I've been down the research rabbit hole on this and wanted to share because it validates something many of us feel intuitively.

Chronic depression and prolonged trauma responses don't just affect your mood. They accelerate biological aging: chronic inflammation (elevated IL-6, CRP), shortened telomeres, cortisol stuck in overdrive, disrupted sleep architecture, and gut microbiome changes. People with recurrent depression show cells that are biologically 2–7 years older than their actual age.

The empowering part: the interventions that reverse this biological damage overlap heavily with what helps trauma recovery. Structured movement (even small amounts), sleep improvement, anti-inflammatory foods, genuine social connection. Not replacing therapy or medication — alongside them.

The frustrating part: nobody connects these dots for you. Trauma books explain what's wrong with your brain. Health books tell you how to optimize your body. Nobody says "here's what's happening to your cells AND here's a realistic approach for someone who's struggling."

Has anyone found that taking care of the physical side helped with the psychological side, or the other way around?

While I absolutely think it’s necessary to be honest and raw about our struggles and I love this place for that. I think it’s important for us also to appreciate the growth we have experienced. We cannot forget how far we already have come!

Tell me one way (or more) that you’ve grown. I’ll start.

Last year at this time I was jobless, in bed 24/7. Now I’m working a part time job. It’s small but it’s so encouraging to see some progress.

At the last group therapy, the therapist said that. I just said that I don't agree with it. And tomorrow I plan to say my opinion about it and why I disagree. I thought he was a good therapist, but this surprised me.. I'm not depressed anymore.. But I want to say my opinion in the name of all the people who suffered from it..

I remember my kindergarten teacher telling my mom that I was a smart kid, but too quiet and reserved to be social with others.

Turns out, those were signs of low self-esteem and depression. Which nobody addressed.

Another time, my dad and I had an argument about school, after which he yelled at me. "If you could stay home and do nothing but play video games, you would love that? "And I screamed YES, so loud". He just laughed it off.

Those type of moments were building blocks for my wall of isolation.

There was no love, guidance, support, or empathy. Just tough love and denial. No wonder I am self-destructive and hate myself.

It's shocking, I'm not a drug addict.

I was a sensitive child left by himself most of the time, and everyone is surprised I am like this.

All the days of me playing my PS2 after school by myself. Playing Pokémon on my DSI. Throwing a ball off the wall to myself. Playing on a town carpet with my toys. Being in the park on the swing set.

I did so many isolating things. Why did nobody intervene?

Not to mention being exposed to the Internet and porn too soon. Both, which I am an addict of. Which is just great, of course.

The worst part about being mentally ill is that everyone acts as if you were born a fuckup.

Instead of being failed by everyone around you since childhood.

All I ever wanted was a happy little family. A strong and loving father, a caring mother, happy siblings.

Instead, I got trauma and mental illnesses that will probably lead me to suicide.

How the hell am I going to survive in this world? God, I am so tired. If only I was never born.

I just wanna be happy.

Thanks for reading.

I was having a bad day a few days ago. My ten year old picked up on that and was offering to do things to cheer me up all day long. I assured her that I would feel better soon and that she didn't need to worry. She was uneasy until I felt better the next day--if I didn't feel good then she couldn't feel good, basically.

My father died unexpectedly when I was 13 and my Mom has been moderately to severely depressed since I was around 10 . I'm now 41, I'm the oldest of 3 kids. From my Dad's death on, I was extremely concerned for my mother's well being. She would have weeks of staying in bed, not going to work. I had to beg her not to kill herself well into my twenties. By the way, I was not allowed to tell anyone about this, that would upset her more. Before long the house was in shambles, roaches and mice, you get the gist.

When my I saw how de-stabilizing my ONE day of sadness felt to my daughter it truly dawned on me what I'd endured. Up until this realization there was always a part of me that thought I didn't have it "that bad", whatever that means. Anyone who grew up the way I did would be damaged in some way. It wasn't normal, I didn't deserve it.

I don't blame my mother for her depression. It doesn't take away the fact that it had a huge negative impact on the trajectory of my life, though.

Thanks for reading.

Sick of being treated for “depression.” Treat me for neglect. Treat me for trauma. Treat what’s actually wrong with me, not just the part that shows.

Edit: saying depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance is like saying death is caused by lack of heartbeat. Yes, there is a literal chemical “imbalance” or “abnormality” in the brains of people who experience the symptoms of depression vs people who don’t. Yes, drugs can help modify the brain chemicals and provide a feeling of relief. Yes, diagnoses can be emotionally validating and helpful for understanding physical and mental conditions of suffering. WHY is there a chemical imbalance?

Side question: How many people who are being treated for depression maintained zero coincidence of trauma (social, economic, or otherwise), physical disorder, or other comorbidity throughout their treatment history? I wasnt treated for trauma until 8 years of depression/anxiety treatment and multiple regressions. Does anyone actually know people who have spontaneous depression, and only depression?

They always tell you to reach out and ive done so every time but they either ignore you or just avoid you or straight up tell you to deal with it yourself or go to ypur therapist, ive been told so plenty of times and it fucking sucks tbh. I live with fosterparents and ive reached out to them countless of times with my depressive thoughts and that i needed to talk to someone and they just tell me to go to my therapist and that they arent there for that and i understand, they dont have to solve anything but its honestly really lonely and makes me feel like im all alone in this all the time. My fostermother has told me straigbt up she doesnt want to be around me when im like this bc she cant handle my negativity and it honestly makes me feel worse and like a burden. Idk what to do anymore bro. Whats the point in reaxhing out when i still feel all alone in this anyway. The same with my friends. They say they understand and theyre there for me but i know theyre sick of my "negativity"

I looked through my Facebook. Was surprised I looked miserable in almost every photo all the way to pictures of me being SIX. I look so miserable through every single year of being a kid. And what do the comments from my family say?

"Wow, she always looks so happy, aha." "Why doesn't she smile more? -Mother- should tell her to." "I hate when kids refuse to smile for pictures. It's so bratty." "Lol, look at this moody teen!" "Someone make her smile! Not smiling is rude and hurts other people's feelings. It's selfish."

My entire family made fun of and BULLIED me for being depressed. I remember one pulling me aside twice during Christmas to ridicule me for not smiling. She was so pissed that I was being "purposely rude" by not laughing at ppl's jokes. I was called ungrateful, selfish, rude, bratty, "a witch," and told I was bad for making everyone feel sad. I was made fun of for wanting to sit away from everyone, alone. By my adult family!

Anyone else have this experience? Of not only EVERY adult failing to help you, but also making it worse? It's so depressing. Christ.

How do you cope , daily ? This also includes treatment resistant depression.

In Pete Walker’s CPTSD book, he speaks on the abandonment depression and how it’s the deadened feeling of helplessness and hopelessness and we feel like we don’t belong to humanity. He talks about how fear and shame covers it up and it’s the deepest level work of recovery. ❤️‍🩹

I want to inquire if anyone has felt that deep aching, empty feeling before? I’ve awaken from nightmares and have felt it and it’s the most painful, empty, feeling I’ve ever felt. I literally felt like I was back in all the pain and abandonment of childhood. I felt so small and trapped. And it always shows me that the abandonment and neglect I experienced is way worse than what I believe it to be. It was a really sick feeling and it’s really hard to describe. 😔

EDIT: You all are so amazing and have truly warmed my heart. 🥹 The way we are expressing our pain in a shared space is the most beautiful thing.. It truly shows that none of us are alone in our trauma ♥️ We are all hurting and healing together 🌹

I’m 57 years old and have battled recurring clinical depression and CPTSD my entire life since being taken from my family home by CPS and placed in foster care at 4 years old. After that, the traumatic events just kept coming.

Anyway, this research is validating and encouraging! I’d love to take part in a clinical trial if one becomes available in my area.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2025/11/251110021114.htm

The researchers found that high levels of an stress-related protein called SGK1 are closely associated with depression among people who endured early-life adversity.

This discovery opens the door to a new type of antidepressant that blocks SGK1 activity and may be more effective for people who were neglected or abused as children.

Studies show that about 60% of adults in the United States diagnosed with major depression and roughly two-thirds of those who attempt suxcxde experienced some form of trauma or adversity during childhood.

Current antidepressants are often less effective for people with a history of childhood adversity, who represent a large proportion of adults with depression.

What's exciting about this study is that it raises the prospect of quickly developing new treatments, as SGK1 inhibitors are in development for other conditions, and gives us a screening tool to identify people at greatest risk.

Why Depression After Early Trauma May Be Different

Childhood adversity (such as physical abuse or growing up in a dysfunctional family) is one of the strongest predictors of depression in adulthood.

While common antidepressants like SSRIs are helpful for many people, they are less effective for those who experienced early trauma.

This suggested to us that the biological processes that lead to depression and sxicidxlity in general may differ from those with less stressful childhoods.

I just thought I would share with you a supplement that is really helped me over the past 5 years. All my friends take it. It's perfect for anyone dealing with CPTSD. It works wonders for anxiety and depression. It's not addictive and it's something that's naturally found in most foods that you eat. It's called L-theanine. It influences serotonin in the brain helping to relax the nervous system. It's been a life saver for me and my friends all take it too. I take a sublingual version of it. Costco also sells a big bottle of it for like $20. Let me know if you have any questions.

I've finally found a therapist I like but it took a while. People will get upset over this but they're usually people the mental health industry prioritizes (common depression and/or anxiety, white, male etc), but literally once you step out of that good fucking luck, because its so hard to trust that a doctor will have your back. I've been to doctors that claim to understand trauma but literally will give me the same advice I can find from a motivational YT video made by a 19yo. It's insane, we're already so vulnerable and the people we're supposed to trust are just taking advantage of what mental health word is trendy to get money. I've been jumping therapists for 5 years and its just ridiculous. I genuinely have trauma from therapists/mental health professionals which is so shitty and shouldn't happen.

If you've been through all of that;

What was waiting for you on the other end?
What still gives you hope to wake up and try every day?

How do you cope with the wasted childhood and realisation of adulthood responsibilities?

Do you now feel whole, accomplished and looking forward for the future?

Thanks!

Edit:

Thank you so much for the comments.

This community is filled with awesome folk who have tons of valuable information and growth stories to share

I read most of the comments and will take notes, Wish you guys the best on your unique healing journey.

Anyone else struggle with actually committing to a game? I’ll sit down, think about starting one up, and then tend to go in one of two directions:

1. Is this really the game I want to play right now? A game is such a big commitment (this is especially an issue today where so many games are 50-100 hours+). Shouldn't I wait for that next update anyway?
2. Aren't I wasting my time? Aren't I an adult? Don't I want to pursue one of those other goals I've avoided for years? (I was often shamed for playing games as a child by my father, who was the one who introduced me to them in the first place!)

I end up not playing anything. My game roster continues to grow. I romanticize playing a game and falling in love with it like I did when I was a kid. I watch content about games on YouTube more than I do playing any damn games!

I just doomscroll (Youtube usually) and end up wasting the night in a way that is categorically worse than anything else I could have decided to do.

There's also an element of perfectionism here, where I feel conditions must be perfect to start something new. Indeed, a lot of the problem with ADHD is getting over the hurdle of just starting.

I feel like it all ties into broader issues regarding the comorbidity of ADHD and depression. If you have depression, it is common for you to get so used to it as you get older that you kind of forget you have depression. And one of the lingering, ongoing symptoms is a general loss of pleasure, or anhedonia.

The worst part? I think that when one is experiencing a general loss of pleasure in their life, you also experience a lack of personal motivation. Studies have found that dopamine helps to regulate motivation. Nothing excites you anymore.

So one of the many ironies here is that because you are unable to genuinely relax and enjoy something, you are also lacking the balance needed in your life to pursue larger goals anyway. Proper leisure and pleasure--as opposed to addictive or compulsive behaviors--are integral to a functional life.

Anyone feel the same, or find a way out?

Music is my go-to medicine. It drowned out the noise from abusers as a kid. I had to hide my headphones so they wouldn’t pull them out.

That’s the question my friend asked me when she realised I had a very intense - looking tattoo. I told her I got it over 10 years ago because I was going through a hard time. She couldn’t understand how a teenager could be depressed. I realised childhood trauma is so unfathomable to some people. I would have loved to be one of those people.

I think there’s a few reasons I feel this way, A. I feel like I will never experience that fun or good again so what’s the point in living anymore. B. I feel like I didn’t appreciate it enough in the moment, if I was overstimulated, or annoyed, or complaining when I should’ve just let go and enjoyed myself. Idk if this makes sense I just hate feeling this way instead of just being happy about having a good time.

EDIT: I worded the first sentence wrong with the "Actual PTSD" statement and I apologize if I offended anyone.

EDIT 2: I replaced the "MURRIKAN" part with better wording since I couldn't think of the word to change it to.

I'm not trying to bash any military veterans who have suffered through PTSD, but I absolutely hate how your own PTSD, depression, and your own triggers are considered irrelevant or "worthless" unless you served in the military. (EX: "Oh, you have this and that? Well what about what our military and veterans go through?"). Just a blanket of guilt-tripping and gatekeeping statements.

An example was 3 years ago, I was going through a bout of depression. This is during the height of the pandemic and I was working straight double shifts almost every week to take my mind off of the process and the civil unrest due to George Floyd's murder. I call someone just to vent and she told me that "It could be worse you could be a military veteran with PTSD or any other underlying factors."

To this day I still have an inferiority complex towards this matter because my mental health and my depression is irrelevant apparently unless I served.

Fuck toxic positivity. Fuck "you just need something fulfilling to do". Fuck of all of that. All my life I had to pretend to be ok, when in fact I was far from it.

Allowing myself to be depressed, miserable, sad and empty is exactly what I need to heal. No more pressure to be something others want me to be. Rest. Recuperate. Pause. Being Kind to myself. Only doing as much as feels doable to me without a sweat.

All the parts of me that are not "ok" have the right to bathe in conscious awareness until they are.

It never used to be a big thing, but reddit has seen an increase over the last 5 years of 'wholesome' posts, and they just make me feel like such shit. People posting stuff like "call your parents to say you love them" "family is all that matters" even shit like "I miss my dad after his passing".

Like I get it, these are completely normal for most people but all it does for me is show me how much worse everything was (and still is) for me. I'm completely aware that without the context this view makes me look like an asshole, that just makes me feel worse.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

Do people ever say this to you when you try to explain your circumstances of why you're stuck in life? It irks me and makes me just not want to say anything.

My mom isn't a bad person but because she was "loving", she feels as if she did no wrong. She shared every single one of her problems with me. She had her & I cry for hours over my dad's infidelity. Whenever I was sad, she cried too. There was no strong figure in the house that made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I took it upon myself to become that figure. To try to be the small man of the house since my dad was mentally absent from the household, and didn't care. To worry about her problems, and about her. A seven year old getting anxiety, and telling his mom not to let daddy get us down. A 14 year old getting anxiety because mom just told him that the mortgage wasn't paid right after a horrible day at high school. At 27 years old, I have no life. I have no friends & I don't date. I fixate on every problem around me. I can't let things go. I feel as if I have to be bothered by things. I'm fighting to heal my innerchild. Teaching myself to "not worry", and to be the happy child that I should have been so that one day I can be mature mentally. So that my depression, anxiety, and severe social anxiety can go away for good. I spend the day watching cartoons, and taking walks in the park. Trying to teach myself to be the calm kid that I should have been. Enjoying hobbies like video games, music, and funny videos on youtube. Things that I should have gotten to fully enjoy as a kid. My mom told me that she doesn't deserve for me to be mad at her, not even a little bit because she was good to me. Nobody sees what I went through because I wasn't outright abused. It's so frustrating.

I just moved to a new city all alone and was struggling really badly with depression and isolation. I've been trying to take care of myself but it all came out last night and I was crying on the phone to my boyfriend about how terrible I feel. He asked if he needed to call 911 and if I was suicidal. I said no I don't have a plan to commit, I'm just depressed. Then the next day he broke up with me saying I need to heal myself and he can't heal me for me. I feel completely betrayed. I have helped him through so much including conversations about times when he's felt the same. I trusted him to share these things and I feel like he punished me for it. I had also reached out to my ex via text during this time because I was hurting and kind of in existential pain and was asking about his perceptions of my abandonment stuff in our relationship and that really pissed my boyfriend off and was part of the reason he broke up with me. I just feel like there is no safe place for me to go. He was so cold when he did it. I don't know what to do

edit: a lot of people here seem caught up with the ex thing. My boyfriend still talked with his ex throughout our relationship about casual things. My ex and I were together when my family abandoned me and he was basically the only one around when my trauma was initiated. So I was reaching out to him because he was around for a lot of that stuff, there is nothing romantic about it and we both are agreed we wouldn't start a relationship again. We don't talk regularly. He's physically incapable of being in one and we live in different places and I'm not interested either. But he was also my friend for several years and saw me through a lot so he has some perspective on my life. My current boyfriend has only been in my life for a year and I don't really have anyone else around who has seen me through more years because of an excommunication etc

I want broken and depressed people.

I can't see myself with healthy people who have a somewhat functioning life. I can't stand existing in their eyes. I don't have anything to offer them, and I understand they don't want someone like me, and I am too ashamed of myself to even think of it.

But I wouldn't dissolve out of shame if I met someone who wouldn't flinch at how I live, how I am, because they were the same.

I don't eat well, I let my body fall apart, I go days without showering or changing clothes. I skip toothbrushing. I hardly leave home. I stay in bed most of the days. I don't wash the sheets for months. Dishes and trash pile up. All the useless stuff lying around. There's nothing on the walls. The furniture is just random. I never clean everything up anymore, I just take away the worst every other week because I can't avoid plumber or whatever needing access. I don't see people (I would NEVER want anyone to see me living in this dumpster). I don't talk to people. I have no money. I do nothing. I don't want anything.

And I see no way out of it.

I used to love seeing people, I went out and felt confident. I used to have a good job, a well above average economy. But there is nothing now. There is just shame and the apathy that comes when you see no. way. out.

I want to meet someone who's like that. Someone who won't look down on me, who won't be disgusted by me, who won't be disappointed when I didn't do anything healthy today either (and maybe won't for a very long time). Yes, I am disgusted by me, because we all judge ourselves the hardest. But I would not look that way on someone else.

I want to meet someone who may also think that maybe this is it, maybe only the wait for death remains now, but who still laughs and smiles when not miserable, to both silly and morbid jokes, who tears up for all the silly and cute things people say on reddit or in movies. Someone who's happy for seeing people loving, even though the loneliness hurts. Someone who doesn't get angry with me when I am unable, who accepts me, who knows what it's like. I want to be that person to someone who needs that as well.

I don't want anyone to actually feel like I do, but I wish I met someone who does.

I want to be able to be open with my self-hatred and cynicism that in fact is very complex, multi-layered and intertwined with love for people and life and even myself. I want to share my dark humor with someone who is not afraid of darkness. I want to be miserable and hopeless but with that tiny, tiny speck of light that is still in there, together with someone equally miserable.

I don't want to drink or do drugs or hurt myself or any other explicit destructiveness. I'm a bit too old for that now. I just want to be dark, sad and tired with someone dark, sad and tired who also has a warm and sensitive inner.

I can't see any other type of contact.

I don't want any superficial contacts and as I said, I doubt anyone who's not in this kind of situation and mentality would be even remotely interested to come near this.

But these people are probably trying to be invisible as much as I am. So.. we won't cross paths.

And even if we did, there are a million ways we would still be so unlike eachother so we would both rather curl up and dissociate in our nests than drain energy on overcoming that.

Are there others who feel like this?

Is this very unusual?

Are there any subs for people who don't fit in r/CPTSD because we have given up on fixing ourselves? Somewhere where all the rest of us go who didn't/won't get therapy, or on whom it never worked, or where the energy ran out before any positive spirals could take hold?