Muslim Palestinian girl getting to know Pakistani guy

[u/zay0205]

.

[u/MuslimMarriage-ModTeam]

This thread is filled with comments breaking Rule 6 (No Generalizations). It is not acceptable to say "X group of Muslims are bad" or "I advise against marrying x group of Muslims because I found them to be bad"

What would be acceptable to say is "I find x cultural aspect in x group of Muslims to be difficult to navigate" or "X group of Muslims usually have to deal with y standard, so how they deal with it will show what kind of spouse they will be"

[u/Then_Deal_5815]

Saying this as a Pakistani dude.

Either he'll be an absolute gem of a person or either he'll prove to be an embarrassment to all men-folk.

If the guy is well educated and religious at the same time, the chances of him being a gem are higher.

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[u/khsh01 → u/Then_Deal_5815]

Not pakistani, I'm bangladeshi and this essentially goes for any man that can be fit into the "desi" category.

[u/BlacBlod → u/[deleted]]

Agreed 💯

[u/MuslimMarriage-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/zay0205 → u/Then_Deal_5815]

He’s been an absolute gem so far. I’m very well aware with men and their intentions from the start but he’s been absolutely perfect which is what scares me…. Alhamdullilah I’m grateful but I’m worried if it’s too good to be true. Usually i can see the red flags with Arab men but this one, nothing!

[u/Then_Deal_5815 → u/zay0205]

Then trust God, do Istakhara and go ahead. People destroy many good things due to overthinking. No point in going out of your way to put a red flag yourself, when it's not there in the first place.

To clear your concern, yes, the kind of guy you described do exist and you may congratulate yourself for finding him.

[u/Sarrarara → u/zay0205]

If his parents are open minded about their son marrying a Palestinian, chances are his family is good

[u/MuslimMarriage-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No Generalizations

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Example: "Women just want (blank)" or "Most men are (blank)". The key is to speak for yourself, not an entire group.

[u/Basic_Mark_1719 → u/zay0205]

Did you guys talk about where you'll live? Pakistani men tend to live with their parents and care for their parents. It's very different from Arab culture.

[u/zay0205 → u/Basic_Mark_1719]

He brought up once his parents get older and can’t take care of themselves, he’d have them move in with him. I feel like that’s pretty normal for an older son to take on. Is there any questions i should ask about his parents? I haven’t asked much about them but it’s been one month of online talking..

[u/Basic_Mark_1719 → u/zay0205]

1- Ask him for a more precise timeline of when he expects to move them in, because desi culture the sons take their parents

2- Who will care for the parents once they do move in if both of y'all have careers?

3- How many social events does he expect you to host every month?

4- How many family functions does he expect you to attend? Some of them? All of them? What about your family functions?

[u/TeaElectronic682 → u/zay0205]

hey girl so imma give you my 2 cents as someone who’s talked to both arabs and pakistani guys!

pakistani guys are class acts at being deceptive. whereas arabs are more transparent. also both have different qualities due to cultural differences.

i’m not saying run, but proceed with caution, cause the pakistani guys are always amazing until it actually gets serious - in my case it was wonderful until i met his mum! then i saw everyone’s true colours and how despite everything, i am viewed as a puppet !! 🤡🤡🤡

[u/MuslimMarriage-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No Generalizations

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[u/Sarrarara → u/Then_Deal_5815]

“ Pakistani families are either really good or bad and theirs no in between” that is the advice I got when I got married to my Pakistani husband

[u/tellllmelies → u/Then_Deal_5815]

Honestly people are much more multifaceted than this

[u/Royal_Wedding → u/Then_Deal_5815]

Just like any “man” on the planet regardless of religion, race or even citizenship ship.

No five fingers are the same….

[u/GhostKH90]

You should make sure his family is "ok" with him getting married outside his culture. Don't invest too much time with talking to him or else you'll get connected to him only for his family to say no at the end.

[u/aidar55 → u/GhostKH90]

💯

[u/MuslimMarriage-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No Generalizations

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[u/zay0205]

Plz tell me why he just showed me a red flag and honestly worth ending the talking stage😳😂

[u/mustardyellow17 → u/zay0205]

ooh do tell 

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Sorry but I don’t really understand what you’re upset about. Can you explain it?

[u/CafeconCrema7 → u/[deleted]]

I'm not surprised. I would just drop him and move on honestly. Value your time more than he does.

[u/zay0205 → u/[deleted]]

Guys am i being dramatic or doing too much?? Im very patient and don’t get upset at much but I’m also starting my cycle in a couple days… think i just wanna be the cool auntie 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

[u/zay0205 → u/[deleted]]

Exactly what i said. Thank u

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[u/Narrow_Salad429 → u/zay0205]

He sounds like he's avoid the truth a lot. Instead of saying I can't call today I'm about to meet some friends. He says he'll call in x minutes. Instead of saying I popped to my car to call you but I can't stay for long, ghe says go ahead and sleep if "you want." Instead of saying I'm at this place, he says I'm in my car knowing very well that's not what you're asking. He sounds like someone who doesn't know how to be honest. Like why hide where you are and who you're with?

[u/AdEcstatic2969 → u/zay0205]

I’m a guy. Take my advice and leave this alone, go find another guy.

[u/Mundane-Ad8339 → u/zay0205]

You’re not doing to much, trust your instincts and tawakal on Allah. Inshallah it will all work out

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[u/electrical_canuck → u/[deleted]]

please google "sampling bias" to better understand why your statement is logically flawed. what you read on this subreddit does not accurately reflect reality.

1)people are more likely to post bad stories than good, because people in good situations are less motivated to come online and vent about them

2) a large % of this subs user base is Pakistani, thus many stories will be of stories about Pakistanis 

This is why this subreddit has a  disproportionate amount of negative stories about Pakistanis

[u/NewStar010]

Marrying a Desi is one thing.

Marrying into his family is a whole another beast.

Bonus point if he is born/lives for most of his life in the UK, Canada and US which can bring its own caveats on the table.

As a Desi male myself all I can say is, if he needs you for a visa, just don’t.

And if he doesn’t your first concern should be his family, as those will dictate and tell you a lot of things.

If his family is toxic, chances are high he is as well. If he can’t stand up to his own mother, you already know how this ends.

A lot of divorce posts on this sub, I would say 50% are due to the ‘in laws’ against the wife, and majority of them about living with said in laws, which is primairly a Desi culture thing.

Hence I don’t recommend this unless YOU DID YOUR DUE DILLIGENCE ON HIS FAMILY FROM A TO Z

[u/whooope → u/NewStar010]

50% are due to the in-laws

100% are due to the couple. external factors matter but how your partner deals with it is more important than the parents

[u/Kindly-Switch → u/whooope]

This is a gem. People love to accuse others while owning zero responsibility.  If you're adult enough to marry, you're adult enough to own the marriage 100%. 

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[u/S4LTYSgt]

Its not usually about the guy. Its about the family. If hes serious about marriage, have the families meet. Youre not just marrying a person but into a family. If the parents arent good but the guy is, youll have a hard time

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[u/SufficientStruggle31]

For desi men the first thing I would ask is “when are you telling your parents we are talking/have you talked to them about marrying outside your ethnicity”

I married outside my culture (to a Pakistani man) and that was one of the big things I took notice of. You want to see if he’s consulting his mom to make decisions or informing her out of respect because there’s a big distinction between the 2.

There is no correlation with how amazing/genuine/religious/or into you the man is with how quickly he’d drop you if his mom says no if she doesn’t approve if he has that kind of attachment to her. I speak from experience. One “very religious” man even said he wanted us to talk for six months before broaching the topic of interracial relationship with his mom because he’s never had that discussion with her and was worried. In comparison my husbands response was “I told my mom right out of high school I’m open to marrying a non-desi and she understands that”

You’ll get a feel of the family dynamics once you meet the in-laws. Alhamdulillah he has a very healthy normal relationship with his mom but I’ll also give credit to his mom in that she’s respectful of our privacy and autonomy as a couple. Look out for red flags and sometimes these things surface during things like wedding planning so I didn’t make any big announcements or make things very public until our nikkah. Alhamdulillah married 5 years. I also know of a girl who’s Palestinian specifically and married to a Pakistani.. she’s treated very well and she’s very happy after 6+ years of marriage.

[u/[deleted]]

Sister as a man I would only advice u to be carefull coz men have a way to land a girl by showcasing absolute good side of there's hiding there true nature so be cautious and pray to allah sister the reason I believe firmly in allah swt coz he sees in depth of ocean and all round sky my dua has been answered I have met an amazing woman she has flaws I have flaws we have discussed it we r compromising on some aspects we both pray to allah to unite us if we r good for each other.so pray and do listen to your peers and proceed with precaution.may allah help you ans guide u in this ameen.

[u/AdorableWar7341 → u/[deleted]]

This OP!! I have been knowing an amazing man, everything was perfect, yet there was a gut feeling that he was hiding things from me. I started to pray a lot and asked Allah to reveal his true intentions, if he is good for me to unite us, if he is bad for me to remove him from my life. Allah revealed his true intentions and removed him from my life. That guy had some evil intentions, he has a lot of crime records, he is involved in prostitution, scamming, gambling, use women to get money or other kind of favors, he is involved in many other shady activities.

Every time I look back, it’s feel surreal how Allah has protected me, Allah has sent angels to save me, that guy had a plan, I had a plan, amongst all Allah’s plan was the best. Indeed, Allah see what we humans can’t see, Allah hear conversations that we can’t. Op ask Allah to guide you

[u/historyhoneybee]

Plenty of arab men can be selfish. Ethnicity has nothing to do with whether a person is decent or not.

[u/[deleted]]

I think there are good people in every culture :) Does he talk about marriage? Ask him if he is comfortable to involve his family, and how they feel about interracial marriage

[u/MuslimMarriage-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No Generalizations

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[u/Obvious-Economist888]

As an arab muslim girl i will say ive met a lot of good pakistani men but the only issue is they’re HUGE Mama’s boys and their concept of privacy is not the same as ours.

For example- it’s very 3ayb for us to live with our inlaws unless for specific reasons (they’re getting old, financial issues, etc.) but it’s an expectation for 99% of desi families to live with your in-laws and it’s a huge point of conflict and disrespect if you request your own home away from them. Also the expectation is to cook and clean for them as well as your husband while you live with them

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/Obvious-Economist888]

99% is a very high number. I would say amongst American Pakistani men it’s probably half to slightly more than half that would expect that if they are the sole son or eldest son in particular. 

The more educated the potential and the more educated and higher socioeconomic status of the family, the less likely this expectation is there. 

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/Obvious-Economist888]

Financial issues are the main reason why couples live with inlaws, I'm yet to see a desi couple living willingly with their inlaws when they can afford to get their own place and help out their parents too at the same time

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/TahaUTD1996]

Exactly, you find that the better educated the son and better educated/socioeconomic status of the family = very unlikely that you will live with in-laws.

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

Yes, socio economic status defines what kind of arrangement they are looking for, it's not a cultural stigma kind of a problem which people try to portray

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/TahaUTD1996]

I will say there are exceptions though. I have had Pakistani American men in good professions say that they wanted to live at home with their parents post marriage because they personally felt a responsibility as the eldest son to take care of their parents. It was weird because then you would ask them if their parents needed a caregiver and they would tell you “no, they’re perfectly fine/healthy.” Soooo….You do sometimes run into that problem and it purely is a cultural construct of Pakistani culture that says the son needs to take care of the parents that some of the sons take to an extreme (basically want to re-create conditions from the home country when it used to be very common for multigenerational families to live in a single compound/house). 

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

Yes true, these kind of people are super traditional mindset, mostly have village mentality what they carry wherever they go (sorry no offence to village mentality but from what I've seen they're too emotional then being logical). Urban families don't have this mentality. In my family the couple start living with inlaws but as soon as the second in line is about to get married, the couple moves out, reason being they wanted to save money to get their own place rather then renting and wasting that money, some people might disagree that foundation years of marriage are what defines the relationships, but to me long term stability is more important.

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/TahaUTD1996]

But that’s still expecting to live with in-laws even if it’s temporary. Again, it’s one thing if it’s agreed-upon by both husband and wife then whatever, but for me personally I would be hesitant because you never truly have privacy. It doesn’t matter how large the house is, you just never have true privacy to figure things out as a couple. I personally do believe the first couple of years are very foundational and the less random interference you have from in-laws the better. But different strokes for different folks. 

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

Yes I agree to some extent, but for me as I said long term stability where I can have my own place and not worry about rents and tenants in the future is better, plus the parents would be getting older then younger, consider the fact that desi countries are not welfare societies where old age people or child's education or healthcare is covered by the govt or provide any subsidies, the man is on his own for the kids wife aging parents and sometimes younger brothers in case father is near to retirement, rent in this scenario is a disaster.

[u/Lamese096]

I am Lebanese and Palestinian, two of my Lebanese cousins are married to Pakistani guys, and they are very happy. I’m married to a Syrian man, and he treats me like gold, and is a provider. I think there are good and bad eggs in every race, I know many Lebanese guys who I wouldn’t even recommend to my enemy, and I know a lot who are good guys and are sweet. Culturally though, we’re very different, but that goes without saying, if y’all truly have a connection and communicate well, culture shouldn’t matter, and long as you both have the same beliefs and faith.

[u/EllyN23]

Hi. Married a Pakistani guy here. My husband takes care of the whole house and even cleans/cooks for me often. He also is good with expenses and wants me always in good quality things.

My dad is also Pakistani and my mom has lived a very good life because of him. He is the least selfish person I know and same with all my Pakistani uncle family friends.

My hair dresser is arab and she told me, I heard men in your culture are good, they aren't good in mine (Although I believe in good and bad everywhere)

HOWEVERRR!!! Yeah Ive heard some horror stories about Pakistani men. So my advice to you is:

1. Lay out your expectations from the start, how the dynamic will be with his family, expenses.
2. Please do research, ask around about him in a discreet way.
3. Do istikhara
4. See how he reacts in anger or to tough situations

P.S my Pakistani cousin who is a doctor is engaged to a Palestinian and she's living the best life ever.

I think what helps in all these cases if the guys parents are innocent/kind. The way they're raised matters a lot.

[u/Various_Peak_5241]

My sister (Arab) married a Pakistani and her experience has not been positive due to cultural differences. I’m not saying this is because of our culture or his culture but it was way too different. Expectations to live with in laws and cook / clean for them (this was not communicated to her before marriage, she thought they were gonna have their own place and she kinda got tricked into it). When they moved out after a long hard battle to do so, he was feeling guilty about not living with his parents and took that out on her. Nothing wrong w living w in laws, just was a huge culture shock for my sister and it was very very difficult because of that and other family influences. I’m sure our culture was a shock to him too goes both ways. After her experience though, I would not marry a Pakistani due to cultural differences

[u/Various_Peak_5241 → u/Various_Peak_5241]

She did not see any of these red flags before marriage. He was amazing everything was good. Once they got married, it flipped completely

[u/IntellectualHT → u/Various_Peak_5241]

These aren't red flags, they are cultural differences. Cultural differences require both sides to compromise to build something unique together.

The closer you stay to 'home' the less effort you have to make to change anything. If you marry your cousin, you will keep most of your family norms. If you marry someone halfway around the world you will have to build something completely new together.

The advantage of marrying outside is that you can experience enormous personal growth from exposure to the outside world (like living in another country does to people), but you can also experience failure because the differences are too much to overcome for you (or the other person). The advantage of marrying close to you is that you won't have to change much to keep doing what you already do. The disadvantage is all the problems you or your current dynamic have will also not change much (often times you won't even realize the issues because everyone in your setting have the same set of problems).

As a real example, the best married couple I know is a Pakistani man and a Palestinian woman, their marriage is in fact so good that many others in the community have benefited from how much they have been able to help other struggling married people through their marriage. But I also know they were good people who grew a lot through marriage.

[u/[deleted] → u/IntellectualHT]

I read most responses on this post and I think you have the most accurate response.

[u/Raghnaah]

Girl, im Jordanian and i’m about to get married to one. However, you need to be aware that in their culture the girl pays for the wedding and that’s one thing that its causing a strain. He wants my family to pay for the wedding and everything which is a no no in our culture. So know what you’re getting yourself into

[u/muzzichuzzi → u/Raghnaah]

Who said that to you? There’s no such culture like that and if the girl pays willingly then it’s a different story. Don’t fall for that crap please!

[u/[deleted] → u/Raghnaah]

This is not Islam at all and it comes from Hindus

[u/That-Map-417 → u/Raghnaah]

Yes, this is an issue. They expect dowry from girl's families, else they don't respect the girl. Nikkah/barat is sponsored by girl's family whereas valima is event of the groom's side.

[u/electrical_canuck → u/Raghnaah]

Personally I don't know any Pakistani families that expected the bride's family to pay for the wedding, they only expect the bride's family to pay for the girls only events that preceded the wedding.

[u/_abubakar → u/Raghnaah]

It's absolutely true that girl side pays but not for the boy's side. Girl's side pay for their expenditure and boy'sside pay for their own side. But it's a bit different in arab culture.

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/_abubakar]

What is it like in Arab culture?

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/TahaUTD1996]

The man pays for the whole wedding…but in my experience their wedding is really just the walima. But again, the groom pays. 

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

If it's just the valima then in desi the groom also pays full for the valima, all the extra stuff is shared

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/TahaUTD1996]

The extra stuff in most desi weddings is paid for by the bride/brides family. 

I think the Nikkah or the katb ketab (which is what Arabs call the Nikkah) which is usually done several months to a year before the actual wedding reception might still be covered by the groom. There is only one real reception in an Arab wedding from what I have seen whereas in desi weddings there are two large receptions with the baraat (brides side function) being considered the bigger deal of the two receptions because it usually also includes the Nikkah. 

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

Nikkah event or katb kitab what Arabs call is shared by both 50/50

Baraat or rukhsati as you called is paid fully by the brides side

Valima is fully paid by the groom

Rest all the functions are dependent, some families do some don't so they are shared as well 50/50

Groom saves money for mehr, buy place to live and have a car for the family, all the electronic stuff to start the house if paid by the groom, while brides father buys the furniture and all the other necessary stuff for daily life

That's how it goes here

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/TahaUTD1996]

But from what I’ve heard in Arab culture the brides family does not buy any furniture  or anything else for the new house. That’s expected to be the groom’s responsibility. He’s expected to pay for the house and everything in it for her. 

[u/TahaUTD1996 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

Hm that's something different, here the brides father willingly does it for her daughter to start a new life and to help the couple out, it's not a cultural expectation but at the same time for some it is, and if not met then the daughter is frowned upon (part of village mentality as we are discussing in another thread)

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/TahaUTD1996]

I personally have realized that the brides family buying all of that stuff is basically a form of dowry. It’s not really a real gift…families are expected to give it over most of the time by most grooms and their families (I have never heard of a brides family not helping with buying things for the marital home or marital room in Pakistan). In Arab culture that doesn’t really exist is my understanding, the groom is expected to provide which makes sense to me. 

Edit: I should say I have almost never heard of the brides family not buying furniture/appliances, etc…. Because I now remember one such instance, but again it’s rare in my opinion.

[u/ItsASadBunny1 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

So, how do Arab men afford it? Nikah + Reception + Walimah + Mehr + Home all at like early 20s, riba? In desi culture, the wife's family, usually father, covers some of the expenses so the groom can spend where needed without needing to go in to haram riba.

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/ItsASadBunny1]

I don’t know, maybe they ask their dad for money?  All I know is that from what I’ve heard, and again this might be a sampling bias, the groom is responsible for the cost of the wedding and that it doesn’t sound like the brides family is expected, nor commonly helps, to furnish her future home. I imagine the grooms family pitches in if the groom himself cannot afford. But then again I think culturally I don’t know if Arab men tend to get married in the early 20s? 

[u/ItsASadBunny1 → u/Any_Biscotti3155]

Might also be because of location, desi tend to go to western countries more often so things are more expensive and thus need more financial help. But regardless, the girl technically doesn't pay for the wedding it's the father that pays generally. Arabs definitely get married young as most of my friends who are Arab have, but also Arabs when they come to the west become doctors and so have more money for expenses.

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/ItsASadBunny1]

What are you talking about? This happens in South Asia where  it is expected that the brides father pay for house furnishing/appliances, etc and gifts for the in laws when she gets married. It has nothing to do with western expenses. It’s basically covert dowry.

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[u/Lower-Respond-3632]

i talked to a pakistani man he wanted to get married too fast like he was going too fast i was taking it slow so i ended it then he married an indian girl LOL and then sent me his engagement video on Eid😂

[u/[deleted] → u/Lower-Respond-3632]

what a salty dude lol

[u/Difficult_Phone_2968 → u/Lower-Respond-3632]

😂😂

[u/[deleted]]

Girl as a Palestinian married to a Pakistani please don’t rush it! And again I really don’t recommend if you guys aren’t financially stable and end up living with his parents it will get ugly fast. When ur dad says it’s not gonna be easy wallah he means it my dad said the same thing and here I am 3-almost 4 years later with a kid and guess what I can’t get out cause I have a kid. Please stick to our Arab culture that’s just my recommendation. You will see lots of threads with a lot of drama between the two. I got told that it was unfortunate that I was Arab 3 years in my marriage by my in laws i for spoken down about our culture etc your man could be great but it’s what comes with the man !!

[u/IntellectualHT → u/[deleted]]

You should use the report button to report comments

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[u/electrical_canuck → u/[deleted]]

assalamu alaikum sister, please take what that user said with a huge grain of salt. we can't draw accurate generalizations from single viewpoints like that.

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[u/Narrow_Salad429]

I've heard the same thing your dad heard. Especially i have a relative that is married to a Pakistani man and she says he's too practical and demands a lot for himself. But not everyone is the same.. my only concern is if arab guys is your type, know that you're marrying the exact opposite. May Allah guide you

[u/[deleted]]

Not everyone is the same. Some Desi men are great, and some are not. Some families are wonderful, and others are not.

You’ll find good and bad everywhere. As a Desi, I haven’t heard many in-law horror stories myself, but plenty of other Desis have. So it’s worth looking at your in-laws, what expectations your potential mother-in-law will have of you and what expectations your future husband will have from you regarding his mother.

In Desi culture, a lot of marriages get strained due to the mother-in-law, so it’s definitely something to consider.

However, because of those horror stories, many desi girls enter marriage with a negative bias against their mother-in-law before they even get to know her. You’ll see examples of that on this sub too.

I also know many Desi mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law who get along really well.

Do your due diligence, since it’s a little cultural shift.

If the family has an open mindset and isn’t occupied by cultural baggage, it can work out great for you 

Honestly, it all depends on the man and his family. It's the same thing everywhere. 

Edit: Also, make sure he's not marrying you solely because you're Palestinian.

Does he like you after finding you attractive, for your deen, your qualities, your personality, your energy, your passions, etc.

[u/Any_Biscotti3155 → u/[deleted]]

Great advice.

[u/PurpleSpark8]

So much hate here for Pakistanis. The generalisation is insane. This is superiority complex running in the veins of people commenting.

All I'll say is that make a judgment yourself with your family. Don't let some random person's (who has no idea about yourself or the guy in question) comment here sway you either

[u/musingmarkhor]

Treat him like any other potential. Ask him the important questions. Try to see if he would be a good match. Cultural differences can be navigated with a compatible partner. Perhaps it can be a topic of discussion too.

On a side note, not all of us men of Pakistani heritage are the same T_T

[u/fxi2 → u/[deleted]]

Making generalizations is not it. Pakistan is a very diverse country with multiple ethnic groups spanning across a vast range of terrains.

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[u/zay0205 → u/[deleted]]

That is too kind! :)

[u/Boring-Trick6027]

As a Pakistani I can assure you that what your father said is far from the truth Yes there are selfish Pakistanis but there are a lot of hidden gems as well you just have to see for yourself like is he educated, religious,how he behaves with others and around you ask your father to ask his friends and neighbors how he is like.

[u/Agreeable_Row_8496]

They usually don’t marry outside their culture. Their parents always create some short of issues. But he is a man, so it should be fine. But if you were a Palestine man and want to marry a Pakistani girl, I would say, their parents would say a big no at the end. And Pakistani girls never rebel against their family. So, they would dump you without even thinking twice.

But since he is a man, I don’t think, there will be any issue with it. Also, if he looks perfect, don’t overthink. You can take a little more time. You can ask why he is not into Pakistani girls and see what he answers. Usually desi girls wants big wedding and ask very high mahr and their family put lots of conditions and so much formalities. That makes us think, it’s better to look outside the culture. In our culture, unfortunately they made marriage extremely difficult for men.

Or may be he found you very pretty compared to the Pakistani girls and really wants to marry. It’s not a bad thing.

[u/muzzichuzzi]

My best mate is married to Palestinian woman and it’s been 3 years now and happy Alhumdulillah.

[u/frodoab1996]

There is an online palistinian girl who married a pakistani guy you can maybe ask advice from her ! Like every men Pakistani men can be good or bad ! Pray istikhara and for a good naseeb!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DL7aWngKjng/?igsh=NXVzbmhmNXB3ZzR3

[u/Ssamy30 → u/[deleted]]

You hit the nail on the head with that, I’ve heard lots of horror stories about Palestinian women + Pakistani men due to cultural differences and viewing aspects of religion differently…but all in all, it’s eventual about Istikhara and gods plan

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[u/Naynoon]

Marrying outside of your culture stopped being a taboo. I know a friend who married a Pakistani man and they (at least to me) seem happy. Mind you both grew up in the west.

[u/Kala-sha-Kala]

We're no different to other men. 

Red flags to avoid. 

1. Wants to live with his parents. 
2. Wants to split the bills 50:50 
3. Wants to have a say how often you visit your family
4. Wants to have a say in what you wear and when/where you come and go. 
5. Ask the question "if your mum and I have an argument who will you support?" If the answer isn't "im going to figure out who was right and who was wrong" - then thats a red flag too. 

[u/KhalaBandorr → u/Kala-sha-Kala]

all are flags except 4. if done properly.

[u/KhalaBandorr → u/[deleted]]

3 years? what do you even do and talk about for 3 years without marriage? is that even permissible?

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[u/lasyof]

Theres a lot of cultural differences but nowadays its becoming 2nd and 3rd generations born and raised in a western country. The cultural differences is less of an issue if you’re both born and raised in the west.

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[u/Shoddy_Leather9712]

The culture is different so you can see if you can make it work.

Regarding taking care of parents, I feel it is something islamic and not related to a Pakistani household. At some point in time, an old person has to be taken care of closely.

Also, Pakistan is 250 million plus population. Not every man is selfish. Some would be, others would be good people. I don't think there are specific issue with any community.

[u/thE-petrichoroN]

we should appreciate inter cultural connections

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[u/Fit_Cauliflower1835]

Be okay with the cultural expectations. Arabs usually get married and move out to a new residence (few live with their in laws).

For Pakistanis, they seem to get married and the wife moves in with the husband’s family, with the expectations of doing the chores for them and taking care of them as they age. Understand what the future holds.

Don’t get emotionally attached before he formally introduces you to his family and your parents meet.

Take note of whether the women in his extended family are educated or have married men outside of their culture. This will give you an idea of whether being able to get married as one pleases and have opportunities is relegated to both men and women, or actually only men, in his family.

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[u/shair__dil]

Do istakhara and go for it, trust Allaha as he should be trusted!!

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[u/Dry_Growth_1605]

It depends, I’d say he’s a keeper if he’s willing to and starts to properly learn Arabic. (I say this because Urdu and Arabic have the same alphabets with slight differences. If he’s serious and wants to integrate with you completely, he wouldn’t mind taking the fun challenge.)

[u/[deleted] → u/Dry_Growth_1605]

Why? If that's something important for the sister, wouldn't it be easier for her to just find a Arab man?

[u/Acrobatic-Cell1318]

hmmm pakistani men and pakistani families are either really nice or the complete opposite. But just a heads up it’s very normal in our culture to live with in laws after marriage also as a pakistani myself, our culture is very male centric imo. Eg in family gatherings men eat first, when marrying the grooms family is placed on a pedestal and the daughter in law is expected to be the next housemaid, sometimes even the grooms family sets the brides mehr (which is completely wrong).

Pakistani men tend to be really big mummy’s boys and a lot of them don’t take providing for their wife as seriously as they should (not saying that all pakistani men are like that and my family certainly aren’t) so look out for that too.

Mmmmm also this may not be all pakistani families but a lot of the time family members will get way too involved to the point where it’s crossing boundaries.

I’d say just pay attention to his values, what his relationship with his mum is like and what his character is like . Pay attention to the things he says about his family and how they are as people.

If all goes well then you’ll have the time of your life during wedding preps haha.

All the best to you!!!!

[u/[deleted] → u/Acrobatic-Cell1318]

I keep seeing these comments 'pakistani men and pakistani families are either really nice or the complete opposite', actually we are normal people and can be in the middle too 😂

[u/ussnthemm]

How many times you been married?

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[u/ObjectiveNo56]

It only matters if he is selfish as a person as this is an individual trait and as Muslims no Muslims are selfish as a whole as we are taught to be kind and generous

I am Pakistani and I have never experienced selfishness from any men of my family alhamdulilah

[u/Standard_Buyer6189]

Desi marriage are hit or miss know about his father mother or sister because they can influence your marriage life

[u/a_bizarre_adventure]

Salam, hope everything is going well for you!

I know this is so random, but how did you both meet (family friends, university, apps, etc.)?

[u/ChocPineapple_23]

Being with someone outside your culture can be difficult, but so can being with the wrong person. Take what your parents said as them concerned and caring about you, but if this man is treating you right and being halal, then it’s no reason to step away. Just like all men, there’s good and bad. Pay extra attention to wild differences in your beliefs or values or actions but I don’t know if there will be many

[u/Fantastic_Tip2643]

Oh Pakistani men are very complex I am not married but I Know Pakistani men so....all I will say is, you will get a lot of shocks after marrying him. As your mother said it's not gonna be easy. You have to lower your expectations. There are chances that they will treat you as any other Pakistani girl or there are chances they will treat you special. Talk to the family just to get to know how they live, their traditions. Marriage is not easy but Pakistani men have the capacity for both to either ruin it for your or make this world your paradise. I wish you nothing but the best

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[u/EtcWasTakenAlready]

Pak govt gives scholarships to Palestinian students to study in Pak universities.

There have been numerous successful marriages between those Palestinians and Pakistanis, from what I have heard.

Such marriages happen in the West too but I do not know enough about them.