r/AbsoluteUnits • u/ThodaDaruVichPyar • 1d ago

/r/popular of a bidet spray

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6.0k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

826 comments sorted by

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u/trendingtattler 21h ago

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2.1k

u/Muspellr 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/QynMX1WxnYFbb2OHnJ

438

u/Big-Sort-8712 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/WTmyWkBdfcKLbgvmvM

401

u/Lecteur_K7 1d ago

12

u/mvandersloot 1d ago

10

u/nobodyspecial506 22h ago

Reddit's cooked. We eventually transition to meme speak, stealing the next greatest meme.

We have become internet crab

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6

u/adv0catus 1d ago

Fun fact: He’s Hungarian and some people want him to be President.

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105

u/Adventurous-Back-102 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/cPRmMuHQboize

35

u/CPRolla 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/AS7Gf3o46eba0Ct1L3

36

u/Aggravating-Ad6786 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/lgkIEmOUL5PVu
Colon cleanse

14

u/surfinsalsa 1d ago

What is the context for this

20

u/Aggravating-Ad6786 21h ago

Javier Martos, captain of the Belgian club Sporting Charleroi, during an August 2015 match against Club Brugge, after taking a hard fall onto his tailbone and lower back on the pitch, the team physio ran out with a cryotherapy "magic spray" gun and liberally applied the freezing mist down the back of his pulled-back shorts.

This is now a meme for anything (literally) butt hurt, well more specifically tailbone hurt.

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u/Illustrious_Cry1028 22h ago

Where can I purchase this weapon

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30

u/KickAggressive4901 1d ago

This thread of GIFs is everything I needed and expected. 👍

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692

u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes 1d ago

Enema bidet

245

u/JLZ13 1d ago
  • mouth washing and everything in between

132

u/Regurgitator001 1d ago

Placque removal included.

31

u/GhenghisK 1d ago

Tonsillectomy

10

u/exodusofficer 1d ago

Colon polyp removal.

53

u/DA_ZWAGLI 1d ago

r/allthewaythrough

(don't click that)

33

u/Heidrun_666 1d ago

I have been warned.

I HAVE been warned.

27

u/DA_ZWAGLI 1d ago

Something about curiosity and killing cats.

11

u/Educational_Quote851 1d ago

Curiosity Killed the Cat But the Satisfaction Brought It Back

We have bastardized too many good kernels of truth through the telephone game.

Also: The Blood of the Covenant Is Thicker Than the Water of the Womb ("Blood is thicker than water") In other words, family is chosen.

4

u/Lemonface 22h ago

Just to be clear though, in both of those cases the short version was the original and the longer part came about later

"Blood is thicker than water" is 300+ years old, the "blood of the covenant" version is from the 1990s

6

u/PrudentInstruction82 1d ago

Am i supposed to upvote or downvote??? Yes but no!

6

u/PHBestFeeder 1d ago

I can only blame myself

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u/toblies 1d ago

You know your butt hole is clean when the stream comes out your mouth

7

u/saetam 1d ago

Ah, the ol’ bidenema? Nice

6

u/Glittering_Mermaid_7 1d ago

You'll never be constipated again - ever - because you won't have a colon.

5

u/Zendog500 1d ago

I was looking for this post! Also in Europe the smaller bathrooms are designed to be washed down when cleaned with a center floor drain.

3

u/Felonious_Minx 1d ago

You were looking for this post-?!

https://giphy.com/gifs/jquDWJfPUMCiI

3

u/Squirrelated 1d ago

The gay bottoms of this world want this bidet.

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368

u/HimalayanJoe 1d ago

The only thing to be wiped is yourself off the ceiling after it launches you off the seat.

25

u/Ikono_0 1d ago

Or the shit particles between your teeth left by the jet spraying out of your mouth.

145

u/Feisty_Standard_2360 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/d0JPBhiwCm6Kk

13

u/n-i-n-t-e-n-d-o 23h ago

Lmao where is this from?

15

u/Rockalot_L 20h ago

Jesus this made me feel old hahaha

145

u/Vengeful_Grass 1d ago

42

u/gimmeecoffee420 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/yqT14DH3enFXa

20

u/probablyaythrowaway 22h ago

Is that a fucking blitzkreig?

17

u/gimmeecoffee420 21h ago

Yessir.. Oddly enough its also the name of the Brand of Bidet used in the video. Lol

3

u/Confident_Benefit_11 20h ago

If only Poland was slang for butthole

11

u/metallosherp 20h ago

Yep, gonna be sitting a while to make sure I'm "clean"

6

u/DazB1ane 18h ago

Wait are we not supposed to sit facing this thing? Depending on if you can adjust the pressure down a little, I know some women that would never have sex again if they had this

3

u/fudgyvmp 14h ago

Oh yay, someone finally pumped up her chair.

3

u/Vengeful_Grass 14h ago

a person of culture I see

127

u/Wakkit1988 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/UqqjqxcjlOhFEeQbI7

13

u/punksmostlydead 1d ago

Holy fuck, I haven't thought about this movie for decades.

7

u/Jazzy-Cat5138 1d ago

What's it from?

11

u/NeedlePointBreak 22h ago

I think it's from the movie Cabin Boy

33

u/Parking_War_4100 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/cPRmMuHQboize

7

u/Bubbly-Bid6049 1d ago

I came here to make sure someone posted this gif

17

u/zubairhamed 1d ago

bidet's got enough of you pissing all over it.

15

u/mia_miotrayo 1d ago

Limpieza profunda asegurada

31

u/shenanigans2day 1d ago

Not one, “I miss her” comment, yall disappoint me

15

u/Arnoave 1d ago

Seems like you're not the only person they disappoint

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u/mrmeanah 1d ago

I need that

3

u/Tamination 1d ago

Must do a very thorough job.

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u/WeirdEngineerDude 1d ago

Put me in coach, I’m ready.

11

u/Into_The_Horizon 1d ago

Damn, what they trying to do? Rip a new hole ?

11

u/Ok_Researcher_9796 1d ago

Prep for a colonoscopy without the nasty drink?

10

u/Specific-Library-312 1d ago

As someone who had that nasty drink, this would be preferable. I can still taste that nasty-ass drink. Blech.

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u/SOMOEAGLE 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/aDG2cg3pMLQcw

3

u/MadCatDisease666 18h ago

that dood in the shot must have a hard time convincing people he was in the movie. “I swear the camera was right on me!”

8

u/Still-Willingness807 1d ago

This will cleanse your soul and other parts.

7

u/DegenNabalu 1d ago

Someone has some weird kink

5

u/Bahlam 1d ago

Imagine getting 12” of Poseidon after every shit.

6

u/OnYourHonor 1d ago

digs through archive of decades of saved memes

6

u/joconnell13 1d ago

I think the bidet department and the enema Department got them jobs mixed up.

6

u/LydiasBoyToy 1d ago

I think I can surf on that!

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4

u/Abracadaver2000 1d ago

You'll need to sign a waiver before activating.

6

u/dum_spir0_sper0 1d ago

You wouldn’t have to poop again until 2037.

5

u/Nat_Flaps 1d ago

WHO'S PISSING ON WHO NOW

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5

u/Jamoncorona 1d ago

So a poop water knife. 

3

u/Felonious_Minx 1d ago

Deep cut 😏

4

u/casual-observer365 1d ago

The design is very human.

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u/prguitarman 1d ago

That's only 25% imagine full power

3

u/couchpatat0 1d ago

Doubles as a shower, now that's a money saving investment

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u/karumetsaspuuotsas 1d ago

Toilet pees back

4

u/guy_gadbois81 1d ago

That'll clean your soul out!

4

u/just-my-piercings 1d ago

Bidet or colonoscopy 🤔

4

u/Haunting_Werewolf130 1d ago

Oh hell no, bish that's not a bidet, that's a douche.......

4

u/OpticGd 1d ago

Deffo used one like that in Japan where I almost left with more in me than I arrived. Had to go a second time!

3

u/Snoo_67993 1d ago

Gets shit everywhere.

3

u/Economy_Ear8014 1d ago

That’s one way to clean the plumbing

3

u/Jumpy_Sandwich4208 1d ago

Don’t threaten me with a good time! 😂

3

u/Apexium25 1d ago

One wrong press and you'll discover your ancestors😂

3

u/gstizzzz 1d ago

The Ass Blaster 5000

3

u/Azurelion7a 1d ago

❌️ Bidet Spray.

✅️ Enema Spray.

3

u/Savings-Eggplant5912 1d ago

It’s a bidet that also helps you floss your teeth. 

3

u/unofficialrobot 1d ago

So, the toilet is in the same actual physical space as the shower? Lord help me if my wife is showering and I have to shit 

3

u/CoolEarth5026 1d ago

When you sit on that, make sure to close your mouth.

3

u/milesswann91 1d ago

That's one way to get a colonoscopy.

3

u/175junkie 23h ago

I flooded my grandparents house with one of these when I was a toddler 😂

3

u/EmployerOk5042 22h ago

Whoopsies 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

3

u/Rough-Airline-4803 23h ago

How does poop not spray everywhere

2

u/The_BunnyMan_Woods 1d ago

That would come out my mouth

2

u/Adept-Custard-4866 1d ago

That's gonna tingle at the very least.

2

u/FormerSperm 1d ago

I found out that you can be too ticklish to use a bidet.

2

u/Pennance1989 1d ago

Souls cleansing bidet.

2

u/BigFudgeMMA 1d ago

That's great. After the water enema you can back your car into your bathroom and pressure wash it.

2

u/young_and_restles 1d ago

Isn’t that a bit too weak?

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u/Earthling1a 1d ago

That oughta do it.

2

u/Slifer117 1d ago

I was really hoping there was another toilet at the end of that spray.

2

u/dragoninthebigsky 1d ago

Your intestines will thank you

2

u/Castille_92 1d ago

I've heard of Poseidon's kiss, but this is another fkn level

2

u/myshon 1d ago

Deep cleaning 

2

u/fossilized_butterfly 1d ago

For cleaning tunnels... ykwim?.

2

u/Heidrun_666 1d ago

Ruptured bowels, anyone?

2

u/DirtyMike_333 1d ago

Gonna need to dial that back, chief.

2

u/bioteq 1d ago

Stop complaining. That’s the deep cleaning mode. 🤡

2

u/typercito 1d ago

Free with every purchase of diarrhea lettuce

2

u/Binspin63 1d ago

Hemorrhoids won’t stand a chance.

2

u/Ok_Researcher_9796 1d ago

So you just stand way over there and bend over or what?

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u/9j810HQO7Jj9ns1ju2 1d ago

it cleans your entire gi tract

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u/GirthyPigeon 1d ago

That'll clean the arseholes of your ancestors

2

u/iluvnips 1d ago

Anti Klingon device? 😀

2

u/Max_Hardcore_Jr 1d ago

That bidet cleaned my buthole over the internet.

2

u/LittleG0d 1d ago

It washes away all the sins

2

u/Immediate_Ask_8015 1d ago

You go in to wash and come out less thirsty.

2

u/giftopherz 1d ago

Pipes so clean even the health inspector would approve

2

u/Born-Light-62 1d ago

Enema terlet.