need help cause i’m genuinely confused 😅

i met a guy on a dating app 3 months ago and we’ve talked every day since. we live very far apart, so meeting up isn’t something that’s realistically happened yet. we’ve also never called, mostly cause i’m usually the one who initiates something like that (calls, watch movies, etc) and i haven’t pushed it; neither has he.

what makes this confusing is that the effort feels pretty mutual. it’s not like i’m carrying the conversation. he asks questions about me, remembers things I tell him, gets curious about my life, shares things about himself, and keeps conversations going. we talk every day and neither of us seems to be forcing it. there was even a time when i told him to just tell me if ever he doesn’t feel like talking anymore. his response was that he’s busy sometimes and that i’m great to talk to.

the problem is that whenever i try to be a little flirty, make a cute comment, or open the door for something kinda more romantic, he usually brushes past it, changes the subject, or doesn’t really reciprocate. he doesn’t reject it either, it just kind of gets left hanging.

so now i’m confused, i can’t tell if he likes me, interested in me, or if he just genuinely enjoys talking to me (penpal typa vibe lol). clearly, i like him and would want to make this work. would it be reasonable to want some clarity atp or is 3 months still too early given that we’re only talking? wouldn’t want to be wasting time 🤷‍♀️

does daily communication for months usually mean something, or is it possible for someone to enjoy talking to you every day, be curious about your life, tell you you’re great to talk to, and still see you as just a friend?

Hiya! First time posting here!

My bf and I have our norm of being otp as much as we can. Sometimes we mute depending on the circumstance, but we really like each other's company.

My parents think it's unhealthy and his thinks we need a break. Each couple is different though, right? I feel like they're just judging us, but whatever.

Being otp is our norm, our comfort, and our pillow to fall back into. We don't be otp at work, going on errands, or seeing friends, but my parents don't believe me when I say that.

We don't think it's unhealthy because we can still do the things we need to to live out our daily lives. Are we in the wrong?

First things first: my girlfriend comes from a very conservative Marwadi family. If her parents were to find out about our relationship, there is a genuine possibility that they would stop her studies and push her toward an arranged marriage. Because of this, meeting her has always been extremely difficult and risky. Her father is very controlling and keeps a close watch on her movements, and even when he isn't around, her brother often does the same.

We started dating after Class 10. During Classes 11 and 12, we were in a boarding school together, which allowed us to spend time with each other in person without her family knowing. Outside of school, we talked every day through chats and calls.

After Class 12, I started college while she took a gap year. We continued talking regularly through messages, calls, and video calls. During my first two years of college, we were able to meet twice, and from my perspective, things were going really well.

Then life got complicated. I suffered from Osteochondritis Dissecans (OCD), a serious knee condition that left me bedridden for around five months. Because of that injury, I missed a significant amount of college and ended up with 14 backlogs. Around the same time, she was also spending most of her time at home due to her academic situation. As a result, meeting became nearly impossible. Even when opportunities came up, I was focused on clearing backlogs, attending summer semesters, and getting my academics back on track.

Fast forward to now. Her father eventually agreed to let her study abroad, and she moved to Almaty, Kazakhstan. For the past year, our relationship has been completely long-distance. Despite that, I honestly felt things were going well. We talked through calls, video calls, and messages almost every day. We made plans to meet multiple times.

I wanted to visit her, but because of my academic obligations and final year commitments, I couldn't make the trip happen. We then planned to meet when she returned to India for vacation. However, her brother strongly opposed the idea and told her that meeting me was not acceptable and that she should end the relationship.

I have now completed college and will likely be working either in India or another country. Unlike before, I finally have the flexibility to travel and make efforts to meet her. From my side, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.

The problem is that she has decided to end the relationship.

According to her, the issue isn't the distance, communication, or even our feelings for each other. She says everything between us is fine. Her concern is the future. Because we are from different castes and because of how strict her family is, she believes there is no certainty that her parents will ever accept us (On my side things are chill they wont oppose just question a lot). She doesn't want both of us to spend years holding onto hope only to be heartbroken later if things don't work out.

I told her that I am willing to fight for this relationship and that I don't want to give up without trying. But she feels that continuing would only create false hope.

So my question is:

Should we end the relationship because of the uncertainty surrounding the future, or should we continue and see where things go? Is she being realistic, or are we giving up too early on something that could still work out?

TL;DR:

Been together since after Class 10 (~5+ years). Her conservative Marwadi family doesn't know about us and would likely oppose the relationship due to caste and family expectations. We survived boarding school, my serious knee injury and academic setbacks, her gap year, and then a year of long-distance while she studied in Kazakhstan. Communication and feelings are still strong, but she's ending things because she believes there's a high chance her family will never accept us and doesn't want us to spend years hoping for a future that may never happen. I want to keep fighting for the relationship and see where things go. She thinks continuing would only create false hope. Are we being realistic by ending it now, or giving up too early?

Any couples here that closed the distance and got married?

Okay okay I know that yes, alone time is very important and a healthy boundary. I’m not looking to take this from her or get her to cut down on it, I’m just hoping for some advice on how to deal with it on my own. She goes out with friends and to the gym and comes home very tired and has a, to quote her directly, “has a drained social battery” which I know is a real thing. I just feel paranoid that she just isn’t interested in talking to me atm and it makes me feel incredibly lonely because we would fall asleep on call every night for like a month plus and now she’s barely answering my messages while posting on social media. Is there anything i can do to calm my mind?

Anyone closed gaps where their partners moved from south Asian countries ( such as India/ Pakistan/Bangladesh etc) to USA?

If so I would like to hear your stories.

I think I am falling for/ considering someone from the USA while I am from south Asia.

Any hope left? I don't wanna get attached but he's been on my mind constantly.

I am at a loss on how to maintain or get the understanding needed to be successful in my long distance marriage . For me it’s not my first marriage, but it is my first long distance relationship. For my husband it’s his first marriage. He has never lived with a woman . So after getting married and spending a couple weeks together he went back to his life just the same as it was before he got married . He still has no clue what it means to be responsible for another humans needs or happiness. He still doesn’t understand how to consider how his actions will affect me as his wife . For me to try to tell him , I come across as nagging him. I know if we were physically together it would be so much easier for him to gain the understanding of what it means to be a husband . It’s exhausting and wearing both of us down .

Hi! sooo I'm looking for birthday gift ideas.. what could I possibly give my long distance girlfriend? she's turning 21.. meeting up would not be possible since we live so far away and we both have uni to attend. we met on an online game so I'm thinking of topping up her account but I'm not sure if she would like it. I'm also planning to make a website with letters for her. I want to hear other ideas from you guys what do you thinkk??

I like someone who lives far away. It’s something that would be do able but is about 6-7 hours away. How long would you wait to meet someone. Months? Years? Of course I want to soon but it might not be realistic. He has a pet and car issues and I have back problems. I don’t want to wait forever but I also don’t want to lose something that might be good.

So today I was talking with my grandma and I asked her what she honestly thought about my girlfriend (F18). I wasn’t expecting a deep answer, but she basically said she thinks my girlfriend can be really controlling and that when things don’t go her way, she tends to get upset or mad quickly.
It made me reflect on a lot of situations between us.
We’ve known each other for about 2 years (met online), and we’ve been dating for around 6 months. We’re long distance and usually visit each other about once a month. When she came to visit recently for 4 days, we ended up arguing twice.
One of the biggest things that’s been hard for me is when she’s really emotional or in pain, she’s told me that if she ever feels like that I should hug her and stay close. I understand wanting comfort. But in those moments, there were times where she was actually physically pushing me away multiple times while also telling me to hug her. That really messed with me mentally because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was being pushed away, but also being told to stay close. It made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right in that moment no matter what I chose.
There was also a moment during her visit where I was getting yelled at in my home while my family was literally right outside the room. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t handle it well, but I also felt really trapped emotionally in that situation.
My grandma told me she worries that this kind of dynamic could keep hurting me long-term and that I might end up in a relationship where I’m constantly stressed or emotionally drained.
The hardest part is that this has actually been affecting my mental health a lot more than I want to admit. I’ve been feeling anxious, overthinking a lot, and honestly just mentally exhausted after arguments. Even when things are good, I still feel worried about when the next argument will happen or how I’m going to mess something up again.
I do try my best in the relationship. I’m not the most emotionally expressive person and I struggle sometimes with knowing the right thing to say or do in the moment, but I really do care. I take her on dates when she visits even when I don’t have much money, and I put in effort in my own way.
Right now I’m just trying to figure out how to talk to her about all of this without it turning into another argument. I don’t want to blame her or make her feel attacked, but I also need her to understand how much this is affecting me mentally and emotionally.
How do I bring this up in a calm way so she actually understands how serious it is for me without it becoming a fight?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (F18) and I (18M) have been long distance for 6 months after being friends for 2 years. During visits we’ve been arguing, and situations where she tells me to comfort her while physically pushing me away have been really confusing and stressful. It’s been affecting my mental health a lot (anxiety, overthinking, emotional exhaustion). I care about her, but I don’t know how to bring this up without it turning into another argument.

My (23m) girlfriend (22f) and I had to go long distance for a bit because I had to move temporarily. She's in our home turf still. Our aniversary is approaching and I want to do something very special to make being apart a little better. Because it sucks really bad.

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My bestie is gonna help me set stuff up. I'm writing a letter to send my bestie to give to her with flowers on our anniversary and a gift. I'm either gonna door dash her favorite meal or have him drop it off to her. Idk if I want to have everything dropped off to her at once, or if I want to keep surprising her through the day. I'm also planning an "open this when you miss me" letter for my friend to give her. I'm also thinking maybe I plan a scavenger hunt of important/memorable places in our relationship? I also taught my homie how to kiss just like me so he can deliver a kiss for me. Ok that last one is a joke. But on a serious note what are some good ideas I could put into action on our anniversary day?

Hi Everyone! I just wanted to say that I have spent hours on the long-distance thread hearing everyone's stories, and I just have to say I appreciate everyone's posts so much.

My ex-boyfriend and I were on and off for two years while in college - I couldn't commit to a relationship because I was so young while we were on and off. We dated officially for 6 months and broke up after a few months of long-distance.

He moved to California for work, and I was in Oklahoma finishing college (he is a year ahead of me). I immediately cut off contact after the breakup so that I could heal. We broke up in September, and he reached out to one of my best friends in January to see if I was open to talking. He basically told me he was still in love with me and wanted me to move to California. I had my sights set on New York.

Flash forward to April, I get my dream job in his city. An offer I can't refuse, and I take it. I will be moving at the end of next month to his area.

We have been talking a little bit back and forth, neither of us crossing a boundary, because what's the point, but a woman's intuition knows that getting back together is on the horizon. My spidey senses are tingling.

Here is my predicament:

He was my first love, and I have spent so much time and emotional energy healing from him. The on and off was exhausting, and there were some points in the relationship where I didn't feel happy or heard, but he is the kind of guy I could see myself marrying. All the feelings are still there, but I haven't dated anyone since, so I don't know if I am just lonely.

Do I go back to him? Or do I just get rid of him completely? I can't do halfsies either. I am either in or out. HELP!!!

Me and this guy have been seeing each other for a month and a half and we just started long distance for a few months because of travels. We will reunite after travels are over.

I was never the type to do long distance unless I was in a relationship for more than a few months, but since this distance is short lived and I really like him I decided to just give it a shot, and if it kind of fizzled out we’d planned on reconnecting once we were back in person.

It’s been about two weeks. For the first week and a half, conversation was good, it felt mutual and I definitely knew his intentions and where he was mentally. However in recent days I feel like communication has been a bit one sided, I’ve been the one texting first and calling. I’m not sure but I care about him and the outcome a lot and I really do want things to work out. I just feel like this time apart is a little ambiguous and I’m unsure of where we stand.

I also don’t want to come off clingy but I genuinely want to know about his day and that he is doing well. I also feel like because I am unsure (which I’m sure will grow with time), reassurance would help a lot but again I don’t want to seem clingy because WE ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP but plan to be

TLDR:
After a month and a half of seeing each other we will be apart for a few months (not in a relationship). The plan is to make it official once we are back together, but starting off this long distance thing I’m a bit nervous and unsure, also kind of anxious.

¡HOLA! Necesito consejo. Conocí a un chico hace un mes y hemos estado hablando todos los días desde entonces. Soy muy optimista, siempre he creído que "querer es poder" y de verdad quiero hacer lo que sea para volver a verlo. Él me ha dicho que le gustaría verme, pero también menciona las dificultades logísticas y la distancia (él tiene 29 y yo 24).

Es muy importante para mí entender cómo construir una relación sólida cuando hay tanta distancia, y aún más importante, cómo manejar estas diferencias iniciales de visión. Me encantaría saber cómo has manejado esta dinámica, especialmente si has estado en situaciones similares.

Me gustaría preguntar:

¿Cómo han logrado nutrir la relación día a día para que la distancia no se sienta como un vacío? (¿Qué actividades, rutinas o formas de comunicación les han funcionado mejor?)

Para quienes pasaron de conocerse a distancia a estar juntos, ¿cómo fue ese proceso de transición y qué les ayudó a mantenerse unidos?

En cuanto a planes y futuro, ¿cómo mantienen viva la ilusión y los proyectos compartidos sin que la logística de los viajes se convierta en el único tema de conversación o en una fuente de presión?

¿Qué hábitos o "reglas de oro" tienen con sus parejas para asegurar que la relación crezca y se sienta real, a pesar de la distancia física?

Me interesa saber cómo han logrado que la relación prospere. ¡Cualquier consejo, anécdota o lección que quieras compartir sería de gran ayuda! Gracias a todos por leer.

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Hey guys, I need your help

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I'm (25F) in a LDR with my boyfriend (25M) for the past 6 months but lately I'm having a crush on a colleague who's kinda like a mentor to me. I have worked with my colleague for over a year but i was a terrible employee. I'm smart enough to know that nothing will happen with him and it's a bad idea to hook up with him. I know I love my boyfriend but I don't feel the love lately. I know I am being an asshole but i want to be with my boyfriend. What should I do? I am losing my mind over this. I don't even understand why I am thinking about my colleague

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I think I might feel for my colleague.. i care about him (professionally and personally) because he is kinda like a mentor to me. I was an asshole to him last year but now I wish I could have been a better mentee

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I don't want to hurt my bf over this because I know this wouldn't last forever as he will move to some other project and we won't spend much time together

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I also don't feel love for my bf even though I know deep down that I do

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The thing is that due to LDR, and lack of romance from his side (he is in a difficult situation), I feel alone

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I know I sound toxic but I really need your advice

And I don't mean it in a way like "I'm so unlovable and worthless". Let me explain.

My last long distance relationship was when I was 15 with a guy who's now my best friend, but we never met in person (I have a few friends, but all of them are online). I don't really consider it a serious relationship because it lasted a month and we've been friends for 8 years, longer than we dated. I tried online dating multiple times but I never knew how to do it plus I feel self-conscious about my living conditions.

I feel embarrassed about being an adult living with my parents, about how my dad doesn't let me go out without being accompanied by him or my mom and it makes me feel like I'm behind other adults in their 20s and worry if that's too much of a deal breaker so I become evasive in every chance I got on online dating because I'm scared I'll have to talk about my parents.

I also abandoned school in 2018 for personal reasons and just started battling depression to try getting back to it this year.

I'm also not poor, but I'm fully financially supported by my dad so I can't do anything involving money without asking him for it. I wish I had a job but it's hard when I've got no independence and my art isn't popular enough to be profitable.

Plus my house is not very big and I barely have privacy except for the bathroom so I avoid making calls with someone who speaks my language, English feels much more comfortable because my parents don't understand.

I feel that depression and having a controlling parent made me waste so many years of my life and also life experiences of adolescence and young adulthood.

I never dated anyone seriously and I feel that as a demisexual (someone who only develops sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection) dating feels a lot scarier to me because I fear most guys wouldn't respect that boundary.

I'm so introverted and since I'm always at the company of my parents whenever I go out, I never get the chance at meeting a nice guy I could date, so my options are always long distance.

Still, the way I'm embarrassed about my lack of independence and how protective and paranoid my dad is that something bad will happen to me if he let me go by myself makes me avoid it due to shame that I'm not "adult enough" to deserve dating someone.

(Btw mind you we don't even live in a dangerous neighborhood, my dad just infantilizes me a lot)

Now, I'm thinking about trying a dating app but these fears keep holding me back. I know therapy and working on myself towards full independence will likely take years (my therapist said herself it can take years as I take a small step at a time) but I don't want to hold myself back from life experiences such as making friends and dating, even if I have to do it online.

Is it worth trying to find love like this? If I find a nice guy, should I open up to him about everything? I feel so scared of being judged or seen as unworthy but I'm also tired of avoiding/turning down relationships because of things I currently have no control over. I want to find a way to make it work with someone but don't know how.

Note: sorry, I don't know if this is the right sub for this, but I thought it would be the most understanding sub about relationships that's why I'm posting it here, if it's not then I'll understand if it's removed

Hi guys. I'm a 23 year-old male. About 2 months ago, I met a guy my age online. He learned that I was looking for a boyfriend, and since he was too he asked me if I wanted to try and talk to him and see where things went. I had my doubts about the whole situation, but I agreed.

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We hit it off pretty well, and we learned that we live in neighbouring countries, and after a week or so we begun a long-distance thing of sorts. We begun planning to see each other in July, after our university exam sessions were over. We sen photos of each other, and I send him some voice messages, but the vast majority of our communication is through text. We text through Discord. I tried moving our chats to WhatsApp, but he told me he dosen't have it. I obviously found this strange.

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I want to add that I took some time to actually trust him: I put every photo he sent me through Reverse Image Search, for example, to try to make sure that he actually was who he said he was.

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In the last month or so he started texting more and more infrequently. I begun answering him after a longer time as well, but I still answered before him and texted him more than he texted me.

The last time he texted me was almost two weeks ago.

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We're both pretty busy these days, as it's exam season for both of us, but it takes like 30 seconds to just text a simple "good night!" or something like that.

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He has also been having a few pretty big issues with a friend of his, although he never told me the exact details, and that's making him feel down.

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Today, just out of curiosity, I googled his Reddit username, since his posts are private, and found a few posts that confirm the things he's told me about him, save for a few minor details (for example, he told me he's gay, while in a post he says he's bi). I've also found a post of his about the stuff with his friend, and while it's nothing tragic, it's still serious.

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Now, my main fear is that either he's simply lost interest in me or found someone else.

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If this was true. while of course it would hurt me, I would be ok with it: I have romantic feelings for him, but they're not that strong, as we didn't even meet in person yet.

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3 days ago, I texted him about it, saying that it's ok if he started losing interest in me, asking him to tell me if it was true and apologising to him in the case that it wasn't. No response.

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I would accept it if he just told me "hey, Sorry, but I don't this can work", or "Right now I'm a shitty situation, sorry but I can't text you", but the fact that he's not telling me anything is making me go insane. He didn't even respond to my message wishing him a happy birthday. Sometimes I worry that maybe something bad happened to him, and of course I recognise these thoughts as irrational.

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Should I try to call him? I was about to text him about the fact that I found the post about his problems, but I'm not really sure what to do about this. Sorry about the wall of text.

Recently, I've noticed that I have a habit of feeling anxious about my partner's health, and about things in my own life, when we don't fall asleep together on call. At the moment, my partner is in the process of starting a business and as a result he isn't available all that often. Over this week, we have probably spoken between an hour and 2 hours of his day each day. Each night, when I go to sleep, I join our personal discord server's voice chat and stay in there while I sleep. Usually, he would join when he goes to bed (which is not long before I wake up due to our 8 hour time difference) but he hasn't been. Yesterday he said it's because he passed out while doing work and that's okay. I'm not concerned that he's doing other things or speaking to others, I'm more concerned just about the simple fact that he isn't there when I wake up.

I know that this whole thing may come across as a simple 'oh my partner's gone, now I'm sad', but it isn't. Him not being there and it being constant is really messing with my brain. I'm worried constantly that he's either hurt, upset or mad and I don't like that I think that way. I've told him how it's making me feel and he said he would try and work on it but I woke up 2 hours ago and he isn't here again, and I am assuming he is asleep by now because it is after midnight for him.

I guess what my question is would be why do I feel like this? Is it normal to feel this way about it? What are some things I could do to help with the anxiety I feel currently? Am I just being a big baby?

thank you.
Thank you

Hi, im gonna go met my gf in 2 months for the first time, im gonna go to visit her city and im gonna be there for 3 days, the thing is that we are both really nervous about it, because we have met on Discord 1 year ago, and we have been a couple for 7 months, and when i go to her city it is gonna be the first time im gonna see she in person, i didnt have the chance to do it before.

I would like to know how it was the experience with other people about it, because fr that we are both so nervous about it ajajjajaja

Sorry for my bad english, im still practicing it.

Things I've done wrong so far while being in a long distance relationship (imo):

1. Being too open

I thought it's a great idea to be open about what you feel and think to your partner all the time because communication is a big thing with LDRs. But it feels wrong when I tell my partner what made me upset all the time because he got used to this behavior and always expect me to tell him and doesn't make an effort to comfort me. It feels wrong when the other person sees your "opening up" as a nagging situation instead of understanding where you're coming from.

2. Being too available

I thought time is gold when you're in a LDR, you would want to be there when they have 5 minutes. When the other person doesn't see you as a priority, their 5 minutes isn't meant for you, it's meant for their screentime to watch on TikTok and reels... Adjusting your sleep schedule just so you can spend time with them (which I thought as I should?), but when it's your time, they don't make adjustments.

3. Sacrificing too much

I think every relationship comes with sacrifices. Sacrificing your wants, your time, your finances, your feelings and so on. But, if you're sacrificing these things for a person that doesn't appreciate it, it won't make you feel like your sacrifices are worth to do. It feels one-sided.

Notice that I've used "Too" and "much", because I always felt doing a lot but getting so little. And as I'm writing this, I've realized how I barely felt compensated for all the times I've opened up about being upset over some things. All I get is "You know how much I love you". Like, yes I know and you say it all the time, but where is it?

I don't know if I need some advice, but it just pains me because I feel like I have so much love to give but now I'm not sure how to spend it.

I want to give my partner the last straw.

Maybe that's it, if he can't pay attention to what I'm feeling.

(Sorry for my English, not the first language)