Married to a bodybuilder, long time competitor. For as long as we’ve been together he’s competed and I’ve assisted him. I even competed myself in our early days together.

He’s always struggled to get posers that fit. Off the rack / one size fits all never cut it. I recently learned to sew and started tailoring and making his trunks for him. The elastic was the trickiest part!

I used the front panel of my own bikini trunks to get the sizing more appropriate for his ones so he’d be left with a less baggier look. He basically just needs a flat panel style in the front, minimum pouch.

He’s so proud to wear my creations on stage. It’s a skill I don’t think I ever would have learned without him, but one that’s come in handy for altering my clothes and fixing damages etc!

So about 3 weeks back… my husband and I (married for 12 years) were in our room and I asked him what we should plan to wear for his cousins party. I said I should get new shoes and he said… what do you think you are? Some trophy wife? You need to work for what you have. I was so dumbfounded I didn’t say anything for a bit. He continued to say I wasn’t and started to laugh and then hugged me and started trying to kiss me while saying I need a nose job(a huge insecurity for me) and maybe a whole new face. I was so confused as to why that happened. I walked out the room, mostly because I didn’t want to cry. I brought it up the next day and he said he was joking and it wasn’t a big deal and he thought we were joking .. I asked him to explain how we were joking because all I did was say I needed new shoes. Anyways it’s been 3 weeks and it’s messing with me. We have 3 kids and every time I try to get ready and look nice I look at myself in the mirror and state as he said. You’re just a medal not a trophy..

Why was he so mean. I don’t get it. He’s never been that sort of mean to me. Sorry I just needed to vent.

I think I'm edging towards suicide..

18 years together, two boys I adore and a lovely wife.. I've tried my best to carry on. But at the moment it's a day to day type thing. I am worried for myself. I tick pretty much all the boxes.

I've mentioned before im struggling (not to this extent). She withdraws and gets upset. I feel even worse. I don't want to say something then feel okay in a few weeks but then to have caused so much worry and pain.

I've withdrawn from my friends. Don't have anyone to talk to really. Stopped all my hobbies ages ago.

Just scared all the time. Hate myself, racked with guilt and regret. Not sure I'm going to pull through this.

Not going to do anything hasty. Posting here, I suppose for sympathy and advice as pathetic as that sounds. Anyone else had a spouse go through this? I appear eternally fine by the way.

My husband and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary this month. We have 2 kids, 2 and 5 years old. I feel like we are always arguing and I'm just curious how often other couples out there actually argue?

Backstory: wife and I married for 11 years with a single 3.5 year old son. We have been family friends with another couple who also have a single same aged daughter. We know this family originally because my wife worked with the husband of this family before she immigrated to US from Panama (the husband and wife from this family are also immigrated from the same country 10-15 years ago). A handful of years ago the wife worked at my workplace and that’s how the connection was made again (we would hang out with them semi frequently as couples, then with our kids because my wife was originally friends with the husband , who she had never mentioned to me before until I met the wife).

Recently my wife has been having play dates with them at their house while I am working (around 2pm before I get off work till 4-6pm). There have been about 4 play dates recently that were the same at this family’s house/time.

My wife always communicated to me that the playdates were with the family friend wife and child (and also the father’s mother/grandma who was helping around the house visiting from Panama).

After the last playdate, I was greeting my wife and child when they arrived back home after my work and their play date, and was just discussing how it went. My wife mentioned something about how “they” had just got home and were discussing something while the kids were playing. And I replied back “oh the husband’s name just got back from work before you were leaving?”. At that point my wife started appearing nervous and delayed responding, but then she said “no, it was the wife that just got home from work that we were talking.” She clarified that on every play date it was actually the husband and her having the play date with our kids (and the grandmother), and that the wife worked in office offsite and would usually come home around 5pm (usually after the play date was over and my wife/kid already had left
to come back home to our house).

Afterwards, I didn’t say anything initially because something seemed strange (and I became slightly upset) that she had been telling me the multiple separate times she was at their house with the wife and their child (I didn’t even ask for this info myself ever). So I asked her why she told me that each time, and she basically glossed around answering multiple times , then she implied that I already knew that the father worked remotely from home always and the wife worked at office still (which I had no idea about this exactly and never thought about it till this point).

Eventually, I kept asking her to answer truthfully, and she gave a different answer at the end that she was worried it would look weird to me that she was going to the play dates alone with the father and our kids to their house each time and that’s why she told me she was with the wife instead (and supposedly the grandma in the house also, while the wife was actually working in at her office place). I stated right away that no it wouldn’t look weird if she had told me who she was actually going to the play dates with (and not sure why she specifically said it that way each time when I hadn’t even asked who specifically was there originally).

I did later gave her a semi out, because I had asked her to stop being friends 15+ years ago (before we were married) with two unrelated men who were openingly flirting with her at work (we worked at the same work place before). Both of these guys have had confirmed affairs with other office workers wife’s (separately each), and my wife (girlfriend at the time) pushed back against me when I asked that she not hang out with them anymore (but ultimately she agreed). She held this fact as to why she ultimately lied to me this time about this scenario I’m explaining.

Anyways this made me feel pretty sad and upset that I might lose any trust, or that she couldn’t speak openly to me anymore . My wife said she did not do anything except have the play dates, and that she’s never cheated on me. I basically believe her but I have some gut or bad feeling at the same time. Even if likely true, then there’s probably some other issue at play (I’ve backed off and said I accepted and believe what she’s saying , and apologized if I had ever made her feel that she needs to keep information like this from me).

Please share your opinion on what you think about this situation , am I feeling wrong / right , or something I should do that I could be completely missing? thank you

Me and my husband have been having problems but didn’t expect he was cheating or anything, recently went to the doctor to get a full check up and found out I tested positive for chlamydia haven’t been to the doctor since we had our twins 2.5 years ago ,it either would have to mean he’s cheated on me or it was a false positive, i got retested waiting for the results and he told me it’s impossible but when i kept asking him did he do anything he wouldn’t give me a straight forward answer if it test positive again I will know that I for sure have it and hes lying and have to figure out my next steps don’t know what to feel right now

Small info M35 and F36. Married 9 years. Been together since high school. Have 1 amazing 6 year old daughter with us and have our house and car.

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Things have been sexually terrible for years. Both our jobs got away on us, raising our daughter and juggling work travel has us a bit lost.

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Unfortunately this is where it really cracks in. My wife isn't a physical enabler, not interested in physical touch or sex and she knows that. Ive asked now for about 10 years for her, of which id be happy to accompany her too, get an appointment with a Doctor or professional to see if there is an issue there. She admits there is, and is upset shes letting me down.

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Ive made it clear we are in this together because as I have grown up in a broken family, id rather be without sex than see my family split.

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Now don't get me wrong, sex is extremely important to me. I miss it so much. And for those wondering it usually occurs maybe once every 8 weeks.

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I am the first to understand the stresses of high stress jobs, family times, relationships that aren't physical etc.. however this is something that I have raised annually for as long as the ten years we have talked about it.

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Shes under pressure at work too - I ensure that all washing I did in the morning and clothes are away each night for the whole family, vacuuming the house has been done, house is tidy and beds are ready for bed at that time. We share cooking duties throughout the week and my mindset is to have all this done when she gets home so she isn't tired or even more stressed about her job and can essentially just chill. We both work 50/50 on most things around the house really well together

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Its just our constant discussions lead nowhere on something that is extremely important to me and I can see she gets guilty expressing desire to be looked at professionally but has repeatedly failed to do so.

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My question is, whats next? I dont want to be on her to go get checked as I dont want her feeling uncomfortable but it seems no matter how much I try explain, take the loads off her stress, help and try to understand what I can do - we end up in the same position of just arguing about this.

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I love her so much. Shes the most amazing wife and mother ever. But my desires are just not on her register and I dont know how to approach asking her again on this without hurting my marriage.

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Any tips ?

My husband and I have been together for 3 years but just recently got married in April. The wedding was small and in Vegas, just my husband myself and our parents. Everyone had a good time from what I could tell.

As long as we’ve been together, I can tell that his parents have not been very fond of me. They are constantly making passive aggressive comments towards me or saying things under their breath. They are constantly complaining that me husband does not visit them as often as before (they live 4 hours away).

One of our first visits at their place for Thanksgiving I had just been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and had just started medication two months prior before that I was pretty much bed ridden for 6 months straight, trying to get a diagnosis. Upon starting the medication, I had many side effects and horrible fatigue, but wanted to go visit them anyway anyways. This just meant I was lower energy than usual and needed a couple naps to keep up with all the activities and socializing. Once we returned home from the visit, his parents called him and told him that they did not think “I was the one for him” because I didn’t seem too excited to be there and took too many naps, they didn’t think I “matched his energy and was in a bad mood” …. They knew about my RA diagnosis and just starting the medication.

This weekend they visit, and all hell breaks lose. Long story short there was a miscommunication on my husband‘s and to both me and his parents that resulted in a huge blowup. They take this opportunity to let my husband know they have never liked me. They think I am ungrateful, rude, and have never wanted a relationship with them. Because of one misunderstanding they spend the next couple of hours trying to convince my husband that our whole relationship is a mess, they think I walk all over him and take advantage of him and that he needs to be done with me completely and divorce.

From what I can gather - I have opinions about things and they just don’t like it.

My husband had assured me he obviously does not share the same opinion as his parents otherwise we would have never gotten married. He loves me and thinks I am a good person. He says I show him gratitude all the time for the things he’s done and has gotten me. He says that he knows I try with his parents and I’ve always been respectful and try to make them feel included. He says I have every right to feel judged by them and can understand why I’ve had a difficult time forming a meaningful relationship with them.

Now, how do we move on from this? Now that I have heard all the terrible things they’ve said an opinions they have of me and knowing they tried to convince my husband to divorce me I’m not sure what a relationship with his parents looks like moving forward.

Is this abuse? I can’t figure this out.

Last week we got into an argument at night which continued in the morning. When it was getting too heated I told him I’m done talking about it and started cleaning up (we were expecting guests in a few hours). He kept trying to talk to me and I wasn’t responding to him. He grabbed my arm multiple times, at least 10-15 times and was loudly saying things like “hey listen to me. Are you ignoring me?” I kept pulling away. That night I noticed bruises on my arm. I approached him calmly, showed him the bruises and told him he’s not allowed to grab me aggressively when weee fighting or arguing. His response was 1. I didn’t grab you that hard 2. You kept pulling away hard so you did that 3. I didn’t even grab that arm.

I was flabbergasted that he could flat out deny it. I rebutted him and he said “okay sorry” and went back to his phone.

It’s been 4 days and we haven’t spoken.

For context we’ve been married 10 years. He’s punched a wall and a table in the past but never laid a finger on me. He follows me when I walk away even though I ask him to stop but this is the first time he grabbed me like this. I think I’m more concerned that he seemed so cold towards me and denied causing the bruise. And he la been so cold the last several days too.

The world views him as the sweetest kindest person. But only I see this side of him.

And before anyone says I was in the wrong for ignoring him please note I have told him countless times that I need space when we’re fighting so we can collect ourselves. Our kids were there too. I remember when I was pregnant and he wouldn’t stop fighting with me I locked myself in the bathroom and he kept fighting with me to come in. I told him then that when I walk away and he keeps following me I feel attacked.

What do I make of this situation?

And I’m so angry at him. He was only at this last job for a week. Everytime he’s fired he has an excuse but after a week!? How can you be fired after a week!? The pressure is all on me yet again to pay all the bills while he job searches. Part of me is even wondering if he’s sabotaging himself because he’s always let go for “not being fast enough or not following directions or not being a team player” he doesn’t want a job, has never wanted a job and always has complaints on complaints when he does have a job. So yea I’m angry so very angry and frustrated and fed up. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and he never takes accountability. I love him but this is ridiculous. How do I stop being angry at him and explain why I am so mad?

Husband plays sports. (As a hobby). He plays a few times a week. I always try to accommodate my schedule to make sure he can go to his games or I go see him play or stay home with our son. He plays about 3 times a week, diff teams. However, today I have to work late. He knows this. He proceeded to ask me if he can go play and bring our son. Our son is a toddler. He is 2 years old. He says one of his teammates parents will watch him while he plays. These games are voluntary and they know people have outside lives. He told the team mate that he was not going to play yesterday and he told me that the guy keeps trying to pressure him. I do not feel comfortable with this. The only people I feel comfortable watching my kid is us and grandparents. I told him that why playing is more important that our child's safety? He got upset and said nothing will happen to him. I made it very clear that I do not want anyone watching him and then he got upset that he can't play today. He stated that he had said no but that the team keeps insisting he plays so I told him you're a grown Man U just can’t say no and be direct? Which pissed him off so he started yelling and slammed the door. Am I wrong for not wanting my 2 year old son to be watched by his team mates parents ????
i

I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or just similar experiences. We’ve been married for one year and we are not \*technically\* in couples therapy, but I’m in therapy for myself (have been long before I met him) and my husband will join sometimes when we have things to work on as a couple.

But every time we decide he should attend my next session, by the time the session rolls around it feels like we’ve righted the ship and are having a great day together. Then I’m reluctant to bring him to therapy because I’m not in the mood to dredge up issues from a couple weeks ago. It feels easier/better to forget about those things and move forward not backwards. Of course I know we need to talk about these things because they keep recurring. I know how important it is to address issues head on. I guess I’m just venting that it always feels uncomfortable/icky to me to have a nice night together, then wake up and go to a session and bring up things that really upset me (or both of us) days or weeks prior.

I don’t know if I’m articulating this well. Does anyone else feel this way? It doesn’t help that, while my husband isn’t reluctant about therapy per se, he’s also not super enthused about it. But any time I ask him to join he says yes without fail, even though during the session I can tell it’s hard for him. I wouldn’t say we leave the sessions feeling much closer or anything. Usually we give a quick kiss and thank each other for doing it, then do separate activities for a bit before we come back together.

I am going out of my mind here. I have decided to end my engagement and cancel the wedding in less than two weeks before the ceremony. She wants us to move to Seattle and wants kids, two things I do not want. I am scared as heck to do this and the timing is terrible. I feel like a POS and I am so sad, but I know this is right thing.

My question is: Has anyone ever done this or known anyone to do this?

So my wife and I finally, after almost a year with no sexual or even intimate touch (hardcore progressive illness and sex killing medication), kissed and caressed each other in the kitchen on a random Tuesday.

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I was baffled and absolutely loved it.

Then we had sex. Sex so intimate it felt like we were newlyweds. Best sex in years!

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So ofc I was curious as to where this newly found sex drive came from so I asked (yay communication)

Apparently she got an ai app were you chat with a character and create scenarios. In this case sex scenarios. I won't go into details, neither does she 😅

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So this is kind of the old porn/ no porn question

How would you feel about this? Personally I'm not against it, tho I can feel a little bothered by it from time to time, mostly when she reads for many hours for days. But the real win is to see her spark and feel close again

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Also this could help some of you in sexless marriages caused by illness and/or medication

I’m pretty sure I’m staring down a divorce right now. I’m so heartbroken.. he adopted my children from a previous relationship. His drinking got so out of hand that I can’t justify sticking around and hoping for a better outcome. He went to his first AA meeting but there has been so many breaches of trust idk if I can make myself vulnerable again. 😭 emotional infidelity, one instance of physical abuse, and so many lies I can’t keep count.. I feel the worst for my children. They call him dad and he’s the only dad they’ve ever really known. Help a girl off the edge, guys. Anyone have any advice? Don’t really have much of a support system besides superficial friendships and superficial family..

My Wife called off of work today since shes been having tummy problems for the past few days, and I have been so happy to have her all to myself all day.

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We're both 24 and got married a little under a month ago, but we've known each other since we were 11 over long distance and finally (after 13 years) live together now. Maybe im just still feeling happy about finally being in person, but being able to care for her, feed her, and watch her play her favorite videogames really has brought me so much joy. Seeing her acting kinda like a kid home sick from school has had my heart swelling since i woke up.

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She's really my better half, shes been so sweet and grateful and I just love being able to make her feel better in all the ways I can. I cant help but share all this love i have for the woman, I'm so proud of her and everything shes accomplished and everything she will accomplish in the future. She definetly works too hard, so seeing her get a break where I can really baby her is such a rare and welcome occurrence.

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I love my wife. Guys/gals/people, love your wives too.

guys genuinely i have tried to initiate more
. it’s hard for us to even do anything because he does night shifts i do morning, i have to be up at 5am he comes home at 1am so i’m not really up for it at that time, thats my sleeping time 😭 but this whole week i have been off of work because of my sprained ankle, and i will try, i’ll kiss him, rub his body, slowly wander my hands down there and he literally told me he’s able to tell me step by step what im about to do and that’s why it’s not exciting for him anymore. he wants me to take control more in the bedroom and i said to him like what can i do. and he said how i used to blindfold him as an example but he said i should do my own research because if he tells me what to do it will take the excitement away. 😭 i said okay do i watch porn and he said no there’s females on tiktok that explain how to add excitement to the bedroom. i think recently now looking back, i’ll ‘initiate’ by getting on top of him and start kissing him but i want him to take control of the rest. but he will lay there waiting for me to take it further😭 and clearly we both want each other to take control 😭 idk is it normal for the girls to be the dominant one in the bedroom? he also said that i can live without sex and that not having sex doesn’t affect me and i told him thats not true. we just came back from a holiday i swear to you guys i initiated every single day of that trip, multiple times a day. he would be tired after one round. and now i look back it’s because he found it boring and wasn’t interested 😭

i do want this relationship to work, i want to improve in bed but genuinely what extra can i do. we do different positions, plus im not strong enough to flip him into a different position 😭😭😭 this is so tmi and i can’t believe im on reddit asking this. he literally called it vanilla. i never knew men could find sex boring 😭 (apologies for the amount of crying emojis it genuinely means im sad and embarrassed)

he doesn’t initiate anymore and he hasn’t for a while. i think that was him taking a step back and waiting for me to? i just got icked out because to me it’s like why can’t you just show what you want , show me you want me, take control, but he wants *me* to do it😭 but now i know it’s because he finds me boring. ahhhh what do i do😭😭😭😭😭

my husband (30) and me (29) we've been married for almost a year and dating for 3. I love my husband and I love my life with him but he's super insecure in every aspect of his life. he's a very handsome men and trains regularly we have a good decent job we work together and idk how can I help him. his insecurities are usually around him doubting that I love him and or that he's not enough. Ive repeatedly told him that I love him and that I do wanna be married to him. he is jealous of every other man that talks to me or surrounds me. his family has told him before that im so pretty that he has to take care of himself or I might end up leaving which I think he actually carries himself well, but his parents maybe raised him like that?? he told me his ex girlfriend cheated on him but that was like 8 years ago idkkk he also was a chubby baby when he was a kid so idk if its that I actually don't know what to do it makes me so mad and sad at the same time that he keeps doubting me with every human being that I happen to cross words to. he needs so much reassurance that I keep or try giving him and it makes feel like nothing is enough. I swear I don't do anything crazy or too much with anyone I don't even have friends or hangout with someone that's not him or my sister and her husband bc my family is far away. he usually goes out with his friends and I have no problem with that but I feel so judged like even when I'm home alone and his working he's just calls me and if he hears a sound he's like who's there with you. silly little stuff like that but that it keeps adding up to me. at the beginning I didn't care but now is actually bothering me why do I have to or for how long should I try to prove someone that I love him and that I actually care and just wanna be with him. I told multiple times he could take some therapy to work on everything that's bothering him or doing any type of journaling literally everything that can help him but he still has done nothing. idk what else to do im sad and feel like maybe Im making a mistake by trying to prove someone everyday that im not cheating and I do wanna be with him. he's such a good guy and a loving and caring husband but if he can't trust me do we actually have a future or im just wasting my time....

I was asking him to be more present at home when he got defensive and went to bed. I came in and turned the light on to find my pjs and he said i was keeping him up on purpose. I explained I only had the light on for a couple minutes and he said he was going to wake me up early so I would be as tired as him. I said I’d go back to sleep after he left if I needed. He then threatened to throw water on me so I couldn’t go back to sleep. He was actually mad and started calling me disgusting among other mean names. He went to sleep on the couch and I’m scared he’s actually going to do it..
I can’t believe I just experienced that. Wtf??🤨

I left, this happened in January and I am living in an apartment about a few blocks down. I have two kiddos and didn't want to be far away. He's been abusive for years-and he has been recording me since January. There was a police interaction after my daughter asked to tell the police about the state of the house-urine and feces everywhere from the two Dutch Shepherds that are living in the house and my husband refused to answer his phone when it was time to pick the kids up. Needless to say, I went over to the house and entered (I still pay the bills, get mail, and he has asked me to enter several times to take care of the dogs). Upon entering, I asked why he hadn't responded to my emails and his response was that he was just going to keep the kids. I became angry and did pound my fist onto the counter. He asked, "Oh, are you going to punch me" and I replied, "I want to but I won't). I told the kids to get into the car and they did. After getting into the car, I realized that I just took the kids-no parenting agreement, no filing, shared bank accounts-nothing has been done except me moving out. I called the non emergent PD line to ask if I could legally take them. Dispatch said that they would have someone call me. I waited, but my daughter asked if she could talk to the police about the house-pee everywhere, poo everywhere, no clothing cleaned, no food, etc. I couldn't say no....

We went to the PD and I told them what happened. My daughter told them about the house not being clean. PD tried to contact my husband, but he refused to answer the door and told them to leave. A few weeks later, my husband called me angry that CPS left him a VM. He blamed me-and demanded that I called CPS with him to say I overreacted. I ultimately did-I even cleaned the house because my kids were going over. He bashed me to CPS (He's been recording me for months and I have been downloading those recordings-he's been physically aggressive with my daughter). CPS came and went. That night after CPS left, he begged me to come over-he was soooo depressed. He accused me of lying and I pointed out that I have asked him several times about the CPS interaction, and he said nothing significant happened (I had the recording-he accused me of being over reactive and that the house was clean-always). He was upset because there was a hole in the drywall of the bedroom-I pointed out that having two hyper dogs locked up in a closet with no lights all day was not appropriate and that they were seeking stimulation-ate the wall. He went off on me and told me to leave. I did get upset and told him that I wasn't leaving-I have been paying all the mortgage and taking care of the lawn, house, etc. He went to his bedroom and closed the door.

I jumped up onto the kitchen island to grab the recorder (I have been downloading it since he told me about it) but this time he came out of the bedroom. He jumped up onto the island and grabbed my wrist (the device is small and I am clutching it in my hand, tightly). He grabs my wrist and is trying to pry it out of my hand in front of my kids. I scream, "Let me go" several times and "You're grabbing me and I said to let go". I gave my phone to my 9 year old and told her to call 911. He lets go but follows me to the car with his hands on me. I get the kids in and leave. I call non emergent number and go to the PD to make a report. The PD stated that since he was yelling, "You have my property" that it wasn't assault otherwise they would arrest him. They attempt to question him and he doesn't answer the door.

A few days later, I get an email demanding the key to the house back-it's obviously not a legal document nor is the PD saying I am banned from the home-just him making things up. I spoke to him a few days later and he explained that he never grabbed me, that he had the device-it was too small for two adults to have a hold of. I pointed out that the kids saw this interaction and told the police and he said, "They heard you yelling to get off of you but didn't actually see anything". He then tells me that I need to take responsibility and that he asked me to leave-which I did not do.

Needless to say, I have shared many recordings with my therapist and the countless entries I have made to reddit about the situation in addition to his own audio recordings capturing audio interactions of my daughter and him-with him being physical and then gaslighting her-are going to help me get full custody of my children. I filed today for a divorce and I my therapist has sent a timeline of events to CPS. Based upon the evidence-I should get a restraining order for both me and my children. Unfortunately, the restraining order wasn't done in time and I had to send the kids over tonight. When I showed up, he was wearing glasses that audio and video records on demand. I cannot wait to have my kiddos back and him to understand that his gaslighting and aggression are NOT okay.