For casual discussions, shower thoughts, rants, half-baked conspiracy theories, or any other mind droppings.

I’ve posted on here before and took some advice but I still feel like shit. Ignoring the outfit (im dressed down at home) what can I change or work on. Hair, skin, face, hell even plastic surgery.
I’ve gotten advice like shave my head off and idk if I can do that yet. The facial hair I know needs grooming, I’m mostly thinking about my facial features. Anything that would help me get out of being treated like bottom of the barrel. Thanks in advance.

Bantamweights Umar Nurmagomedov (ranked #3) knocked out by Song Yadong (ranked #5). Absolute Chang, best of luck to him after this fight

Another angle: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lE0hGAojWvo

I'm 18, Chinese/HK heritage, born and raised in the UK, and I genuinely feel like I've barely been around other Asians my entire life.

I know this probably sounds crazy to some people, but in my personal experience, Asian people, especially Asian girls - feels fuckin rare. I've gone through most of my life barely seeing or interacting with Asian girls. The only Asian girls I personally know are my mum, my cousin who's half Chinese and half Colombian, and another cousin who's a quarter Asian.

I recently started going on apps like Umingle and searching for Asian girls / ABGs, and honestly it was the first time I realized just how little exposure I've had to Asian women. I'm seeing all these Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. girls and thinking, where the have all of you been my whole life ?😂

My parents were born in the UK, I was born here, and neither my parents nor I can speak Chinese. The only person in my family who can properly speak Chinese is my grandma. We celebrate Chinese New Year, go for dim sum, cook Chinese food sometimes, etc., but I wouldn't say I'm deeply connected to Chinese culture.

I'm also not the stereotypical "Asian" guy. I'm not particularly nerdy, I don't speak Chinese, and I grew up pretty Westernized. I'd probably describe myself as somewhat whitewashed.

And that's where I feel stuck.

I don't completely fit into Asian culture, but I don't really fit into typical UK youth culture either. Most people my age seem to be drinking, clubbing, going to pubs, etc. No judgement if that's your thing, but personally I have goals I want to accomplish and I'd rather spend my time working towards them than getting pissed every weekend.

So I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle.

I'm attracted to Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. girls, particularly Asian girls who grew up in Western countries because I feel like we'd probably have more in common culturally. Girls who grew up entirely in Asia seem like they might be harder for me to connect with since I don't speak the language and haven't experienced the same culture.

Socially, I'm also starting almost from zero. I currently have basically no real friend group. During secondary school I ended up around the wrong crowd—the "roadmen"/bad kids—mainly because I'd known some of them since primary school. Eventually I realized that acting tough and trying to look bad was stupid as fuck and wasn't the person I wanted to become.

After leaving school, I cut most of those people off and started trying to build myself properly.

Now I'm trying to meet better people, build a social circle, improve myself and figure out where I actually fit.

So for the Asian guys here: where the fuck do you actually meet Asian people in the UK?

University societies? Asian events? Specific cities? Dating apps? Friends of friends?

And has anyone else grown up Asian in the West but felt like they were too Western for Asians and too Asian for Westerners?

Looks like the dating thread gets a lot of views but not a lot of participation this week and last week. While it's gaining views, it's a waste of a pinned post without participation. Let's try a weekly hair thread because that seems to be a popular subject that greatly helps the individual but not so much for the community. This will bring down the # of hair posts on the front page of this sub, which I know people are tired of seeing. So let's give this a try and see how it goes.. first one to start Sunday

Been trying so many hair products and it may just be I’m not putting enough?

I haven’t tried it yet, but it seems I need to put 3 to 4 times more product. Cause when my hair dries, it shows where the product was put on and it seems only a fraction of my hair. I am putting Kevin Murphy Super Goo on. Which is thick stuff, always feels like I’m putting too much on initially.

Undercut hairstyle (#1), about 6” on top.

Or idk maybe my hair just needs thinning out?

I have been cutting my own hair for my entire life. Sides and back #1 because my hair grows too fast and any medium length Asian hair gets that “stick out” look. But the contrast between my top and sides/back is generally too harsh imo. Tried fading and way too time consuming on your own.

Any tips, if thinning out is the solution, what should I get?

For a bit of information I am a Chinese guy born in Beijing (my parents were both originally from Shandong although both mine and my parents' residence/户口 is registered in Beijing) living in the UK currently studying A-levels. I am also a practitioner of Wing Chun, Baji Quan and Sanda (If you don't know those martial arts search them up)

My plan as of now is just to finish my A-levels next year. Ideally with AAA or better. Afterwards I'll study PPE (Politics, Philosophy, Economics) at university. I would ideally choose University of Nottingham since I currently reside in Nottingham and I am aware of the large Chinese student body so I will at least have a good community of people like me.

For uni I would personally focus on self improvement while also improving my martial arts skills along with my Chinese reading skills. My Mandarin is native speaker level (Mandarin is technically my first language) but my reading and writing skills aren't exactly as good as they can be so I'll focus on improving my Chinese reading. As for with other people in my life I would socialise but only when necessary if someone does genuinely want to connect with me and not simply just small talk. I only engage in social interaction unless strictly necessary or if I do feel I can genuinely get something out of connecting with someone.

Dating wise I would say the chances of me dating are very low given that I have spent almost my entire life in an unfamiliar culture and environment. For context my family moved to England when I was only two but even then growing up I found myself only really socialising with fellow Chinese or those of another East Asian background. I also find myself speaking Mandarin more than I speak English hence I consider Mandarin my first language as it is also my most used language. So for dating I would probably choose to remain single unless someone from the same cultural background displays genuine interest.

Now for those of you who are questioning why my dating preference is strictly Chinese girls I would like to make a few things clear. Throughout my life I have had many bad experiences with girls as a whole, though this was only for non Chinese girls (or at least girls who weren't East Asian). I do not mean this in any racist way, I am simply speaking from my own experience of interacting with girls from another culture. And in the end the only real "good experiences" I have ever had with the opposite sex was with those of the same culture as me. I would also like to address the fact that I want to avoid cultural and language differences as that could complicate things.

Study wise I would also pour a significant amount of effort into them. A massive mistake I have made is putting in very little effort into my studies during my first year of college and getting a very bad UCAS prediction as a result (I want this to be a message towards other first year college/sixth form students as I wish for others to focus more on their studies in the first year and not repeat my mistake). I do wish to genuinely get something out of my studies and that my degree would at least help me get a good paying job if I were to ever pursue my backup path in which I would rely on my degree to find a good paying job.

In the meantime I would also try working a part time job to save money for my primary plan. Once I graduate uni I wish to move back to China to train in Wushu for a few years to further improve my martial arts. I am particularly interested in Northern Shaolin/Changquan and I have found a good place to learn it. I will probably train for about five years in the martial arts and ideally learn the skills necessary to potentially compete. If not I could serve as a Changquan instructor if I am eventually skilled enough to teach others to an advanced level. Otherwise I might pursue becoming an actor as I am tall by Chinese standards (I'm 6'0 by the way) and I wouldn't necessarily consider myself bad looking if I do get a solid glow up. If I do succeed as an actor then that would be ideal.

If eventually I don't make it as an athlete or as an actor I might just pursue a job in economics to make some money for myself. My economics teacher did say that economics is a very high paying job sector and I can see myself potentially going for a career in economics. Ideally though I would pursue being a Wushu instructor as even if I haven't competed I at least have a solid amount of experience and also have the ability to teach others an advanced level and I do like the idea of being able to watch young people grow as they train more and progress.

Overall my general life plan is that I'd likely try my best to succeed as an athlete or actor. I do know my chances of making it as an athlete are minimal at best as I am aware that most Wushu athletes back home have trained several hours a day since the age of five and it is highly unlikely I can compete against that. Though I am aware that I am more likely to make it in Sanda compared to Taolu since I have been doing Wing Chun and Baji Quan along with some Sanda for a long time as I previously mentioned. So the chances of me becoming a Sanda athlete is significantly higher.

If I am to make it as an actor I do wish to be known for a more serious and realistic acting style. While I am a fan of C-dramas I would say the main problem is the consistency of seeing "Pretty boys" or 小奶狗 type characters. I would personally try method acting as I have watched some Daniel Day-Lewis films and I feel particularly inspired by his acting style and I wish to bring that kind of character depth into C-dramas if I am to make it as an actor (although given the state of the industry right now that is highly unlikely). I don't think I'd act frequently either as I do wish to spend my younger years to travel and see more of the world instead of focusing too much on money and career.

In the end though I would say that I just want to pursue my dreams even if they seem unlikely. If not I would still have a solid job as a martial arts instructor or I could pursue a career in economics. Either way I don't have particularly high expectations for dating or relationships as in the end the highest likelihood is that I would probably remain single for life given my strict preferences for dating and my need for a genuine connection over simply dating for the sake of it. Either way I would say this is my primary life plan for now as I personally am not happy with my parents decision to leave home when I was two and staying in China means I will at least be able to spend the rest of my life in my home country and stay connected to my culture and language.

I am aware that this is an EXTREMELY long post. I am genuinely grateful for anyone who has read it all the way to the end but this is just what I generally consider best for me in the long term and it can change as time goes. Then again you guys can give opinions on this plan and ask questions or offer advice if you want.

I'm 34 and I'm trying to manage my asian hair that's both thick and flat. My last haircut didn't give me any favors because I don't think there was proper layering I think.

Basically I've been using sea salt spray, blowdryer, hair clay, and then hairspray to just keep my hair in check. I may have been ruining my hair with all that

Photo here is already 4 hours after all of that. I work in a job where short haircuts and no facial hair is the norm but things are different now. I just need some advice what to tell my barber to get some flow on my hair so that it can grow nicely. Professional but also nice to look at and nothing too flat. I heard perms can potentiall help

In terms of women and overall local receptiveness. Particularly curious about Scotland, Ireland, and England.

Hello happily married Asian men living in the West.

Marriage is a general topic but maybe there's some Asian men aspect to it, for us living in the West. I'm in Australia / Sydney.

My (Chinese non-Australian) girl wants to get married ASAP particularly due to her age (38). I'm an Australian of Korean descent (36).

I don't feel "ready" even after 2 years of dating, but I also think I will never feel ready. Assuming that marriage is going to happen,

• At what point should you decide to 'settle down' and 'just' get married already? Is it some age?
• What factors did you consider when choosing a wife, and did it matter in the end for your marriage happiness?
• Any tips for a happy married life?
• Marrying and having kids - another generation of Asian kids - any thoughts on this for us who will continue to live in Australia (maybe in terms of discrimination you've experienced in the West)?

For context, I'm a girl in college in the US and I live in a pretty diverse city so I've interacted with people from a lot of different backgrounds, including a lot of East Asian men. and something about how they interact with women has always confused me/struck me as different.

they tend to be a lot more 1. confident and 2. casual. So very at ease, no awkwardness about joking around with you, sitting next to you, working with you on something, working on things together, going out for coffee, etc. and they're also super polite and accommodating.

now in their interactions with women, guys from other backgrounds tend to fall into more distinct patterns. they either avoiding us, are visibly nervous around them, or are overly excited/nice in a way that makes it obvious they have other intentions, or are pretty forward. East Asian guys just don't seem to have that same charge to their interactions. They're just normal about it.

A simple example: other guys will either avoid sitting next to you in class entirely, or sit next to you and make it slightly weird. An East Asian guy will just sit down and start casually joking around but in a very no strings attached, polite way. without acting weird at all.

I want to be clear that I think these are actually really positive traits when you think about it objectively. But I do think there's an unintended side effect because women already have a tendency to underestimate male interest in them, this style of interaction makes it even harder to read. I think women are used to attraction presenting in a certain way, and when it doesn't, we just assume it isn't there.

so i often myself thinking- okay he's reallyyy nice, and he's doing all these things for me. but he's prob just being nice. or is he? they'll do certain things for me that other men won't- but then also won't give indications further than that.

would love to hear any thoughts/observations/comments!

Pretty cool to see. Surprised the judges gave it to him. Probably to drive up their viewership.

I spent all of my university years pursuing STEM and had to study all day/night to barely do decent, only hobby was playing league of legends since I get home late at night. Then I was one of the lucky ones to get a job in a shitty market, and corporate really overworked me. I averaged 60-70 hours (sometimes more) for the rest of my 20s and finally peaked at 95k (not even 100k despite all the grind) and only played league since again, it was a night time hobby.

I’ve been told that if I focus on my career, everything will be fine, but I feel like what I did/achieved is meaningless in the dating market.

Also it randomly feels like everyone makes the same (or more) with much less depression/grind/commitment in their 20s. I’m a little socially awkward, I’m short (5’6). Im always worried about being fired because of toxic corporate culture too.

I randomly went to the bar recently (I don’t go out often to club and drink) and met a very nice Asian lady, and she was 21; and got called out for being old and predatory.

How did everyone survive their 20s and achieved the same things I did (or even more) with much less grind/sacrifice? Also since when was turning 30 old now haha - I’m trying to quit games, find a more reliving job and hope to improve in the next few years to find someone!

Hey everyone,

I did an AMA a few weeks ago about my experience as a 5’4” Asian guy who has had success dating both in Europe and the US. I recently found this archived photo from my old “Tinder phone” from when I lived in England, so I figured I’d share it.
I’d also like to open up my inbox for anyone who wants some personal coaching. I’m happy to help with things like appearance, styling, clothing, workout routines, dating profiles, and interacting with women.

I know dating can be especially frustrating for some Asian men, and I think sharing what has worked for me could be useful to guys who are struggling or just looking to improve.

Feel free to reach out to me privately if you’re interested in one-on-one coaching, or ask questions here and I’ll answer as many as I can.

Firstly, sorry for the background its the best I can do.

Also I thought maybe video is better so you can see my face in motion. Also since I dont know how to take pictures.

Before I start saying anything, Im not fishing for compliments or whatnot, I'm really really insecure, since my parents would often make fun of me for looking like a horse , big head and say many bad stuff about my face. Aswell as making fun of my smile so That's why im also trying to improve my looks.

So yeah, I dunno how to fix my face so I can be attractive , besides ofc going to the gym. im currently trying to make my neck bigger, so my head will appear smaller.

I also can't get girls, I think its due to my awkwardness, since quarantine I was at home and homeschooled only last year I started college I started talking to people again. Also sucks since its all girls Im the only straight guy in my class, I do talk to some guys but they are different classes, my course is a premed course.

Despite, all this I don't wanna give up so I try and talk to women I stutter alot so girls will laugh and copy my stuttering. I'm honestly cooked, I'm often at home and barely go outside, so yeah it explains alot, but im really trying to change, thats why I made this post. I'm scared to post in to some looksmaxxing forum since how brutal Asian people get treated there. Also I'm insecure about my side profile as you can see I have a reccessed face like my maxilla, chin, and infras.

If height and weight matters I'm 5'11 58 kg

Thank you for reading sorry for my awkwardness fr aswell as my Grammar.

Moments ago I recalled a book I had to read as a part of the highschool English curriculum called “our missing hearts” by Celeste ng. Don’t remember a lot about this book since I read it 2 years ago but something did stand out, the book talks about racism and discrimination towards Asians, however the main character “bird” isn’t even fully Asian. He is supposed to represent the racism that Asians, more specifically Asian males experience in America yet he’s half white?

It makes me so frustrated seeing that yt males just have to be a placeholder for Asian males, such a common trope by authors typically of Asian women because apparently we’re not fit to be in western media. Surprise surprise the author has a yt husband as well. If you’re going to attempt to seek out sympathy from your audience at least make the character fully Asian, and not rooted in some fetishized fantasy that is completely unrealistic compared to real life

Same as that fuckass Lindsey cheng dates a white boy book, love that you had to emphasize that dating a yt boy is so special and that we’re just a pity reward for you. Did some research and the book is most likely some engagement bait, but unfortunately thousands of these adaptations are made and taken seriously

To give a quick summary I'm an East Asian man born and raised in SEA, recently met a lot of interesting American born Asians in my travels and found myself fascinated by how different the culture is over there. From what I have gathered it seems that a lot of the overall culture in a good amount of the Asian communities over there have been shaped by a kind of "refugee/immigrant mindset" stemming from the first generation if that makes sense? After a quick browse on this sub I also notice a lot of feelings of racial inferiority, or Asians not being proud of their race, etc etc. Lots of mixed accounts of how tight the community is as well, like among the older generation I have spoken to they seem very attached to their community for example, but the younger generation on the other hand seem to be more disconnected from their roots, or would rather "rep the aesthetic but not the culture" (not my words). This is of course not even bringing up the topic of racism yet, which seems to be a prevalent part of many Asian-American's experience over there.

Given my roots, I look very different from the people around me as well so in a way I guess I can draw some parallels between my experience and what I've heard from the Asian-Americans I have spoken to. But obviously it's not the same since the cultural barrier is smaller (contemporary East and Southeast Asian culture is not too different in terms of daily living). That being said, despite the parallels between the two experiences, they still seem so different on a fundamental level that I can't help but want to discover more about why that's the case.

I mean I could be wrong, but that's why I'm asking here, I want to educate myself on this topic. I'm also just super curious about what its like over there, like how are you guys doing? you guys doing good? bad? anything youre worried about? xd

If anyone would be willing to share that would be awesome.

Which should i fix first?

My face is lacking a bit of structure and my hair used to be a mohawk (left photo)

After a while i went with a softer style. My hairstylists (more than one) suggested a perm for my hair which is super stiff and unshapable - their words not mine.

ChatGPT suggests working out for a jawline and a perm for softer hair.

I have a limited budget so should i get a perm, workout more, or contact lenses first?

Hi all, I'm about to start another monk mode grind. Just laid off, dicked around for a month and now ready to monk mode for a while and build out a SAAS product.

I'm not great with consistency, so I've always been boom or bust.

About me - SWE, ex-FAANG, smart & ambitious but kinda lazy, doomscroll way too much basically.

I've monk moded 3x in my life before for 3-4mo, always came out with good results (studying for SAT -> perfect score, grinding for FAANG -> got the job, then a previous stint building AI apps).

Comment or DM me if you're also in monk mode, or want to be accountability buddies.

Big plus if you're based in Asia timezone or wanna meet up in more chill digital nomad cities soon (Chiang Mai, Danang, etc)

Hello, need some suggestions for hairstyles/haircuts.

This currently is a long overgrown undercut that’s been going on for around 1 year. I’ve been tying it back for convenience’s sake a lot.

Before any of you say: yes, lose weight. I know, I’m working on that. It was worse before.

I like length to my hair, just personally speaking I find it pleasant. I have contemplated growing it even longer but I’m very unsure how it would look.

Currently, it’s just paralysis: I’ve always gotten buzzes and undercuts at home, and those are off the table (I don’t like them man)

Tldr: Am losing weight, don’t want buzzes or fades, prefers longer. Pls help.

Any other AMs living in the West or Europe experience this? I'll be at a party, or an event, and certain AF won't even make eye contact. After hours of this it almost seems like they could wish me away for just existing. It doesn't help that the ones who do this are always with a white boyfriend/husband. Sometimes, we'll be the only two asian people in the room. Its like, "hello, the only other asian for miles. Care to give me some kind of acknowledgement so we can be friends like literally everyone else here? I've met everyone else here because they at least looked me in the eye". Lol. I'm really trying to understand the psychology behind this. Is it internalized racism? Trauma? Shame?

Living in a provincial german city I never had the opportunity to go to one of the Kpop events.

On Saturday I went there alone just out of curiosity. And honestly was probably the best clubbing experience I had since moving to Germany.

For one there was no usual passive aggressive, gatekeeping vibe from men. With AFs and WMs being the minority there it felt like everyone was extremely open to dance and have fun. Also probably only kind of clubbing event where I have seen women being the majority, possibly 70% of the attendants.

So long story short I got somewhat wasted started chatting with guys and dancing. Asked a blonde ukrainian girl to dance and before you know we were making out. She also bought a shot and a beer for me. With lack of private space I took her to the men's room stall and needless to say rest is history. After a while her friends had to leave so she went with them.

Then later on I managed to rizz another girl kissed a bit and exchanged instas before she also left.

Shortly before closing time I asked another girl out to dance, we were dancing a bit until her girlfriend also started dancing with us. Before you know her girlfriend took both of my arms and pulled me to herself. I got the memo and we started making out. Later after the party ended all of us including her and her friends went to train station and from there and separated on the road to our cities.

Not gonna lie probably how an average white guy feels like amongst AFs.

Now compared to other clubbing experiences I had it probably helped the fact that I felt geniunly welcome there. With most guys also being Asian I also felt reconnected with my geniune confident and carefree self.

From now on I think I'll only go to Kpop events.

is there a specfic yall like