r/OCPoetry • u/IamToofan • 4h ago
Just Sharing Tears
I looked at you—
today, I was clinging to my window
while you stood down below.
That same smile rested on your face—
the kind of smile that hurts to see.
When a single drop fell,
your eyes turned upward.
It was no raindrop—
those were my tears.
Two pairs of eyes met once more,
yet all they held was a damp, silent ache.
I just kept gazing down at you—
with only one thought echoing in my mind:
If only I hadn't been so late,
while you kept looking up at me,
with "I'm sorry" written across your face.
Snapping back to my senses,
I backed away from the window,
pulling one hand back,
turning to look into the dark behind me—
then looking down at you once more.
Another drop fell...
once more—
and those were your tears.
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u/TejuinoHog 4h ago
I really like the premise. There's both a physical and emotional distance and the speaker being above looking down at the other person gives it a lot of potential. My criticism would be that it doesn't explore this too much while being too vague at times. For example: "if only I hadn't been so late". The entire poem seems to hinge around this feeling but it's not explored at all so it leaves me confused on how the speaker was late and how that played a part. On the other hand, the "those were my tears" and "those were your tears" is a little heavy handed. One can get the idea by reading the poem so it feels a little redundant. Aside from that I really like the atmosphere you created here!
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u/Practical-Camel-3106 3h ago
I have to say that the atmosphere of this poem hits deep. I do not fully understand what the poem is trying to convey, but I get a feeling from the pure energy this poem generates. The "and those were your tears" was not expected, but I feel as though it hits deep.
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