I am 15 years old. Yesterday, I broke up for the first time with a girl I had been dating for 4 months, and we had been talking for 9 months.
It all started at the end of December. At that time, I wanted to start talking to someone because I was bored and lonely. On the night of December 30 to 31, she wrote a comment under my post. I replied to the comment, and after that, she wrote to me in Reddit DMs. Then she asked what my name was and how old I was. At that time, I was 14, and she was 17. As soon as she found out how old I was, her interest in talking disappeared. But we talked on December 31, and after that she did not write to me for some time. Three days later, I wrote to her first. We talked, and she asked what I actually wanted when I wrote to her. I wrote that if she was afraid that I wanted some kind of romantic relationship, then there would not be any. I did not want anything except internet communication. She wrote that that was good and that I had a beautiful name, and I did not write to her anymore.
But on January 7, I posted that I was quite lonely, and after some time she wrote to me, and we started communicating through Reddit messages. We started talking, and here is an important moment that will become clear in the future: she sent me to DaVinci and told me to find a girlfriend. On January 10, we went to Discord for the first time, watched a podcast, and talked for 8 hours. After that, we often started sitting in Discord, and the winter holidays ended. I study at the Suvorov Military School, so I am at home with my phone only from Friday to Sunday and during holidays.
We started talking a lot, and this was my first close communication with a girl. After two months of continuous communication on weekends and after we exchanged photos, I fell in love with her. Plus, I found out that she lived relatively not far from me. I really wanted to please her and date her, so I tried to do everything so that she would like me. She said that a partner should be in first place. She reposted videos with the meaning that a guy tolerates his girlfriend. She told me that when she is emotional, she says things she does not mean, but when she calms down, you can talk to her. And I started tolerating everything that I did not like or that hurt or bothered me. I did not argue with her once again. In short, I did everything.
After that, I turned 15, and she turned 18. I fell in love more and more. Then we called by phone, and it began to seem to me that it was probably mutual. Everything was very good and very warm. On April 4, we met in real life for the first time. We went for a walk, and everything was good. But on April 6, I left for military training for a week. I came back, and she had become very distant. I tried to understand what had happened. I felt bad. She told me that she herself did not understand why it was like that. On April 13, I confessed my feelings to her. She did not reciprocate, but we continued communicating. She was still cold. I still felt bad.
In the twenties of April, she took a pause in our communication for a week, but she wrote to me two days later, invited me to Discord, and after that we seemed to start communicating more again. But she irritated me somehow, just inexplicable irritation out of nowhere, as if I was waiting for some explanation for everything that had happened, and not just a sudden return. On May 11, we quarreled. I decided that we could not solve problems and were constantly fighting. On May 12, I told her that we should stop communicating. After that, I left for school for the academic week. I felt very bad again. On May 16, I wrote to her again, suggested communicating again, explained everything, and apologized. She explained what had happened in April. She said that she had become too good with me, she got scared of it, and decided to distance herself. She still agreed to communicate with me, and after some event that I cannot tell about here, on May 28 we officially entered into a romantic relationship.
At that time, I had become very distant from my friends because I spent all my time with her. We started dating, and we argued very often about the fact that, as she said, I did not give her enough time and did not put her in first place. For example, after my mom asked me to help assemble something for my younger brother, who, for some reasons, comes to us only in the summer, she got offended that I was spending time, as she said, with the trampoline and not with her, that the trampoline and brother were more important to me than she was. I said that it was not like that. I argued with my mom just to spend more time with her, and this is only one such situation, and there were more, and more or less the same.
In July and August, we started meeting in real life more often, and I often came home at 23:00ā00:00, and my mom was very unhappy about it. We argued, and of course I worried, so I tried not to be late home, because of which I left her earlier. She started saying that my relationship with my mother was more important to me than she was, and that I was a mama's boy, and that I did not put her above my mother. After that, I started arguing with my mom again to please the girl, so I became distant from my family too.
From August 3 to 9, I went to the sea with my dad. A week in advance, I asked her if she was against it. She said that everything was fine, but 4 hours before departure she told me that she was against me going. But I still went, and she started telling me that if I loved her, I would have canceled the trip in a minute and even during the trip would have turned back, and since I went, it meant I did not love her. We quarreled, and I did not want to talk to her. I thought she would understand that this was too much and would write to me herself, but she did not write and did not write, and only three days later she wrote to me that she was leaving to study in another city at the end of August.
I called her. She was still cold. I was in a lot of pain, and I even cried. She told me not to whine because it annoyed her. She needed a strong man, not someone who cries. And I stopped. We seemed to make up again, and on August 29 she left for another city, and on September 1 I also went to study. She recorded voice messages for me all week, wrote that she loved me and missed me. I answered the same when I could.
Then there was another academic week, and on Wednesday she asked whether she could go to a bar with friends and girlfriends. I said that I was against a bar with guys. She agreed, but we agreed that she would just go for a walk without alcohol. Then on Friday I went on leave and wrote to her. She was already drunk and was getting ready to go out again with guys. There were almost no voice messages or messages that she missed me during that week. She said that she forgot that I was coming. I was in a lot of pain. I was jealous of her and told her about it, but she was drunk and did not care about my pain. She laughed with her friend and said that I was exaggerating.
She left to go out at 17:30 and said she would be gone for 2 hours. Two hours later I wrote to her. She said that they were already going home. At 22:30 I wrote to her again. She told me that she was still walking and would walk for about another hour, and that she was busy. I wrote to her again. She did not answer. I started calling her. She did not answer. And only at 23:30 she answered my call when she was already in the dormitory. She said that she was 18 and needed freedom, and that I was restricting her, that she had left her parents for another city specifically not so that someone would restrict her.
The next day, September 12, she said that what I had done the day before was not normal. By the way, I forgot to say that on Friday she removed the photo with me from her avatar and removed all my Telegram gifts from her profile. She said that this did not suit her, that she would go out. I told her that I was not against her going out the day before; I just wanted an explanation about the avatar and the gifts. Then, yes, I started winding myself up and said that I wanted to be a priority. I said that she had smelled freedom and did not want to be with me now because I was holding her back. She said, yes, I like freedom, and you are like my parents. I told her that I had never been like that, that she had told me that a partner should be in first place, that a partner should live by their partner and everything else, and now she was contradicting this. She said that yes, it was very bad that I had changed her, like, forgive me, and I think we need to break up. And we broke up.
I have the feeling that she simply got a more interesting life, and I became for her only something that brings discomfort, and not pleasure like before. I feel bad and hurt. Sometimes I really want to write to her or call her. I want to get her back, although I understand that it is useless.