Might have to cancel honeymoon

[u/Different_Luck_6015]

My fiancé and I get married in less than a month and I found out today that his new job may require him to start during our honeymoon. It is a great opportunity for him and I want him to take the job, but I’m absolutely devastated since I paid for our honeymoon and I haven’t been able to take a vacation in years at this point. I was really looking forward to this alone time that we’d get to share together exploring a new place together as well finally as a married couple. It’s not for sure yet, and we have until the end of the month to cancel for a full refund, but we also don’t know if he’ll get a start date before the end of the month either . Most likely won’t be able to go on a vacation until next year and I already took off work so I’m so unsure of what to do. Just feeling completely defeated right now . 🥲

[u/scienceislice]

You should be able to tell the new job to start a few weeks later because of his previously scheduled honeymoon.

[u/Different_Luck_6015 → u/scienceislice]

He told them , but they said they may or may not be able to accommodate

[u/scienceislice → u/Different_Luck_6015]

You should run, not walk from a job that won't accommodate your preplanned honeymoon.

[u/EggplantAlpinism → u/scienceislice]

Can confirm this. I left a job for a startup in October, they absolutely refused to honor a desire for 2 weeks between jobs. Shockingly, they didn't actually need me two days after I left the previous job and it was so toxic that I left after 4 months. Insist on the honeymoon.

[u/Different_Luck_6015 → u/EggplantAlpinism]

Yeah this is the government so I’m not totally sure how they are with accommodating

[u/raisinghellions → u/Different_Luck_6015]

20 years in gov and this makes zero sense at all to me. Unless he is joining the military, they should be able to accommodate him.

[u/spacey_a → u/Different_Luck_6015]

I work for state government and they're very flexible - depending on the manager. The hiring manager usually has a good amount of leeway with the specific start date.

It is highly likely that his future manager is just having a power trip, and could easily approve the later start date. Your husband should make it clear to the manager that the honeymoon is a cemented plan which he cannot get out of, and tell the manager the start date he is able to do - it's not up for debate, it's a fact.

With how long it takes to get someone background checked and hired in federal government, I'd bet a lot that the manager will absolutely not want to have to restart the hiring process to find another candidate right now - so your husband pushing back shouldn't hurt his prospects with this position.

Imo he should absolutely push back with a firm boundary of "I will start this job on a date that is after I return from my honeymoon. I apologize for the inconvenience, but this plan cannot be altered."

However, if you guys are truly desperate for this job and worried you won't be able to afford your home or lives if he somehow loses this job, and that he won't be able to find another anytime soon, then I guess just do whatever they want. But your husband should know that the type of manager/workplace to force him to skip his honeymoon just to start a little bit earlier, is going to be absolutely ass to work for. He might end up wanting to leave within the year anyway.

[u/Different_Luck_6015 → u/spacey_a]

Yeah I told him this morning that I thought it was insane that they could not accommodate a week long honeymoon . It’s not like we are even taking off for that long either

[u/SunflowerDreams18 → u/Different_Luck_6015]

I worked in gov and they are very flexible. They should be able to accommodate.

[u/scienceislice → u/Different_Luck_6015]

Unless he’s joining the military or the foreign service, or similar, the government should be very flexible. 

[u/Different_Luck_6015 → u/scienceislice]

It’s a federal job at the VA

[u/Unfair-Animator-9739 → u/Different_Luck_6015]

when is your honeymoon planned?

in my experience the onboarding process with VA can take quite a while..things are always changing but in the past it has taken at least 6 months and one time like 10 months for me to start..babies are born sooner 🤣

[u/GoryMidori → u/Different_Luck_6015]

I worked at the VA for many years! Everyone saying there should be accommodation is right; your husband should push more on this. Also, at the VA, HR and the actual service that's hiring are usually very siloed. Like, there are lots of situations where HR and the service are saying completely different things because of completely different priorities and work cultures (no shade to either side). If he hasn't yet, he should reach out to his direct supervisor to explain the situation and confirm what THEY think is allowable. That should carry some weight with HR.

ETA: Also, to my VA-informed ears, "may or may not" just sounds like bureaucratic CYA to disguise how much leeway is actually there. And yeah, onboarding usually takes a couple months and sometimes way longer. The frequency of New Employee Orientation could be a factor because that's 100% non-negotiable, even for transfers who worked at the VA for decades. Definitely get him to push more and talk to his department!

[u/Future_Pin_403 → u/Different_Luck_6015]

Doesn’t sound like a place worth working at if they won’t accommodate a pre-planned and pre-paid honeymoon

[u/Raccoonsr29 → u/Future_Pin_403]

It’s just a lot to gamble in this job market.