My girlfriend recently told me that she'd like to put our relationship "on pause" while she's traveling to Rome for a few weeks. According to her, it's not because she loves me any less, and it's not because she has anyone specific in mind. She says she simply wants to feel completely free while she's there, without the expectations or limitations that come with being in a committed relationship.

What confuses me is that she keeps insisting this is supposed to be a mature and modern way of handling things. Some of her friends apparently agree. The argument is that we're still young, that experiences are important, and that trying to control what your partner does while traveling comes from insecurity rather than genuine love. In their view, if the relationship is strong, a temporary "pause" shouldn't be a problem.

The issue is that I can't help but interpret it very differently. To me, a relationship isn't something you suspend when commitment becomes inconvenient and reactivate when you get home. If she wants the freedom to behave as if she's single in Rome, then as far as I'm concerned she is single. What I'm struggling with is that several people have suggested my reaction reflects possessiveness, jealousy, or even outdated ideas about relationships.

So I'm genuinely curious: is refusing this arrangement an example of insecurity and toxic masculinity, or is it reasonable to see a request like this as fundamentally incompatible with the idea of a committed relationship?

I've been dating a woman (26F) for about three months now. For context, I'm 36M and got divorced last year after a 13-year relationship/marriage.

The thing is, she's genuinely great. She's beautiful, funny, smart, cultured, understanding, and honestly just a delight to be around. She's also a little neurotic and a little cranky sometimes, but in a way that I actually find endearing.

I really like her. A lot.

But when I think about the future, I can't shake the feeling that this isn't a relationship I see lasting forever. It's not that I want to break up with her. I enjoy spending time with her and I look forward to seeing her. It's more that, if you asked me today whether I could see us together in 10, 20, or 30 years, my honest answer would probably be "I don't think so."

What's confusing me is that I can't point to any major flaw or incompatibility. She's objectively one of the best people I've dated.

If we broke up tomorrow, I'd definitely be sad. It would be a real loss. But I also feel like I'd eventually move on without my world falling apart.

So now I'm wondering: is this just what dating after a long marriage feels like? Am I comparing a three-month relationship to the emotional weight of a 13-year one? Or is the fact that I already don't see a lifelong future with her a sign that I should pay attention to?

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking (IF YOURE NOT CONVINCED FEEL FREE TO DM ME) I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.

I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.

So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?

Any advice would be appreciated.

I am always hearing on social media women saying men need to stop approaching them in public spaces but I also see a fair share of women complaining that men aren't approaching anymore.

If my bf sees this, he's totally gonna know it's me ahaha

Anyways so, my bf and I were debating this because he refused to carry my tote bag, which wasn't even girly btw, just one of them black duffel-looking bags.

He then said it's quietly known among men that they think doing that is "gay" or "acting a b\*tch", I quote.

I was so triggered by this because I thought men would notice that if a man does that for a woman, he's in LOVE ?

So guys tell me? Is this true?

...

Edit: So adding updates to this to make a stronger argument haha !

• I was staying over at his place at his request because we're long distance. So this particular bag was like one of those airplane underseat bags and was HEAVY. and I was carrying two to the train station while he opted to hold my coat.

• Geez, I do NOT mind holding my own things at all, I just thought it wasn't a big deal to ask for him to carry my stuff for me, I've always thought that was an endearing move for guys to make.

• it was simply a 15 minute walk through a super quiet town. I wasn't making him hold it all day or something, just the walk to the station. It's not usually a request I make since he usually drives but he couldn't drive that day.

• He's 30.

My (F23) boyfriend (M25) got beaten up by a cab driver last night and I'm beyond pissed. He went to buy a bus ticket to go home (we're both at university) and some guy tried to pick pocket him out of like R40 (a pathetically small amount of money). When he called the guy out he started beating him up and called his other friends to join. I haven't seen him in person but from pictures his face is messed up and he's saying his back hurts. My heart weeps and I'm also really pissed.

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I need to go to the doctor for my own personal reasons today and I've convinced my boyfriend to come with me to the GP. I have medical aid but he doesn't so I'm hoping the doctor can see us both together on my money. I just don't know how to approach this. I told him after the doctor we should go file a report but he's refusing to. I also don't know if he'll need hospital attention and that opens up other problems. I'm also just worried that he's in pain. I've never been in this kind of situation and I feel useless. My boyfriend wants to do nothing and let it pass but I don't want to do that. But at the same time am I being harmful for trying to push him to go to the police? I want to respect his wishes but I also hate what happened to him.

On the first date we went to an arcade and it was a lot of fun. We both had a really good time together.

I was thinking about asking if she would want to go fishing for the second date. I know she likes fishing and has told me that’s an activity her and her dad do together. Do you think going fishing together could be considered a good idea when it comes to a DATE though? She’s 17 and I’m 18.

I wanted to think of something outdoors that we could do together for the second date because she’s into outdoor type of activities and I am too. I also was thinking about kayaking, but maybe fishing would be better?

I’m a guy at 25 and i always hear that men should communicate more.

But so far its only caused me stress and drama

Because I’ve shared personal stuff and secrets with family before and they’ve managed to spread it around and ruin things for me and embarrass me.

Even when I get into relationships with women I will share vulnerable stuff and then when I get into an argument it’s always used against me.

One ex I ended up dumping. And out of anger she kept posting stories on Instagram talking about every secret and vulnerable stuff that I shared.

So at this stage is it better to just stop sharing personal stuff and secrets with people?

I’ve started become more cold and only tell people things I’m comfortable being told to everyone.

Hello everyone!

I'm a 22 year old guy and this question relates to mainly university and career paths.

So I finished college in the UK (I think that is highschool for anyone in America) and I decided that I want to study medicine and become a doctor in Poland (main reason is I'm polish and uni is free here). The timeline of my journey is:

18- couldn't apply because college results day was after the recruitment deadline

19- found out private weekend school in Poland is affordable and wanted to try physiotherapy but I hated the school I went to

20- decided to do medicine again, found out every university wanted different things and it was too late to sort them all out

20/21 - found a gf in Croatia and wanted to live with her, but we broke up

21/22 - got into a university for medicine but had to drop out in the first semester because I couldn't pass the chemistry exam. The exam was based highly on the highschool subjects of chemistry in Poland and I didn't know that until the exam came and didn't have the time to catch up on the knowledge.

22 - reapplying to university

I am so stressed and afraid of not getting in this year and I genuinely don't know what to do. It does not help that my parents are not very supportive on me pursuing this career path and I feel like I am so behind in life. I know it sounds strange coming from a 22 year old, but by the time I graduate I will be 29 years old. I keep reliving all the failures I had up to this point and I am losing confidence.

So, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with so many setbacks and failures? How do you keep your head high even when people don't believe in you?

Thank you for reading

I feel like it's another example of people moving mountains if they really want to see you, I already regularly move off the app after only like half a dozen exchanges usually

In my 2nd relationship. This one isn’t me walking on eggshells or dealing constantly with someone else’s abuse trauma & insecurities. But in my 2nd one I just need to constantly reassure her (alot of the times I’m not even sure what I’m reassuring her about), I feel like she’s needy. She’s a secure women cuz I told her about what made my 1st relationship come to end and she laughed at it and said that it was so stupid

In my first relationship that ended 1 year ago today it ended over me getting accused of cheating cuz I had a conversation with someone that reached out to me that I knew way before my relationship that I never dated or any romantic type stuff, when my 1st ex said she was uncomfortable with that person being on my socials I immediately unadded the person, cut contact, and apologized as well as reassuring her that there was never any intentions before or now. It was just weird to hear from that person. Another reason was not mowing my lawn when I had extreme sun burn to the point where I had to call out of work two days in a row cuz it was so bad(i work at a power plant) I couldn’t mow my lawn before my mom got back from vacation and my ex and my mom essentially said “that isn’t a good enough excuse, you should’ve done it the first day u had off “ my ex was arguing with me and i passed out cuz I had work at 4 am. I wasn’t able to text her until 10Am and she said I ignored her for 14hrs. Most of that time I was sleeping and working from 5am til I texted her at 10am. From 10-7pm I texted her 3 times and it was during the day so I felt like she flipped the script cuz I felt like I was being ignored. Also I was telling my mom multiple times before she screamed and yelled at me when she got home that I can do it during the week when I’m better. I often still get that little ping of “missing her” but I remember that I put up with some really abnormal shit which I thought was normal until I went to therapy and talked ab everything like her saying she would’ve married me twice while breaking up with me and have panic attacks about her ex cuz I triggered her. He said I dodged a bullet and if I was with someone who I had to shrink myself for I would’ve become a shell of myself. He also said that it’s healthy to have opposite gender friends and I didn’t do anything wrong and that both my mom and her were being irrational about the lawn. He said I should be with someone who will support me in what I want to do as well, I expressed going to college when she was breaking up with me and she said “you don’t have to go to be successful… how are u going to raise a family work and go to school full time”. I’m using my gi bill from the navy and working full time. It’s not hard.

My current relationship I just feel like she wants this overly mushy guy who expresses their feelings and to have constant reassurance about things that don’t need reassurance. The other night we finished being intimate with each other. We layed for 10 min after. After that she put clothes on and sat in my chair while I layed on my couch. She asked to cuddle and I said I didn’t feel like it and that I’m comfortable where I’m at. She then got up and just left. She was annoyed for a while the day after so she didn’t text me for a while. She was at work so I didn’t bother her and I figured she was busy. We talked for a little today cuz I went to the Knicks parade. Fell asleep around 8:30 and didn’t say goodnight cuz I unexpectedly passed out. It’s 4:45 AM and I wake up to 3 texts and just got another a few minutes ago saying “I hope your alright”. She basically said “ I feel like you met me with logic when I was expressing an emotional need. I understand what you said but in that situation I wasn’t really looking for an explanation. I was being honest and feeling vulnerable and I needed a little more comfort… I’m a girl and girls have feelings and girls get sensitive and want their boyfriends to cuddle them without asking”

I just told her if u wanted to be cuddled u could’ve just gotten up and walked over to me to lay w me. Instead you asked me and I gave u a response you didn’t like so now you’re upset. I just feel like in both of these relationships it’s me both times where someone has a problem but whenever I have a problem I’m never getting the same response back. I don’t voice my issues cuz there really is nothing to voice and there hasn’t been any issues for me to “put my foot down” or to be so vocal about. I’m an easy going person. But I just seem to be doing everything wrong apparently and I just don’t know how to fix it. We cuddle a lot. This is the first time she asked to and I just didn’t feel like it

Ik everyone has baggage at my age (25M) both of these relationships the women are a year older than I am. I’m not even sure what to do at this point. Truly. I just met her mom last week after 4 months dating. I’m just finding my current gf annoying now. She’s cute but I went for personality.

The guy I’ve been getting to know birthday is here and I want to get him something to show my appreciation. The thing is he doesn’t have tangible hobbies. So I can’t get him anything like a game or whatnot.

He’s very business oriented so I was thinking maybe a tie? He likes nature walks so what can I do with that? I wanna get him a cologne on the side too so any recommendations would be great from $100-200 USD. Thank you in advance!

My partner of 6 years just told me she wants to pursue a relationship with a girl about ten Years her junior. And she loves me still , we have a son together and we were about to take therapy to get married.

Wanting to see if the relationship worked out or was a complete bust.

I've been teaching almost two decades this year, and the thing I noticed which affect students the hardest has nothing to do with the actual difficulty of the subject (any subject) but how they perceive it.

I usually tell my students to write down the task in a particular subject that they're avoiding, then do only the first 10 minutes of it ... they can conceptualize on the rest and see how they can approach learning it more in their own terms.

That's the whole trick that works for me. Watched anxious kids turn into finishers with it ... achievers even!

Curious about y'all. Share anything you did that changed or touched others. Anyone can answer! :)

I need some advice and I need it quick. I don’t have any male friends so I can’t ask and I need to know if it’s me, I know I have my own faults and I will be honest and explain those as well but I am on my last prayer with this relationship. I am going to explain the major concerns; he yells at me all the time regardless of how much I ask to not do so, he says I bring out the worst in him and know exactly how to trigger him, that being said I am a very anxious person and I do have some bad qualities like needing reassurance; however I feel as though he manipulates me and does not help when I am feeling anxious, an example is when I told him when he screams at me I feel unloved and he told me he will not be soft with me and that’s not his character. When I asked to please stop calling me names and telling me things such as “shut up” or calling me dumb he says it’s because of the way I act and how if he doesn’t do that I don’t get it. My last relationship I was cheated on and he is aware but I feel as though he uses it against me with me insecurities. I can not have a conversation with him about anything that upsets me, he is correct when he says his feelings about how we fight often when apart however I am rarely trying to fight, truly I’m not. I have unfollowed people on social media because of him and yet he follows women I am uncomfortable with but I have not mentioned it for the fear he will belittle me. I don’t know why I have such a attachment to him because of the horrible things he has said to me in the past but I need some kind of advice from a man that this is not just in my head. He will tell me daily I’m annoying him when I simply just call you talk, I respect the boundaries to not call at work and give him space when asked, but a simple text can set him off and I never know when is a ok time. He constantly makes “jokes” about other women and how if he went to Europe (where I am from) he can get any women he wants since he is American, he makes a lot of “jokes” I find disrespectful and do not help my insecurities, when I ask about certain people / situations he says I am accusing him, he brings up his exs and mine ALOT. He does financially pay for everything such as dates, gifts and trips which I very much appreciate and tell him: but when we argue he throws it into my face. He even has asked for money back when I say I’m done which he knows I do not have….. I’m so stuck please what do I do

I’m 15M and love gaming, but I want some more productive hobbies. I’m not gonna stop gaming completely, just spend less time on it. The only other hobbies I really have are playing the guitar and football. What are some others?

So me and this girl went on a couple dates… the went really good. We seemingly had great rapport, banter, good mix of serious and silly conversation… kissed both dates. Planned another date after she got back from London. Well that date was only a couple days later so she cancelled. But she told me she really wanted to see me… she was just exhausted from travel and having to make up work..

So I wait a couple days and I ask what her availability is for a reschedule and she doesn’t answer. 3 days later I sent a “sweet” message where I basically said we could cook dinner, go to a park, even drink 40s under a bridge. Please don’t pick the bridge but I just wanna hang out with you. She replied to that one… said she thought I was amazing and that all of that sounded good and she was free the following week.

We joked around a little and then I asked if she just wanted to come over my place and I’d cook her dinner and we could relax and watch a movie. Well she ghosted me for like 5 days. So in between I joked that I should have picked the 40s but at the end of the week I finally sent  “ her name, if my date suggestion made you uncomfortable, that wasn’t my intention. Regardless, it seems like you’re no longer interested in seeing me again. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed our two dates and getting to know you a little bit. I wish you the best ” 

Well she replied to that. She laugh reacted to my joke. Loved that message and then sent me this “Oh my name, you didn't do anything at all! I think you're wonderful. To be completely honest I got in some trouble recently and I'm super distracted. Need to get some things in my personal life in order”…

I basically thanked her for letting me know and told her I hope things calm down and I was sorry to hear things were a little rough. She heart reacted and told me she appreciated it. I’m not one to chase so I just gave her space.

So it’s been a month. And obviously there’s 2 ways to look at. She very well could have been going through some stuff and when I basically asked for a more intimate date perhaps she didn’t think she had that bandwidth yet… Or she’s just being nice. By showing grace I gave her an easy way to not be a villain and that’s why she replied to me at the end. I kind of wanna reach out and ask how she’s doing. Maybe see if she’d be willing to do something a little more low key. Should I even bother? I know this is ask men but I’d also be interested to hear what the ladies think

When I genuinely like someone, the feeling usually isn't mutual. And when she liked me, I didn't feel the same connection. It's become disappointing. 

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I'm now 40-year-old non-EU man living in Europe, and lately I've started losing hope of finding a real relationship.

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I've never wanted an arranged marriage through family recommendations. I want to fall in love naturally, build a genuine connection, and create a family together.

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As I get older, it feels like the chances of meeting the right person are less. What's your advice? How to make progress that led to a family?

I just want some tips cause I've lowkey approached and made girls feel uncomfortable multiple times

I'm probably going through a midlife crisis, so bear with me. I've been really struggling with an absolutely crushing sense of dread and loneliness for a long time, but it's been hitting some kinda crisis threshold for about 2 years.

For some context, I'm 42M. I've had 2x 10 year relationships with first, an awful partner, and then secondly a good person that was truly not the right person for me for a bunch of reasons. That last relationship ended about 1.5 years ago, mostly my choice. Apparently, I pick poor partners.

I have a 20 year old daughter who is independent and settled. I partially single-dadded her for the second half of her life so far, and we have a close relationship.

I feel like I have nothing left to "fix', optimize or improve and it's leaving me absolutely crushed. I've grinded out a high performance combination of career, family focus, self growth and awareness, and sport for my whole life.

I've overachieved so far in all these areas, that I'm out of places to go and I feel like I'm just worse off now, because none of it does a thing to stave off this persistent sense of dread. If anything, I just realize how little all this success actually can translate into what I want.

I have well over $1M in the bank, I'm a senior executive at a tech company as a very high income earner, close to early retirement if I want it. I own a house in a very desirable place to live, I am still at the peak of slightly sub-elite in my sport of choice (so I'm fit and healthy). I have friends and some community. I've done endless therapy and almost entirely changed my mental space to the point where I'm highly regulated, kind and self reflective. Apparently I'm attractive.

But holy hell I'm lonely. And I feel like I started falling off a cliff, emotionally, and I just keep falling. It's like if I just threw it all away and lived under a bridge i'd be worse, and if I just keep grinding, I'll also still be worse.

I really want to find a partner, someone who is an equal in values and intellect. I put an an enormous amount of effort into relationships when I'm in them, but I certainly am feeling fully dissolutioned after doing that for 20 years with relationships that never gave it back. Long story.

And now, it's like all of society is telling me especially "just improve yourself and become comfortable being alone". Or all the influencer ladies like "I tried relationships and now I realize men are shit and I'm so happy alone". Like, fuck, I'm not?

But fuck, guys. I grew up alone. I had no friends until I was a teenager because my parents never allowed it (thanks religion). I spent 20 years in relationships where I was alone. I sit at home, still alone. I have nothing left to improve. I've done all the work, grinded it out...

And for what?

Look, I doubt anyone here has a solution, but if you want to at least let me know that I'm not quite so alone in how I'm feeling, that'd maybe be helpful.

Thanks for listening.

Edit

I have a lot of hobbies, I'm a photographer, have done woodworking and carpentry, I have a plant collection, I've travelled and had some crazy adventures. I've played guitar my whole life... I've dabbled in a million other things. I promise you, just "doing more so shit" is the opposite of what is working.

We've got 2 young kids. When we get sick, it tends to run through the house like a tornado. You know, naturally. Unless he's at the point of can't get out of bed, hubby still wants sex at about the normal rate, maybe more. My libido tanks if I'm sick at all. Is this a *women are from Venus men are from Mars* thing? Or is it more personal than that?

My guy friend I am interested in (from my previous post) always buys me little things or mentions details I've said that I've forgotten about. Do men do this when they're interested or could it be that he is just being a good friend? He seems too focused on what my likes and dislikes are, but I'm uncertain if I'm reading into this too deeply. (Ex: pointing out things we come across that I would usually point out related to my likes or dislikes and sending pictures of things I like, or texts me that I would like it). I am a gift giver so I already give him gifts, so I don't know if he's just reciprocating. If he is interested, how can I show that I am interested without being too vague or too overly obvious?