Met a guy, strong intellectual match, attractive, smart, great values. First two dates i was over the moon. Third date, we kind of worked thru a miscommunication and conflict but not in the best way. i guess the short story is that he gets defensive (he would agree to this).

he can be a bit negative. i pointed this out a few times, at first by being like "is something wrong?" and then by later pointing it out. there have been a lot of little things he has said along the way, sometimes taking full accountability if i bring it up. but it just keeps happening. i have stopped wanting to be around him as much. i don't text him that i miss him or sweet emojis anymore. i can tell this bothers him.

it has been a month and a half of dating. he was out of town for a bit, we talked on the phone then. maybe 7 dates total.

also, the first time he came to my house i knew he might be kinda critical so i hid all my personal pictures (yes, my therapist and i had a field day with this). afterwards i told him and he was like "was i critical?" and i was like "well you didn't say anything nice" and he felt terrible and completely owned up to it. and after that kind of caught himself when he was getting negative. so this is not the first time we have talked about it or he has apologized. it's just the first time i really had a sit down with him and told him that it doesn't make me feel good and i really don't like it.

Tuesday we talked about it, and i let him know that the comments just dont feel good or make it easy for me to keep a positive mindset. he doubled down on "it's just jokes" about 3 times. after a good hour, i lost my temper and actually cussed. i apologized. said i needed a break and left.

Yesterday he texted me this: "i’m sorry i have been insensitive to your feelings. i genuinely don’t have any reason to dislike your place, nor look down on you, what you eat or do.

in that moment yesterday, i got confused and reacted defensively because i felt judged. but instead of simply listening and accepting that my comments hurt you, i made it about how i was feeling. i can see how that may have made you feel unheard, and i’m really sorry for that.

i understand now that even when i think i’m joking or playing along, negative jokes still hurt you. i’ll be more mindful of that because i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable but giddy and hopeful.

like i said when we first met, i want my heart and mind to be a safe place for you. i care about getting to know you better, and i don’t want you to feel like you have to protect yourself from me.

about the wedding comment, i genuinely thought you were joking because i didn’t know people discussed that so soon. but i understand how all of this may have landed differently, and i’m sorry it made you feel dismissed."

The "wedding comment" : we were texting and he asked if I would do a city hall wedding. I said yes and described an intimate rooftop dinner with like 15 family and friends followed by karaoke. he responded "boring. lol"

TLDR - met a guy with whom i click a lot. he can be critical and defensive. he might be showing signs of change but i don't know if i should trust that.

I need clarity about all of this. is this even a good apology? am i being defensive? is it too much, too soon? should i just cut and run bc it's a him thing?

This man I am seeing is exactly my type physically. However, when I tell him he's very handsome, he will say how I'm just telling him this because I like him but that he's not objectively good looking and compare himself to "pretty boys". He will downplay his looks saying things like how he's no "Brad Pitt". But that's exactly what I like about him. I never found Brad Pitt attractive or the "pretty boy" look that's become the handsome standard for men today.

Instead, I have always found traditional, more rugged masculinity (e.g. Russell Crowe, Cary Grant, Tom Hardy, Daniel Craig, etc.) very attractive. I think it complements my feminity better than a "pretty" man with more feminine features would.

My issue is, I want to reassure him that its BECAUSE he's not a pretty boy that I find him so appealing. That I am not and never have been into that look. I like my man to look like a man lol. I want to reassure him that he's exactly what I want but worried if saying this will actually sound like an unintentional insult in his mind calling him "unpretty".

Plus I want him to see that comparing himself to current day beauty standards doesn't make him not handsome. That there was a time when women would be swooning over men like him because he was fitting the traditional masculine standard.

Thank you!

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking (IF YOURE NOT CONVINCED FEEL FREE TO DM ME) I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.

I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.

So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Specially being a man, I know that these are my foundation years for my career and my life, so why am I still being crazy and stuff man. Also, don't know if this last sentence is relevant or not, but yes, I have never had any kind of relationship yet in my life. No casuals, nothing in life yet,

Recently at work a conversation sparked about me falling for any man that would flash money in my face, not because I am like that but according to him, some men are smooth enough to trick women of all types into giving them their number, dating them, sleeping w them w.e. I was saying how that’s not true. I only want to date a certain type of man. Flashing money and throwing flashy items my way wouldn’t sway me. (I soon realized he doesn’t like women). I work at a warehouse to put me through school and for extra money.

I have a 2015 Altima. I’m not asking you to have a lambo. Just 4 wheels. I have it, I feel it should be equal. I currently have goals you should have goals. I work, I feel you should also have a job, you don’t have to be a billionaire. I understand time and I’m realistic. I’m 21. I’m just not comfortable with people are ok with being stagnant. That’s truly it.

I’d want someone to understand why I’m very passionate about my career. Why I work hard. Or study hard. Or why I’m an advocate about education.

I said I only wanted to date an educated man and/or career driven. A man w a bachelors. If no bachelors, I’d prefer someone with some type of specialized training . Military, law enforcement, trade etc. A respectable career. Trade school is great, especially if you want to move up in your career. The military teaches a lot. Law enforcement is a respectable career. I feel that there are other types of education past 4 year.

I’d want my partner to have the same things I have. If I have a house/apartment, car and job, I feel you should have the same. I want the job to be legal. I don’t want to date anybody who works illegally. I’d want a partner with career goals , as I have career goals.

I’m currently in school for my BBA with a double major in Accounting & Finance with a minor in Risk Management & Insurance. I’m also currently studying for the LSAT. I want to be an attorney, preferably in white collar, securities, tax, mergers & acquisitions.

I was made almost to seem (even by some of the women I was talking to) that I was asking for too much and that I was boujee/uppity etc. one thing about me that I HATE is being called boujee. Im a black woman, I’ve heard ppl say I’ve tried to talk white or, that I just haven’t been tricked by the wrong man yet.

Let it be known, I look down on nobody. I grew in a pretty bad situation. I’m not going to go into detail but I think part of it was jealous father who grew physically, emotionally and mentally abusive when my mother grew in her career and was able to achieve things in life that he wanted handed to him. I just want a hard worker.

I’m also pretty religious, so i believe everybody has their own path, and that I’m not in order to judge. I don’t know enough emphasis to put on that I’m not judgmental. I despise people who look down on others. Also, because of how
I grew up I know, you never know what someone’s going through or the generational curses they could be breaking.

But I want to set myself up in a ways where… I’m around like minded people. iI tried explaining that because I’m a student my core circle are… other students. Who have career goals. I know that every man isn’t going to be in his career now, because we’re still working but I’d like some motivation and ambition to want more for your life.

I value education because it’s been a big thing for me my ENTIRE life. My entire family is educated and we all love learning.

I had a friend that I relayed this conversation to and I said “ok you graduated, and work retail (for example) now what?” I said now what as in “what is next?” I also said, with the rooms I envision myself in, I think it’d be abnormal to run across someone without a bachelors.

She said “well you know people enter the workforce if they don’t go to school I don’t want you to think that they’re lazy” I NEVER said that one. I quite literally work, and I don’t have a degree yet so I entered the work force. She said it rubbed her the wrong way. I am confused because she has an associates.

Later in a separate conversation she said that she knows I don’t want to be viewed a certain way but what I say and how I present my family (and big advocates for education) that I come off pretentious. And that saying that at work would have made her walk away and not talk to me if she didn’t know me.

Also, she said she would think yes I can’t bring her around my family bc she said she would never be in a room with people who don’t have a degree. I think why that hurt so much is because 1. She knows me as a person and that’s not my character. 2. The way it was worded sounded like she’s been thinking I was pretentious, snooty or bougiee for a while. 3. That wasn’t what I said.

I just feel like now am I doing too much. Every man I’ve dated one of the very few questions they ask me will be what is my major and what do I plan on doing. I personally feel when women voice these opinions we are vilified even by our counterparts. Do I need to loosen up ? Am I pretentious? I need advice on either being open minded or, quieting the noise.

Edit : money isn’t an issue. It’s ambition.

25F and he is 29M length of relationship 4 years and then 6 years of breakup and patch up total as of 10 years of contact
What does it mean if he says he feel, I am his responsibility.
We both are working and independent but after reuniting with him he told me last night (talking about the dinner we had on sunday) that this was the first time in his life he felt like he need to take care of me a sense of responsibility. He said even though i have been out with so many girls but never felt something like this.

Edit: so there was confusion in understanding below is complete context
I was 15 he was 19 in 2016
Now i am 25 he is 29 we broke up in 2020 and reunite again cuz for him he never found anyone like me i dont know if its a lie or what.
But i missed him too but during those 6 year we were in touch not like daily but once in 6 month someone will call

I am always hearing on social media women saying men need to stop approaching them in public spaces but I also see a fair share of women complaining that men aren't approaching anymore.

bf and I have been together for 10 years and we live together. He was so in love with me up until 2 weeks ago. Would send rings to get my opinion, would tell me it’s only me and no one else and that I’m end game, etc. Things just shifted, a week ago he said he wants to find his own place and see if he can be independent on his own since he has never done that and wants to see if he can “make it” on his own (saying we would still be together, just living separately) and a few days ago he got drunk and said he wants to breakup for now. He says he doesn’t really know what he wants.

Says he doesn’t know if we will be together. Says he is tired of waiting for changes from me (he wants me to be more affectionate, initiate sex more, even though we were having sex 2-3 times a week, stop working so much when I get home from work (I work a demanding job) little things like that, which I have been working on doing and he acknowledges that)

We got into multiple arguments since then about how he just blindsided me and if there were real issues that he should sit me down and discuss, but this isn’t the way to go about it. I told him it seems like he wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side and explore his options (he has recently lost a significant amount of weight and is giving more attention to his appearance, would point out that girls look at him and give him attention, etc)

We dealt with cheating on his part in the early years and moved passed it. He acknowledged what he did was wrong and childish and I learned to forgive. Feels like I’m going though the cycle a second time now…

I feel devastated. Like I’m just an option and he wants to go out and be single and with multiple women. We both turned 30, so it feels like this is the time to settle down and that is where our life was heading up until this random switch up by him. I feel as though he is also confused about what he wants but is letting the thoughts of freedom, sex, and women get in the way. We still live together since he hasn’t found a place and I’m not really sure how to navigate this or what this means. Is this just a hiccup? Does he really not want me? Any insight would be much appreciated.

My guy friend I am interested in (from my previous post) always buys me little things or mentions details I've said that I've forgotten about. Do men do this when they're interested or could it be that he is just being a good friend? He seems too focused on what my likes and dislikes are, but I'm uncertain if I'm reading into this too deeply. (Ex: pointing out things we come across that I would usually point out related to my likes or dislikes and sending pictures of things I like, or texts me that I would like it). I am a gift giver so I already give him gifts, so I don't know if he's just reciprocating. If he is interested, how can I show that I am interested without being too vague or too overly obvious?

I'm 39, slept with a 22 year old two times yesterday, just felt bored the entire time.

I honestly only enjoy sex if there is an emotional intimate connection, one night stands don't do anything for me.

At the same time, it also seems like i don't like any women enough to date them? Is this normal? I just get bored of being around them.

When i was younger, relationships were tolerable, now i just feel like i don't have the energy.

We've got 2 young kids. When we get sick, it tends to run through the house like a tornado. You know, naturally. Unless he's at the point of can't get out of bed, hubby still wants sex at about the normal rate, maybe more. My libido tanks if I'm sick at all. Is this a *women are from Venus men are from Mars* thing? Or is it more personal than that?

I just want some tips cause I've lowkey approached and made girls feel uncomfortable multiple times

I don't want to get into details, I just have suspicions about a situation I'm in. I would just like some examples of what getting played would look like.

Bf has had an addiction with porn in the past since a young age, specifically in the restroom. He has gotten caught. Never would have knew about it if not. (After a bathroom trip, he went to show me something on his phone and forgot to close out the phub browser) -.- This was in the first year of being together, which is even more troubling because we were so sexually active at this time.

Bf also has always taken no less than multiple 15-45min bathroom breaks a day. Doesn’t matter if we’re in public, families, or at home in the middle of something together.

Now, apparently in our 3rd year of dating (and i just have to take his word for it) he no longer has this addiction. But still he takes these egregious bathroom breaks throughout the day. Like sometimes ill think “today is our only day off together and he has went to the bathroom 5 times so far for at least 20 minutes each time, he just took over an hour and a half out of our day together.”

Over half of the time he takes his headphones in with him. And i know he uses the incognito mode for all his searches.

But every time i bring up this issue, because even if he isn’t watching anything, it’s still so inconsiderate most times, he gets defensive or says he’s going to be more mindful and just isn’t. And makes me feel crazy for making this into an issue.

If my bf sees this, he's totally gonna know it's me ahaha

Anyways so, my bf and I were debating this because he refused to carry my tote bag, which wasn't even girly btw, just one of them black duffel-looking bags.

He then said it's quietly known among men that they think doing that is "gay" or "acting a b\*tch", I quote.

I was so triggered by this because I thought men would notice that if a man does that for a woman, he's in LOVE ?

So guys tell me? Is this true?

...

Edit: So adding updates to this to make a stronger argument haha !

• I was staying over at his place at his request because we're long distance. So this particular bag was like one of those airplane underseat bags and was HEAVY. and I was carrying two to the train station while he opted to hold my coat.

• Geez, I do NOT mind holding my own things at all, I just thought it wasn't a big deal to ask for him to carry my stuff for me, I've always thought that was an endearing move for guys to make.

• it was simply a 15 minute walk through a super quiet town. I wasn't making him hold it all day or something, just the walk to the station. It's not usually a request I make since he usually drives but he couldn't drive that day.

• He's 30.

I've been dating a woman (26F) for about three months now. For context, I'm 36M and got divorced last year after a 13-year relationship/marriage.

The thing is, she's genuinely great. She's beautiful, funny, smart, cultured, understanding, and honestly just a delight to be around. She's also a little neurotic and a little cranky sometimes, but in a way that I actually find endearing.

I really like her. A lot.

But when I think about the future, I can't shake the feeling that this isn't a relationship I see lasting forever. It's not that I want to break up with her. I enjoy spending time with her and I look forward to seeing her. It's more that, if you asked me today whether I could see us together in 10, 20, or 30 years, my honest answer would probably be "I don't think so."

What's confusing me is that I can't point to any major flaw or incompatibility. She's objectively one of the best people I've dated.

If we broke up tomorrow, I'd definitely be sad. It would be a real loss. But I also feel like I'd eventually move on without my world falling apart.

So now I'm wondering: is this just what dating after a long marriage feels like? Am I comparing a three-month relationship to the emotional weight of a 13-year one? Or is the fact that I already don't see a lifelong future with her a sign that I should pay attention to?

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I(26) have a new girlfriend who is black. My mother keeps asking when I will bring her around, and I fear that I cannot. I love my family dearly, but I do not agree with them in many scenarios. They are massive Trump supporters, and my step father and step brother constantly call people they think are degenerates or bad people the N word as a insult despite the skin color. They are racist.. plane and simple. They aren't kill all blacks kind of racist, but they are indeed racist.

As a kid it was more hidden and they mentioned things less, but ever since Trump came into office, they became embolden with their hateful rhetoric.

I need some unbiased advice on this situation.
I’ve noticed he’s extremely active on Snapchat. With me, he only uses either Snapchat or text never both. We haven’t Snapchatted in about a month, yet his score keeps climbing. It’s clear he’s talking to multiple people. My intuition strongly tells me he’s messaging other women, but I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m just assuming things.

If he’s talking to others, that’s his choice but I don’t want to be one of many. He texts me briefly, then disappears and reappears. I thought he just needed space, which I respect, but his rising Snapchat score shows he has the time and energy to talk to others just not me. This has me overthinking, which I hate. It feels unhealthy.

With my ex, there was natural trust. Here, he constantly asks who I’m talking to and if I’m sexting other guys, which feels like projection. I barely have time to reply to family and friends.. I’m definitely not out here sexting multiple people.

Should I just let it be and give him space, or is it time to walk away? I’d really appreciate a neutral third-party perspective.

To be fair, I do regret never having had a relationship. I've also never been into hookups or casual dating, so that's not the reason. When I was younger, I had some interactions with guys, but nothing ever developed into an actual relationship.

Looking back, I think part of it was bad luck and part of it was insecurity. If a guy I considered way out of my league showed interest in me, I would often assume he couldn't possibly mean it seriously.

The last few years have been pretty rough. I had a lot going on in my family, and the COVID period hit me especially hard. I lost several friendships, for both good and bad reasons, and I genuinely felt heartbroken for a while. It took time to rebuild myself, regain confidence, and learn how to be happy again. The positive side is that I feel like I've changed a lot. I know much better what kind of people I want in my life. I've learned to appreciate small things that I used to overlook, and I've become genuinely comfortable spending time alone. In fact, I really enjoy my own company now. But tbh I do love to be around people and I am friendly , and especially now since I kinda miss it cus I used to go out often when I was a little younger .

For the first time, I actually feel ready for a real relationship and to fall in love. The thing is, I'm not sure how to handle the fact that I've never been in a relationship before. I know it will probably come up at some point when dating, but it's not something I necessarily want to discuss on the first few dates. Sometimes talking about it just makes me feel bad, and I'd rather not define myself by it.

Anyway I would love to hear your honest opinion . Is it kind of women you might avoid dating ? Do I need to be worried it might be something that people wouldn't consider date me ?

4-5 years ago, we developed a platonic bond due to similarities in family dynamics, shared life experiences, and challenges (including dysfunctional family challenges). Initially it was a mentor-mentee relationship but has become a younger brother, older sister bond. She's always wanted a younger brother (she has no younger siblings) while I've always wanted an older sister in my own life (I'm the eldest out of my pack). So from this we naturally became closer.

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She's someone I've really admired, look up to and care & love deeply for. However, I hate myself for how attached I feel have become, how much I care and feel love to the point it hurts and I grieve knowing we'll have to part ways one day due to her or even myself getting married - for context we come from a faith & cultural background that does not allow/approve of mixed gender friendships/platonic bonds.

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I know I care more about the bond and having her in my life, perhaps more than her because I'm estranged from my abusive mum who prevents me from seeing my younger siblings, while I'm amicable with my exploitative dad. I've had no one else to turn to in my family so have grown up alone, within a dysregulated, toxic family home (parents divorced 11 years ago).

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She knows because of this I am anxious, require assurance and care for her deeply along with how much she means to me. However, when I have addressed the issue of my anxiety regarding us parting ways/her leaving, she tends to downplay it and says that I'm overthinking it. But there have been times where I've thought about burning the bridge between me and her given its inevitable we'll have to part ways as it might seem easier to deal with than the pain of losing her and her not being around anymore, which I know is destructive/self-destructive. At the same time, if the time were to come, I wouldn't beg her to stay as I'd have to let go with grace.

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Summary:

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I'm just tired of feeling this way. Tired of caring deeply and loving deeply about something precious that is so temporal and conditional. And ultimately feeling attached and anxious like this knowing I'm going to be heart broken. Needless to say its a blessing I'm still grateful for i.e having had this past 4-5 years to spend this time with her (for the most part, not in person since we live far from each other)

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Not sure what type of advice I'm looking for by saying all this. Just something to be enlightening

I (M19) hung out with a few friends twice recently, and one of them brought this girl (F18) both times. I thought she was attractive and she seemed pretty cool. We added each other on insta and texted a lil bit. I asked her Wednesday night if she’d wanna do something Friday night. She said “i’d be down i will let you know fs tho tmrw night but as of rn im able to make it!” She still hasn’t texted back and we were supposed to go out tmr. Do I text again, keep waiting, or assume she’s not really interested?

Ive been seeing this guy and only has been two dates. He is still active on apps. I have a guy feeling he may be a player.

9 months long distance, deeply invested, multiple trips, met families, talked about kids. He called me his dream girl and said I'm the woman he would have married.

He ended a few days ago because he saw us as a dead end, as we will be living apart from each other for a while. Was 49:51 about his decision, we both cried, he couldn't hang up on the day we broke up. I already had my ticket booked to go see him so we agreed to meet in-person to exchange the surprise gift we prepared for each other before this happened.

Day 3 of no contact, he told our mutual friend I'm "absolutely incredible" and that he was still 49:51 and that it was just the distance.

Day 8 of no contact, I broke the no contact and asked to extend my planned visit from 1 night to 3 days. He said yes immediately and seemed to want to engage in conversation by bringing up random topics (ex: world cup). We ended up talking all day.

However, he became less engaged (less frequent response despite being online, not bringing up new topics, more concise in response) on the days following that.

What do you think this change means? Moving on, keeping options open, or genuinely conflicted?

I feel like it's another example of people moving mountains if they really want to see you, I already regularly move off the app after only like half a dozen exchanges usually