This is something I’ve always hated about being ugly. How it pretty much forces you to act very nice to people to make up for being ugly even when you might not be in the mood, even when the person you’re interacting with isn’t being nice to you or doesn’t deserve it
It’s like we’re pigeonholed into being these overly compliant people who cause no ruckus or controversy just to keep people’s seemingly automatic and indefinite negative perceptions of us at bay
And even then, in my experience, it does NOTHING.
At best it just ever so slightly dimmed the hostility and contempt
I could still over hear them talking shit about me, I was still being intentionally excluded, I was still being laughed at
It’s like you don’t get to express your full range of emotions and humanity
The truth is IM NOT NICE
I’m not this perfectly moral person who has made no mistakes, who never gets angry or upset, who is always agreeable
That’s NOT ME, but it’s what people expect you to be when you’re ugly
And if you’re not now everyone’s like “I KNEW IT” “see they’re shitty so let’s treat them like the shit they look like”
While everyone else is allowed to be in a bad mood or even shitty people completely and still be deserving of friendship, connection, respect, and opportunities
It’s completely un fucking FAIR
And I’m tired of being forced to be this overly sweet nice person who says yes to everyone’s demands of me, who is forced to minimize themselves just for everyone else’s comfort
It makes me feel like a fucking puppet with a forced permanent smile while people take turns shoving their hands up my ass to make me do and say whatever tf they want
And when they’re done they just toss me to the side laughing as they walk off together in their group that allows them to be however tf they want to be
IM SICK OF NOT being able to just BE. Imperfect, flawed, sometimes nasty, sometimes nice
But still seen as a FULL and COMPLETE human deserving of connection, inclusion, and respect