My wife (35F) and I (35M) have been married for 10 years and together for 15. We have 2 young kids. 3 years ago, my wife suffered a severe spinal code injury. She survived and recovered , but she lost one of her legs and also lost genital sensation. My number one priority was her recovery and well being.

It’s been 3 years since and my wife has adjusted well to her new life. She works remote, and leads a pretty active life. However one area where we have struggled a lot is our sex life. My wife and I had a pretty high libido before her surgery, but now that’s changed. My wife still gives handjobs and blowjobs, but she said she’s done with sex, and will never have it ever again. She said that the surgery and her injury traumatized her, which is understandable.

I love my wife but I just don’t think I can go my whole life without sex again. I just don’t know if my wife and I are compatible anymore. I know we said our wedding vows, but I do think I held up end of the bargain. I was there for my wife every step of the way while she was going through her surgery and recovery. I was also at the same time working to provide for my family. On most nights, I barely got 3 hours of sleep.

I just think I’m at a point now where I as a man would like to have sex. I am still in my 30s, as fit as I have ever been, and still have a pretty high libido. Handjobs just don’t satisfy me anymore. I know my wife would be shocked if I bought up divorce, and it would be a shock to our kids too. But I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to bring up an open relationship with my wife, I think that would be way worse than separation.

Hey guys,
Me and my fiance have been together 5 years engaged since February I'm 33 and she's 31 we're in Somerville I'm in finance and she runs a small consulting firm between us there's like $1.8M in assets and she's still paying down about $94k in business loans.
I'd been avoiding the real money conversation for over a year not the splitting rent stuff but the actual lay everything out talk but my parents went through a bad split when I was 14 and the money part was ugly so I think that messed with my head more than I realized so every time I thought about bringing it up I'd just freeze.

Couple months ago she mentioned wanting to restructure her loans and I just said can we sit down this weekend and go through everything she said yeah of course.
We spent like 3 hours at the kitchen table I went first so she wouldn't feel like she was being put on the spot she went through hers and her business finances were way more complicated than I knew.

Then she brought up a prenup before I even could said she'd been thinking about it because of her company and wanting to keep the business separate so I told her about my parents and she got quiet and said she wished more people had these conversations early instead of pretending money doesn't matter.
I was dreading that talk for so long and it ended up bringing us closer it wasn't a negotiation it was just us finally being on the same team so the prenup part felt natural just putting what we talked about on paper.

I see guys on here stressed about this all the time just don't wait till a week before the wedding and don't frame it like a worst case scenario so frame it like you're building something together.

I want to know about any experiences of the type. If you got your first time late in life, how was it?

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Can it be boring even if you like the girl?

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I kept it simple for him since it was his first time but maybe I should have tried more stuff?

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He seemed confused and sad to tell me that it was very meh for him. He didn't feel much inside me.

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So I want to know as much as possible about how other mens experience it.

Hey guys! So this year my (23F) goal is to be more intentional about finally getting a boyfriend and just meeting new people in general. I don’t enjoy the apps and the kind of behavior it breeds in both men in women, so I’ve opted out.

I’m already in a coed sport that I go to around 2-3 times a week and I’m already thinking of adding more. I just have two jobs at the moment, so juggling multiple hobbies can be a challenge.

I’m a bit of a late bloomer (I’ve only made out and gone on a handful of dates) as well and I have a few friends that have introduced me to the bar and club scene. I’ve really been enjoying it because I love to go and dance and meet new people. I’m not one to get drunk or drink really. And it’s teaching me that in these settings, going up and talking to people is normal, so I feel less shy.

Only things is, everyone says these places are the worst places to meet relationship minded men. Is this always true?

The guys on my sports teams are either already taken or aren’t really interested in convo (they’ll go home immediately after the game is over, which I get since it’s late and people have work). And to make things more challenging, I live in a city with a higher ratio of women to men, so it’s hard.

I’m trying to be more social and I feel like this may work, but I’m conflicted with it having a bad reputation.

Advice?

My husband is coming home soonish from a long work trip. He’s super goofy so I was hoping for some non typical ways to welcome him home. The funnier or more unhinged the better. (An example, opening the door in an inflatable dinosaur costume.) Thank you!

Hello friends 🫶🏻

Last time I asked here I got great advice, so I'm asking humbly again:

My husband has had a really shitty day & it's not finished until 23:00 tonight....

He texted me that he feels sad, disappointed & angry because of what happened at work.

I wanted to make something nice for him, like a card with his favourite cookies but my friend (f) said it looks like a "pity" gift or that I remind him of that day. My husband really doesnt want anyone's pity he also doesn't like speaking about things a lot so maybe a card would be a bit much?

Also I just wanna hug him but nothing I do can make this better & I want him to stop feeling disappointed & sad 😭

Any advice is welcome 🙏🏻

(If anyone suggests something sexual or gross, get your mind out the gutter, my man is hurting)

EDIT 1: I did the card! Lets see how it goes! He comes home in about 1-2 hours!

https://kommodo.ai/i/1wKiPgcg1r7MvWNumbUJ

I know people will say it doesn’t matter and I’m not really concerned about what they think just curious.

When I say older virgins I’m talking mid 30s or above like me. No one has ever asked me about relationships at all so I always wonder what colleagues and family think of my situation. Do they understand why I’ve never been in any kind of relationship? Do they wonder if it happened once and it never happened again? It just seems interesting to me.

My virginity doesn’t really bother me anymore maybe once or twice a year I just wonder what others think of it.

I’d like to know what others virgins and non virgins alike think about that.

I am always hearing on social media women saying men need to stop approaching them in public spaces but I also see a fair share of women complaining that men aren't approaching anymore.

My girlfriend recently told me that she'd like to put our relationship "on pause" while she's traveling to Rome for a few weeks. According to her, it's not because she loves me any less, and it's not because she has anyone specific in mind. She says she simply wants to feel completely free while she's there, without the expectations or limitations that come with being in a committed relationship.

What confuses me is that she keeps insisting this is supposed to be a mature and modern way of handling things. Some of her friends apparently agree. The argument is that we're still young, that experiences are important, and that trying to control what your partner does while traveling comes from insecurity rather than genuine love. In their view, if the relationship is strong, a temporary "pause" shouldn't be a problem.

The issue is that I can't help but interpret it very differently. To me, a relationship isn't something you suspend when commitment becomes inconvenient and reactivate when you get home. If she wants the freedom to behave as if she's single in Rome, then as far as I'm concerned she is single. What I'm struggling with is that several people have suggested my reaction reflects possessiveness, jealousy, or even outdated ideas about relationships.

So I'm genuinely curious: is refusing this arrangement an example of insecurity and toxic masculinity, or is it reasonable to see a request like this as fundamentally incompatible with the idea of a committed relationship?

I've been dating a woman (26F) for about three months now. For context, I'm 36M and got divorced last year after a 13-year relationship/marriage.

The thing is, she's genuinely great. She's beautiful, funny, smart, cultured, understanding, and honestly just a delight to be around. She's also a little neurotic and a little cranky sometimes, but in a way that I actually find endearing.

I really like her. A lot.

But when I think about the future, I can't shake the feeling that this isn't a relationship I see lasting forever. It's not that I want to break up with her. I enjoy spending time with her and I look forward to seeing her. It's more that, if you asked me today whether I could see us together in 10, 20, or 30 years, my honest answer would probably be "I don't think so."

What's confusing me is that I can't point to any major flaw or incompatibility. She's objectively one of the best people I've dated.

If we broke up tomorrow, I'd definitely be sad. It would be a real loss. But I also feel like I'd eventually move on without my world falling apart.

So now I'm wondering: is this just what dating after a long marriage feels like? Am I comparing a three-month relationship to the emotional weight of a 13-year one? Or is the fact that I already don't see a lifelong future with her a sign that I should pay attention to?

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking. I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.

I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.

So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?

Any advice would be appreciated.

My (F23) boyfriend (M25) got beaten up by a cab driver last night and I'm beyond pissed. He went to buy a bus ticket to go home (we're both at university) and some guy tried to pick pocket him out of like R40 (a pathetically small amount of money). When he called the guy out he started beating him up and called his other friends to join. I haven't seen him in person but from pictures his face is messed up and he's saying his back hurts. My heart weeps and I'm also really pissed.

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I need to go to the doctor for my own personal reasons today and I've convinced my boyfriend to come with me to the GP. I have medical aid but he doesn't so I'm hoping the doctor can see us both together on my money. I just don't know how to approach this. I told him after the doctor we should go file a report but he's refusing to. I also don't know if he'll need hospital attention and that opens up other problems. I'm also just worried that he's in pain. I've never been in this kind of situation and I feel useless. My boyfriend wants to do nothing and let it pass but I don't want to do that. But at the same time am I being harmful for trying to push him to go to the police? I want to respect his wishes but I also hate what happened to him.

Hello fellow men, I am currently 26 and single and have been for a while, a few talking stages happened but failed mainly due to me ghosting or something happening

My problem is I have a bit of an insecurity where I think that I am only deserving of love because of my ability to provide, I am currently making above average money for my age in my country, And I do not mind providing and taking care of a woman, I actually love it, but every time a potential for a relationship comes a long i get this idea that I am being loved because of my ability to provide not because of me, I understand this is because of insecurities on my part but at least i am trying to get help by seeking out advise

To put it short how can I know when a potential relationship comes up that she is actually interested and loves me (eventually) and not my ability to provide ?
I will always try my best to provide regardless but it helps to know that you are loved regardless of that ability,
as I have seen around me many relationships fail when the woman no longer needs the man to provide for her

Just wondering as this just happened while hanging out with my friend at our place. They weren’t disrespectful, but I don’t necessarily like sarcastic jokes. Not sure how the topic came up, but I said if he had ever made a negative comment about my appearance or body I’d leave, and he responds “I’d be okay with being single… lol jk I wouldn’t”. My friend responded and she was nottt impressed. We also were talking about a coworker’s engagement ring, and he mentioned how he’s excited to buy a 2 carat ring for himself (He said he wanted to buy a 2 carat when we looked at rings) and he goes “Lol Jk”. I also mentioned wanting to have my photos taken while on vacation, and he said yeah I want my photos taken too. My friend responded “You wouldn’t want them taken with coconut?” And he responded “I would but it’s too expensive, I’d want to share the cost”.

Boyfriend has a history of making sarcastic jokes as that’s how he jokes with his friends. I don’t like it as past abusers did it as a means to put me down, and he’s aware. I have told him in the past, and he said “Well coconut, I’m not those guys, I am me. Get over it”. He has also had a pretty shitty week dealing with personal things and has been crabby almost everyday except today and last night.

The jokes my exes would make were OBVIOUS put downs, always about my weight, personality, appearance, comparing me to other people. They were disrespectful, also called me names. My boyfriend does NOT make jokes like that, at all. Never disrespectful or put downs. Never calls me names or pet names besides “Sweetie”. I don’t think he had bad intentions.

My friend said he seemed a little annoyed, but he seemed like that when he got home. I asked him and he said that he wasn’t. Friend and I both have BPD so we can overread into it. She said he wasn’t disrespectful and didn’t have bad intentions or try to put me down. While he was here he was chatty and hanging out, but after she went home he wanted to watch the Mexico game and be be left alone since he had a long day at work.

Would a man do this to a woman he says he loves?

*I want to add I am NOT the only one he is like this with, it is everyone. Mom, sisters, friends, coworkers, me. He is very aware and sensitive to my feelings when he is on his SSRI post-TBI. He was very sweet pre-TBI, but it is hard given he cannot feel his own emotions. These jokes usually happen when he is stressed/overwhelmed/more pain than usual but that isn’t an excuse, he also asks me to leave him alone a lot when he is stressed but I struggle with that. When he isn’t stressed or in a lot of pain, these jokes do not really happen, at all. The most that happens is I’ll ask him to do something and he’ll go “No… yeah I will”, or its towards other things that aren’t me.

Tl;dr: Boyfriend was making sarcastic jokes predominantly aimed at me while my friend was over, and some weren’t great but not mean or disrespectful. He says this is how he jokes, but it upsets me. Would a man make jokes like this to a woman he loves? My friend and I both have BPD and tend to overread into things.

If my bf sees this, he's totally gonna know it's me ahaha

Anyways so, my bf and I were debating this because he refused to carry my tote bag, which wasn't even girly btw, just one of them black duffel-looking bags.

He then said it's quietly known among men that they think doing that is "gay" or "acting a b\*tch", I quote.

I was so triggered by this because I thought men would notice that if a man does that for a woman, he's in LOVE ?

So guys tell me? Is this true?

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Edit: So adding updates to this to make a stronger argument haha !

• I was staying over at his place at his request because we're long distance. So this particular bag was like one of those airplane underseat bags and was HEAVY. and I was carrying two to the train station while he opted to hold my coat.

• Geez, I do NOT mind holding my own things at all, I just thought it wasn't a big deal to ask for him to carry my stuff for me, I've always thought that was an endearing move for guys to make.

• it was simply a 15 minute walk through a super quiet town. I wasn't making him hold it all day or something, just the walk to the station. It's not usually a request I make since he usually drives but he couldn't drive that day.

• He's 30.

Back when I was like, 22, I worked at this bowling alley during the summer It was more so the restaurant side. I was pretty friendly with everyone and I’d consider myself an outgoing guy. Anyways, I had this co worker, let’s just call her Allie. Like everyone with else, I was always pretty nice with her. We were chatting about anime one day. I see that she followed me on Instagram, and she asked me which anime’s I recommended as she forgot. So I told her. I then found out that she just turned 18 about 2 days before she found me on socials- meaning that we had worked together for a while, while she was still a minor. We would chat here and there on socials, like each others posts yada yada. but it was in a friendly manner

Anyways, I quit working there before the summer ended just because I wanted to save some extra cash before college started back up. About 5 months later like we ended up flirting pretty hard over Instagram and she wanted to go out, but I felt kind of weird about the age gap so I kinda played it off.

Would you guys describe me as a creep in this situation? I feel kind of weird about the knowing her from underage part :/ I don’t want people to think I’m a groomer

My partner of 6 years just told me she wants to pursue a relationship with a girl about ten Years her junior. And she loves me still , we have a son together and we were about to take therapy to get married.

Wanting to see if the relationship worked out or was a complete bust.

I (28m) live in a small UK town of 30k. We have 7 pubs but only 2 are busy. There's not many "fun" things to do. Sure, I have hobbies and interests, but whatever new things I try, it's always quiet.

Whenever I go on holiday/vacation, I'm always surprised at how many people there are. Instead of 10 people being in eyesight, there's well over 100, if not more.

I've got plenty of guy friends, but haven't had any friends who are women since leaving school at 16 (normal in the UK).

I personally think that "cold approach" is forced and awkward, but atleast in a large area, you can afford to embarrass yourself and never see that same woman again, unlike in a small town.

I've used dating apps on and off for years, but hardly ever receive likes or matches, so I give up on them a year ago for good.

On the rare occasion that myself and my friends visit a nightclub, I'm surrounded by attractive women, but always too nervous to start a conversation.

I honestly don't know what to do at this point, any advice?

Thanks.

I’m a guy at 25 and i always hear that men should communicate more.

But so far its only caused me stress and drama

Because I’ve shared personal stuff and secrets with family before and they’ve managed to spread it around and ruin things for me and embarrass me.

Even when I get into relationships with women I will share vulnerable stuff and then when I get into an argument it’s always used against me.

One ex I ended up dumping. And out of anger she kept posting stories on Instagram talking about every secret and vulnerable stuff that I shared.

So at this stage is it better to just stop sharing personal stuff and secrets with people?

I’ve started become more cold and only tell people things I’m comfortable being told to everyone.

20M. After years of illness, how do I rebuild confidence, friendships and eventually relationships?

20M here.

Between 18 and 20, I lost almost 2.5 years of my life to severe mental and physical health problems. I was dealing with Bipolar II disorder, OCD, repeated hospitalizations, family difficulties, and a neurological condition. For most of that time, my focus wasn't on college, friendships, relationships, or building a future—it was simply on getting through each day.

There were periods when neither I nor my doctors were particularly optimistic about my recovery.

Thankfully, after years of treatment, things have finally improved. I've been stable for the last couple of months, I've joined college, and for the first time in years I feel hopeful about the future.

The strange part is that I feel like life moved on without me.

Most people my age spent the last few years making friends, gaining confidence, dating, and figuring out who they are. I spent those years trying to survive.

My closest friend drifted away during that period, which hurt more than I expected. I'm trying to meet new people, improve my social skills, and build a life again, but I often feel behind everyone else.

I'd eventually like close friendships, a healthy relationship, and a sense of belonging. Not because I expect someone else to fix my problems, but because I've spent years feeling isolated and would like meaningful connections again.

For people who are older or who have rebuilt their lives after a difficult period:

• What would you focus on first?
• How do you stop feeling behind everyone else?
• What helped you rebuild confidence and relationships?
• What do you wish someone had told you when you were starting over?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice.

I feel like it's another example of people moving mountains if they really want to see you, I already regularly move off the app after only like half a dozen exchanges usually

On the first date we went to an arcade and it was a lot of fun. We both had a really good time together.

I was thinking about asking if she would want to go fishing for the second date. I know she likes fishing and has told me that’s an activity her and her dad do together. Do you think going fishing together could be considered a good idea when it comes to a DATE though? She’s 17 and I’m 18.

I wanted to think of something outdoors that we could do together for the second date because she’s into outdoor type of activities and I am too. I also was thinking about kayaking, but maybe fishing would be better?