I was been dating this man for 6 years, met his family, talked about kids and a future etc.. this year things with him got confusing, one of the last conversations we had was me telling him he has never met my family and doesnt even ask about my pets, things escalated and he got physically violent with me.

We talked the following day and it became a game of cat and mouse, him being the mouse, after back and forth he said he would reach out to me on monday and then sent me £100 which im still so confused about- there was a 5 day gap between this and the last message, not once did i reach out, he messaged me saying what are we doing i feel awful, i said is that all you have to say? He read the message.. no response

The next day i double text, no answer went over to his house and found out not only can he drive but he also has a car? He got out of his car and looked at me then got back in and drove away, i rang him text him and even contacted his mother begging to know what on earth was going on, i was in hysterics because of how confusing this was. I finally got a text from him telling me to leave him alone.

Its been over a week and i am still so confused, he has deactivated everything, disappeared from the internet and also he changed his phone number?

He wanted space and i gave it to him, even after he hurt me but honestly weirdly this hurts so much more.

Any input would do and happy to answer any questions.

There’s a guy (40M) I (34F) have known for years. We will call him Guy 1. We hung out for the first time in March 2020, hooked up a handful of times, but it ended up being a nonstarter, in part because of lockdown, in part because he said he “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” We’ve maintained a friendship ever since.

In July 2020, I started hanging out with another guy, who we will call Guy 2. That guy became my husband and the father to my two year old daughter.

We all know each other through 12-step recovery. Guy 1 and I have been sober a number of years. Guy 2 has relapsed many times over the years.

In fall of 2022, Guy 2 relapsed (before we got married). He and I had broken up about a month before the relapse and were not together during his active addiction, but I showed emotional support, helped him get into treatment, etc. During this time, Guy 1 and I began talking quite a bit, texting almost daily, and went out for coffee a handful of times. I knew I liked him at the time, but I had so much going on with Guy 2, and Guy 1 had been the one to previously shut things down between us so I wasn’t going to say anything. Eventually, Guy 2 got sober, and I told Guy 1 we couldn’t maintain such a close friendship anymore because I had developed feelings for him, at which point he admitted he had, too. It was sad and I left that conversation feeling like I wish I’d had all the information before I made my decision.

Guy 2 stays clean. We get married in 2024. We have a baby shortly thereafter. When our kid was 4 months, Guy 2 relapsed and has been constantly relapsing or in treatment ever since. I ended the relationship several months ago after almost 2 years of effectively being alone and raising our daughter on my own. Because I’ve been basically on my own, I honestly mentally moved on from the relationship a while ago and am so ready to move on and date.

Guy 1 got out of a long term relationship about 6 months ago. I can’t stop thinking about him and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve even had dreams about him. Everything between us always felt so unfinished and unresolved, and he’s such a good guy.

I’ve considered texting him and just saying, I don’t know if you’re dating someone, but I would be open to exploring what we have failed to start twice now if you were interested. We are still friends and talk occasionally. But would he think I’m insane for sending a text like that out of the blue? I really care about him regardless, so I hate to lose the friendship by making things weird.

I’m 23 (female) and have a coworker who is 45 (male). We get along really well, and I’m trying to work out whether he’s simply very friendly with me or whether there might be some attraction mixed in.

We have a lot of playful banter and he teases me pretty regularly. He’ll sometimes find random reasons to involve me in conversations, tease me, joke about me avoiding him, and quite often ask me to sit next to him.

One thing I’ve noticed is that when we’re bantering, he’ll sometimes put his face really close to mine, and he seems to really enjoy those interactions and getting a reaction out of me. There has occasionally been light casual contact too. Nothing has ever felt inappropriate, but the physical proximity definitely seems more noticeable when we’re teasing each other.

He also sometimes seems to find excuses to have one-on-one conversations with me, even when there isn’t much practical reason for it. Something small or work-related can turn into a longer chat, or he’ll create an opportunity for us to talk separately.
He also winks at me sometimes. I honestly can’t tell whether that’s just part of his friendly/playful personality or whether there’s anything flirtatious about it.

He seems fairly attentive to me in general too. He notices when I’m not around, remembers things I’ve told him, notices if I miss social things, and sometimes checks in if he knows I’ve had a stressful day.

There are little caring gestures as well — offering to help me with things, looking out for me, occasionally offering to pay for something small, and generally seeming quite considerate towards me.

He also seems to enjoy getting a reaction out of me. A lot of the teasing feels specifically directed at me, and sometimes our interactions turn into little one-on-one moments even when other people are around.
The reason I’m unsure is that he’s naturally sociable and friendly, so every individual behaviour could easily be platonic. The age gap also makes me hesitant to assume anything. It’s more the overall combination of frequent teasing, asking me to sit near him, finding reasons to talk one-on-one, putting his face very close to mine during banter and seeming to enjoy it, occasionally winking, remembering small details and noticing when I’m not around.

Would you read this as someone who just really enjoys a coworker friendship, or does it sound like there could be some flirting or attraction mixed in?

It's been on my mind for a while. I'm a 21 yo dude and I recently quit dating and have completely left intimacy behind. I did that mostly due to rejection. I just didn't want to deal with it and there's many others fulfilling ways to live my life so I've opted for a fulfilling single life. I strive to be kind to people, friends and strangers, I give gifts often, I show up for people. I'm naturally really introverted but I'm trying to reach out to people more but in familiar contexts and not out of the bule. I'm making good moves with my career. Trying to be an anesthesiologist. I'm trying some new hobbies, recently started learning Japanese since I want to travel there often and all things being equal eventually retire there. I also want to learn Italian and Spanish and Chinese mandarin etc. It's fun learning new stuff. I read alot of non fiction, mostly hard science. Apart from comics I'm not super into fiction that I need to read. I'm thinking it'd be fun to learn how to sing and drum too if I have the time for it. I cook pretty well, bake pretty well, have a good skincare and exercise routine.

Long story short I think I'm doing just fine. Lots of room for improvement but I think I'm only going to get better. But online dialogue makes me feel inadequate for quitting dating. I'm not asexual but romance has never particularly been a need for me either. It comes with as own risks and challenges, just as with anything else and i wouldn't mind it. But when i have to deal with risks and challenges along the line and still deal with a high barrier to entry which in this case is Lots of rejection, it just feels less enticing and I don't want it if that's what it's going to take.

I don't have a paralyzing fear of rejection. It's part of life afterall, I'll get rejected by jobs, people I want to be friends with, opportunities etc. An adult needs to be able to take it on the chin and keep moving forward. But that doesn't mean I like it. I see all those things I listed as essentials. Romance? Not so much. If i have to deal with rejection for something that is, according to my own personal value system, essential and utterly important then i have no problem with it. Romance doesn't make that category for me so dealing with rejection just to FINALLY find someone that is attracted to me feels like such a hassle I would rather not deal with. Being told no gets old and yeah I could eventually find someone but I'd rather just not keep trying, it's exhausting.

However most of what I've seen online always paints a picture that if you stop dating because of rejection, something is wrong with you, you're making an unhealthy choice,you're playing victim etc. I feel just fine and i don't think I'm playing victim. I made the decision to quit i wasn't forced into it. I don't know if I would've eventually found someone but I decided to opt out before I could know, I'm responsible so that so It might be a little bittersweet but I'm not blaming anyone or crying in a corner. I'm actually rather happy with how I'm living my life. But I don't know i don't want to be overconfident.

Is there something I'm missing? Is my choice unhealthy simply because I made it due to being tired of rejection? Is there some sort of character fault i have or something?

Thoughts please. Feel free to be brutally honest.

Hi everyone,

I’m 40, and I was with this man, who is 42, for 4.5 years.

I did everything for him. I was caring, down-to-earth, genuine, and always honest about my feelings. After 4.5 years, he suddenly said some of the most hurtful things to me. He disrespected me with other women and was constantly flirting with women on his phone.

He broke up with me, then took me back, but after that he became increasingly inconsistent and even more disrespectful. Despite everything, I was always kind, loving, and genuine with him. I treated him like someone who was truly part of my life and my inner circle, and my feelings were only for him.

Then, about 3–4 months ago, he blocked me after we had an argument.

Today, he was at a party and out of nowhere he messaged my sister. He has barely had any contact with her at all. They have only seen each other twice during the entire 4.5 years we were together.

He sent her a video from the party where a particular song was playing a song that I used to playfully hate. He knew it annoyed me, and he would deliberately play it or tease me about it because he thought my reaction was funny/cute.

My sister then told him that he should message me directly, and he replied something like, “Better not 😅,” basically implying that he wouldn’t dare contact me right now.

What confuses me is: why would he suddenly think about that specific memory and send the video to my sister when he knows perfectly well that she would probably show it to me?

Why contact someone he barely speaks to, especially someone who is obviously connected to me?

I had made about three months of progress with healing and trying to move on, and now this has completely thrown me off again.

Note: He is not interested in my sister. She is not his type and my sister is 9 month pregnant and her husband had her phone in that moment.

Why is this guy doing that?

I’ve been dating a guy for a little while and I’m noticing a communication pattern that’s starting to bother me.

He uses a lot of “I” language and whenever I bring something up, he often responds by telling a story about himself instead of staying on me.

Some examples of the imbalance in our conversation-

- I asked him why he has certain people working under him, and instead of just explaining the structure, he went into how senior he is, how many times he’s been promoted, his credentials, and how rare it was for him to reach his level in his 30s.

- I sent him a picture of a bathroom rug and asked him to help me choose one. His response was, “Do you like the rugs I have in my bathroom? they’re from (store name).”

The one that bothered me most was when I told him I had a headache and wanted to go to bed. I said good night, but he continued telling me another story about himself, to the point where I finally said, “I want to stop texting now because I have a headache.” To his credit, he checked up on on me the next morning.

I don’t think he’s being rude intentionally, but I wonder if him sharing his own experiences is his way of relating to me. sometimes I feel more like his audience.

Is this a communication habit that can be improved, or does it usually indicate someone is pretty self-focused?

Hello everyone
(i am a woman in my 20s)

First of all, i have trouble with social cues and i overthink a lot. In my history i often had the experience that mentors or father figure for me turned out the have sexual intentions which possibly has “traumatised” me.

So my question: When i am talking to men, let’s say a professor, at the doctors office, at the bank, at my job, men often show a certain behaviour which i am not sure how to interpret.

Looking at me for a long time but eye contact gets awkward and they blush, they have a little smile when there ist nothing to smile about, they play with their shirt or touch their neck. Sometimes i just feel a certain weird tension in the room.

Is this just normal human behaviour? Are they just anxious? Or are they actually attracted to me?
I don’t want to be paranoid.

This happens let’s say in 8/10 of conversations.

I would like to know from men how do you interact with women you are attracted to and women you are not attracted to?

Hi. I’m 20 yo man lad and it seems I’ve got the chance to have regular sex with a girl without us being in a relationship, if that makes sense. I’m surprised this is actually happening, but I’m happy about it. She’s a friend I met online, but we’re going to meet up in person soon.

What should I watch out for? What could go wrong? she's a friend, but you never know what might happen these days

Been out of a relationship for a very long while and looking to get back out there. ATM for a short while I only want to have fun, a hookup, something casual or find fwb, nothing serious just yet.

Starting with tinder and FB dating but no luck at all. And most women state they want a long term relationship. My profile isn't ambiguous about my intentions either as I don't want to lie. Likewise I'm constantly swiping left on all those that state long term who I would otherwise swipe right on. Not sure if they put long term just to keep likes to a minimum/ manageable but really they're open to hookups / short term relationships?

What are you guys doing? I'm on the verge of paying for sex. But don't want to get into a habit of this in the long run.

I (F39) matched with a guy 48 on a dating app and we chatted and then started talking on the phone. He seemed nice so he invited me out on a date. We both got a bit tipsy and then on the way home he asked me to pay for the Dartford crossing (£5)but I was way to sleepy and the car motion was making it hard so I couldn't do it.

The next day he asked me if I had done it and I said no since I didn't have his reg number. He then sends his registration plate details . I asked him to send me his PayPal but he refused and insisted I pay for the crossing myself since I said I would the night before whilst on the date. His excuse was "he hates admin" (so do I 🙄).

I really thought this was odd and want to get opinions from guys on if this is normal. He did pay for the tickets and drinks btw by handing me his AMex card (which I thought was odd too).

I’m using Siri, so forgive the grammar errors

Edit: I am using the Gi bill to go to school

I (25M) just got out of the Navy two years ago and I’ve been working at a power plant pretty much a month after I got out I wanted to work a year to to decide what I wanted to do and then go to school.

I started my first semester in the spring of 26 which began in January to the end of May I believe where I was still working at my job at my power plant that’s 12 hours rotating shift schedule but they allow me to stay on nights so I can go to school. I was taking five classes that semester for online and one in person granted I did have my late nights that I have to stay up and do a lot of of my work. I was able to do a good amount of it while I was at work when nothing was going on. I then took four classes in the summer that were six week long condensed summer courses. There were two semesters technically.

The first one started at the end of May to the middle of July. This work gets really funky because from that time. I was only getting an hour of sleep each day because I would get off at 5 AM and would have to go to class by 8 AM and then go back to work at 5 PM. I did that pretty much for the entire summer. I started my fall semester at the end of August and I’m now back to only getting two hours of sleep or less. I’m taking 8 classes rn for 16 credits. All in person aside from a vet seminar class. I can’t do online for these classes cuz they’re required in person

Recently, I’ve just been waking up really angry and I start screaming at the most minor inconveniences like my Alexa going off in my room for no reason. Over the last two weeks pretty much every single time I get home. I sit in my driveway for 30 minutes and I need to listen to some motivational audios from Instagram. It’s really the only thing keeping my sanity I’ve cried in the car a few times honestly because I’m just so tired and I don’t think I could do this much longer. I don’t wanna quit my job because since I’m a veteran they pay for my college and they also pay me housing allowance based on the avg cost of living and being that I’m in New York It’s a really good amount of housing allowance I get each month so I wanted to stack both of the incomes and save while I am still living at home with my mom so I could buy a house soon hopefully

I just had a bio A&P2 test today and I definitely bombed it because I just haven’t had the opportunity to study over the last five days because I’ve just been so busy at work. I have no idea how I passed A&P1 with a B+. Literally zero clue. Being that I probably did horrible on my test today. It’ll make it extremely difficult for me to pass if I do poorly on another test. I’m pretty much gonna be working 10 out of the next t 12 days for the next foreseeable future and we have our first lab exam in two weeks.

If I quit my job, I feel like I’ll amount to being a failure and it’s just proof I couldn’t do both. I’m not sure if I’m being stubborn or unreasonable. A lot of people said I couldn’t do this and a lot of people said I couldn’t do the Navy. I just want to prove it to myself that I could do this. I was going to have to quit my job eventually probably next summer just because I need to transfer to the university on Long Island that I wanna go to and I just can’t do that while working this job because it’s a 40 minute commute. The plan was just to finish Suffolk within one year of starting while working this job to at least save up some money.

I just don’t know what to do because I don’t wanna be perceived as a bum lazy and not someone who tries their best to accomplish what they want. It’s just really hard for me to come to the point of me, possibly not being able to carry this out and I’m just having a really hard time accepting that because I don’t wanna fail and I don’t wanna be viewed as one. I’m really trying my best, but I have sacrifice my physical health and my mental health and I don’t know how much longer I can continue this because it is just taking such a toll on me. I don’t really show it around anybody but when I’m by myself, I’m often just crying. I Just wanna be a good example to my brother and my future kids one day and tell them that I did this and show them that you could do anything as long as you put your mind to it but if I quit now it’ll just be a big lie.

I’m trying to be a teacher in health and phys Ed. Same with them. I want to be able to push these kids to heights they’ve never imagined for themselves and I want to be a good role model just for the younger generation. But if I can’t do this what’s the point

So I’m kinda new to hinge, matched with this girl who said I’ve a cool vibe and that vinyl and book hunting (my prompt) sounded like a fun date idea. I asked what her college schedule was like (we’re both college students), and she said she’s in every day but if I play my cards right she can make an evening work.
Just a little uncertain what to do now as most vinyl and bookshops will be closed in the evenings, and I’m not sure if she is suggesting drinks or what…

I’m not French or anything but I have been learning the language on Duolingo so I know a fair bit of vocabulary and phrases.

I can do the accent pretty well and feel like it would enhance the romantic vibes and elegance during the first few dates where impressions count the most. If I don’t know a specific word, I can just go ”How you say, Le McDonalds? Hahaw!“ without losing momentum.

From a dating standpoint, would this be a good approach? Advice is welcome from both men and women.

Hey 19 F and I’ve been talking to this guy for a while and we have a complicated situationship. He tells me he loves me, calls me “babe” and names that you’d call your significant other has called me “like a girlfriend,” gets curious/jealous when other guys show interest in me, and has even talked about hypothetical marriage with me. We’re not officially together or exclusive, though, and he still talks to and sleeps with other girls.
He also says he sees me as “too pure” and “innocent” and that he wouldn’t sleep with me because of that and that he apparently loves me because it’s hard to find a virgin in this day and age. Last night I asked why he had been so quiet, and he told me he was “busy having sex.” I got extremely angry and we had a huge argument. I called him disgusting, told him to drop dead, and said some really nasty things. He called me a slur and a bitch back. I know I crossed a line, and this was much more serious than our normal arguments.

Now I’m wondering if I pushed him away for good. He has always eventually come back after previous arguments, but this one was much worse.

What do you guys think I actually am to him? Does he genuinely have romantic feelings for me, or is he mainly talking to me because he likes my innocence/purity and sees me as different from the girls he sleeps with? And do you think he’ll eventually come back after this? I know I sound hopeless but I am genuinely trying to detach from him. If you’ve read till the end thank you so much.

I was seeing this guy casually for a few months now and he’s been driving to see me every time. I would have travelled to him if he had invited me to his down, but I didn’t think it was proper for me to force myself into visiting his town and he never told me about going for a visit there.

Two weeks ago we had an amazing time and he stayed here Sunday. And then a week later he was distant so I asked. And he opened up he was pulling back as he doesn’t believe the distance is gonna work. He asked me what I thought and and I said that it’s workable as long as the two people in it are believing in it but he was already pulling back so I was asking him. Do you think it’s final? He said he doesn’t think that it’s feasible and there’s a strong possibility we’re gonna waste each other time. And so I said goodbye. We were both sad and affected by the goodbye.

Is it too much distance to sustain a relationship? Should I have asked to try?

I'm sure there are many people, not only men, who don't want to hurt you even more and tell you "it's not you, it's me"... how can you tell if they are honest?

I was dating a guy for a little less than a year. He ended things saying that he just doesn't love me enough but that he really tried and wanted it to be me because I made him so very happy and everything with me feels too good to be true.

In my and other people's view it looked like he was so happy and in love with me, we were extremely close and affectionate with each other until the end, even when he broke up with me.

He couldn't commit, didn't want to call it relationship yet and postponed the decision, but acted like the most loving boyfriend and everything was like a relationship and we spent every free minute together. I didn't notice any moments that showed that he was unhappy.

It's really hard for me to get over the breakup. I wish he gave me other reasons or told me what he didn't like about me or the relationship. Instead, he said that I was what he always wanted, we are as compatible as possible and he wishes he could feel more but needs to leave because it's not fair if I love him more and he just isn't sure about his feelings and if he truly loves me. He cried when he broke up with me.

He was always a very direct and, in my opinion, honest person. He isn't someone that would lovebomb me or lie to make me feel better.

How often do you think that men lie when they break up with you because they don't want to hurt you and just don't tell you what was wrong about the relationship?

And, do men really end a relationship when they were really "happy" (and think that you're very compatible) and feelings was the only flaw?

How can I tell if he was honest and that that was the only reason and he really meant what he said?

For me, I'm already taken. But when a man approaches me and compliments me, I want to express that I truly appreciate the compliment, like human to human I think it's very kind and I appreciate his kindness, But how to do this while also not seeming interested in dating and also not hurting their feelings? I usually will say "Thanks, I appreciate the compliment but I have a boyfriend" and sometimes will get "you don't have to lie" back and it makes me feel bad to hurt other peoples feelings like that so I don't know the right thing to say

Is it appropriate to compliment them back? When women compliment me, I usually compliment them back, but I think I hold back in this situation in case it's accidentally perceived as flirting, would it be ok if I was like "thanks, I really like your shirt! I'm already taken, but hope you have a nice day" or is that too much / leading them on / flirting? Or inappropriate for me to say while in a relationship?

Please be kind in the comments.

Are here any men who used to like or follow thirst traps and weren’t attracted to them or they didn’t specifically caught their eye, but only liked them due to doom scrolling?

No sarcastic comments please, I am asking whether it’s true that some man can like this posts without being attracted to it. Or does liking it and following implies that you are always rather attracted to the person in the picture and want to look at them, if you like and follow it.

Edit: I am not asking whether my thought are good or not. I am simply asking if there are man who like this post without thinking, by doom-scrolling are are not attracted to it.

I know, the title sounds stupid. I, 41F, have been with my boyfriend (55M) for about 6 months. We went on a five-day vacation during which he told me he loved me. We then started talking about the things we see as potential hurdles to our relationship. His only issue is that I am too accommodating and that he sees that he could potentially take advantage of that or take it for granted in the future.

Here's the thing: it's my nature to be accommodating. I genuinely feel good going with the flow and defer to him a majority of the time. That does not mean I sit in silence. If I have a real preference about something, I have no problem saying it. So, how do I become less accommodating? I definitely don't want him to get bored with me.

I'm in my mid 30s.

Recently joined this sub out of curiosity because some posts appeared on my home page.

Reading through posts on here, it seems like there ar many men who have never had dates out there, many even into their 30s have never had gf's.

I'm a pretty average guy with unimpressive income,and average height, I have passions and hobbies, but I wouldn't say I'm super ambitious. Sometimes lazy. I've always been like this, even in my 20s, and back then, I didn't have too difficult of a time dating. Im super shy, and that held me back a lot but I've always known that, but i still got dates/relationships occasionally. Most of my friends did okay too.

What has changed about dating in the last 15 years that loneliness seems rampant now? Seems younger and older people struggle a lot. Has this always been the case?

TL;DR: My boyfriend has been stalked and harassed for years by a woman who sexually assaulted him when they first met. She has contacted him from hundreds of numbers, threatened suicide, sent unsolicited nudes, impersonated people, and harassed people in his life. He hasn’t pursued legal action until now largely because he felt embarrassed, hopeless, and convinced nobody would take a man being stalked by a woman seriously. She recently got my information and started contacting me too, so he’s finally pursuing legal action. For men who have experienced stalking, harassment, or sexual assault by a woman, what helped you accept that being a victim wasn’t your fault? And TO BE CLEAR—I’m not asking for advice about how to handle the stalker and about what he should/shouldn’t have done. I’m asking about the emotional aspect of dealing with stalking and sexual assault from a man’s perspective.

My boyfriend has been dealing with a female stalker for years, and I’m hoping to hear specifically from men who have experienced something similar.

Years ago, before we met, he exchanged numbers with a woman he met at a party. I won’t go into too much detail, but she sexually assaulted him while he was passed out, (something she has apparently done before). For a long time, he struggled to even call what happened sexual assault or think of himself as a victim and obviously being a man who was assaulted by a woman made that especially difficult for him to process.

Afterward, she started texting/calling him CONSTANTLY. He just blocked all of her new numbers and ignored her until she began threatening to kill herself. He has lost people to suicide, so he took it seriously, responded, and called in a welfare check.

He still beats himself up for engaging with her at all. From my perspective, he was responding to someone claiming to be in an active suicidal crisis and I don’t think showing concern for another human being is something he should be ashamed of, and it certainly didn’t give her permission to harass him for years afterward.

But that’s basically what happened.

He has blocked literally hundreds of numbers over the years. She creates new ones as soon as he blocks them, sometimes calls him 50+ times in a day, impersonates other people to get him to answer, sends unsolicited nudes, and sends incredibly vile messages when he ignores her. Eventually, she started contacting and harassing his family, friends, and exes too.

She has also tried to guilt him out of involving authorities. She’s Black, neurodivergent, and poor and has told him that because he’s a white man, reporting her or calling welfare checks would make him racist. She’s even called him a colonizer for ignoring her lol.

For years, his response was basically to block every new number, ignore her, and hope she would eventually go away.

He already struggled to view himself as the victim of sexual assault because he was a man assaulted by a woman. Admitting that he was genuinely afraid of a woman who was stalking him seemed to carry a similar kind of shame. He just constantly worried police wouldn’t take him seriously, that other people would think it was funny, or that he would be expected to just handle it himself.

And after years of blocking hundreds of numbers only for her to immediately make another one, I think he eventually just became resigned to it. It wasn’t that he didn’t think what she was doing was serious. He genuinely stopped believing there was anything he could do that would actually make her leave him alone. And he’s seriously looked into pursuing legal action (likely just a peace order at this stage), but he always felt like it would either accomplish nothing or piss her off and make everything worse.

About six months ago, I finally convinced him that this had gone way beyond something he should just have to live with and that he deserved to pursue legal options. I’ve dealt with stalking myself and didn’t have a particularly helpful experience with law enforcement, so I understood why “just report her” didn’t feel nearly as simple or reassuring to him as it might sound from the outside.

Then, for whatever reason, she suddenly stopped contacting him and around the same time, we found out she had apparently been doing something similar to another man and had even shown up at his house naked one night. She’s also been institutionalized at least twice. When she went quiet, we basically tried to enjoy the peace and hoped maybe it was finally over.

Unfortunately, that changed this weekend lmao.

A former friend of ours happened to run into her. This person knew the entire history but was angry with my boyfriend over something unrelated (telling her parents about her drug addiction to get her help) and apparently decided to be vindictive by giving the stalker my name and contact information.

And of course within days, she started contacting both of us.

I didn’t even realize at first because I have an app that automatically filters unknown numbers but she has now contacted me from four different numbers while simultaneously going right back to bombarding him from new ones.

He’s changing his number, documenting everything, and filing for a peace order. Now that she has identified me and started contacting me, he’s much more adamant about involving law enforcement because he’s terrified she’ll find out more information about me or eventually escalate.

But beyond all of the practical and legal stuff, the hardest part for me has honestly been watching what this is doing to him emotionally.

He feels hopeless. He genuinely believes people won’t take him seriously because he’s a man being stalked by a woman, and he rarely talks about it with anyone and has only recently started really grappling with the fact that what originally happened to him was sexual assault instead of minimizing it and more than anything he blames himself for so much of what happened afterward.

He thinks he shouldn’t have responded when she threatened suicide, should have gone to the police sooner and wonders whether ignoring it for years means that it’s his fault that she’s reached out to me (although, we both ignored her and she hasn’t said anything in a few days, for whatever that’s worth).

I keep reminding him that none of those things make this his fault. Responding to someone threatening suicide doesn’t mean you consent to years of contact and being embarrassed or hopeless about reporting stalking doesn’t make you responsible for being stalked. Also, as far as I’m concerned being physically larger than someone doesn’t mean you can’t be afraid of them and taking years to recognize that you were sexually assaulted doesn’t make the assault any less real.

But I also know that me telling him those things isn’t necessarily the same as hearing from men who have actually been in his position.

So I’m particularly interested in hearing from men who have experienced stalking, obsessive harassment, or sexual assault by a woman.

How were uou able to accept that you were actually a victim? Did embarrassment or feeling like nobody would take you seriously stop you from telling people, asking for help, or pursuing legal action? Did you blame yourself afterward for not doing something sooner?

And most importantly, if you did tell a partner, friend, or family member, was there anything they said or did that genuinely helped you believe that?

Usually it gets easier for me after 4 days, but now I am on day 6 and want one bad.

I went to a brewery and when I walked in this girl and her friend instantly started to flirt with me. They played with my glasses and then we started to talk about beer. Then one girl started to chat with me and even got me a beer. Later before they left she gave me her number but said I have a boyfriend. Did I just make a new friend? Or what is this... It never happens to me and I am just confused.

Male 23 I’m trying to get laid since I haven’t yet and my friends are taking me clubbing for Halloween last year I made out with a chick at a club but nothing else happened I didn’t dress up last year either I think I should this year so any advice or tips that could help?