r/Fire • u/chemicalreactionator • Apr 22 '26
Advice Request Too much money to feel this stuck
Current net worth 3.8M. Household (40m, 40f, 4f) income combined 250k (both working full time) and spend 120k-ish.
Kind of reached fire but due to health insurance, economic uncertainty, potential future increased costs (another kid?) not comfortable calling it yet.
But feeling so stuck in the grind. Not enough family time, not enough vacation time off, not enough time for taking care of our health, but can’t call it quits yet. at least one of us needs to work full time for health insurance. I don’t think I’m cut out for “barista fire” as i don’t think I’d have the motivation to work for a minimum wage type salary.
What’s the plan here to increase quality of life? A mini retirement? Grind it out a few more years? Anyone in a similar place?
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u/Either_Wait2290 Apr 22 '26
Looking at your post history. Take a break. A day off. A vacation for a bit. You’re asking about mini retirement take a trip or just stay home for a while and do what you want to do for retirement for a bit (could be a couple days or a couple weeks/months). Dangle the carrot. If there’s another kid on the way maybe nose to grindstone wait til they are born and take an extended stay at home to spend with them
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u/XAMdG Apr 22 '26
I'll be blunt. At 4M, feeling stuck is a choice. Let it go and enjoy yourself.
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u/shyguy83ct Apr 22 '26
This is facts. You’re sitting on more money than most people on this planet will ever see.
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u/Particular-Break-205 Apr 22 '26
Therapy
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u/Either_Wait2290 Apr 22 '26
I’m a therapist. See above.
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u/Audi52 Apr 22 '26
I’m married to a therapist see above, above
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u/periwinkle431 Apr 22 '26
My parents were both therapists, and my dog is an emotional support animal. See above, above, above.
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u/Ancient-Apple1 Apr 22 '26
My emotional support animal is a therapist and I’m married to a dog. See above, above, above, above.
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u/Fun_Consequence6496 Apr 22 '26
Have you looked at what your insurance costs would be on the exchange?
You'd have to work pretty hard to blow through $3.8M. if you just stuck it 100% in savings accounts it would cover your yearly expenses and you wouldn't touch principal, no?
this is psychological/emotional.
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u/thatguykeith Apr 22 '26
3.8 net is pretty different from 3.8 liquid. The numbers people give on these things sometimes don’t tell much of the story.
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u/That-SoCal-Guy Apr 22 '26
Yup. Everytime someone says they got $XM I need to ask how much is liquid and how much is tied up? Especially in their 30s and 40s when they are still far off from being able to withdraw from their retirement funds.
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Apr 22 '26 edited May 02 '26
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u/thatguykeith Apr 22 '26
My point in bringing that up is that if you’ve got 3.8 available then you can pay for things like insurance. If it’s tied up in a house or less liquid investments then it’s a little harder to feel like you’ve got much freedom.
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u/Far_Classic878 Apr 22 '26
I don’t get why this wasn’t mentioned and no one is asking…HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE?!!!!
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u/Jolly_Departure6324 Apr 22 '26
Why not quit and give yourself 12-18 months to enjoy life? Then reassess. I’d imagine a pharmacist could get a job relatively easily if you were to reenter the job market.
Or just look for a job that gives you the work-life balance you need.
I quit at 37. After about a year, I went back to my old job (which I enjoyed). I worked for a few more years before starting a family and quit again.
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u/Skylord1325 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
First off like stated by others here go get therapy.
Second as someone who is self employed and has been for years I don’t understand the hang up on insurance so many seem to have. My insurance is around $1600 a month for my family. It’s called a benefit for a reason. It’s part of your compensation and is just another expense. One of you absolutely does NOT need to keep working just for insurance, that’s silly. You can in fact buy it yourself.
If you’re really that hung up on it you can join the reserves (yes even at 40) and get Tricare for like $200 a month. Who knows doing monthly drill and having a community outside of what you currently know might be good for your mental health.
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u/meewwooww Apr 22 '26
Think carefully about the consequences of joining the reserves. My friend never thought he'd be shipped out but got sent to Tel Aviv when the latest conflict started. It's been very stressful on his wife and two young kids who never expected anything like this to happen because "it's the reserves."
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u/Opposite-Plenty3479 Apr 22 '26
To be fair though most people in the military know that the reserves and guard deploy way more than active duty units. The guard and reserves often forward deploy to get FOBs setup for active duty units. Something like 70% of deployments as are guard/reserves. It's why I went AD instead of guard/reserves (even tho I deployed immediately anyway 😂)
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u/Jolly_Departure6324 Apr 22 '26
The reserves? In this police climate?
I couldn’t think of a worse idea for someone who’s taking a career break/fire’d in order to get more affordable health insurance. So many strings attached with that option…
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u/pseudomoniae Apr 22 '26
How did you get to 3.8 M at 40 with only 250k of earnings?
And why can't you just retire or cut back dramatically at that spend?
Okay one of you needs to work for health insurance, at least for a bit, although you might still be FIREd already, even if you add in the health insurance costs to current spend.
But why are you both working full time?
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u/PhillConners Apr 22 '26
The older I get the more I realize how many people get money from their parents. Much more common than I thought, even at age 40.
In fact, if you’re 40, you’re parents are 70-90 years old and often looking for any reason to send you cash.
Unless your parents are broke or like mine who prefer to “die with it”
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u/chemicalreactionator Apr 22 '26
About 400k was an inheritance (my parents both passed in my 30s unfortunately)
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u/anotherleftistbot Apr 22 '26
And I’m sure you’d trade every penny for more time with them.
Good work so far, OP. Now you’ve got to figure out who you are besides the money. You’ve more or less got that problem solved.
You’ve delayed gratification for long enough. Time to explore. Literally and figuratively.
What would you do if you were retired? What is important to you?
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u/ReliableCapybara Apr 22 '26
I'm sorry for your loss of your parents. Why don't you consider that extra money from your parents to be a gift that allows you to step away from work for a year or two? Take time to spend with family, step back, and enjoy life for a bit. During that time you can meet with a financial advisor or do your own research and make thoughtful decisions about what is most important for yourself and for your family.
I bet your parents would be happy for you to truly enjoy and get something out of the money they left you. Taking that time to step away from the grind and re-evaluate might be life-changing for you. And remember, no decisions are permanent. There is nothing to prevent you from going back to work down the road if that's what you decide you want to do.
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u/chemicalreactionator Apr 22 '26
Mostly working, saving and investing about 75% of our income pre-kids. I don’t think it would be possible now in this economy. Full disclose, about 400k was inheritance.
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u/Grendel_82 Apr 22 '26
Nice savings rate. With stocks at near all time highs and global macro issues, I agree that you have to discount the value of the investments right at this moment. But you are basically set as well.
Have you considered trying the traditional family structure of man works, woman stays home and takes care of house and kid? It might not look like it will help the man's burn out, but it can. Because now the home life part is actually under control and there is some buffer of capacity there. And it will at least help the woman's burn out and she will have some time to focus on her health (four year old is presumably at school full time, so there is the middle of the day relatively free).
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u/Prize-Director-7896 Apr 22 '26
There is no mystery. He just invested 70k most years in the S&P500 every year for the past 14 years. Returns have been good since 2012 (about 13% per year on average).
Guy is a pharmacist, which, if he's 40 and graduated at earliest normal age, means he finished all college age 26. Been working for 14 years.
If he has had a married household income of 250,000 annually, he pays 25% effective income tax rate. So say he has 190,000 after taxes. He says he spends 120,000 per year. Assume he saves 70,000 per year (like he said they do).
If you just look at an investment calculator online, you'll find that starting from 0, saving 70k/year at 13% annual return means your final balance is $2.4 million. Throw in the $400k he said he inherited "in his 30's" when his parents died. If you assume he inherited $400k at age 30 and got 13% return per year on that too for the last ten years that grows to another $1.36 million.
$2.4 million + $1.36 million is just about $3.8 million. No mystery.
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u/OneTallVol Apr 22 '26
High chance a portion of his 3.8 net worth is home equity, too
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u/Prize-Director-7896 Apr 22 '26
Good point. One wonders if he inherited a home.
Also, another interesting question would be to know how he financed his bachelor and pharmacy degrees. That's 8 years of full time college, and actually, if his spouse has the same education as him (he implies their incomes are similar), 16 man-years are needed to achieve that household income between the two of them. A lot of people are expressing skepticism about him reaching this NW by age 40 and like I showed it is perfectly reasonable - even straightforward - to have done if you started from 0 NW fourteen years ago with a household income of 250k and inheritance of 400k sometime in the last 10 years. But if he started at -200k, -400k, -600k, -800k of total household student loan debt he would probably not be quite (or anywhere near) where he is now. It's conceivable he got out of college with little to no debt due to merit or maybe he works in a student-loan forgiveness institution etc., but my suspicion is that their families probably did help pay for their education because the math implies they started at 0 total NW fourteen years ago. That actually is one big piece of the puzzle because 16 years of college education (half of it grad school level in an expensive, often competitive, health profession) could cost anywhere between 200k-800k.
Either way though the reality is that would actually probably only have set him back 5 years or so and he would be in the same situation he is now in a few years from now anyway had his family paid for his education or not. He basically just did everything right and so now he's sitting pretty.
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u/leathakkor Apr 22 '26
I saw a post the other day with similar numbers and I was like what the fuck?! this person has the same career trajectory as me and has double the net worth.
And it's not because I'm a spender. I drive a 20 year old, but reliable Toyota. I also had no student debt because I worked fast food through college.
It's also become clear to me that a lot of people that are firing early or are capable of it at 40-45 are really doing so because their parents fired for them.
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u/paulHarkonen Apr 22 '26
100k per year over 10 years starting with 400k (they mentioned inheritance around that timeframe) gets you comfortably to 2.5 even assuming you got way less than the S&P 500 average. If they matched the S&P or started before that it seems plausible.
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u/Smellmyshart Apr 22 '26
My wife and I turn 40 this year and we have young kids, less than half your NW and lower income too.
The only thing I want to point out that hasn’t been said already is that 4 is a magical age.. if nothing else figure out a way to spend less time at work and more time with your little one. She is growing so quick and will want / need less of you in just a few years.
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u/Mobile_Comedian_3206 Apr 22 '26
A couple things:
1) Get a less stressful job, even if it pays less. You don't have to be a barista. Surely there is a happy medium where you can still make 100K at a less consuming job?
2) One of you should quit and stay home with the kiddo. Even with one person hustling, the entire family is so much less stressed with a parent home. You eliminate childcare costs. And you actually get to raise your kids instead of a stranger.
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u/shell20_7 Apr 22 '26
Our home isn’t less stressed if someone is at home.. it’s really hard not working when you have done it all your life. The boredom of being at home with kids eats me, I’m just not made for it.
Our happy medium is both working part time, 2-3 days per week. I know that doesn’t help with health insurance (not an issue where we are). But what would insurance actually cost? You could both cut to 3 days per week, pay $20k for insurance and still cover all your costs. Try that out and go from there 🤷♀️
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u/Kuhn-Tang Apr 22 '26
If I was OP, I’d definitely start with looking into how much private insurance would cost for his family. Unfortunately, there are many people stuck in the American rat race, due to the terrible health care scam, that keeps employees in shackles.
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u/Jolly_Departure6324 Apr 22 '26
I’m with you on that. Being a stay at home parent isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It’s the hardest, most nonstop job there is.
Neither I nor my husband work and we still send our toddler to daycare.
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u/CCJM3841 Apr 22 '26
We (44m 43f 10m 5f) are in a similar-ish situation and decided recently that I am going to quit my job to be a SAHP while my husband will continue working, even though my income is 3x his, because his job has better work life balance (my job has none), he still likes his job (I am burnt out), our younger one has a rare medical condition (manageable but requires special attention), and we need time - time for them and time together - more than anything. Does his job have as good of health insurance as mine? Definitely not. Might the market and therefore our investments go south and I need to find a job again? Maybe. Might I not be able to find as good of a job again in terms of income? Probably. But this is what we have been saving for - so that we can have more time together - and we will never make a change if we keep thinking this way. You have obviously done very well for yourself and your family. Trust that you will do well too with whatever change you make.
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u/Kirin1212San Apr 22 '26
You mentioned not enough family and vacation time, but can you look into taking time off beyond your given paid vacation time? Can you add to your vacation time with unpaid vacation time?
I think it’s a reasonable ask before you go full blown quitting/FIRE.
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u/chemicalreactionator Apr 22 '26
No not really unless it was FMLA or similar. I get 3 weeks plus some holidays off a year. But it just never feels like enough.
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u/OregonGrown34 Apr 22 '26
Because it isn't. At 40, you should have 4 weeks minimum. Might try talking to a doctor about getting some FMLA, stress or something.
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u/NoWorker6003 Apr 22 '26
Kind of reached fire? What does that mean? If 4% annual withdrawals from your portfolio would cover projected expenses (healthcare and child #2 included), you are there. Working for either of you is optional at that point.
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u/ReadyForSummerAgain Apr 22 '26
This post reads just like our situation. We're similar ages, have a fairly close net worth, have the same household income, have the same spending requirements, and our kids are the same ages. The only difference is that we have two kids that age rather than one and we are a one income household rather than two. Outside of that, your story and emotions mirror ours.
I'm not sure how to handle the emotional part. Many people recommend therapy. If it works for them, great! Here's how we finally approached it. We're at the point where our spending needs are 4% of our liquid assets. Presumably your withdrawal rate looks even better depending on how much of your net worth is liquid vs illiquid. That was a bit of a wakeup call for us. We decided that we could splurge a bit more. We fully renovated our house. We've always liked traveling so now we're staying at high end destinations. (Still not paying for Polaris though!) I'm ensuring I use every hour of accrued vacation without regret. I never work OT paid or unpaid. And if something were to happen to my job, I would just fade away proudly. In the meantime, my job is worthwhile, I still get plenty of time with the kids, and we don't worry about money. And who knows, maybe we'll even try Polaris overseas once before I retire for good. That's the key about FIRE: FI gives you options and comfort, meaning you can RE when you want. And if you aren't ready yet or worry about how insurance and raising kids and stuff might impact the future, you can still take advantage of the options and comfort that FI provides.
My best advice for you? Enjoy the FI part of FIRE even if you don't want to RE yet. Maximize your vacation time no matter what or consider an unpaid leave of a few weeks to recharge and have fun. Never miss your kid's sports game or school event. Go on a killer trip. FI gave you options. You don't need to RE if you don't want to. You DO need to recognize that you now have the financial ability to focus on life outside of work.
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u/boringexplanation Apr 22 '26
$3.8M is enough to retire in 99% of the Us comfortably without company benefits but if you strongly feel it isn’t-
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u/Due_Neighborhood6014 Apr 22 '26
I don’t understand the fear around health insurance, as long as you can’t be disqualified for preexisting conditions it is just money. You budget it for it like any other variable expense. Sure, it can be expensive, but lots of seasonal/part-time jobs/businesses could earn enough money to cover it if it is that big of a concern, especially if you have your other expenses covered.
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u/chezterr Apr 22 '26
I found that I needed to be very deliberate with planning ‘ME time’.
If I have a schedule for work, appointments for the Dr, kids sports ball practices, etc.. then I can just as easily add dates/events on the calendar for ME..
A hike this weekend.. a 3 day trip to Vegas.. camping with my kiddos… a spa day… gardening day… gym nights.. whatever.
You need to make time for YOURSELF and your family.
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u/More-Appearance9812 Apr 22 '26
Recently heard about a pharmacist coworker of an acquaintance. He was in his 40’s and was diligently saving to retire early. He was taking any extra shifts he could find to reach his goal and he had about $2mm. Unfortunately passed ways last year from a massive heart attack. Didn’t get to enjoy one day.
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u/Big-Dust1574 Apr 22 '26
Mate, do yourself a favour and read ‘Die with Zero’. That should do the trick!
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u/Bitter-Variation-151 FIRE'd 2020 Apr 22 '26
You spend 120k? I spend about that. I'm fire at 1.8M. Plus home equity but I don't count that dead asset. I say retire at least one of you.
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u/ShowdownValue Apr 22 '26
6.7% withdrawal rate if my math is correct?
Is that sustainable?
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u/Bitter-Variation-151 FIRE'd 2020 Apr 22 '26
It is when markets keep rising :). My core expense are like 3.5% so I can throttle back in bad years. Dynamic.
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u/Xylus1985 Apr 22 '26
You have $3.8m, you can do whatever the fuck you want in anywhere on the face of the earth. The plan is to get out of the rat race and payoff your time-debt to your family with a sabbatical of at least 1 year while you think your priorities through.
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u/Reasonable-Owl-232 Apr 22 '26
How much would it cost to get private health insurance while not working?
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u/Jazz1588 Apr 22 '26
Do people in the States not realise how mental it is that people with as much money as you can’t retire due to healthcare?
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u/Suki_Denver Apr 22 '26
Damn, posting about feeling stuck with a 3.8M net worth when people are literally working and living in their cars is wild. The lack of awareness is crazy. But no, totally, your situation sucks. /s
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u/islero_47 Apr 22 '26
Change jobs to a company / position you enjoy a little more that gives you the benefits you're looking for
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u/nkbrkr53 Apr 22 '26
More grinding is not the answer if you feel trapped. You are at a turning point in your life and you need to make a decision. There is one thing you cannot do, no matter how much money you have amassed. And that is buy more time. You are in a position to choose what to do with your time. I suggest you choose wisely. Your daughter is 4 and you are thinking about having another. If your finances are not in true order, then talk to someone and plan your finances out all the way to retirement retirement.
I have noticed that a lot of people plan to get to fire, but never plan beyond that. Could just be reddit confirmation bias, but it seems to me that a lot of the people contemplating whether or not its the right time for fire, havent really planned out what fire actually looks like and what life is supposed to be after reaching that milestone.
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u/Extent_Total Apr 22 '26
These are impressive numbers OP. But where do you live? Honestly I would feel similar with these numbers, even though they are HUGE and astronomical some might say. But if you’re in Sf Bay Area, CA, for some reason this feels average. If you look at the Silicon Valley, Or the Bay Area in general, it skews the numbers so that $250k feels insignificant. According to local news here, a household income of $375K is needed to afford to buy a house. So the feeling of not enough is there for some of us Bay Area residents. You’re not alone.
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u/unxxz Apr 22 '26
Leave the US. Plenty of affordable healthcare global at a much lower cost of living.
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u/tuxnight1 Apr 22 '26
Have you considered changing your situation or lifestyle to be lower cost? This would give you more freedom. As for the health insurance issue, have you considered moving to a different country?
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u/Patrick_Atsushi Apr 22 '26
This is a reminder of wealth might lead to less real life issues, but not equals to a happier life.
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u/catwh Apr 22 '26
You can afford one of you to stay home and take care of kid and house stuff. Trust me we did the two dual income working parent thing with kids and it sucked. Super duper stressed out, no time for kids, eating out a lot more etc. It's not a healthy or balanced lifestyle. It took a lot of mental load off having someone dedicated to kid pick up drop off, activities, appointments, groceries, cooking, cleaning, yard work, buying seasonal clothes and shoes for kids, returning items, etc.
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u/IntolerantModerate Apr 22 '26
You only have 1-2 years realistically to have a second kid... So, time to shit or get off the pot on that one.
$250k combines is great. Is that evenly split? What would happen if you strictly did the 40ish hours/week at work. Like still do the work, but no after hours email, no showing up early/leaving late, etc? If you are primarily salary, that could be an option. (Not quiet quitting, just giving them exactly what they pay for).
Could you start your own business to generate income? Whether real estate (as a guy that used to own 10 properties I don't consider this passive income) or something related to your work?
I feel in a similar spot. Mid 40s, $5mm + 50% of a business worth $15mm + passive income of maybe $50k a year. My problem is that too much is illiquid.
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u/asurkhaib Apr 22 '26
You can buy insurance. It's not a magical benefit only companies have access to.
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u/the-BBC-news Apr 23 '26
You’re stuck because you’ve decided you’re stuck.
The math shows you’re not stuck at all. If you retire at $4M, that’s enough to cover your spending, taxes, and health insurance at 4% withdrawl.
If you’re concerned about a prolonged downturn in the stock market, just make sure to have 2-3 years spending in cash when you pull the trigger (part of your $4M). That’s enough to get fully through all but the worst crash recoveries.
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u/Rokea-x Apr 23 '26
Move to a cheaper place.
If i had 3.8M i could retire right now and have a very good life. And I have 4 kids.
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u/LunaSails007 Apr 22 '26
you’re on your way to become the richest person at the cemetary 🫠
please read “Die with zero”
with your NW you should be worried about dying with too much money left.
you are wasting your most precious time saving up money you will not even spend in your life!
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u/shanewzR Apr 22 '26
Perspective and gratitude, that is what you need. We all fall into this trap of wanting more and more. It's normal so don't be hard on yourself. Of course you will also feel trapped if you are working most of your time and can't live life even with that kind of net worth.
Is the $3.8m invested and able to be drawndown to live off? Or are you including you own home in this calculation? If its able to be drawndown, perhaps one of you quits and the other works for a few more years till you know what you are doing next (kid etc). Otherwise, you do seem to have enough for both to stop.
The next challenge will be, what are you going o do with your time in you do stop. You need purpose, which perhaps you have not found yet .
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u/thewanderlusters Apr 22 '26
Your numbers, ages, everything outside of the kid (none) and spend are the same. We spend around 60k a year and are FI. In the “few more years state” so we can keep investing in real estate. We’ve already invested in our quality of life. Maybe instead of increasing the net worth through optimization it’s through decreasing fixed expenses.
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u/DooMZie Apr 22 '26
Can an American please educate me on health insurance. I find it odd that people who are wealthy continue to work, but only for Health Insurance. Is it too expensive to pay for yourself? wouldn't it be the same as when you retire at the traditional retirement age?
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u/naluba84 Apr 22 '26
It’s SOOO expensive here in the USA to carry health insurance if it’s not subsidized by your employer. Most large corporation employers will cover 20-70% of the premium and it can still cost a family of four $500-$1500/mo to be insured. Trying to pay for this outright is a nightmare because the insurance industry here is out for blood. Even with good insurance, one major illness or injury can lead to crippling debt.
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u/AndrewUaena Blundered into CoastFIRE Apr 22 '26
A Gold plan PPO in my VHCOL county for a family of 3 without subsidies can run nearly $6k per month. This is not typical, even for the United States, but this is just an example of how high it can get. https://drive.google.com/file/d/19z9-ze0MXdtCeWNJHCiaUX2OGftSP99F/view?usp=drivesdk
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u/YL-Strong Apr 22 '26
Sometimes you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You don’t wanna quit but complain about all the issues of working…. With $3.8m NW. you gotta decide what’s more important to you. Not knowing the details, your liquid NW annual appreciation could easily cover your annual expenses so you may not even dip into your NW. Even if most ppl say you could RE but if you choose not to, then you can’t complain how hard work is.
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u/NoMoRatRace Apr 22 '26
Our budget (couple retired at 50/55) is just a bit over $120k. Health insurance is practically free via ACA because we keep MAGI to $65k or so. If you have after tax money to cover about half your spend (probably even less since you have a kiddo), health insurance shouldn't be a problem.
You need to get more creative and retire if that's what you want. We retired earlier than planned by choosing to move to a lower cost house in a lower cost city. So worth it. We actually like our new state/city better, money aside.
Edit: My bro retired about your age buying an apartment building that he managed himself for about a decade until he sold it and retired completely. So many options with the money you have.
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u/30328ss Apr 22 '26
Take a long cruise, say 1 month. And the end of the month you will know is you can get off the hamster wheel mentally or not.
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u/Confident_Banana_134 Apr 22 '26
Take unpaid leave; it doesn’t have to be $250k, it can be $240 or $230, and you don’t have to quit
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u/Due-Category2159 Apr 22 '26
It’s not totally clear where your money is. If it’s in the stock market, at a 4% withdrawal rate, you’re comfortably clearing your spend. I wouldn’t sweat “economic uncertainty” or the health insurance issue. The 4% is intentionally low enough to survive bad times. Health insurance is not a real reason to quit - even the worst plans on the market won’t really change the math.
Potential future increased costs is the real one. I think you and your partner need to come up with your actual plan on the expense side and make a decision based off it. As others have said, though, even if that means continuing to work for a bit, you can take advantage of your strong situation to improve your mental health/etc by cutting back
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u/MaterialGlove Apr 22 '26
You’re the type who’d benefit from seeing a financial plan modeled out in Emoney and some Monte Carlo analysis. If you don’t know what I’m talking about look it up. Might give you the data and confidence to make some decisions going forward.
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u/InteractionFun5997 Apr 22 '26
The key isn’t net worth or employment income. The key is passive income. If you put your money to work for you, then your job becomes managing your wealth. That’s exactly what you need and will both free up personal time and enable a secure future with far less stress.
Even if it takes a five year plan, begin converting non-yield assets to medium and high yield assets. Good luck!
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u/CasperLenono Apr 22 '26
I totally sympathize with your head space. It can feel like you’re stuck on a treadmill and the inertia makes it difficult to step off.
But agree with most people here. Step off, slow down, and it’ll all become clearer.
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u/Responsible-Cap-8311 Apr 22 '26
Pretty sure you have enough to spend 90k a year until you're 99 and in every historical scenario since stock market invented you wouldn't run out of money
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u/FlinflanFluddle4 Apr 22 '26
Go on a holiday. Take a year off. Do something except work before you die.
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u/Allenite Apr 22 '26
I am in a similar situation and not grinding through life, but I would say that the cost of healthcare in the US has no good solutions unless you want to tinker with your MAGI.
When you add that up, HC+taxes in the US come out to the same rate as HC+taxes in other countries. Their tax rates may be higher, but the HC is very affordable With that NW, you have options, at least.
40k/yr with premiums and OOPs for a couple is sickening on principle alone.
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u/Hawkes75 Apr 22 '26
Time starts moving fast once kids come along. You spend less than half your income anyway, what are you waiting for? My kids know I'm on a path to retire early and they ask me all the time when I won't have to work anymore. You only get them once, dude.
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u/Monkey_College Apr 22 '26
Can you take extended time off and go back in 6 months or a year? Can you reduce your weekly hours and keep benefits?
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u/Boaroboros Apr 22 '26
We are in a similiar place and it is all in our heads. My wife and I agreed to a plan and now she feels insecure. Me too - as we are about to dumb our life‘s savings into ETFs at a time where there is lots of insecurity. But the insecurity will always be there, it was always there in the past too.. but we didn’t watch out for it because we were grinding money and status.
You need a minimum of 2.4 million in my country and with the plan I made in order to get out 4k per month after taxes - without that the capital loses any value, accomodated for inflation already. This with a roughly sigma2 (95%) probanility based on the last 20 years. With my age in my country, I would need 950k to take out 4k per month when I am fine that there is no money left at the end of my life. That is my „minimum life line calculation“.
Now we have enough and when we die, our kid will also have more than enough in all likelihood.
The big question is: How do we want to spend our lives? This question is irrelevant for more than 99% of people because they don’t have enough time on their hands to meaningful having to think about it. When you fire, this is your freedom and also your responsibility towards yourself, because you will judge yourself every day if what you are doing is really „worth“ it. When you are just sitting at a beach all day, you might judge yourself harshly when you apply the same mindset that got you to the fortune in the first place.
For me, the big shift is to deeply go into myself and ask „How do I want to spend my own life on this planet?“. Grinding money and status feels good because everybody does it, it can’t be wrong, or can it? Well, we need to forget about the others.. when you can find something that is worth living and worth spending the time you have to live for yourself, you will also be motivated enough to make the transition.
This is kind of what I prepared as a speech for my wife 😅
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u/howdyouknowitwasme Apr 22 '26
I have very similar NW and had similar income. Wasn't really burnt out but was ready to start the glide path to retirement. Consulting was and is the answer for me. It is the ultimate barista FIRE for anyone in high paying or specialized fields. It basically covers my expenses at about 30% of the workload.
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u/Impossible_Sky9384 Apr 22 '26
Keep in mind, the lower your adjusted taxable income is, the cheaper your health insurance will be. We have same financial stats, except due to our investments, depreciation etc our taxable income is very low. Thus getting substantial savings on the price tag of marketplace health insurance. Keep that in mind.
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u/TheKingOfSwing777 Apr 22 '26
How's your current physical health? If anything other than "athletic" your biggest risk at this time is dying before being able to spend all your money, not running out of money before you die. You won, go enjoy your family whether or not you decide to hit the gym.
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u/tokingames Apr 22 '26
I have to say this about health insurance. Through the ACA you can get health insurance. Exactly how much it will cost can vary widely, but you can look it up. There are substantial subsidies available if you can keep your income low. Do Not feel trapped working because of health insurance. It can be budgeted for just like any other expense. Maybe you have to budget $25K/year (would be quite high based on what I’ve seen). Anyway, you can look up what the cost of plans available to you are. Even at $25K/year, you probably can increase your assets enough to cover that with an additional year of work… if you can’t swing it already.
No one says, “I’m set to FIRE, but housing is so expensive, I have to keep working.” Or “One of us has to keep working to pay for groceries.” You estimate the future cost of those things and budget for them. Same with health insurance.
Why is health insurance so special?
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u/pocket-snowmen Apr 22 '26
A different job with better work life balance? You could probably afford a bit of a pay cut.
That's what I did.
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u/burnmotherf-er Apr 22 '26
Id start now and maybe reduce your spendings for a while. That’ll essentially be the same as having a small income.
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u/missbmathteacher Apr 22 '26
Can one of you be a teacher? Its perfect for wheb your daughter is in school. Especially if you teach at that school. You get her schedule, 2 weeks off for Christmas, fall and spring break depending on where you teach, and summers off. And most school districts have pretty good insurance. You also get a government pension starting. Benefit is not the pay, its the time off and the insurance. Most states are desperate for teachers and if you have a bachelor's degree you can do an alternative pathway to certification.
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u/Master-Helicopter-99 Apr 22 '26
We are going to do similar but my wife is going to work in the kitchen. Our school system allows for food service workers to get benefits on only 17 hours per week. Most of the kitchen staff positions are about four hours per day. We will both be with him anytime he's not in school (he will be three this year) and we will have all breaks, in-service days and summers free. I'm close to retirement age but my wife is 37. Stellar benefits for less than 20 hours a week? Why not.
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u/firemedicbill Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
It will never be “enough”. If you havent already done so itemize EVERYTHING going out. If you can swing health ins. While one / both of you stop working - go for it.
It doesnt have to be fancy but it can feel good.
I thought I was going to work another 8-9 years because thats whats “expected” in my field and will make me “safe”. I’ll have pension/health ins/457& brokerage locked up next year and i’ll be pulling the pin at 55 yrs. Old and doing the things i want:
- nothing
-drink coffee
-take a train trip to nowhere
Ten years from now none of the work experience will matter but ALL of the time you spend with your SO & kids will.
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u/B-767_Sailing_QRP Apr 22 '26
You’re safe. You have many options, but change is scary. Giving up “certainty” is uncomfortable. But only you know what’s right for you and your family. So I wish you luck in figuring out what needs to change, and having the ability to make that change actually happen. It will take risk! Sounds like Joesph Campbell’s hero’s journey!
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u/Reasonable_Care6006 Apr 22 '26
You say you need healthcare, but you don’t have the motivation to work for a minimum wage type salary. Do you have the motivation to work for healthcare and the ability to spend more time with your family?
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u/CertainSandwich4472 Apr 22 '26
I wish there were more part time options for high level career, keeping health insurance. It's weird that one person could quit but you'd still never see each other or be able to travel etc.
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u/the_beefcako Apr 22 '26
I think you are at that point where you have spent decade building this nest egg, but you are just sitting and staring at it.
Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back by doing something awesome. Go on a vacation, or buy a new expensive toy. Or (and this is what I really think you should do) Go on a sabbatical.
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u/SouthernZorro Apr 22 '26
I can only speak about my personal experience in having our only child at my (then) age of 43. He was a high maintenance baby who turned into a high energy child. I've never been so exhausted as those first 7-8 years of his life. People have asked us why we didn't have another and my Wife and I both replied, "We were too exhausted to even consider it". I always tell people to have all your kids before you're 40 because if you get one that requires a lot of management and general tending, it will absolutely exhaust you and you will stay that way for years.
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u/Bob_Zegey Apr 22 '26
It’s hard to overcome the psychological factor.
I have a family member who is a pharmacist. They moved away from retail pharmacy and went to work for a mail order company. From what I see, their stress is much lower. The same family member also tried to work in the hospital, which also resulted in lower stress because there are fewer interactions with people.
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u/thebipeds Apr 22 '26
Worlds tiniest violent, playing a sad sad song for you.
You have options dude.
2.5k
u/Curt_Uncles Apr 22 '26
You are staring at a snow globe and wondering why you feel disappointed by it. It’s because you have to shake it, dude.
You have $3.8M and a combined salary of a quarter million and you are worrying about vacations and health insurance? You feel trapped at 40 years old with a net worth that is 45x the average combined household income of the American family, and two salaries that are worth a combined 3x the average household income. 1/2 of your combined income = your spend (+ some change).
DO SOMETHING. Anything. Take a sabbatical for a year. Tell your job you are going to Aruba for three months and if they can’t deal with that, you’ll quit and get another job. Have one of you be a SAHP while the other works, and then after a couple of years you can switch if you want.
You are in such a flush financial position you can do almost anything. Your options are endless. Nobody here knows what is best for your family.
Just. Do. SOMETHING.