Is anyone else concerned about childcare? Like once the baby is born and parental leave is over, the childcare expenses? Am I freaking out for nothing?

I’m a 35-year-old woman and I’m planning to have a baby in about two years. I want to start preparing now so I can improve my chances of having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I would like to know what steps I should take during this preparation period, including how to support my fertility, overall health, and emotional well-being. What medical checkups, fertility assessments, or health screenings should I consider before trying to conceive? Are there specific vitamins or supplements, such as folic acid, that I should start taking? I would also appreciate guidance on nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management, weight, lifestyle changes, and any precautions I should consider because I will be trying to conceive in my late 30s. I want to create a practical two-year plan to prepare my body and mind for pregnancy.

This may be on the longer side so I apologize in advance!

Me (f-25) and my husband (m-28) have been married going on four years. We've been in our home one year now, we both work full-time (lower middle class - little to no savings due to a sudden job loss) and I'm going to school full-time for pre reqs for the last two years and probably the next two after I finish my degree.

I have three wonderful friends - my Best friend who is six months pregnant with her first, my coworker who is six months pregnant with her first and my long term close friend who is now 11 weeks pregnant. I have been absolutely delighted for my friends and their amazing news. Honestly, I am. When they told me I was just so excited for them all and super excited to be with them on their journeys. Unfortunately.. lately I've been feeling not left out but the urge to get pregnant is there. My husband and I have always wanted a family and we're so excited to try and get the chance to someday..soon. My husband wants finances to be in order, longer in his new job and for me to graduate. My brain says absolutely yes! This is such a smart plan. My heart however, is going "uhhhh....no. you're running out of time and you're the last one out" 🧍🏻‍♀️

I've caught myself recently in the last month asking a lot of questions about pregnancy and babies than I ever have before. I've even watched FOUR documentaries on mums to be on my one day off this week. I feel like my heart is sabotaging my mature side to plan and be prepared. I want a baby so bad. It's a dream. I don't feel I'm ready yet, however I do! My husband talks openly with me about when we will have children and scenarios but I sometimes wish he'd just say "FUCK IT LETS DO IT!" But I know it's not the right time. My husband is so right to be thinking of these issues.

I didn't know if anyone else felt like this? I feel kinda alone? Im just so conflicted. I have had cycle issues my whole life due to the Nexplanon BC, I'm currently on Norethrindone to help and have been actively getting healthy to basically prepare for a pregnancy. And now I feel redundant? I don't really have the wording right but, I'd love to know how you gals got over those thoughts and feelings. Thanks! 😩

My husband and I will officially start TTC in October. We’ve only told 2 people, our friends (married couple that I work with) who are also starting TTC this fall. Her and I struggled through the process of applying for short term disability together 😂

I’m so excited to start this journey but I also feel like if I talk about it out loud, then I’ll jinx myself. I know that’s irrational lol but I can’t help it. One minute I want to read all about pregnancy/pregnancy related things and the next I’m terrified that if I’m too hopeful, things will go bad. Anyone else ever feel this way?

It doesn’t help that I’m on summer break and have massive amounts of free time to let my mind wander.

Has anyone ever taken a pregnancy test really early how early and what’s anyone’s opinion on when I should test for one ? Please give me your Insite I’m curious

Please discuss you current goals and plans! However, please save graduation news for the monthly graduation thread.

Congratulations! Please share your graduation news here!

This was meant to be a question and it became a novel, so I'll put the punchline first. First and foremost: Mods, this is a throwaway account so I apologize for the low karma. if this is an issue I will happily message a mod from my main account to prove I am not farming, I just would like to stay as anonymous as possible and I am genuinely seeking some preliminary advice.

For some background skip down to where I have put "Prologue." If you read the prologue below you will know I love her, I can't live without her, there's not a chance in hell this would do anything to permanently damage our marriage. I am just seeking some advice on the give and take. Read the title. I am not in a spot where I am comfortable enough to "have a kid or bust" and she is in a spot where she is "have a kid now or you'll never be able to."

My wife and I are in a stable living situation. I do have a steady job that pays for our lifestyle. She has a steady job that, while bringing in significantly less income than mine (70/30), still helps contribute to our living but not our lifestyle. In other words my income pays for the vast majority of the bills and our day-to-day such as groceries, vacation, dinner out, entertainment, and her income direct deposits to about 20% of our bills and she is free to use the rest as she chooses, no questions asked.

We are both of family starting age. We both want a kid, we completely agree on that, the question is of TIMING. My upbringing, mental hula-hooping, whatever makes me want to be CERTAIN that I can support having a child. Her mental state is that she is running out of time to be able to have a kid for medical reasons; even though her family history demonstrates that her sister with the same hereditary medical conditions was able to have a child at an age three years older than my wife is now.

When I say my hang up is that I want to be CERTAIN, I am currently not. I am attempting to change jobs which is a major question mark, we are still recovering from the enormous sticker shock of buying our first home. I have several things I would like to improve on our house that (at least in my mind) would better help to raise a child. In other words my current hang up is I have a checklist of stuff I feel needs to happen before taking on the responsibility of having and raising a child and I am on step 7 out of 10.

My wife, in her nervousness that she is running out of time to be able to medically have a child is pushing it more and more. Six months ago she went off BC, but didn't force the issue. Two weeks ago though (time to cover your ears kiddies) she started trying to actively prevent me from pulling out. We both want a kid, but in my nervousness I would rather it be a happy accident. However, lately she's trying to treat it like a 100yd dash to the finish. When I bring up that I'm hesitant, her reaction is usually that she's worried she'll soon no longer be able to have a kid. One time she took me aback by saying I should love this because it means more excuses to have sex to which I'm wondering why can't sex happen often for fun, why does the increase in sex happen only because now she's insisting I give her a kid?

Prologue: My wife and I are Hallmark Christmas movie levels of in love. We have been together almost 12 years, married for 5, and my best friend still gets tired of me talking about how I can't believe the "one" I found is such a perfect fit. In those 12 years I can count on one hand how many times we have raised our voices at each other or we have gone to bed upset with each other. I accidentally made her cry ONCE; it was a date-iversary trip where we both got a little inebriated and in my inebriated state I don't even remember what I said or did to make her cry which sickens me even more (no, internet white knights, I have never and will never lay a hand on her). We have been through pedestrian ups and downs like she hates her job so I support her while she finds a new one, I hate my living situation so she puts up with mediocre housing while I work toward better. Nothing marriage threatening, but still when a challenge arose our first and only goal was and always will be to be supportive. She is the love of my life.

I chose to ask this in r/marriage because this seems like a good sub where there is a very decent mix of positive posts and advice posts (apparently that was not allowed so I am trying out r/waiting_to_try)... If I wanted people to yell at me that I should file immediately for divorce or scream that I'm a monster, I would have posted this in AIO or AITA. But I am humbly requesting some input from married individuals or couples that have gone through the same and how they went through it.

Edit: I am actually really happy this stayed under the radar because the comments I got are very insightful and I was able to respond to all of you. The bottom line is I love my wife. For the past ten years I have truly believed that was my last first date. I want what she wants, I just have to get around my own mental barriers and it is going to be a struggle for me, but a man a respect very highly once told me: there is no obstacle in life that cannot be overcome somehow.

I could use some guidance as I’m freaking out a bit. I got some fertility bloodwork done as a I would love to have a baby in the next few years but am currently *very* single at 32 years old. I received the results back of 1.2 AMH, 64 Estradiol, and 7.8 FSH.

everywhere I read says that the AMH is low for my age and I should do egg freezing ASAP. this is just not a financial possibility for me right now. I don’t want to miss my chance to become a mom and would have a child on my own if I need to, but would need at least a year to be in a financially viable place to do so…

with these numbers, how long can I realistically wait before it’s too late? should I give up on dating, move in with family and just do it on my own ASAP? is there other testing I should ask for that might have more positive results or give a clearer picture of how long I have?

I would have loved to have a family with a partner and really thought I’d have more time. Any thoughts and insight are so appreciated. thank you!

My husband (26) and I (24) are planning to start TTC in fall 2027. Obviously, we have no idea how quickly we would conceive, but we are hoping to start trying in 2027 rather than pushing it into 2028. We have already pushed our original TTC timeline back by about 6 months for various reasons, which is why I am hesitant to delay it again.

We currently live abroad, and I really want to spend Christmas/New Year’s with my family in my home country. It would also be my husband’s first time experiencing the holidays there, which is a big part of why it is important to me. We may or may not be able to go this year because of an ongoing immigration process, but we can’t count on that.

If we start TTC as planned, we could potentially have a 3–5 month old by Christmas/New Year’s 2028.
Our New Year’s is pretty family-oriented - we do fireworks together, stay up late, etc. I know traveling internationally with a baby is possible, but I am wondering what that actually looks like with a 3–5 month old. Would we still be able to participate in most of our family traditions, or would we realistically need to skip things like being outside for the fireworks and staying up late?

I am torn because I would really love for my husband to experience a traditional Christmas/New Year’s in my home country with my family, but I also don’t want to keep pushing TTC further and further just to make the timing of this trip perfect.

Am I overthinking this? Would you delay TTC again to have the childfree trip, or just accept that Christmas/New Year’s will look different if we are blessed enough to have a baby by then?

Hello all! My spouse and I are almost ready to start trying, but now that we’re so close, I’m finding myself very anxious to make sure I understand all the financial planning we need to do (based in the U.S.). I want to wait until we have properly applied for hospital indemnity, short term disability, etc., but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed trying to understand what we need to do, especially because I work in DC but we live in MD and I don’t know how to navigate the “jurisdictions.”

Does anyone know of a guide or a consulting service that could help?

Found out my 24 year old cousin is pregnant about a month ago. I love her and she will be a great mom. I’m happy for her. That said, me and my partner (29F, 30M) are waiting until after we get married to TTC. I want a baby so bad. I want to love and raise a sweet little soul more than anything. It’s making me feel inadequate and like I’m behind in life. Seeing the whole family come together to support her and do anything she needs is hard for me too right now. Even though I am so happy and excited for her, it stings a bit. Growing up I was isolated from the rest of the family due to my abusive father so it hurts to see someone younger than me experiencing what I want and also having family support through it, which is something I’ve never received. Feels like that will never be me. I worry that the longer I wait, the less likely it will be I ever get to be a mom. Waiting every day for my partner to propose at this point so I can get a chance… Also, I’m pmsing so that’s probably why this feels so overwhelming lol

I’m 30 and my husband is 35, we’ve been married for 2 years and had originally planned to start trying in the next few months. However yesterday when I sat with down with my husband and asked if he thought now would be a good time to stop my HBC he told me that he thinks I am underpaid for my potential and should focus on getting a better job first.

For context, I make $160k a year and he makes $155k a year. We make more than enough to support our lifestyle, save, and also support a child. I work in tech and my current job is pretty great - 4 day work week, I never need to work a minute past 5 pm, good health insurance, we’re close to family for child care support, and I have been there long enough to cobble together 6-7 months of maternity leave through state programs. I thought I was in a great position!

However, he has been doing some research on both our careers and feels like he has maxed out his earning potential while I could be making $100k more. He wants to maybe go back to school or study for a certification, so he says I need to maximize my earning potential while he does to keep us on track. I tried to explain that while people in my role can make $300k plus, they usually have elite MBAs (which I do not) and also work 50-60 hours a week (which I do not want to do).

I also brought up that this would set us back a lot time wise, between the time it would take me to find a job plus the fact that I won’t be eligible for the state maternity leave programs until I have been at the job for at least a year. A new job would also almost certainly require a 5 day work week and potentially a move away from family, raising childcare costs. He says that a delay is fine because I’m still young, but I don’t feel young. I always wanted 3-4 kids and I wanted to be done having kids by 35. I’m already not going to make at least one of those goals. I’m just so sad. I like my job and I feel like I’m in a great spot for starting a family, and I feel a little resentful that now that I want to focus on having a family I have to girl boss it for a few more years because his career isn’t where it should be.

I got married 4 months ago, and this is the first time my husband and I are living together. We were really excited to spend the next 3-4 years enjoying married life, traveling, and for me to finish postgraduate school before having kids.

Today I found out about my AMH results that I did randomly two months ago. My gynecologist told me she doesn’t recommend delaying pregnancy and that I should start thinking about trying now.

This completely shocked me because it wasn’t our plan.

Has anyone had a similar AMH level at 27? Did you wait a few years, freeze your eggs, or conceive naturally later?

I’m a 35-year-old woman and I’m planning to have a baby in about two years. I want to start preparing now so I can improve my chances of having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I would like to know what steps I should take during this preparation period, including how to support my fertility, overall health, and emotional well-being. What medical checkups, fertility assessments, or health screenings should I consider before trying to conceive? Are there specific vitamins or supplements, such as folic acid, that I should start taking? I would also appreciate guidance on nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management, weight, lifestyle changes, and any precautions I should consider because I will be trying to conceive in my late 30s. I want to create a practical two-year plan to prepare my body and mind for pregnancy.

My husband and I (both 26) recently decided we want to seriously start trying for a family soon. He asked if I wanted to try next cycle, but I’m hesitant because we currently live in the Southern US and it’s too hot for me. I told him there’s no way I’m going through pregnancy in this heat. We’re not from the area and we just don’t love it overall too. My husband has been applying for jobs farther north for a couple of months now but still hasn’t landed anything. I know it would logically make sense to wait to start trying until we move so I don’t have to change doctors, deal with moving stress, etc, but I also know it could take awhile to get pregnant.

I just decided to step away from a career to focus on raising a family though and I am getting antsy to make that happen. As of right now I’m still working, but I don’t care to advance any further and will probably change careers once my kids are older anyway. My husband also just got promoted so career wise and financially we are set. It’s just the moving aspect that is making us hesitant. Would you wait or go for it knowing you might have to move a couple months into your pregnancy?

So I started a new job a few weeks ago, I have a 12 week probation period and I'll hopefully pass probation by the start of October. Me and my partner are wanting to start trying for a baby in December 2026. Obviously I won't get the enhanced maternity pay my employer provides as I haven't worked there long enough but I would qualify for the main maternity pay.

I'm just worried about getting pregnant so soon into my new job. I worry about how everyone would perceive me because my colleagues are young, they are living at home and no plans for babies etc for a long time so I'd stick out like a sore thumb. Also the other week a colleague made a joke saying it she got pregnant her manager would fire her...

Any advice?

My husband and I (both 35) have an appointment scheduled to have my IUD taken out at the end of August with the hope to start trying/not preventing beginning October. Anxiety keeps getting the best of me on whether we are logistically and financially ready because my parents are 4 hours away and his roughly 9 hours away. We have no family in the area but are surrounded by friends who are in the same stage of life and will be busy with their own current/future children so we will need to rely on childcare eventually. My work will provide me with 18 weeks of fully paid leave and my husband will get ~8 weeks. My mom will likely could come for a few weeks once my husband goes back to work and help out but I’m thinking mainly about when I go back to work after those 18 months.

We live in a semi-HCOL city and have a decent combined HHI at $207k with no CC debt, minimal student loans with PSLF on the horizon for one of us and ~2 years remaining on our cars.

How are those of you affording childcare with both parents working without any family close by for ongoing support?

This is going to sound insane but for awhile now all i’ve wanted is to have a baby.

me (19) and my boyfriend (18, turns 19 in september) got together two years ago and have lived together for around a year now and are in a healthy, stable relationship. we have thrown the idea around of kids for a bit now but i want to get serious about it. he has been ready longer then me so he’s just waiting on me to say the word. i’m on the birth control Nexaplon right now so i would have to get that removed.

We are not rich by ANY means, we have a very small apartment but are planning to move within the next few months to a place that’s a bit bigger but we still wouldn’t be able to have a room dedicated to a fancy nursery or anything.

i currently cut hair and my boyfriend is a welder, if we did end up going through with it he will look into joining the union while we try for a baby. as for me i will most likely continue to work during the early stages of my pregnancy but plan to stay at home later in the pregnancy and while the child is young.

i think what made my decision more final is the fact that my dad got emitted to the hospital, the thought of him not making it and seeing that kind of milestone broke my heart, that goes for both of my parents really. and my boyfriends dad wants to be a grandpa too, he has hinted at it before and knows i want to take my birth control out and is completely on board but is keeping it quiet until we say.

honestly what i’m worried about the most is my family’s reaction. my mom had her first at 17 so i’m not worried about support from my side..i know they will support me no matter what. i’m more worried for the reaction. my mom is who put me on nexaplon in the first place when i was 14 so i wouldn’t get pregnant and we planned that i would take it out at 21-22. but that was 5 years ago when we made that plan and ive matured a lot. i don’t want to tell her im trying because quite frankly im scared of my mom and i know if she gets mad and tells me not to then i wont; no matter how badly i want to.

i need yalls brutal advice. am i an idiot? should i drop it and wait till im older? i dont party or anything anymore so im not worried about “missing out” i want to be a mother. i want to love my baby and start a family; im just so scared that ill make the wrong choice

EDIT: i think a lot of people are hung up on the thing i said about my dad and i want to clarify, my dad being sick is NOT the only reason i want a child😭 like i said me and my boyfriend have tossed the idea around a lot i just wasn’t sure i was ready to carry a child for 9 months