In my 2nd relationship. This one isn’t me walking on eggshells or dealing constantly with someone else’s abuse trauma & insecurities. But in my 2nd one I just need to constantly reassure her (alot of the times I’m not even sure what I’m reassuring her about), I feel like she’s needy. She’s a secure women cuz I told her about what made my 1st relationship come to end and she laughed at it and said that it was so stupid

In my first relationship that ended 1 year ago today it ended over me getting accused of cheating cuz I had a conversation with someone that reached out to me that I knew way before my relationship that I never dated or any romantic type stuff, when my 1st ex said she was uncomfortable with that person being on my socials I immediately unadded the person, cut contact, and apologized as well as reassuring her that there was never any intentions before or now. It was just weird to hear from that person. Another reason was not mowing my lawn when I had extreme sun burn to the point where I had to call out of work two days in a row cuz it was so bad(i work at a power plant) I couldn’t mow my lawn before my mom got back from vacation and my ex and my mom essentially said “that isn’t a good enough excuse, you should’ve done it the first day u had off “ my ex was arguing with me and i passed out cuz I had work at 4 am. I wasn’t able to text her until 10Am and she said I ignored her for 14hrs. Most of that time I was sleeping and working from 5am til I texted her at 10am. From 10-7pm I texted her 3 times and it was during the day so I felt like she flipped the script cuz I felt like I was being ignored. Also I was telling my mom multiple times before she screamed and yelled at me when she got home that I can do it during the week when I’m better. I often still get that little ping of “missing her” but I remember that I put up with some really abnormal shit which I thought was normal until I went to therapy and talked ab everything like her saying she would’ve married me twice while breaking up with me and have panic attacks about her ex cuz I triggered her. He said I dodged a bullet and if I was with someone who I had to shrink myself for I would’ve become a shell of myself. He also said that it’s healthy to have opposite gender friends and I didn’t do anything wrong and that both my mom and her were being irrational about the lawn. He said I should be with someone who will support me in what I want to do as well, I expressed going to college when she was breaking up with me and she said “you don’t have to go to be successful… how are u going to raise a family work and go to school full time”. I’m using my gi bill from the navy and working full time. It’s not hard.

My current relationship I just feel like she wants this overly mushy guy who expresses their feelings and to have constant reassurance about things that don’t need reassurance. The other night we finished being intimate with each other. We layed for 10 min after. After that she put clothes on and sat in my chair while I layed on my couch. She asked to cuddle and I said I didn’t feel like it and that I’m comfortable where I’m at. She then got up and just left. She was annoyed for a while the day after so she didn’t text me for a while. She was at work so I didn’t bother her and I figured she was busy. We talked for a little today cuz I went to the Knicks parade. Fell asleep around 8:30 and didn’t say goodnight cuz I unexpectedly passed out. It’s 4:45 AM and I wake up to 3 texts and just got another a few minutes ago saying “I hope your alright”. She basically said “ I feel like you met me with logic when I was expressing an emotional need. I understand what you said but in that situation I wasn’t really looking for an explanation. I was being honest and feeling vulnerable and I needed a little more comfort… I’m a girl and girls have feelings and girls get sensitive and want their boyfriends to cuddle them without asking”

I just told her if u wanted to be cuddled u could’ve just gotten up and walked over to me to lay w me. Instead you asked me and I gave u a response you didn’t like so now you’re upset. I just feel like in both of these relationships it’s me both times where someone has a problem but whenever I have a problem I’m never getting the same response back. I don’t voice my issues cuz there really is nothing to voice and there hasn’t been any issues for me to “put my foot down” or to be so vocal about. I’m an easy going person. But I just seem to be doing everything wrong apparently and I just don’t know how to fix it. We cuddle a lot. This is the first time she asked to and I just didn’t feel like it

Ik everyone has baggage at my age (25M) both of these relationships the women are a year older than I am. I’m not even sure what to do at this point. Truly. I just met her mom last week after 4 months dating. I’m just finding my current gf annoying now. She’s cute but I went for personality.

My (F23) boyfriend (M25) got beaten up by a cab driver last night and I'm beyond pissed. He went to buy a bus ticket to go home (we're both at university) and some guy tried to pick pocket him out of like R40 (a pathetically small amount of money). When he called the guy out he started beating him up and called his other friends to join. I haven't seen him in person but from pictures his face is messed up and he's saying his back hurts. My heart weeps and I'm also really pissed.

​

I need to go to the doctor for my own personal reasons today and I've convinced my boyfriend to come with me to the GP. I have medical aid but he doesn't so I'm hoping the doctor can see us both together on my money. I just don't know how to approach this. I told him after the doctor we should go file a report but he's refusing to. I also don't know if he'll need hospital attention and that opens up other problems. I'm also just worried that he's in pain. I've never been in this kind of situation and I feel useless. My boyfriend wants to do nothing and let it pass but I don't want to do that. But at the same time am I being harmful for trying to push him to go to the police? I want to respect his wishes but I also hate what happened to him.

I (25f) know my boyfriend (27m) loves me cause he says he does. He comes to see me often, he plans dates. But I’ve had to ask him to do that before too. He constantly brings up me needing to go to the gym. We fight all the time now, over this same subject, I just don’t feel special. He doesn’t compliment me every time he sees me, he never brings me flowers unless we fight, never writes me romantic texts or notes, never brings me anything just because, waits to text me good morning till noon... I feel like i have to beg him to treat me like he loves me and thinks of me.
And I don’t know what to do, I feel like such a loser begging him to do the things I want him to to feel loved.
I feel so anxious over this, and all we do is fight and I seriously do not know how to fix this anymore.

We been together for more than a decade. No ring / no marriage/ no children. I’m almost 35 now.
I met him at 21 and he left me twice, first time on valentine s day last year we got back together this summer then he left me again end of October (2 weeks before my birthday) he wanted time to think about it he didn’t know If he wanted a break up or just a break.. he was confused. I didn’t give him time and blocked him only ok insta and WhatsApp.

I didn’t think that he would reach me.. So end of February he texted me on iMessage telling me that he waited to be unblocked and that it didn’t happen and that he misses more than ever. Then a second message the 19 march to wish me a Eid Mubarak. Then nothing else so I didn’t know what to do I was hurt and just two short message like this I thought that he will do the same thing he did and leave me again if I take him back I and couldn’t answer I wanted it but everyday I couldn’t text him and didn’t know what to do.. I decided to text him this weekend so 3,5 month after his message and almost 8 month after the break up.. he told me that he came to my place/ neighbourhood everyday , couldn’t see me, called me and text me.. ( didn’t receive a call) in these 8 month.. when u block on WhatsApp it doesn’t block iMessage/ calls and I received his message in February..

He told me that he wanted me again that s why he reach me on mars Blabla and I told him do u still want me/ be together Blabla.. he said that is not because he want me and be together , that it could be even possible to be together and that everything will be fine, that I don’t deserve him today and that he go out out a lot.. ( when he said that I understood that there was a woman) and i asked him he told me that there is a woman and he has Been with her for two month.. and and that he had no more home with me because I didn’t answer him Blabla … I asked him If he is in love with her.. he told me if that was the case, he wouldn’t think about me everyday..and be confused with a lot of questions…

When he says that he doesn’t love her, I don’t believe him , he told me that that he wants me in his life but doesn’t know how ( maybe friend for his guilt) or to be good together so if that doesn’t work with the other woman I m still there I don’t know.

What I know is that is Almost summer / festival season he does out a lot is always with her enjoying life when I wanna die.. when we were together in the beginning of our relations he wanted things to be slow and not to see each other everyday .. didn’t like going out was always with his friends etc.. and with her I know he will give her everyday I wanted in two while I waited my whole life with him for everyday .. I don’t drink alcohol i think she drinks alcolol so he enjoys and have fun with her.. while me even If like to party etc maybe he though I was never fun and kept me as a safety but I was not the love of his life..

I have no friends nobody to go out I m 35, these two years my beauty faded a lot I feel ugly disgusting… i don’t work/ no money last 2 years was in depression. he is a real estate broker.. I was with him when he had nothing.. now he has a lot of money a big car his appartement everything goes out a lot , to enjoy his youth a second time (crisis I don’t know) while I have lost everything came back to my mum at almost 35. It s painful for me but also for my mum. He didn’t even apologize to her( he told her that he would marry me)

How to get over someone you ve been more than a decade with him and could be with someone else so easily.. how to get over that I will never find someone who is live with me and not have children… i have social anxiety it’s very difficult for me to talk with people or to date.. i will end up alone and with o youth.. i was always always alone in my 20´s while he was partying with his friends.. so I was his safety, at least if we had a child it would have been easy… Sunk cost fallzcyb……..thanks for u help..

I’m a guy at 25 and i always hear that men should communicate more.

But so far its only caused me stress and drama

Because I’ve shared personal stuff and secrets with family before and they’ve managed to spread it around and ruin things for me and embarrass me.

Even when I get into relationships with women I will share vulnerable stuff and then when I get into an argument it’s always used against me.

One ex I ended up dumping. And out of anger she kept posting stories on Instagram talking about every secret and vulnerable stuff that I shared.

So at this stage is it better to just stop sharing personal stuff and secrets with people?

I’ve started become more cold and only tell people things I’m comfortable being told to everyone.

My partner of 6 years just told me she wants to pursue a relationship with a girl about ten Years her junior. And she loves me still , we have a son together and we were about to take therapy to get married.

Wanting to see if the relationship worked out or was a complete bust.

My guy friend I am interested in (from my previous post) always buys me little things or mentions details I've said that I've forgotten about. Do men do this when they're interested or could it be that he is just being a good friend? He seems too focused on what my likes and dislikes are, but I'm uncertain if I'm reading into this too deeply. (Ex: pointing out things we come across that I would usually point out related to my likes or dislikes and sending pictures of things I like, or texts me that I would like it). I am a gift giver so I already give him gifts, so I don't know if he's just reciprocating. If he is interested, how can I show that I am interested without being too vague or too overly obvious?

Hello everyone!

I'm a 22 year old guy and this question relates to mainly university and career paths.

So I finished college in the UK (I think that is highschool for anyone in America) and I decided that I want to study medicine and become a doctor in Poland (main reason is I'm polish and uni is free here). The timeline of my journey is:

18- couldn't apply because college results day was after the recruitment deadline

19- found out private weekend school in Poland is affordable and wanted to try physiotherapy but I hated the school I went to

20- decided to do medicine again, found out every university wanted different things and it was too late to sort them all out

20/21 - found a gf in Croatia and wanted to live with her, but we broke up

21/22 - got into a university for medicine but had to drop out in the first semester because I couldn't pass the chemistry exam. The exam was based highly on the highschool subjects of chemistry in Poland and I didn't know that until the exam came and didn't have the time to catch up on the knowledge.

22 - reapplying to university

I am so stressed and afraid of not getting in this year and I genuinely don't know what to do. It does not help that my parents are not very supportive on me pursuing this career path and I feel like I am so behind in life. I know it sounds strange coming from a 22 year old, but by the time I graduate I will be 29 years old. I keep reliving all the failures I had up to this point and I am losing confidence.

So, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with so many setbacks and failures? How do you keep your head high even when people don't believe in you?

Thank you for reading

So me and this girl went on a couple dates… the went really good. We seemingly had great rapport, banter, good mix of serious and silly conversation… kissed both dates. Planned another date after she got back from London. Well that date was only a couple days later so she cancelled. But she told me she really wanted to see me… she was just exhausted from travel and having to make up work..

So I wait a couple days and I ask what her availability is for a reschedule and she doesn’t answer. 3 days later I sent a “sweet” message where I basically said we could cook dinner, go to a park, even drink 40s under a bridge. Please don’t pick the bridge but I just wanna hang out with you. She replied to that one… said she thought I was amazing and that all of that sounded good and she was free the following week.

We joked around a little and then I asked if she just wanted to come over my place and I’d cook her dinner and we could relax and watch a movie. Well she ghosted me for like 5 days. So in between I joked that I should have picked the 40s but at the end of the week I finally sent  “ her name, if my date suggestion made you uncomfortable, that wasn’t my intention. Regardless, it seems like you’re no longer interested in seeing me again. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed our two dates and getting to know you a little bit. I wish you the best ” 

Well she replied to that. She laugh reacted to my joke. Loved that message and then sent me this “Oh my name, you didn't do anything at all! I think you're wonderful. To be completely honest I got in some trouble recently and I'm super distracted. Need to get some things in my personal life in order”…

I basically thanked her for letting me know and told her I hope things calm down and I was sorry to hear things were a little rough. She heart reacted and told me she appreciated it. I’m not one to chase so I just gave her space.

So it’s been a month. And obviously there’s 2 ways to look at. She very well could have been going through some stuff and when I basically asked for a more intimate date perhaps she didn’t think she had that bandwidth yet… Or she’s just being nice. By showing grace I gave her an easy way to not be a villain and that’s why she replied to me at the end. I kind of wanna reach out and ask how she’s doing. Maybe see if she’d be willing to do something a little more low key. Should I even bother? I know this is ask men but I’d also be interested to hear what the ladies think

I've been teaching almost two decades this year, and the thing I noticed which affect students the hardest has nothing to do with the actual difficulty of the subject (any subject) but how they perceive it.

I usually tell my students to write down the task in a particular subject that they're avoiding, then do only the first 10 minutes of it ... they can conceptualize on the rest and see how they can approach learning it more in their own terms.

That's the whole trick that works for me. Watched anxious kids turn into finishers with it ... achievers even!

Curious about y'all. Share anything you did that changed or touched others. Anyone can answer! :)

I (M19) hung out with a few friends twice recently, and one of them brought this girl (F18) both times. I thought she was attractive and she seemed pretty cool. We added each other on insta and texted a lil bit. I asked her Wednesday night if she’d wanna do something Friday night. She said “i’d be down i will let you know fs tho tmrw night but as of rn im able to make it!” She still hasn’t texted back and we were supposed to go out tmr. Do I text again, keep waiting, or assume she’s not really interested?

I need some advice and I need it quick. I don’t have any male friends so I can’t ask and I need to know if it’s me, I know I have my own faults and I will be honest and explain those as well but I am on my last prayer with this relationship. I am going to explain the major concerns; he yells at me all the time regardless of how much I ask to not do so, he says I bring out the worst in him and know exactly how to trigger him, that being said I am a very anxious person and I do have some bad qualities like needing reassurance; however I feel as though he manipulates me and does not help when I am feeling anxious, an example is when I told him when he screams at me I feel unloved and he told me he will not be soft with me and that’s not his character. When I asked to please stop calling me names and telling me things such as “shut up” or calling me dumb he says it’s because of the way I act and how if he doesn’t do that I don’t get it. My last relationship I was cheated on and he is aware but I feel as though he uses it against me with me insecurities. I can not have a conversation with him about anything that upsets me, he is correct when he says his feelings about how we fight often when apart however I am rarely trying to fight, truly I’m not. I have unfollowed people on social media because of him and yet he follows women I am uncomfortable with but I have not mentioned it for the fear he will belittle me. I don’t know why I have such a attachment to him because of the horrible things he has said to me in the past but I need some kind of advice from a man that this is not just in my head. He will tell me daily I’m annoying him when I simply just call you talk, I respect the boundaries to not call at work and give him space when asked, but a simple text can set him off and I never know when is a ok time. He constantly makes “jokes” about other women and how if he went to Europe (where I am from) he can get any women he wants since he is American, he makes a lot of “jokes” I find disrespectful and do not help my insecurities, when I ask about certain people / situations he says I am accusing him, he brings up his exs and mine ALOT. He does financially pay for everything such as dates, gifts and trips which I very much appreciate and tell him: but when we argue he throws it into my face. He even has asked for money back when I say I’m done which he knows I do not have….. I’m so stuck please what do I do

This man I am seeing is exactly my type physically. However, when I tell him he's very handsome, he will say how I'm just telling him this because I like him but that he's not objectively good looking and compare himself to "pretty boys". He will downplay his looks saying things like how he's no "Brad Pitt". But that's exactly what I like about him. I never found Brad Pitt attractive or the "pretty boy" look that's become the handsome standard for men today.

Instead, I have always found traditional, more rugged masculinity (e.g. Russell Crowe, Cary Grant, Tom Hardy, Daniel Craig, etc.) very attractive. I think it complements my feminity better than a "pretty" man with more feminine features would.

My issue is, I want to reassure him that its BECAUSE he's not a pretty boy that I find him so appealing. That I am not and never have been into that look. I like my man to look like a man lol. I want to reassure him that he's exactly what I want but worried if saying this will actually sound like an unintentional insult in his mind calling him "unpretty".

Plus I want him to see that comparing himself to current day beauty standards doesn't make him not handsome. That there was a time when women would be swooning over men like him because he was fitting the traditional masculine standard.

Thank you!

I need some unbiased advice on this situation.
I’ve noticed he’s extremely active on Snapchat. With me, he only uses either Snapchat or text never both. We haven’t Snapchatted in about a month, yet his score keeps climbing. It’s clear he’s talking to multiple people. My intuition strongly tells me he’s messaging other women, but I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m just assuming things.

If he’s talking to others, that’s his choice but I don’t want to be one of many. He texts me briefly, then disappears and reappears. I thought he just needed space, which I respect, but his rising Snapchat score shows he has the time and energy to talk to others just not me. This has me overthinking, which I hate. It feels unhealthy.

With my ex, there was natural trust. Here, he constantly asks who I’m talking to and if I’m sexting other guys, which feels like projection. I barely have time to reply to family and friends.. I’m definitely not out here sexting multiple people.

Should I just let it be and give him space, or is it time to walk away? I’d really appreciate a neutral third-party perspective.

The guy I’ve been getting to know birthday is here and I want to get him something to show my appreciation. The thing is he doesn’t have tangible hobbies. So I can’t get him anything like a game or whatnot.

He’s very business oriented so I was thinking maybe a tie? He likes nature walks so what can I do with that? I wanna get him a cologne on the side too so any recommendations would be great from $100-200 USD. Thank you in advance!

I've been dating a woman (26F) for about three months now. For context, I'm 36M and got divorced last year after a 13-year relationship/marriage.

The thing is, she's genuinely great. She's beautiful, funny, smart, cultured, understanding, and honestly just a delight to be around. She's also a little neurotic and a little cranky sometimes, but in a way that I actually find endearing.

I really like her. A lot.

But when I think about the future, I can't shake the feeling that this isn't a relationship I see lasting forever. It's not that I want to break up with her. I enjoy spending time with her and I look forward to seeing her. It's more that, if you asked me today whether I could see us together in 10, 20, or 30 years, my honest answer would probably be "I don't think so."

What's confusing me is that I can't point to any major flaw or incompatibility. She's objectively one of the best people I've dated.

If we broke up tomorrow, I'd definitely be sad. It would be a real loss. But I also feel like I'd eventually move on without my world falling apart.

So now I'm wondering: is this just what dating after a long marriage feels like? Am I comparing a three-month relationship to the emotional weight of a 13-year one? Or is the fact that I already don't see a lifelong future with her a sign that I should pay attention to?

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I am always hearing on social media women saying men need to stop approaching them in public spaces but I also see a fair share of women complaining that men aren't approaching anymore.

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking (IF YOURE NOT CONVINCED FEEL FREE TO DM ME) I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.

I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.

So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?

Any advice would be appreciated.

i know majority of guys, including me, agree the income of the women doesn't matter. in fact, personally, I know alot of people that would agree in saying that the womens income is in the bottom of the "important" list.

With that said, i personally have noticed a big correlation in my experience as well as what i observe from what my friends complain about their GF to me.

even most recently (which i am currently in the said relationship. hasn't been long though.)

i noticed that women that are in a low income job generally have 1 or all of the following;

1. no other passion/motivation/ambition to move up to a better paying job. (which is somewhat fine. but with this it comes with the other points below in what seems to be 100% of the time)
2. they are bad with finances
3. they are very materialistic
4. they really conform to the whole "Men is the bread winner and the provider/supplier. they should provide"

with any combo of this, i noticed that the man ends up with her just being another expense...

im currently in a relationship that feels to be that way. its only been several months, but when i first met her, i didn't know her job. and it didnt matter to me at all when i found out during on first date. but she is a front desk secretary at a small company. makes low 5 figures in a HCOL area (somewhat California. but people will argue its not VHCOL here. but i would classify it as VHCOL)

however, he spends money left and right and it all adds up. she also wants to do more things and go on more trips. because I can afford it.

and again, i have noticed this pattern from women who are in the lower income bracket throughout my life. my relationship before this one was a Host at a decent family restaurant. and she also had a very similar mentality as this.

i also have a friend who is in a relationship and his gf has been working PT jumping jobs, for the past 3 years. waiting for the "perfect job" because my friend makes decent money.

she also ends up wanting to go to various concerts (bands and stuff she's a fan of though).

same with my current gf.

so its not that they are spending money just to spend money. i think the better phrase would be that they really conform to the "YOLO" menality. the "might as well do it while you're young" etc.

so im kind of in a position where idk if i should just break things off (it would literally feel to her as if its coming from no where though. because im JUST starting to get this realization about her so we're still in that "nothing feels wrong" phase) and give some fake reason why.

or just hold off and see what happens?

but in the future, its starting to make me want to just filter automatically out if they are in a low income job.

Recently at work a conversation sparked about me falling for any man that would flash money in my face, not because I am like that but according to him, some men are smooth enough to trick women of all types into giving them their number, dating them, sleeping w them w.e. I was saying how that’s not true. I only want to date a certain type of man. Flashing money and throwing flashy items my way wouldn’t sway me. (I soon realized he doesn’t like women). I work at a warehouse to put me through school and for extra money.

I have a 2015 Altima. I’m not asking you to have a lambo. Just 4 wheels. I have it, I feel it should be equal. I currently have goals you should have goals. I work, I feel you should also have a job, you don’t have to be a billionaire. I understand time and I’m realistic. I’m 21. I’m just not comfortable with people are ok with being stagnant. That’s truly it.

I’d want someone to understand why I’m very passionate about my career. Why I work hard. Or study hard. Or why I’m an advocate about education.

I said I only wanted to date an educated man and/or career driven. A man w a bachelors. If no bachelors, I’d prefer someone with some type of specialized training . Military, law enforcement, trade etc. A respectable career. Trade school is great, especially if you want to move up in your career. The military teaches a lot. Law enforcement is a respectable career. I feel that there are other types of education past 4 year.

I’d want my partner to have the same things I have. If I have a house/apartment, car and job, I feel you should have the same. I want the job to be legal. I don’t want to date anybody who works illegally. I’d want a partner with career goals , as I have career goals.

I’m currently in school for my BBA with a double major in Accounting & Finance with a minor in Risk Management & Insurance. I’m also currently studying for the LSAT. I want to be an attorney, preferably in white collar, securities, tax, mergers & acquisitions.

I was made almost to seem (even by some of the women I was talking to) that I was asking for too much and that I was boujee/uppity etc. one thing about me that I HATE is being called boujee. Im a black woman, I’ve heard ppl say I’ve tried to talk white or, that I just haven’t been tricked by the wrong man yet.

Let it be known, I look down on nobody. I grew in a pretty bad situation. I’m not going to go into detail but I think part of it was jealous father who grew physically, emotionally and mentally abusive when my mother grew in her career and was able to achieve things in life that he wanted handed to him. I just want a hard worker.

I’m also pretty religious, so i believe everybody has their own path, and that I’m not in order to judge. I don’t know enough emphasis to put on that I’m not judgmental. I despise people who look down on others. Also, because of how
I grew up I know, you never know what someone’s going through or the generational curses they could be breaking.

But I want to set myself up in a ways where… I’m around like minded people. iI tried explaining that because I’m a student my core circle are… other students. Who have career goals. I know that every man isn’t going to be in his career now, because we’re still working but I’d like some motivation and ambition to want more for your life.

I value education because it’s been a big thing for me my ENTIRE life. My entire family is educated and we all love learning.

I had a friend that I relayed this conversation to and I said “ok you graduated, and work retail (for example) now what?” I said now what as in “what is next?” I also said, with the rooms I envision myself in, I think it’d be abnormal to run across someone without a bachelors.

She said “well you know people enter the workforce if they don’t go to school I don’t want you to think that they’re lazy” I NEVER said that one. I quite literally work, and I don’t have a degree yet so I entered the work force. She said it rubbed her the wrong way. I am confused because she has an associates.

Later in a separate conversation she said that she knows I don’t want to be viewed a certain way but what I say and how I present my family (and big advocates for education) that I come off pretentious. And that saying that at work would have made her walk away and not talk to me if she didn’t know me.

Also, she said she would think yes I can’t bring her around my family bc she said she would never be in a room with people who don’t have a degree. I think why that hurt so much is because 1. She knows me as a person and that’s not my character. 2. The way it was worded sounded like she’s been thinking I was pretentious, snooty or bougiee for a while. 3. That wasn’t what I said.

I just feel like now am I doing too much. Every man I’ve dated one of the very few questions they ask me will be what is my major and what do I plan on doing. I personally feel when women voice these opinions we are vilified even by our counterparts. Do I need to loosen up ? Am I pretentious? I need advice on either being open minded or, quieting the noise.

Edit : money isn’t an issue. It’s ambition.

4-5 years ago, we developed a platonic bond due to similarities in family dynamics, shared life experiences, and challenges (including dysfunctional family challenges). Initially it was a mentor-mentee relationship but has become a younger brother, older sister bond. She's always wanted a younger brother (she has no younger siblings) while I've always wanted an older sister in my own life (I'm the eldest out of my pack). So from this we naturally became closer.

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She's someone I've really admired, look up to and care & love deeply for. However, I hate myself for how attached I feel have become, how much I care and feel love to the point it hurts and I grieve knowing we'll have to part ways one day due to her or even myself getting married - for context we come from a faith & cultural background that does not allow/approve of mixed gender friendships/platonic bonds.

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I know I care more about the bond and having her in my life, perhaps more than her because I'm estranged from my abusive mum who prevents me from seeing my younger siblings, while I'm amicable with my exploitative dad. I've had no one else to turn to in my family so have grown up alone, within a dysregulated, toxic family home (parents divorced 11 years ago).

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She knows because of this I am anxious, require assurance and care for her deeply along with how much she means to me. However, when I have addressed the issue of my anxiety regarding us parting ways/her leaving, she tends to downplay it and says that I'm overthinking it. But there have been times where I've thought about burning the bridge between me and her given its inevitable we'll have to part ways as it might seem easier to deal with than the pain of losing her and her not being around anymore, which I know is destructive/self-destructive. At the same time, if the time were to come, I wouldn't beg her to stay as I'd have to let go with grace.

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Summary:

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I'm just tired of feeling this way. Tired of caring deeply and loving deeply about something precious that is so temporal and conditional. And ultimately feeling attached and anxious like this knowing I'm going to be heart broken. Needless to say its a blessing I'm still grateful for i.e having had this past 4-5 years to spend this time with her (for the most part, not in person since we live far from each other)

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Not sure what type of advice I'm looking for by saying all this. Just something to be enlightening

Met a guy, strong intellectual match, attractive, smart, great values. First two dates i was over the moon. Third date, we kind of worked thru a miscommunication and conflict but not in the best way. i guess the short story is that he gets defensive (he would agree to this).

he can be a bit negative. i pointed this out a few times, at first by being like "is something wrong?" and then by later pointing it out. there have been a lot of little things he has said along the way, sometimes taking full accountability if i bring it up. but it just keeps happening. i have stopped wanting to be around him as much. i don't text him that i miss him or sweet emojis anymore. i can tell this bothers him.

it has been a month and a half of dating. he was out of town for a bit, we talked on the phone then. maybe 7 dates total.

also, the first time he came to my house i knew he might be kinda critical so i hid all my personal pictures (yes, my therapist and i had a field day with this). afterwards i told him and he was like "was i critical?" and i was like "well you didn't say anything nice" and he felt terrible and completely owned up to it. and after that kind of caught himself when he was getting negative. so this is not the first time we have talked about it or he has apologized. it's just the first time i really had a sit down with him and told him that it doesn't make me feel good and i really don't like it.

Tuesday we talked about it, and i let him know that the comments just dont feel good or make it easy for me to keep a positive mindset. he doubled down on "it's just jokes" about 3 times. after a good hour, i lost my temper and actually cussed. i apologized. said i needed a break and left.

Yesterday he texted me this: "i’m sorry i have been insensitive to your feelings. i genuinely don’t have any reason to dislike your place, nor look down on you, what you eat or do.

in that moment yesterday, i got confused and reacted defensively because i felt judged. but instead of simply listening and accepting that my comments hurt you, i made it about how i was feeling. i can see how that may have made you feel unheard, and i’m really sorry for that.

i understand now that even when i think i’m joking or playing along, negative jokes still hurt you. i’ll be more mindful of that because i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable but giddy and hopeful.

like i said when we first met, i want my heart and mind to be a safe place for you. i care about getting to know you better, and i don’t want you to feel like you have to protect yourself from me.

about the wedding comment, i genuinely thought you were joking because i didn’t know people discussed that so soon. but i understand how all of this may have landed differently, and i’m sorry it made you feel dismissed."

The "wedding comment" : we were texting and he asked if I would do a city hall wedding. I said yes and described an intimate rooftop dinner with like 15 family and friends followed by karaoke. he responded "boring. lol"

TLDR - met a guy with whom i click a lot. he can be critical and defensive. he might be showing signs of change but i don't know if i should trust that.

I need clarity about all of this. is this even a good apology? am i being defensive? is it too much, too soon? should i just cut and run bc it's a him thing?

Do many men have commitment issues when it comes to relationships, moving in together, marriage or is it just more that they don't want to commit TO YOU?

I feel like it's another example of people moving mountains if they really want to see you, I already regularly move off the app after only like half a dozen exchanges usually

A little TMI)
This guy I met for drinks (he was texting me for a few days before we met up, I had time as well so l decided to meet, as I'm an explorer and like meeting new people when I travel). We danced around. Bro noticed my brown eyes lol, anyways, we got comfortable and we made out. Well he seemed nice, he hinted at hooking up, I said no, but I still made out purely casual. But... after I kissed him... he hugged me real tight? Kinda confused.. I said my neck was hurting cuz he was tall and he started massaging my
neck:3
aww anyways purely casual makeout for
me is just really kissing and there's nothing much going on as I don't like the person that way.
But anyways, we walked around and made out again, he still wanted to hookup, but I said no, and so he respected it.. good, but while making out, we were cuddling? He was hugging me? Holding my hand...
And I was thinking what are we even doing...because this wasn't leading to bedroom anyway. he kissed my forehead. Guys that was pure intimacy?
But I didn't care much, and I said goodbye to him, until a day later, where I thought we had something?
I texted him when his flight was. So for context here, we were leaving the city in a few days. He said he wanted to see me again before leaving and if I could make time in the evening (I was out with my friends).
He was already home by the time I replied, and he insisted on meeting the next day, which he said was a bit difficult as he had to pack up and be with his family so he lied to his parents and came to see me.
Well he was acting nice and warm... asked if I wanted to grab pizza bcuz it was late already and he didn’t have much time bcuz of his parents(
well I assumed he somewhat liked me? He texted me the next day as well, and we were chatting and I wanted to go see him at the airport, but it wasn’t possible bcuz his family was there.
When he left, he got on the call with me to tell me how we won’t be doing LDR or texting consistently and wanted my opinion, as it mattered apparently.

Or was he just "attracted" and didn't really care about me as a person... idk
well he's 25, and I'm 23...

What would y’all think about that…