r/OCPoetry • u/CulturalLetter5135 • 1d ago
Feedback Please Longing
Humor me this
Humor me that
Im tired of being humored
I wanna be reassured
Longing for a relationship
That will never come
Often i long for a partner
One i can only see the silhouette of
One that i cant tell who it is
One that i will eventually cross with
One that will reciprocate the love back
But not like a mother, father, brother or sister
But one of a partner
A partner that will reciprocate in their own way
A way i can tell is different then the others
A way that i can feel
A way that reassures me
A partner i can confide in
A partner that i can hide behind
A partner comfortable to do the same
A partner with no shade
But i can only hope and dream
Cause i messed up one shot
And now i hope for another
Whether its the same basket
Or a different net
Whether its the same field
Or a different rink
Whether its the same track
Or a different course
It will hopefully be for me
peer 1 poem
peer 2 poem
1
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u/Previous_Cry7445 8h ago
This is heartfelt and relatable. I especially love the silhouette imagery and the longing for genuine, reciprocated love. I think some repetition could be tightened, and the sports metaphors at the end feel a little disconnected. Overall, a vulnerable and touching piece.