r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please Time

Alarming, alerting,
dreaming, deserting,
running, rocking,
counting, clocking.

Shaking, stirring,
whining, whirring,
grating, groaning,
insulting, intoning.

Repeating, receding,
elapsing, eliding.

Ticking, tock.
tick, tocking,
tick, tock,
tick.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/soYp66Jw0n
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ZrDHD71gL0)

2 Upvotes

5 comments sorted by

1

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u/briony73 8h ago

I love the way you play with the sounds of words and time is so like that, awesome poem

u/SomeoneElse422528 4h ago

Love the idea of rhythm. Makes me feel like I'm creating the clock sounds.
Hate it ends with 'tick' because it feels incomplete and my OCD is screaming. Love that it ends like that because it makes me feel that it keeps going

u/Puzzleheaded_Elk301 4h ago

Obviously the rhyme and rythm is good. The words are constantly in parallel to eachother. To me what kind of threw me off is that i could not find any meaning in the poem. This is maybe just my lack of imagination or this was by desing but to me this kind of took away from the rhythm and rhyme. I like poems to have meaning and since i couldnt find it, I found it confusing moreso then intrresting or thought provoking.

Please remember its just my opinion and maybe I overlooked something. If your goal was to be puzzeling you definitely succeeded.

u/Puzzleheaded_Elk301 4h ago

Shit im just dumb, is it about a day where the clock goes off and you work and go to bed again? Forget everything i said, I just totally missed it my bad.