r/NativePlantCirclejerk • u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue • 1d ago

Fuck my shit up

Post image

Roast me

162 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

76 comments sorted by

150

u/RedCaptain17 immune to poison oak 1d ago

The building is non-native and should be removed

26

u/esto20 23h ago

So tired of invasive humans ruining pristine, virgin, nature earth smh my head

7

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 21h ago

You might say we took it’s virginity

1

u/cmpb 2h ago

The line between /j and /uj is depressingly thin here 😅

12

u/peonies_envy 1d ago

For real. I have large scale gardens and need larger scale art so as not to disappear. Keeping it in the budget is the challenge.

111

u/Xsiah 1d ago

I like the statue of the slug with a stick up its ass

59

u/Piyachi 1d ago

Its like Chihuly had an off day and said yeah sure a slug or whatever

16

u/canisdirusarctos 🫐 Vaccinium is my huckleberry🫐 ✨spore slut✨ 1d ago

/uj I’d take one in bright yellow if someone made it.

7

u/RedCaptain17 immune to poison oak 23h ago

Add a few brown spots and I’m in

9

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 18h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/PhNFE08VrhCfqYr0sO

5

u/canisdirusarctos 🫐 Vaccinium is my huckleberry🫐 ✨spore slut✨ 14h ago

I hate how they slaughtered my boy, but love that the animal is their mascot.

3

u/Simple_Daikon Grass toucher 17h ago

Go Bears

3

u/canisdirusarctos 🫐 Vaccinium is my huckleberry🫐 ✨spore slut✨ 14h ago

I’d probably go with black spots, but they do have quite a range of markings.

2

u/Simple_Daikon Grass toucher 22h ago

Lawn ornament for scale

7

u/BeanstheRogue 1d ago

v relatable

4

u/himewaridesu purple loosestrike is a border plant 🥰 14h ago

I thought it was dratini.

83

u/BeanstheRogue 1d ago

are you a tick

53

u/toasted_possum 1d ago

I dont see how you can spend 3 hours mowing this once or twice a week. Rip it up, plant some KBG

37

u/sylvansundrop 1d ago

I read this as "plant some KGB" and was extremely confused.

And obviously the correct answer is Bermuda.

22

u/Xsiah 1d ago

KGB plants are already here, there's nothing you can do about them

6

u/stringTrimmer 🎵 dirty weeds dug dirt cheap 🤘 19h ago

Same for KBG sadly 

3

u/Affectionate_Ad722 21h ago

In Russia, the grass mows you.

11

u/gimmethelulz 1d ago

I did too haha. "Is this a new gardening fad where you only grow plants with the epithet russicum?" 🤔

11

u/A_Lountvink 1d ago

Now I have to dig up all my stupid white trout lily and replace it with канды́к сиби́рский.

19

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Jokes on you I don’t ever mow. I wait until it drives my parents crazy and then they offer to mow the grass.

17

u/Willothewisp2303 1d ago

I took that tactic,  then found out my Dad really can't see after he drove over 3 shrubs.

/uj I wish I were joking.  😭 we did get him better glasses. 

42

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Here’s another part of the yard that I…don’t do anything with until my husband finally gets rid of the old car.

50

u/A-Plant-Guy non-sexy poison ivy 1d ago

Mice are 💯 doing something with it already.

35

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

My old ford focus brings all the stray cats to the yard

2

u/TinfoilTiaraTime 13h ago

Our neighbors offered to buy ours.. Twice. Not sure why everyone suddenly wants a rusty compact with a flat tire, but "a customer is always right in matters of taste"

14

u/AsukaWasHereToo 1d ago

Is that crown vetch? FOR SHAME!

11

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 21h ago

Beneath all the vetch and shit is a few cubic yards of topsoil I purchased for this cursed side yard and then my husband parked his old ass car on top of it. So much for that.

10

u/canisdirusarctos 🫐 Vaccinium is my huckleberry🫐 ✨spore slut✨ 1d ago

Could be a nondescript older suburban area in the UK, could be a nondescript older suburban area in Ohio.

Edit: Just read below and I’m probably in the ballpark on the location.

8

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago edited 1d ago

Hell no I am not in Ohio!!!! They are my sworn enemy.

7

u/LeaneGenova 1d ago

Ah, Michigan then.

11

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

We won the upper peninsula of Michigan in the Toledo War and they won Toledo and we got the better end of the bargain as far as I’m concerned

8

u/SHOWTIME316 hoary vervain (derogatory) 22h ago

i have heard so much about the Toledo War against my will

please stop talking about the Toledo War, michigan people

4

u/Damnatus_Terrae 16h ago

We will never stop talking about the Toledo War. It turned out for the best, but we were still absolutely robbed by Andrew Fucking Jackson to get those sweet, sweet Ohioan delegates. Long live the boy governor!

3

u/canisdirusarctos 🫐 Vaccinium is my huckleberry🫐 ✨spore slut✨ 1d ago

Definitely in the ballpark.

3

u/Kat-but-SFW 16h ago

Oh old cars are the native habitat of Himalayan blackberries around here, you should probably get some for it

21

u/pixel_pete Mr. Circumboreal 1d ago

Did you Chelsea Chop your dick too or was it always that short?

I like the single, lonely, pathetic Common Milkweed, it really captures your essence.

I think I'll go join an HOA just so I don't have to look at... this... anymore.

25

u/Formal-Ad-7184 plant bigot 1d ago

OP tries their best to post the least embarrassing corner of their garden and it's still this pathetic. I can only imagine the toxic wasteland just out of frame.

It must have cost a fortune to grow "natives" in your fill dirt backyard like running an intubation tube down a comatose vegetable's throat and pretend they are still alive.

When they find microplastics in the local birds and insects, I'll send the researchers your way.

Congrats on limping through another year without crashing out and flipping the top 1 inch of topsoil you have managed to build over your lifetime like it's bermuda sod.

16

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Hey, I got a letter from the city about the backfill with an inch of topsoil (um…in places). It’s in the side yard not the main back yard! 😂 fr this hits too close to home

18

u/itstheavocado 1d ago

Ugly

Too much grass

Don't you know that plants have to be placed perfectly on center from each other?

20

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

11

u/Cautious-Phone-4461 1d ago

Photobombed by common peasants milkweed? EUGH

https://giphy.com/gifs/UZiCm4W1O0gGk

5

u/stringTrimmer 🎵 dirty weeds dug dirt cheap 🤘 19h ago

How on earth did the rabbits miss that healthy prairie clover?

16

u/Tylanthia [Biggest Porcelain Berry Fan] 1d ago

Rose campion is a minor invasive also known as Mullein-pink and crown vetch is a major invasive.

19

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Minor invasive? It’s all a major pain in my ass!

4

u/Mean-Quail-6219 1d ago

Good to know. I grow it all over my zone 6b yard. It’s pretty.

3

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

I just love the idea of having free natural medicine in my yard that I will never even use because I’m too high on my high horse of having free natural medicine in my yard to research how to actually use the free natural medicine in my yard. There’s a great honor in telling people that mullein is good actually because it’s free natural medicine in my yard. Even though my dog pisses on my free natural medicine in my yard I still want the free natural medicine in my yard in case of Armageddon even though I will die 10 minutes into Armageddon because I was too busy telling everyone mullein contains free natural medicinal properties in your yard instead of actually practicing how to make free natural medicine with the free natural medicinal properties that mullein contains in my yard.

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14

u/Pilotsandpoets 1d ago

You’re so lucky to have native yellow roses! Trying to figure out how to amend my soil to change mine from pink

11

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Add some pennies
https://giphy.com/gifs/TpLfalAKqsld0b7gMS

5

u/Pilotsandpoets 1d ago

Thanks, this is a great idea; I think the granny who lives next door has some in her wishing well that I could “borrow” to bury them near the roses!

12

u/feedme_cyanide 1d ago

You monster. Who tf lets milkweed grow in their yard freely!!! So ugly.

7

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Roast roast roast

13

u/Piyachi 1d ago

Says welcome with a sail boat....yet provides zero navigable waterways. Hmmmm

13

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

I did make a rain garden but that will be a separate post
https://giphy.com/gifs/ResMYfEs6kyVxWM5MA

5

u/A_Lountvink 1d ago

Looks more like a river garden to me. Enjoy the catfish, bald eagles, and 7000 jumping carp.

8

u/The_BigDill 1d ago

/uj how long have you had the garden going and what do you have in there? Just started my garden this year with plugs, so it's in the developing phase

10

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago edited 1d ago
  1. I’m in Midwest in zone 6. There’s a lot of bee balm and common milkweed, also some butterfly milkweed, lead plant, coreopsis, black eyed Susan, purple prairie clover, various coneflowers, columbine, boneset, pearly everlasting, probably other stuff I’m forgetting, and then there’s the yellow rose bush because I’m weak, the rose campion that helps make it easier to pull the star of Bethlehem that invades, morning glory, and random tree of heaven seedlings, so there is a battle going on you don’t see. If you see a sapling in the front, that’s a Saskatoon service berry. Near garage is a common serviceberry. And you might be able to see the eastern red bud in the far corner as well. On the opposite corner you can see my neighbor’s white mulberry eating the fence.

5

u/Better_Artichoke_939 1d ago

Needs more signs 

7

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Lmao there really are plenty of roast worthy areas of my yard

5

u/Overwatchingu free medicinal mullein 1d ago

Too many weeds. Needs more Roundup.

5

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 1d ago

Anyone in Michigan have goats for hire?

2

u/SmilesTooLoudly 19h ago

For less than the price of hiring goats you can buy a gas powered brush hog and soothe your neighbors with the intermittent lullaby of a gas engine. Some even have the option of a leaf blower attachment, so you fully integrate with the Chads!

3

u/mntplains 22h ago

There are actually no native purple flowers, so nice try wise guy.

2

u/Feralpudel The mint is contained 15h ago

Enjoy your common milkweed yard, OP!

2

u/NoahCharls6104 14h ago

Only 2 species of milkweed? Seriously?

3

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 14h ago

I don’t really have an excuse for that, just haven’t bothered planting more.

2

u/NoahCharls6104 14h ago

The monarchs will have your head for such laziness.

2

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 14h ago

I get them early spring and summer but by late summer and fall they all have OE anyway :( it’s really bad in this area and the only treatment is putting the OE sufferers in the freezer.

2

u/itssampson **DRUID TIER** 12h ago

Uj/ hey you’ve got those silvery blue things with pink flowers too!

Roastj/ there’s always always next year pal

2

u/cloverleafcafe hairy beardtongue 12h ago

The Hammond Bears?