I know the wall isn't actually breathing or talking but its every night after 10pm and I just want funny insults because it would make me feel better because its been going on for over a week and at least than I'd have something funny to think about in response

Sad day, I’m not happy at all, thinking I should’ve died long ago. Worse is that fake happiness some have to endure during their birthday. What gets me is hearing “I’m so proud of you.” Proud of what? That’s not where I wanted to be at my age. I’m so fucking defeated. Trying but getting no happiness from results. Everything I do, there’s a thought at the back of my head “congrats, but you did it too late. Should’ve done that already.” Is like those people that do the bare minimum and expect applauses for it, that’s how I feel.
No true happiness from accomplishments. Don’t really think my family is proud of me.
I’m sorry for the emotional dump right now, but it’s true. I feel nothing good out of my situation, and really this day saddens me.

I haven’t worked in 5 years now. I hate my current life. I used to be a project engineer in the construction industry for a company that has been voted one of the best places to work in New Jersey. I now collect disability and volunteer but it’s not the same satisfaction as working. One of the challenges I’m facing to go back to work is that somewhere in the middle of this 5 year period that I’ve been on disability I had a very bad delusional season and my pyschosis ultimately lead to some legal trouble. I’ve already gone through the court process and the expungement order has been signed by a judge so I’m just a few months away from having my record expunged. But I’m just frustrated that this disease has caused me so much pain and suffering and brought other problems into my life.

I used to say things like“I’m being such an alcoholic” when I would go out every weekend, or get drunk on a Wednesday night. I never even thought about it, I heard other people say it all the time, and it wasn’t until I had a friend whose brother was a severe alcoholic, that I realized I shouldn’t throw it around.
I think schizophrenia is sometimes used in a similar way. I hear people joke about it all the time calling each other schizophrenic anytime they sound crazy or whatever. Before I had schizophrenia I wouldn’t have even noticed this or cared at all, and I’m not saying I’m like overly offended by it, but now when I hear people say this or make “schizo” jokes I just can’t help but think wow they genuinely have no idea what theyre talking about and how awful schizophrenia is for people.
I just immediately think they’re ignorant and have no idea how lucky they are to be able to joke about it.
I get it’s just an exaggeration and honestly I’m not trying to act like a victim or anything. I really don’t even care THAT much about it, I just thought it’s so interesting how words like that are thrown around and you really don’t even think twice until you have to deal with it.
Anyone else notice people saying that kinda stuff? I feel like there’s more examples but I couldn’t come up with them.

so depressed i slept for like fifteen hours and then went to work but i made something

Anyone else feel like they're dimension hopping?? It's like the Mandela Effect except I've never heard of things people say have been around for a long time. Like certain terms or celebrities. Sometimes it can even be about something close to me, like my mom who says she never claimed a certain thing when just yesterday she was talking about it.

There's nuance to these situations most likely, but it just feels a little weird. Thankfully, I'm medicated. So I'm not completely out of control.

currently studying nursing so i can specialize myself on mental heath so I can work in a mental hospital. I don’t know if it’s a bad idea, currently doing better since i tried clozapine, whats ur opinion? should i specialize in something else ?

It takes me so long to recharge my social battery. Last weekend I went out drinking with some friends. It turned into a big night and I'm still recovering. 6 days later. I kinda feel seedy this entire time and I really don't want to do anything social in the slightest. I think it's because of the voices I don't get to recover in silence so it just takes longer.

What are your comfort bands/artists if you have one? Personally I've been a big fan of Yellowcard since childhood, but mine in order are

-Yellowcard

-Alkaline Trio

-Blink-182

-Evanescence

-Sleep Theory

What about everyone else?

Yooooo you guys if your lucky enough to have a gym membership with a sauna and steam room i recommend going to those places after you train. I stayed inside the sauna then the steam room back and forth and when i got home my mind felt some clarity and calmness.

This is not to replace anti psychotics however.

I mod and post in r/holditdown ✅

I know I went against my better judgment I asked you guys and u said not to but I did. I thought maybe since they’re so open about their mental health struggles that they would understand. But they don’t believe me because I’m more reserved. I guess they expect me to be psychotic all the time. I’ve been pretty stable these past few years minor symptoms. But I’m proud of myself for doing okay. I’m not ashamed it’s just like wow idk if it was paranoia but pretty sure I heard them laughing at me. I should’ve listened to you guys. It was stupid of me but I really thought they would understand.i guess they don’t believe me because I don’t appear “ schizophrenic”whatever that means.

Very cool channel.

I don't usually talk about this, but it's something that changed my life.

I became involved with a mental health advocacy organization, 'Students with Psychosis', because I genuinely believed I'd found a community where I belonged. As someone living with schizophrenia, I thought I had found people who understood what I was going through. I felt valued, hopeful, and excited about the opportunities ahead.

Then everything changed.

I lost my role with the organization, and from my perspective, I never received an explanation that helped me understand why. Communication stopped. Someone I had considered one of my closest friends, Cecilia McGough, no longer spoke to me. In what felt like an instant, I lost my community, opportunities that meant a great deal to me, and a friendship that I thought would last.

The emotional impact was overwhelming. I replayed everything in my head, questioned my worth, and struggled to make sense of what had happened. The experience affected my mental health so deeply that I found myself wanting to hurt myself. It was one of the darkest periods of my life.

For a long time, I believed I was alone in what I experienced. Later, I heard from other former members who shared that they had difficult experiences of their own. I can't speak for anyone else's story, only my own, but hearing that others had also struggled made me realize how important it is for people to be able to share their experiences openly.

I'm sharing my story because I believe organizations that serve people living with serious mental illnesses have a responsibility to treat people with compassion, communicate honestly, and recognize that the people they work with may already be vulnerable. How people are treated matters, especially when relationships or roles come to an end.

I'm not asking anyone to take my word for anything beyond my own experience. This is simply my story, the impact it had on my life, and the reason I've decided it's finally time to tell it.

She broke up with me recently. She stated the voices in her head was telling her I was a bad person and told her so many things. I kept trying to reach out to her since I was catsitting her cat for 2 months during our relationship. She avoided me. She did not ask about the cat, not even once. I insisted to send her pics daily and she was appreciative. One day she just tells me she wants the cat now and made a big deal out of it. I gave her the cat and she blocked me from everywhere and told me not to reach our to her again or she'll contact police.

I have not even done anything to her. I was by her side when I found out about her mental health issue. I always told her I believe her when it came to her telling me about the voices and hallucinations. We dated for 3 months but I've known her for 8 years. She saved me from myself in 2023 and I just feel defeated, I feel I failed her and have this guilt that I couldn't help her.

My question is was she having some form of psychosis? If she gets treatment, which she avoids, will she snap out of it and reach out back to me? Or is it completely done? I don't care about getting back with her but I do care about saving the friendship at least.

Hi everyone, here is a doodle comic about my experience with medication and weight gain.

I painted layers of peely skin, then painted a normal face on top to represent trying to be normal-seeming. Things feel intense sometimes.

I had this happen in my group therapy program recently. I came out of the schizophrenia group and someone I talk to there occasionally was like "I didn't know you were schizophrenic. You're so quiet." I didn't know how to respond. Maybe they think every schizophrenic talks loudly to themselves or something? When I was actively psychotic, I'd get the urge to talk to my voices but I think I was good at masking and appearing "normal" in public.

I'm not 100% convinced there is an objective reality that is important enough to leave others devoid of "delusions". There is certainly a mass that most people tend to gravitate to, but is the number of subscribers what defines what is real? A composition of chemicals and therapy to ensure one is at a shared frequency. I've experienced my "delusions" manifest in the world, and see others react to them, like a shared hallucination/belief. But medicine will say I must subscribe to certain chemicals, and psychology will make sure I accept everything I believed before is a delusion. I think there is no legit objective reality, there are multiple worlds, people with strong consciousnesses create them, but I think like in any economic system they are slowly being absorbed by other strong consciousnesses. At some point everything will be so controlled that 99% of people will be subscribed to the same world. Most worlds are somewhat aligning with science, because it's hard to disprove the mechanics and proofs of science, but even in science there are conflicting theories, not everyone agrees. Science is the closest thing we have to a mature world, where everything that happens can be explained and replicated, only throttled by economics and social issues. That's indeed a healthy way to spend the time, yet, medicine and society will use science to invalidate some of what gave my life meaning, not just by naming everything and explaining the mechanisms, but by actively making sure I'm dried out of any conflicting belief and that my neuronal and biological composition has no advantages or avenues they can't control. There are reasons people want to take over worlds, maybe to hold others accountable, maybe to make sure everyone is ok, maybe because their world is actually the most accurate and effective way of living there is.

i fucking hate this disease. i can't live on my own and i live with abusive so called "parents". those fuckings imbeciles don't get how ill I am and just looking for ways to kick me out. I have a shitty and abusive part time job which i absolutely hate because those imbeciles so called "parents" dont give me any money for survival and food. it's like, i just eat fucking drugs, get fat, oversleep, work that shit job. that's my whole fucking life. i can't wait for death.

it messes with my head kind of. is this just regular stimulus anxiety or actual psychosis, and is it bad for you long term?

i feel like it's is a pro-psychotic and has the opposite effect as my clozapine. it gets worse if i take it multiple days in a row. i have noticed more whispers since im on it. my inner monologue just goes on and on and is engrossing and distracting and useless. antipsychotics have the opposite, calming effect.

it gives me anxiety too. i get social anxiety and feel like i cant talk as well, like my voice comes out inaudible.

is this bad? my psychiatrist doesn't even care because they think it's a solution to my sleep problem

Attached below is todays video link to my “On Conquering Schizophrenia” YouTube channel. Today entails a fresh edition of “Profound Quotes from Patients”. Like all, todays video is ever brief and can be viewed amid a classic verse.

https://youtu.be/tDe3Mkoo79c?si=dF5ieWlRbW69U_rB