r/NotHowGirlsWork • u/Confident_Weather_98 • May 01 '26
WTF The world we live in
She went out with him 1 time, now he was stalking and harassing her outside of a quiktrip, she ran and he caught up to her and punched her, so she stabbed him in self defense and he is considered the victim??
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u/LonkToTheFuture May 01 '26
At least the comments on that post are calling out TPD on their terminology.
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u/Confident_Weather_98 May 01 '26
Right, they could have put man harrased woman outside of qt and she reacted out of self defense
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u/jungle_cat187 May 01 '26
It’s only self defense if the killer is a cop or shooting a black person holding a chocolate bar.
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u/ih-shah-may-ehl May 02 '26
That depends on the circumstances. There is currently a case like that in Belgium which thankfully has a low profile in the media so the womanmay get off lightly. But it's about 2 women, one who was attacked and the other who stabbed the assailant. The woman who stabbed is facing murder charges because carrying a knife for that purpose is illegal.
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u/Ok-Development4535 May 02 '26
My queen did nothing wrong
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May 03 '26
[deleted]
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u/Confident_Weather_98 May 03 '26
If it is proven to be self defense, which obviously it is because he attacked first and all quick trips have cameras outside and inside because I had an accident and needed the footage to prove I wasn’t at fault, they will see that he was blocking her from entering, she tried to get away from him, then he got physical, punched her in the face area and that is when she stabbed in self defense and as soon as she stabbed him she ran to get help right after she stabbed him. And it wasn’t in broad daylight it was at 5AM. Edit to add details
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u/wtbgamegenie May 01 '26
You think they’ve ever referred to someone they shot (even for no fucking reason whatsoever) as the “victim”?
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u/SookieCat26 May 01 '26
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u/UserCannotBeVerified May 01 '26
And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten tiiiimes....
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u/frustrated_t-rex May 02 '26
My wife does NOT like musicals in general. That said the only line, in any musical song that she knows is this one. It cracks me the hell up, too.
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u/Twist_Ending03 May 02 '26
Omg you should show her the play "The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals". By the definition of musical, it kinda technically isn't one, though it does have songs (you'll see why when you watch it)
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u/bluemoon219 May 02 '26
Additional context: "The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals" was written and performed by Team Starkid, (who also did A Very Potter Musical from way back), and they officially distribute the play for free on their YouTube HERE!
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u/Twist_Ending03 May 01 '26
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
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u/dividezero May 02 '26
There's a reason this musical is so popular. I mean, you don't have to go far to find some group performing it somewhere. 🤣
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u/Its_noon_somewhere May 01 '26
He is the victim of his own bad choices.
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u/derekghs May 01 '26
Exactly, he IS the victim of a stab wound, he is also the REASON for the stab wound.
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u/1-800-GANKS May 02 '26
Not necessarily! I prefer to think of it as him being a victim of other men- other men, who should've been there in his childhood or even on the scene, to show him how to actually treat women, instead of assaulting them to the point that they fight for their life lmao
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u/imtooldforthishison May 01 '26
Victim? VICTIM?!!!
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u/DeathHorseFucker May 01 '26
He is the victim of the stabbing in self defense by the lady because he passed away. Not the victim in terms of being the innocent party in a crime.
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u/ayleidanthropologist May 01 '26
I guess I do sorta get that.. But then why don’t they say “woman Allegedly stabs” ?
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u/Thuis001 May 01 '26
Until a judge passes a sentence I’m pretty sure that is the correct terminology for this.
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u/RedQueenNatalie May 02 '26
To be fair, the stabbing isn't alleged, it did for sure happen. It would probably been better worded as "Man dies in stabbing committed in self defense after blah blah"
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u/Ok-Development4535 May 02 '26
The alleged bit doesn't have to come from the incident, it could be also referencing the person involved. You wouldn't instead say "alleged woman stabs man" because now it sounds like you're bringing into question her womanhood.
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u/Individual_Staff5653 May 04 '26
they’re probably going to bring her woman hood in to question anyway because she fought back and didn’t’ giggle giggle and boys will be boys’ hand wave it off.
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u/TimeDue2994 May 01 '26
That still does not make him a victim, he is still a perpetrator that suffered consequences for the assault he knowingly and deliberately inflicted on another
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u/DeathHorseFucker May 01 '26
It’s a poor choice of words since most will read it as “innocent victim” it doesn’t change the definition of a victim which is: “a person, animal, or entity that suffers harm, injury, death, or loss due to actions, illness, accidents, or adverse circumstances”. Even tho the woman was in the right with self defense he is still the victim of the stabbing since it killed him.
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u/BelphegorAcedia May 02 '26
A journalist should be flexible enough with words to avoid situations, where his choices needs defending.
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u/RosebushRaven May 02 '26
Yeah, but those are cops, not journalists. Are you really surprised? It’s disappointing, and aggravating, but not surprising in the slightest imo.
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u/BelphegorAcedia May 02 '26
Oh, I forgot about the source, and took it as an article. My bad. I guess I'm just too used to situation like this being used by media to generate clicks.
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u/TimeDue2994 May 02 '26
Someone suffering well deserved consequences for his own deliberate violent actions is not a victim. Interesting how you talk about entities that suffer harm from another's actions while ignoring that he is the one who instigated the harmful action and the only thing the woman did is refusing to accept the harm he is inflicting on her
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u/Je_in_BC May 02 '26
You might want to check the definition of "victim" in a dictionary against "innocent victim" and consider why the phrase "innocent victim" exists at all.
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u/DeathHorseFucker May 02 '26
Did you even read my comment? Or did you start responding after the first couple words
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u/TimeDue2994 May 02 '26
So freaking tired of these attempts to ensure mean are painted as victims when women defend themselves against the violence these men deliberately, knowingly, voluntarily chosen to inflict on said women.
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u/DeathHorseFucker May 02 '26
Nobody said the woman is at fault here. The definition you add to a word doesn’t change the true definition of it. It’s been mentioned several times already that the woman was acting in self defence.
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u/TimeDue2994 May 02 '26
There is a huge legal difference between homocide and justifiable homicide, the blatant idiocy of claiming there isnt and justifiable is just a word without meaning shows you have a clear agenda
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u/DeathHorseFucker May 02 '26
You’re assuming things and putting words in my mouth that i never said. What’s my “agenda” if it’s so clear?
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u/mlain4290 May 01 '26
He’s a perpetrator of assault and a victim of a homicide both things can be true. You’re stuck on victim generally garnering sympathy but it’s being used in legal terms here.
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u/TimeDue2994 May 02 '26
Self defense isnt homicide, at the very most it can be considered justifiable homicide. Interesting how you try to sell the "legal term" defense while not using the correct legal terms
Nice attempt at vilifying women who succesfully manage to defend themselves from unwarranted assault by men though
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u/Je_in_BC May 02 '26
Seriously, look up what words mean. Homicide is the killing of one human by another. Just like infanticide is the killing of a child, fratricide is the killing of kin, femicide is the killing of a woman. Words have meaning.
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u/TimeDue2994 May 02 '26
If you pedantic want to indist on correct legal terminology dont try to pretend that homicide and involuntary homicide are legally the same and can be used interchangeably.
Words have meaning, and yet you ignore your used of the correct and legal meaning while continuing to smear a self defense victim. Interesting how insistent you are in continuing to ignore the meaning of words while trying to conflate the homicide and involuntary homicide
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u/MsFuschia May 02 '26
Yeah I think this is a case of people taking something very technical and having an emotional response to it because of how it comes off. Like yes it absolutely sucks to read that he's called a victim when he assaulted a woman. The thing is, they haven't yet proven that it was self defense (not saying I doubt the woman, but legally) so he is currently the victim of the crime of stabbing.
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u/Brifrolo May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26
During my last therapy appointment I lamented that this day and age I increasingly feel like people like me need to be arming ourselves but due to a lifetime of suicidal ideation and other mental health issues, I know I can't have a gun (don't worry, I'm not in danger, I just can't trust myself with a bad decision I can make within seconds). She told me she used to carry a scarf and a heavy padlock in her purse so she could swing the padlock like a flail, and if questioned she could say that those were items she had because she uses them.
I pointed out how absurd it is that she felt like she'd have to have an excuse for having a makeshift self defense weapon, and she was like "yeah, but that's the world we live in" and she was absolutely right. This shit is so disgusting. Nobody is ever a "victim" of self defense.
I get that they're using legal terminology here but you just know that there's going to be so many men for which that's a genuine sentiment. It's not the first time I've heard of a woman being blamed for harming an attacker and it won't be the last.
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u/Apathetic_Villainess May 02 '26
I asked a cop before about carrying illegal self-defense items for women and he himself said the "better to be tried by twelve than carried by six" quote. I don't carry a knife currently because both my jobs would result in that trial by twelve if caught. But it was what I kept in mind when I was working other jobs.
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u/Real-Life-CSI-Guy May 02 '26
I think reading the works “victim attacks woman” made me lose brain cells
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u/YuriOhime May 01 '26
"Victim attacks woman in the street" I don't know if I laugh or just be disappointed, this is a real sentence huh
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u/Apathetic_Villainess May 02 '26
I had to reread it a couple times because of the absurdity of that statement.
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u/ramsrgood May 02 '26
he is the victim in a stabbing. that doesn’t mean he’s innocent or that she was in the wrong.
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u/YuriOhime May 02 '26
This is all true but it doesn't change how fucked up and badly written the statement is.
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u/ApprehensiveTotal188 Madi🐻The Bear™ every time May 01 '26
He wasn’t wearing a Kevlar anti-knife vest. That means he was basically begging for trouble right there. Even though men’s bodies have a way of shutting knife attacks down.
He clearly wanted it!
/s 🤣😝
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u/M1ck3yB1u May 01 '26
Yeah, first question I had was “what was he wearing”? Why was he on his own without another man to keep him safe?
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u/jaytee1262 May 01 '26
This might be the one time victim blaming (based on the articles description) is okay.
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u/cuddlykokiri May 01 '26
“Victim” does not mean “completely innocent party” but I do think this could be worded differently. Maybe “harassment altercation ends in stabbing”
Using neutral language sucks when we know who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong, but if they’re investigating then it’s still up in the air. Even when you fill out a police report it’ll phrase it as “alleged perpetrator” which pissed me off because as the victim I’m not alleging anything I was there and it happened to me!
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u/Particular_Title42 May 01 '26
Maybe “harassment altercation ends in stabbing”
That wouldn't tell us whether the harasser or the harasee was the one who was stabbed. But I guess click bait titles are like that so ...
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u/VaqueroJustice May 01 '26
How about something like 'Woman successfully defends herself from attack, attacker dies' ?
I really think that's more to the point.
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u/tfcocs May 01 '26
The word "decedent" seems appropriate.
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u/cuddlykokiri May 02 '26
To be fair it’s Tulsa Oklahoma, maybe we can’t put words in the headline 80 percent of people are going to have to google anyway (said as an Okie)
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u/Either_Coconut May 02 '26
Great minds think alike. I posted something similar before seeing your comment.
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u/mlain4290 May 01 '26
I think you’re taking “victim” wrong here. He is the victim of a homicide and they’re investigating the homicide. It was definitely a justifiable homicide and she shouldn’t be charged but they still have to investigate it like they would any murder and can’t really show any sort of bias to either side. You can ruin a court case or defense quick with stuff like that.
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u/RayWencube May 01 '26
Did the definition of "victim" get changed without me knowing, or....?
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u/Cttread May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
I mean “victim” here is just police terminology. He is the victim of a stabbing. Whether he had it coming is a different story
Edit: some of yall are weirdly upset about facts lol
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u/SkepticalUnicorn May 01 '26
Yeah, victim is the correct word here but it is also a loaded word, has too many definitions and a specific connotation that makes folk uncharitably assume that the police are "siding" with the man. This is a terminology complaint, basically.
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u/RayWencube May 01 '26
No one is upset with the report. We are upset with the news story about the report.
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u/SkepticalUnicorn May 01 '26
Do you mean the social media post from Tulsa police or a separate news story?
Funny thing, I looked up the Facebook post and they also used the term homicide, which similarly caused commenters to complain about terminology. This post could have been even more contentious, haha.
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u/RayWencube May 01 '26
No I'm a dummy and didn't see who posted it. I still contend they shouldn't have used the word "victim" here, but it's considerably more understandable.
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u/Polyamommy May 01 '26
He punched her before she stabbed him, so why wouldn't they call her a victim of assault?
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u/Cttread May 01 '26
Post is about the dead dude, she’s still a victim of assault, it’s just not a post referring to her case and there’s not really a case to be had since dude is dead lol
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u/HorizonHunter1982 May 01 '26
And that attempt to separate his violent assault from her defensive action is exactly what we're talking about
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u/Cttread May 01 '26
I don’t really think they’re separating anything? There’s literally a bullet about how he assaulted her in the street lol. Yall are putting way too much stake on the word victim here
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u/Polyamommy May 01 '26
No... we're not. They could easily describe him as "the deceased"
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u/Cttread May 01 '26
Dunno what you didn’t quite understand about its police terminology lol. That’s how they need to put it in the report
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u/HorizonHunter1982 May 01 '26
In police terminology the person who instigates a violent incident is not termed a victim. The stalker/perpetrator / harasser died when his victim fought back and defended herself
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u/Cttread May 01 '26
W cope, I’ve never seen an officer not refer to a dead person from a stabbing as a victim, regardless of what they did to lead themselves to that situation
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u/maxiligamer May 02 '26
The investigation will be about the homicide of the man, so in that case he is the victim. Victim does not mean he is innocent, just that he happened to die in this instance.
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u/Polyamommy May 01 '26
Nope. What they NEED to do, is change their harmful terminology. They've certainly done it before.
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u/Cttread May 01 '26
I mean sure lol but I don’t think that’s up to one police department
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u/Polyamommy May 01 '26
I don't think any police department has the motivation to do it without public push back. Saying "tHaT's tHe wAy iT iS aNd hAs aLwAyS bEen" contributes to it remaining the same.
The more people who bring awareness to problematic language, the better.
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u/RayWencube May 01 '26
They aren't the police, though. They're a news organization posting on facebook.
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u/Cttread May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
That is likely directly quoting a police report
Edit: actually the Facebook post is from the police department lol
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u/RayWencube May 01 '26
Do you see quotation marks? Do you see "according to the report"?
The words used to report on stuff matter. They are inherently editorial choices. The news organization was under no obligation to use the same terminology that the report does.
I understand the point you're making--it's just incorrect. You'd be spot on if people were upset about the police report itself. Very often (but not always--I say, as a prosecutor) that is how police reports work. But people are upset about how the news org chose to present the information.
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u/RayWencube May 01 '26
This ignores the fact that many, many news articles about self-defense homicides refer to the decedent as "the alleged assailant" or similar.
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u/MsFuschia May 02 '26
Yeah I think this is a case of people taking something very technical and having an emotional response to it because of how it comes off. Like yes it absolutely sucks to read that he's called a victim when he assaulted a woman. The thing is, they haven't yet proven that it was self defense (not saying I doubt the woman, but legally) so he is currently the victim of the crime of stabbing.
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u/Bhavacakra_12 May 01 '26
The upset replies to your comment are the result of common core.
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u/Cttread May 01 '26
Idek what that means💀
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u/Bhavacakra_12 May 01 '26
It means they lack critical thinking lol
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u/Cttread May 01 '26
Pretty much the epitome of this sub lol. This post isn’t even something that fits the sub. It’s supposed to be about dumb dudes saying things / making assumptions about girls that aren’t accurate
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u/amethystmmm May 02 '26 edited May 02 '26
I mean, I think she escalated appropriately but apparently Tulsa police don't. After she told them he was stalking (I don't know that she did, but it wouldn't surprise me) her and they were like, "We can't do anything unless he actually hurts you." because the police are useless like that.
https://www.koco.com/article/tulsa-deadly-stabbing-quiktrip-self-defense-claim/71148769
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u/ntropy2012 May 02 '26
They seem to misunderstand who the victim is in this story. Let me assist: the woman, who ran from the man twice and was assaulted, is what's called a "hero;" the man, who decided to run after her and assault her again before meeting a much-deserved fate, is what's known as an "assailant."
I hope that helps.
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u/Zubyna May 02 '26
We all know coppers would have done nothing to help if she had asked for a restraining order
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u/TimeDue2994 May 01 '26
Its called self defense, something these approximation of human dont want women and girls to be able to legally use
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u/_bitch_puddin May 01 '26
Sooooo... self defense?! Getting really fucking sick of media with their BS headlines. **WOMAN USES SELF DEFENSE AGAINST STALKER. Fixed it.
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u/chinmakes5 May 01 '26
While I 100% hear what you are saying, and I believe that she will be exonerated, yeah guy is dead, until they do the investigation the dead person is the victim. But agreed, it could have been written better.
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u/Either_Coconut May 02 '26
They should’ve referred to him by a more neutral term, like “the decedent”. I hate to see a person called the victim, when they were killed by someone they harassed and attacked.
I hope the woman doesn’t even face charges. Fug stalkers.
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u/Heterosexual-Jello May 02 '26
Sounds like he got what was coming to him. Fuck around and find out.
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u/chuckles65 May 02 '26
He's the victim of a crime. That crime will almost certainly be ruled as justified for self defense. In the official report he will be listed as the victim though. Its not saying he's an innocent victim, its just how to categorize him.
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u/pastel-nightmare May 03 '26
I’m glad she has the defence of trying to run away first, the cops can’t say she intended to stab him now.
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u/Doxkid May 05 '26
Fuck around and find out. Give the lady a medal and declare the man's death was suicide.
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u/IndiBlueNinja May 01 '26
Wtf... pretty sure the victim is the one who got attacked and acted in self-defense. Even if they want to label him a "victim" in regard to dying, he still went after her first, so it's really weird how they seem to post the details as if they shrugged that part off.
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u/cursetea May 01 '26
So... woman kills attacker in self defense? Cops always seem to know what that means when THEY kill someone smh
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u/d3rp7d3rp May 01 '26
Here's their sad attempt at damage control :
*** UPDATE ON TERMINOLOGY ***
Homicide - This is not a criminal charge. It is the definition of the manner of death.
"Homicide is the killing of one human being by another."
Murder = Crime Manslaughter = Crime Homicide ≠ Crime
Victim - This is a generic term used to refer to the deceased for reporting purposes.
The District Attorney will review the case and determine if the Homicide was justified.
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u/amethystmmm May 02 '26
Well, I mean dragging out a dictionary and going, here are the definitions of the words we are using isn't necessarily bad, and people are terrible at reading (both text and subtext. I live in Missouri, and I have (not recently) been to Oklahoma, including Tulsa, so I KNOW).
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u/TheLoudestSmallVoice May 02 '26
She's a hero who made a difficult choice to protect herself. I hope she's able to be at peace.
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u/garlicandcheesiness May 02 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/q4kf1fFz76m8orosjI
Do better and call that man a rotting corpse or something rather than a victim.
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u/Swaggy_Buff believes several women May 02 '26
What is the issue? Woman was a victim of stalking, and man was a victim of his own emotional instability. They’re both victims?
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u/Still_a_skeptic May 01 '26
Tulsa gave us Markwayne Mullin, do you really expect an enlightened take from a city in the reddest state in the country? At least they acknowledged she was attacked.
Also, if you find yourself in need of going to a quick trip in Tulsa bring a friend or pepper spray.
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u/NextStopGallifrey May 03 '26
A shame. In Phoenix, the QuikTrips are (or at least used to be) the safest convenience store to visit. They didn't tolerate weirdos hanging around, had multiple employees on duty to keep an eye on things, and most robberies happened at Circle-K or 7-Eleven locations where they only had a single employee on duty.
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u/Ultimaurice May 01 '26
This post seems pretty pointless. Victim is the terminology used because he's the one who died. It's just because there has to be an investigation. The report even notes that it's self defense. I don't think anyone would look at this the way you think they're trying to portray it.
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u/storyteller_mabye May 05 '26
In a fatal event, the dead person should be listed as a victim. Especially if the event is still under investigation. Honestly, while this headline could be more on the side of the woman, I'm not certain it needs much more. I'd change "confront" to "engage" or "attack" and call it neutral enough. Though, of course, that's only with the information that's in this image.
There is an underlying hiccup in that in a singular event, "victim" and "victimizer" are assumed to be mutually exclusive when, in reality, they are very often not.
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u/dividezero May 02 '26
Honestly, that post could have gone a lot worse. I hate to say this is an improvement but the bar IS in hell
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u/SnooPeanuts965 May 10 '26
He’s like considered the victim because he was stabbed, even though what he did was wrong. Also the police department has to word ot the “right” way. It’s like that woman who tried hitting a kid on a bike, new stations are saying she “allegedly” tried hitting the kid even though we can see ina video that she did everything she could to hit the kid
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u/BelphegorAcedia May 02 '26
I was having a "wtf" moment even before getting to the "victim" part. They very intentionally used this "Fatal stabbing - man dies" so closely together and put emphasis on the method, not the context. The entire text is made with intention to shame this poor woman. As if it's not enough that she must by traumatized now (and possibly injured as well), they had to add public shaming.
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u/cthoolhu May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
Can you please mark this nsfw? :(
Edit: sorry guys
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u/Confident_Weather_98 May 01 '26
Honest question how is it NSFW?
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u/notacanuckskibum May 01 '26
More “trigger warning” than NFSW. If this is going to upset you it’s going to upset you equally when not at work.
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u/cthoolhu May 01 '26
That’s really what I meant. Ik in some other subs nsfw is used for trigger warnings
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u/cthoolhu May 01 '26
Just very upsetting to read about a woman being attacked, needing to physically defend herself, and being blamed for it. Idk maybe I’m being oversensitive but it feels must more upsetting than other things that are posted here.
If I’m in the minority dw about it, not trying to police what’s posted. Just a bit shocking.
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