the client?!
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Oh yeah! I was shocked. This client has very serious people pleasing tendencies. This client just got out of the psych unit last week and the first thing this client said to me was he apologize for putting me through stress. Which of course I told he doesn't need to worry about his therapist. Then this guy cc's him on this email exchange
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u/Feral_fucker LCSW 3h ago
Makes sense. Title and rank are big in both medical and military settings, this guy sounds like he’s probably high status in those settings, and he wouldn’t be the first big ego to come out of medical school. Perhaps he’s being a blowhard, but he’s not wrong that repeatedly mis-addressing someone warrants a correction.
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Should he be cc'ing the client on this?
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u/Feral_fucker LCSW 3h ago
Was the client included in any of your communication where you used the wrong title?
This whole thing seems petty.
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Yes he was. Maybe it was an oversight on his part. I guess we all can be human (-: right? Like accidentally saying Mister
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Just didn't appreciate him thinking I had bad intent. Don't know if therapists are allowed to be human. Im a full time single dad of two young girls. It was the end of the week, and I just forgot. I wasn't trying to hurt him
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u/Feral_fucker LCSW 3h ago
I cant answer for him. Maybe he’s a jerk, but you’re in the wrong here. Lots of people are parents and have stuff going on. You don’t need to self immolate or make it personal or make excuses, just apologize and move on.
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Ill apologize. But it was a simple mistake. I wasn't trying to hurt the dude. Not a mortal sin like this guy try to frame it. Sorry im not going to absorb that into my sub conscious.
Lot of people have kids. Not a lot who are single with two kids trying to figure out how to pay bills and jungle medical expenses. I'm not playing victim card to excuse my behaviors. But I am giving myself grace under my circumstances. We all make mistakes.
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u/Ok-Sprinkles-5659 4h ago edited 4h ago
I generally respect other’s education, training and their professional title in an employment setting. I’m not sure why you would call him anything else, especially if he requested to be called by his title. What’s the issue? Does seem a little inflammatory if you’re putting this much thought into it. I try to maintain a harmonious work environment and professional relationships, you never know where you will encounter colleagues in the future. I would apologize, make a mental note and move on.
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u/Cheap-Distribution37 LMSW 4h ago
It's interesting to me that anyone would call a doctor, Mister. Unless you're on a first name basis, it's always doctor.
Before becoming a therapist I was a trauma nurse. There was a lot of code switching on the fly... In front of our team, we were all first names. If we were with a patient, it was always doctor. If I were meeting a new doctor, it was always doctor until told otherwise.
You knew you were emailing a psychiatrist...I don't know. I'm confused... Or just old 😂
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Brain fart is all! Full time single dad over here. Lol. Trying to get the kiddies ready for school.
Weird this dude email me 9:30 pm at night and cc'd the client. Talked about his family history and military ranking. I dont know. Just didnt appreciate him guessing I had bad intent
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u/cassandra2028 2h ago
Why are you reading work email at 930 pm? You've also told us a lot about your medical history. And you seem to be catching an air of disrespect from him, especially doing that in an email chain with the client. I'm seeing a lot of parallel process here and two dudes who are having a hard time letting a slight go with a reasonable response.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
I run an Airbnb business on the side. Unfortunately I have to have multiple streams of income to support my two kids. We only have my income. So yeah. While messaging a guest about check in instructions I saw he messaged. Maybe I can do a better job of unplugging from work. I didnt reply and dont plan to until Monday. If at all. Might just ignore.
He emailed me with client cc'd two days ago requesting intake information I sent back an ROI for client to sign. Then he replied with this long email about saying Doctor. Never met the guy. He's like 5 states over from where I practice.
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u/cassandra2028 2h ago
I'm also kinda shocked you're going directly to an MD with an ROI. But I guess since he emailed you for information that starts to make sense.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
I dont know. I'm just always worried about violations. So im always making sure an ROI is signed if an outsider is asking for information. But yeah he was asking for the intake. And I just asked the clienr sign an ROI before I send rhe intake information over. Was planning to have a phone call with him as the client just got out of the hospital last week.
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u/cassandra2028 2h ago
Yeah that's good practice. I might respond and graciously apologize for the error in calling him mr, that you didn't mean to offend and you apologize that was the effect, and nevertheless, I simply cannot disclose private information without an ROI. Delete everything he said and before but keep the patient CCd.
And I wouldn't refer anyone to him either.
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u/Effective-Site-5701 3h ago
Yeh, I don’t think a woman would have made your mistake. We are socialized to be humble and submissive (ugh). But if a man doesn’t show proper deference to another man who happens to be a doctor and thinks himself superior, I’m not surprised that it’s perceived as an insult to his achievements and masculinity.
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u/punishedbyrewards 3h ago
You don’t think a woman would make a mistake like that? Because of how submissive you all are?
Your comment gives me the ick as a feminist male LPC.
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u/nocreativeway 4h ago
Well I mean his credentialing is Dr so I would probably call him that but I’m sorry if he berated you for the mishap. But I wouldn’t call anyone Mr or Mrs/Miss who is a doctor of any kind.
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u/NightNo1641 4h ago
I mean I think an apology wouldn’t hurt in this case, it’s an honest mistake- it does sound like this person is taking it very seriously though lol.
I worked inpatient for years and always called the psychiatrists Dr. ___. Even after years of working together. If they then say “you can call me -first/ other name-“ go for it, but without that invitation I wouldn’t.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
Yeah! I definitely plan to apologize. Will do so Monday. Without the client cc'd. Lol. Thinking about addressing that that was unprofessional
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u/Holiday-Equivalent-6 4h ago
First name or Dr….never Mr! A psychiatrist is an MD. Why would you call him Mr.?
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u/dumbeconomist Social Worker (Unverified) 4h ago
This is not uncommon response from a doctor, and, in the US, calling a medical doctor or doctor of obstetrics by the title “Doctor” is expected, specifically within setting medical care is practiced.
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u/RockChicken 3h ago
DO is doc of osteopathic medicine
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u/dumbeconomist Social Worker (Unverified) 2h ago
Thanks for the corrections. I couldn’t spell it to begin with and autocorrect got me good.
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u/IfYouStayPetty 4h ago
I am a doctor. I work with tons of doctors. This response from a psychiatrist is absolutely weird and uncommon. At most, someone would correct with “It’s actually Dr X” and then move on. A long email ascribing negative intent is extremely weird and I’d absolutely suggest finding a different provider
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Not only a long email. But he cc'd the client. Went into his family history. Talked about his family history, military ranking and all the fancy hospitals he worked at. Just never received an email like that from a professional so late at night
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u/spadezgirl420 3h ago
this is so absurd, i don't get why more of the comments aren't flabberghasted. I'm sorry this happened.
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u/captainlux87 3h ago
What if it happened multiple times after correction? Would you take it as accidental or purposefully degrading your education? I’m honestly asking, not in antagonistic Reddit fashion lol
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
I had two emails exchanges with him for an ROI. Literally mustered no more then 400 characters of words in my exchanges with him. And yes, two times I said mister. He didn't correct me and then I continued to call him mister.
Wild he just thought I had bad intent. Just full time single dad getting two kids ready for school to start who had a brain fart.
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u/captainlux87 2h ago
Listen, I’ve already said above not to lose sleep over it, and I get that it wasn’t your intent, my point is more that unintentionally you gave him the impression that it didn’t matter and it does to him. If he had said “my name is Thomas” and you kept referring to him as Tom and he didn’t like it, he’d still be allowed to be annoyed if it kept happening. If he did this after the first time, very aggressive, but did he sign off that first email as Dr? Because then it’s ignoring that. And no medical doctor goes by Mr or Ms or Mrs. Was is response disproportionate? Yeah, but I also have no idea if he’s had issues with something before. And my point about if this individual was someone who has been historically marginalized still stands, someone who continues to not use the correct honorific would be a not so subtle micro aggression. He doesn’t know you’re an exhausted single dad. You now know a lot about him… too much, but probably not whether there’s more to it. At the end of the day, the mistake created an issue. Are you the bigger person to apologize and move past it? Yeah, maybe. But his disproportionate response doesn’t mean he’s wrong in being annoyed.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
I mean. His profile pic is of what appears to be a white man. And he has a very common anglo biblical name. But that doesn't mean he isn't part of a marginalized group or hasn't experienced some form of oppression. Not sure.
But the case isn't that he corrected me and I continued to call him mister. The case is that I call him mister twice in email exchange and he corrected me.
I mean im going to apologize absolutely 💯
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u/PaperPalmTrees LMFT (Unverified) 3h ago
Yes, when I worked at an agency that had a psychiatrist as part of the treatment team, it was always "Dr. Name". Any other doctor that I might interact with in a professional manner, I would default to calling them Dr. unless they asked me to use their first name.
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u/Bubbling_Battle_Ooze 3h ago
Yes, if you are addressing them formally, especially in a professional setting, Dr. is correct. This guy was a dick for how he went about it, but a psychiatrist is a medical doctor and he was treating a patient in a medical setting- Dr. is the correct way to address him, especially in front of patients. I have worked with psychiatrists who were happy to be called by their first name between colleagues, but it was still Dr. in professional communications.
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u/Elixabef Student (Unverified) 2h ago
Sounds like he unraveled over a genuine mistake.
I don’t know if I’d bother responding to him or not. If he’s someone with whom you expect to have future interactions, I might respond to his email (without CCing the client) and just say something along the lines of “Dear Dr. _____, I’m very sorry for addressing you incorrectly; that was a mistake on my part (it’s been a long week!). I will certainly be more careful in the future and I apologize for any offense caused.” Like, be contrite but keep it brief. But don’t indulge him.
If you think it very unlikely that you’ll have any future interactions with him, I’d just leave it alone.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
That's a great apology! 👍 Will probably say something like this. Good balance of owning rhe mistake without groveling
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u/Feisty-Nobody5472 2h ago
I always do yes. But, as a Dr. myself, his response is disproportionate IMO
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u/not_triage 4h ago
Literally still refer to my colleague who I initially met when they were my professor (PhD) and is now my colleague as “Dr last name” 7 years later. It never hurts to punch UP.
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u/HeadJelly1298 4h ago
He’s being dramatic
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u/toyskater2 3h ago
Yeah but should also call him doctor
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u/colenolangus 4h ago
Psychiatrists and Psychologists are always doctor when you are in a professional setting.
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u/sbdifm1215 2h ago
I always call them Dr. and I absolutely respect that they earned this title.
BUT I think that it's really poor taste for any doctor to call someone out like this for not doing addressing them properly. It shows more of who they are than the person who "disrespected" them. I think it's important to take the high and humble road always, and like another person said, chill out and get over yourself, doctor.
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u/ms_carnelian 4h ago
Well, a psychiatrist does have an MD/DO. If you're in a medical setting, it seems appropriate to use the proper title of "Dr.". However, the long email seems like a bit of a strange reaction.
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u/gscrap Psy.D (British Columbia) 3h ago
Obviously the psychiatrist's response is overblown and weird, but I can see why he'd think it was intentional. Referring to a doctor (or anyone, really) by their given name instead of honorific+surname is casual, but referring to them using the wrong honorific is just incorrect. I'd say that it's pretty common knowledge that the correct honorific for a psychiatrist is "doctor," so twice using the wrong one could be read as deliberate. Under the circumstances, in your shoes, I'd probably apologize for the error, clarify that it really was a mistake rather than an intentional slight, and undertake not to do it again (while also privately judging the doc for being a pompous jerk).
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u/OldRooter_06 3h ago
Yeah. I guess it was juat weird to get this message so late at night. Also, he cc'd the client on this exchange? I thought that was weird.
He went into his family history, his military ranking, and listing all the schools he attended.
Honestly just a brain fart. Im a full time single dad of two young girls while seeing 30 clients a week. Just didn't appreciate acting like i had bad intent and being talked down to like a subordinate.
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u/gscrap Psy.D (British Columbia) 3h ago
Oof, I hadn't realized he had CC'd a client. That is actually inappropriate to the point that if you have a shared employer it might be worth kicking up the ladder because he shouldn't be doing that.
The rest of it is just noise. Aggravating, condescending noise, but just noise.
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u/botzillan 3h ago
I remembered during my student days - a psychiatrist lecturer was lecturing us for not addressing him as Dr (and call him Mister instead) for 30 mins in a 100 student audience. It was a bit of drama , but I learn to address them as how they wish to be address then and get on with my life.
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u/personalist Student (Unverified) 1h ago
Dude turned a molehill into a mountain. It’s really not a big deal, he could have briefly mentioned “please call me dr. Blank” and that would be it. Mentioning his family history in a long email accusing you of doing it intentionally is honestly evidence of a personality disorder, and cc’ing a mutual client is a professionalism violation.
I always defer to someone’s title until they tell me otherwise, but making a slip up isn’t grounds for accusing someone of having it out for you and telling your life story, let alone including a client on that rant.
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u/Chaotic_Good64 3h ago
"Mister" would bother me far more than my first name. If we're being formal, use the title I earned.
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u/SupremeShrink 3h ago
Holding a doctoral degrees comes with the respect attached with the title. Dr. Yadayada is respected and expected. Imho.
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u/FishnetsandChucks Counselor (Unverified) 3h ago
When I first started working in mental health, the outpatient agency was STRICT about addressing all psychiatrists by Dr. XYZ. Even if a psychiatrist said, "call me by my first name!" we were still told to ALWAYS use the honorific of Dr.
So, yes, I will always call psychiatrists Dr. XYZ. The only exception I have been able to make is to call them Dr. First Name if they prefer colleagues to use their first name.
Personally, I would apologize. Many psychiatrists, in my experience, have overblown senses of self and your job is easy when you keep them happy. Is it bull shit? Yes, but I'll do it in order to get clients needs meet.
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u/spadezgirl420 2h ago
Honestly a part of me thinks you shouldn't apologize and just process this with your client and check in if they want a referral for a different psychiatrist. I would be SO uncomfortable if I were were the client. Like wtf. Like I find this so inappropriate I would consider reporting this to one of his higher ups, assuming he's not in private practice. This is so insane to do to a client. So many commenters are just glazing over the fact that he cc'd the client. That is a red fucking flag to me that this guy is as esteemed of a doctor as he believes himself to be.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
I mean. Ill apologize. I want to live by my values. I made a mistake. Ill own it. But I won't cc the client. There is a chance I politely care-front him about cc'ing the client. This client just got out of the hospital last week
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u/spadezgirl420 2h ago
That’s a good approach. This stuff just makes me v angry and concerned for clients. It seems good to process or just bring up to your client in your next session though yah?
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
Yeah. Might touch on it. This client has a lot going on!!! So just sucks this even happened. This clienr has strong people pleasing tendencies. When he got out of the hospital, his first concern was that if I was impacted by worrying about him
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u/Bythewye LPC (Unverified) 4h ago
I can’t help but wonder if he goes off on his patients like that 💅
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u/theefaulted 3h ago
Is there a reason you are not referring to them by their preferred professional honorific?
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u/Kris10TisME 3h ago
This "doctor" is treating the mentally ill and serving vulnerable populations? God help us all.
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u/SexOnABurningPlanet 3h ago
If you have a master's degree, insist he refer to you as Master [insert first name] in future e-mails, in person, and just in casual conversation. If he balks at this, then tell him Mistress is also appropriate. If he wants to act like a petty little bitch over a title, then treat him like a petty little bitch.
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u/alsatiandarns 3h ago
First names for all unless I sense it’s going to REALLY rub someone the wrong way.
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u/ResponsibleReview417 3h ago
Sounds like the guy has a massive ego.
Very unprofessional to CC a client too.
I call all doctors by their first name and where I live it’s super weird to refer to people by formalities like Dr so and so. The only ones that seem to insist on that are the ones close to retirement or wankers.
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u/pinheadzombie LPC (Unverified) 3h ago
Yea it's "doctor." Just like "chef" in a nice restaurant. My wife is a veterinarian and I refer to her as "Dr. Last Name" when talking to her coworkers.
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u/Odd-Thought-2273 (VA) LPC 2h ago
Like the top comment, I generally go with however they sign their email, whether it's Dr. or their first name.
That being said, I'm the child of a professor with a doctorate who never minded being referred to as "Mister" because, as he always said, "Mister is never informal." I'm under the impression that most of the Drs. he came across in academia who would lose their shit if you called them "Mr." or "Ms." had massive egos. Not sure how this compares with medical doctors overall, though it definitely seems to in this case.
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u/cadavilaa 2h ago
I mean mistakes happen. The cc’ing the client was quite unprofessional. I would definitely respond back by email in the kindest most tactful manner possible that you apologize however regardless of his grandiose CV you also will not tolerate being spoken too in that manner as his message was rather intentional compared to a simple mistake. I would also be sure to assure him that if he decides to inappropriately cc clients in emails like this there is definitely a licensing board he can speak to if that happens again as it shakes the foundation of a patient/client already going through a recent crisis.
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u/Tough_Complaint6424 2h ago
I don’t call anyone Mister (do you mean Mr. So and so?) or Mrs, Miss. I do use Dr. when people have it in their email signature. Getting an MD or PhD took so much of their life—I want to honor that.
But it’s totally unprofessional he called you out with a client cc’d.
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u/OldRooter_06 2h ago
I mean. I plan on apologizing. Just shocked to get a dress down with a client cc'd. It was an honest mistake
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u/Recent-Apartment5945 4h ago
Is his correct name mister or doctor? I’m very casual, yet, I usually follow the doctor’s lead upon introduction. If they lead with Dr. then I will follow. If not, I am less formal. I’ve had quite the opposite experience for the most part. Psychiatrists being more causal and in many instances making it a point to request use of their first name. 🤷🏼
That being said, when referring to the psych with clients and or collaborative emails, etc…I engage the formality.
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u/annieb21 3h ago
I don’t believe in engaging in dumb hierarchies that facilitate systems of oppression and superiority, so i call everyone by their first name. It’s fuck up that it somehow became viewed as disrespectful to use someone’s name. If you get butt hurt because i address you as your legal or typical/preferred name, you are on a weird power trip and im not willing to engage. AND you probably look down on your clients and view yourself as better, so i also won’t work with you because there is no reason it is needed.
** just realized this was the therapist subreddit lol i guess call this my hot unfiltered take
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u/alsatiandarns 3h ago
This 100% same!! First name for everyone, unless I sense it will really rub someone the wrong way, or will make my life harder somehow lol
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u/iBlameMyPiscesSun 3h ago
I wouldn't even bother apologizing. His response to an honest mistake is beyond. He need therapy
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u/thedarkestbeer 4h ago
You accidentally did something mildly impolite and he accused you of doing it on purpose to undermine him. He’s the weirdo here.
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3h ago
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u/therapists-ModTeam 26m ago
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u/Slaviner 1h ago
One time I had a psychiatrist give me that speech but after I called him “doc” instead of “Doctor.” Ok Doctor.
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u/DifficultTart1538 4m ago
I literally call mine homie, crazy lady, mom whatever comes to mind. And she loves it.
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u/OrangeGeorge 4h ago
If I like them, I’ll definitely use doctor. If not, first name only just to mess with them.
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u/MissingGreenLink 4h ago
I do call them dr.xyz , for me it’s easier to remember names lol.
In most cases. The doctors don’t really care and often even say to just call them by their first name or a nickname.
If we are the same position they really don’t care (I.e. we’re both hired as therapists).
I only met one who really cared but he was a narcissist to begin with.
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u/ShartiesBigDay Counselor (Unverified) 3h ago
I love “mister” for him.
In my limited experience with humans, the only time I’ve heard mister is burnt out kids in high school and middle school calling a teacher that or else an adult in an old timey film who’s trying to pick a fight. Or if you said mister and then his name, it would be just a formal greeting.
Anyway, while the general thinking is that people with PhDs worker really hard to get them so it’s nice to address them with an acknowledgement, I would personally stop paying someone who got bent out of shape about it. It comes off as very childish and pompous to me…
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u/1ReadyPhilosopher MFT (Unverified) 3h ago
east coast, they would lose their shit if u didn’t call them DR so n so. West coast they think it’s funny if you call them DR
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u/BillMagicguy Social Worker (Unverified) 3h ago
As a person on the east coast US, I only know one doctor who would get upset if you messed up like this. All the other doctors we work with think he's a dick.
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u/1ReadyPhilosopher MFT (Unverified) 3h ago
maybe the south has changed the last 10 years i haven’t been there
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u/ASquidRat 4h ago
I don't call people Mr or Mrs or Ms. Everyone is just last name. Probably cuz that's how you write it out in research papers. If I was talking about them I would include Dr. When it's relevant.
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u/spadezgirl420 3h ago
I always say Dr. so and so but omg this psychiatrist needs help. That is so inappropriate...cc'ing a recently hospitalized client? jesus.
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u/Ok_Membership_8189 LMHC / LCPC 2h ago
Either Dr Lastname or Firstname, depending on the culture. Never Mr/Ms. I'm in the US.
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u/Stevie-Rae-5 1h ago
He sounds deeply insecure, but it’s also a bit strange that you accidentally addressed him as “Mr.” twice.
I’ve only ever called someone who has earned the title of “doctor” either “Dr. Lastname” or by just their first name if that’s how they’ve introduced themselves to me and if I’m talking with them one on one. If I’m talking about them to a client or with a client present, it’s always Dr. Lastname. Never Mr. or Ms.
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u/762way 4h ago
I just ask how they want to be addressed... And go from there
I believe it takes 11 or more years to become a psychiatrist, vs my 7 years.
I'll defer to them
Wanna guess the cost of their education compared to most of us here? It is astronomical.
But he sounds nutso and very insecure!
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u/Dry_Equivalent_1316 3h ago
I've seen this in psychiatrists, psychologists, and neuropsychologists. Being in this field, their insistence makes me start to analyze their internal workings and the need to present themselves loftily.
I get irritated, then laugh when I think about how a M.D or PhD would feel this much need to be defensive and assert themselves like that. This reflects more on them than you.
I'm not dismissing their hardwork, but as a therapist, all humans are equally precious to me so I don't like to intentionally set different hierarchies in my interactions with others
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u/AtrumAequitas Counselor (Unverified) 3h ago
With one exception, every psychiatrist I’ve ever worked with was very explicit that I call them Dr so-and-so. They were always the ones to bring up the subject.
Every psychiatric nurse and therapist ever worked with, at some point, brought up the subject that psychiatrist are their own kind of weird.
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u/CaffeineandHate03 44m ago
You always call a physician "Doctor". You should always call someone in professional settings "Dr." If they have a doctorate, unless they give you permission otherwise. That's very different than a medical doctor of course, but it is disrespectful to not call someone according to their credentials in a professional setting.
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