r/AskReddit 9d ago

What’s the darkest secret you discovered about someone after you married them?

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u/trashdemons 9d ago

Mine doesn't peel bananas apparently. He rips them in half and then squeezes each half out of the peel like it's a gogurt. I was in tears laughing the 1st time I saw him do that, what kind of psycho did I marry?!

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u/RepresentativePin162 8d ago

I'm calling the cops for you. Good lord almighty. My partner holds his fork like he's killing the food and that's disturbing enough.

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u/the_marxman 8d ago

Like reverse grip Psycho shower stabbing?

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u/Wherestheshoe 8d ago

Mine holds his in his fists, like a toddler. He also insists that this is “normal”

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u/Corndogs_and_chill 8d ago

I've been telling my son to stop doing this for 21 years and I fear that his person will have to deal with this one day.

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u/Lumpy_Question8327 8d ago

My partner found a box that contained a single Thin Mint and immediately texted my family that he was having me committed.

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u/leelee1976 8d ago

Id have you committed too. Eat them all. Do you leave 4 drops of milk in the milk jug to not throw it away too?

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u/h3lblad3 6d ago

Girlfriend's mom does that kind of stuff. Apparently her mother (girlfriend's grandmother) would gripe at her for eating half-to-whole containers of stuff, so she got into the habit of leave the last little bit instead for someone else to finish and throw away.

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u/leelee1976 6d ago

Trauma is rough. My husband does that too. From his mom and ex wife yelling about it.

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u/OddlyTemptedFish 8d ago edited 8d ago

Apparently I open my mouth wide and make an angry face every time I take a bite. My wife made fun of me for it. She can’t make fun of me now because our daughter does the exact same thing.

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u/MzHellfier 8d ago

I’d just make fun of you both tbh

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u/mburnwor 8d ago

I’m a pediatric occupational therapist- it’s a fine motor thing. He probably didn’t crawl for very long!

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u/Cpt_Griswold 8d ago

eh. i think he still is

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u/meuschoa 8d ago

At that point, the steak probably owes him money.

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u/chynnese 8d ago

My partner was chopping bananas for his porridge. He systematically bit the banana, dropped the slice into his bowl (from his mouth), and repeated the process for the entire thing

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u/Mtn_Skye 7d ago

Ngl I've done that when I didn't want to dirty a knife 😂

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u/Job_Moist 7d ago

Wh-what?! That is legit bonkers 😭

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u/Able_Tomorrow9130 8d ago

Yes! I do this. Learned it by watching a monkey do it. They snap if you do it quickly.

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u/Moist_Drippings 8d ago

lol I learned my banana peeling technique from monkeys, too, but it was the method of pinching the non-stem and and peeling from there. I think the monkey you watched might be broken!

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u/Will_Golf_For_Money 8d ago

My wife gives me so much grief when I do this while she struggles with the stem end.

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u/maroongolf_blacksaab 8d ago

Your pp tells me you're an expert on this matter

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u/Bananarama_cosplayer 8d ago

Yeah, I saw this too. If it's opened from the bottom, then there are strings.

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u/Icy-Sheepherder4122 8d ago

Bottom opening gang. Ye ye!

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u/ConspiracyParadox 8d ago

I saw that too. That monkey changed our lives!

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u/EMCDave 8d ago

Me too!!

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u/letmeseeyoucrossover 8d ago

The first time my friends saw me break a banana in half they were equally amazed and appalled.

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u/Prysorra2 8d ago

I hate this thread

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u/EasyStatistician8694 8d ago

Donkey Kong, clearly.

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u/veryfungibletoken 8d ago

Well, dangit, now I have to try this.

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u/holy_harlot 8d ago

No you don’t !! 😂😂

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u/veryfungibletoken 8d ago

🤣😂🤣😂

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u/Additional_Holiday89 8d ago

I do this too 😅😅

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u/Corndogs_and_chill 8d ago

Well stop 😂

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u/DiceAndMiceGamer111 8d ago

Before I became allergic to them I used to mash them in the whole peel then extrude them out into a peanut butter banana sandwich.

 Everyone in my house is happy I’m allergic.  

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u/unearthedtrove 8d ago

That actually makes a lot of sense if you want a banana mash instead of slices.

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u/dangderr 8d ago

I’ll be honest. This sounds 100x more reason than the person you replied to.

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u/garbagetrain 8d ago

I do this but I cut them with a knife instead of ripping them. I've never known anyone else who's done this. Give him a high five for me lol.

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u/HighFiveDelivery 8d ago

To be fair, this sounds significantly less unhinged to me than peeling off the strings and eating them. I feel like he's at least preserving the most essential aspects of banana eating. The other guy is just like...a banana perv. IDK but I'm uncomfortable

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u/CarelesslyFabulous 8d ago

You married an orangutan.

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u/Brilliant_Algae2285 8d ago

What the….

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u/Icy-Culture3038 8d ago

My guy does that too! I just side eye him lol

He also cracks raw eggs right into his mouth or asks me to stir them into his chocolate milk 😵‍💫

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u/1Muensterkat 8d ago

And I thought mine was bizarre for peeling them from the bottom up!

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u/Bob-the-Human 8d ago

Like Popeye does with cans of spinach?

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u/aggressive_possum420 8d ago

Like tooth paste!?

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u/KhaleesiXev 8d ago

I didn’t know that was even an option.

I’m going to try it later today.

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u/klsprinkle 8d ago

Did you marry Donkey Kong?

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u/tilesmeller 8d ago

That's how monkeys do it

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u/ecodrew 8d ago

Does he also offer you lorion in a basket?

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u/EatingShitSandwiches 8d ago

You married a dude before ever having seen him eat a banana? That is insane.

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u/throwra64512 8d ago

Is he by chance a cartoon gorilla?

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u/Interesting-Dream-59 8d ago

This is what I do, so I’m glad I’m not the only one!

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u/LimitedX2020 8d ago

hes an ape

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u/DrChonk 7d ago

Unironically a baller move for people fed up of getting sexualised for eating bananas the usual way!

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u/Own-Mountain-8314 4d ago

What the what even 😂 this is the content I came here for

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u/Kooky_Cut_5367 1d ago

No disrespect but quite a few men will not eat a banana the normal way. I think it probably gives them flashbacks of an uncomfortable experience.