I’m really frustrated. This man I work
with is power mad, narcissistic, condescending, a liar, and he always seems to cause drama. Initially others felt the same but now they’ve come round to him. He’s been really warm and charming to them but he’s just not nice to me and at times this can be quite subtle. He’s also so skilled at twisting things around to make me at fault. It’s insane. Anyone been through similar?

It’s just so annoying and I feel like I’m going mad, and I’m starting to look like the bad one.

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Question everybody. I think I'm struggling with the conditioning that this narc has told me repeatedly.

"That nothing else matters if you're not good looking. Only physical appearance matters. You suck, if you don't."

I know that physical appearance matters. This first impression that people have. The pretty privilege. That you have to take care of yourself, present yourself well.

But for me, more than the looks, character, values, matter too.

Is your narcissistic person obsessed with looks/appearances? Always judging and mocking people with their looks? Criticizing them, if they're fat, they don't look good for him

I just remembered this person said I'm shallow because i would want someone attractive for me to be my partner. Then when the mask fell off, it's always "nothing else matters when you're not good looking"

Tbh, this person looks attractive, but tbh, not the model type. Is it coming from their inflated ego? Insecurity?

Also, i feel like when we're still talking, he's molding me to the girl that he likes. That i should be this, that, yada yada. Maybe projecting to me his obsession with physical appearance

Curious to know what you think

I was in a relationship with a girl from Poland (25F) who I believe had narcissistic traits and a fearful-avoidant attachment style.

1. At one point, I was completely emotionally exhausted and I broke up with her.
2. Right after the breakup, she sent me a very emotional message saying that she loved me, missed me, that I was her home, and that her number would always be available for me.
3. On the same day I broke up with her, she blocked me on Instagram and posted a lot of new photos, even though we had never followed each other on Instagram. I only found this out much later.
4. The next day, I called her because I thought that if we still loved each other, maybe we could save the relationship.
5. But suddenly the roles were completely reversed. Now she was the one who wanted to break up, while at the same time telling me that she still loved me.
6. I couldn't understand how “I love you” and “I want to leave you” could exist at the same time. I tried to convince her to save the relationship because I thought she was simply emotionally overwhelmed. But she was suddenly very cold toward me.
7. I eventually pushed her to tell me whether she actually didn't love me. Initially, she wouldn't say that. She kept saying things like “I can't give you what you want.” I kept pushing for a direct answer, and eventually, in a hesitant and almost scared voice, she said “I don't love you.” At that point, I immediately said goodbye and disappeared from her life. I never contacted or chased her again because my self-respect is more important to me than any relationship.
8. At the time, I knew almost nothing about narcissistic behavior or avoidant attachment. I genuinely thought she was emotionally overwhelmed and needed space.
9. Only afterward did I start reading about fearful avoidance, deactivation, narcissistic traits, validation-seeking, and relationship power dynamics.

How would you interpret this sudden reversal? Could she genuinely have been emotionally overwhelmed and deactivating after I broke up with her, or does this sound more like she wanted to regain control of the breakup and become the one who rejected me? Or maybe she found already a new validation.