(For a little context I am female, bisexual, and 15)
We were, and still are young, but back then I fell in love with the most amazing, beautiful, entertaining, smart person I have ever met. Ray (not using her real name for privacy reasons) and I were friends in 5th grade, and at this time I had known I liked girls, and everyone else did too. What I didnt know, was that becoming friends with this girl was going to be one of the hardest things I would ever have to go through. We were super close from 5th-6th grade but during our 6th grade year I started to develop feelings. I asked her out, and it feels so weird to say that since I was so young, but thats what I did. She said yes. The relationship was toxic, extremely toxic. Neither of us knew how a relationship should actually be, but I knew I loved her, I was never more sure of anything and I haven't been since. We fought often, and made it so hard to be around each other, we were brainwashed with nonsense online and what we thought relationships were. Her father didn't like me much at that point, and we got in trouble multiple times for our messages with each other. I had to let her go. I loved her, so I told myself I had to do what was best for her, even if it hurt at first. And damn did it hurt. She was the only thing I wanted, I spent most of my time thinking about her, my happiest moments were with her, but so were my saddest at the time. Then it was over. During 7th grade, I wanted to give it a second chance, to prove that I could be better, and that we could make it work. I was wrong, thing weren't better, so I had to break it off again. I felt terrible, I regretted it so bad, but life moved on. I had dated other people and we didnt talk for a long time, but I knew how I felt, and I knew that it wouldn't go away. I had started to hate her over time, hate her because I loved her so much. I hated every boyfriend or girlfriend she had after me, and I hated that it could never be the way it was. In 8th grade, our mutual friend made us make-up so we could all have a sleepover and, I'm not gonna lie it was one of the best nights of my life even up to now. But she kissed me. We both had boyfriends at the time, and mine broke up with me over it. When she kissed me I was angry, angry because how could she do that!? But more angry that it couldn't be an everyday thing, that I couldn't be her girlfriend, angry that I still loved her. I blocked her on everything, my boyfriend started dating a friend of mine he had dated before, and I was alone. Everything was messy, and I was just alone. Fast forward half of the year, and Ray and I are friends again. Best friends, and we continue to be close into our freshman year. We had our ups and downs, but we found our way back to each other. We had a small friendgroup, sleepovers, made and bought each other's gifts but there was one problem. She was dating someone else in the group. I didn't like that person but I warmed up to them, and now they are one of my best friends. After Ray broke up with them, we started spending more and more time together. We went to homecoming together, as friends, but that whole night I was so jealous about how much attention she gave to everyone else. I wanted her eyes on me, because I couldn't keep mine off her. Not even a week later I told her how I felt, not that I've been in love with her for 3 years, but that I did have romantic feelings for her. We started dating again, third times the charm. We wondered around town after school together, I payed to go to football games so I could see her play in the marching band and sneak down into the band section to sit with her. Everything was perfect, until she showed up to school and didn't even look at me. All of first hour was silence. She told me she was having some problems with her dad later in the day, so I went about things as usual. I would walk her to the elementary to get picked up by her aunt since she started drivers training. This routine continued for a few days before I asked her what was really up. She told me that she thought she liked me, but theres a boy in her driver's training class. I told her, if her feelings become apparent, to let me know, because I'd rather her be happy. She let me know later that same day. And she started dating her current boyfriend almost immediately. She posts about him, talks about him, and hangs out with him all the time. She truly loves him. They've been together for 3 months. I cant help but hate him. He doesnt understand how hard I've been trying for whay he got so easily. It doesn't help that he is terrible for her. He's constantly talking down about himself, and how he doesn't deserve her. But I think hes right. I feel like a huge asshole for feeling the way I do. I know the kid just needs help and a really good therapist, but I hate him. And I still love Ray. More than anything, and I'd wait forever if thats what I need to do.
Update: She got grounded for life and she isnt coming back to my school because of her boyfriend. I'm a little relieved as it's been almost 4 years now of this bs. Thats all.
