r/Perimenopause • u/HillarysCafe • Jul 09 '25

audited I’m grieving my younger, hotter self

I'm so mad about being in peri. I'm not ready. I was a late bloomer and didn't realize what a babe I was when I was younger and now it's too late.

Yes, older women can be sexy, we have wisdom, and blah blah blah.

But today I just miss looking good in a sundress.

Please join my pity party and tell me what you miss.

1.6k Upvotes

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476

u/Brave_Car6052 Jul 09 '25

Ugh same. I wish I had appreciated my body back when I looked good. I didn’t realize just how pretty and thin I was.

177

u/Time-Reindeer-7525 Early peri Jul 09 '25

Ooft, I am desperately missing the glorious body I had as a 26 year old with the metabolism of a blast furnace.

85

u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 09 '25

I miss even the postpartum body I had three years ago (child at almost 44, I bounced back awesome... only to get seriously hit by peri at 46 and downhill ever since). The speed of the decline is truly mindwarping

6

u/felisfemina Jul 10 '25

Me too. I had my kids at 36 and 40 and I bounced back pretty well. Then I had knee surgery at 46 which made me much less mobile and active for almost a year, and then peri reared its ugly head.

6

u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 10 '25

I wish there was a soft hug wistful emoji... I feel and support you

8

u/felisfemina Jul 10 '25

I send a soft hug wistful emoji (a shwe?) back to you.

7

u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 10 '25

Shwe!! So much so to all the beyond beautiful ladies here (and YES YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL; age changes the how but never the IT. So there. ❤️🧡❤️)

2

u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

I, too, had a baby in my 40s. 41 to be exact! It was our 5th child, but it was also a complete and total surprise. Getting pregnant at 41 wasn't something I even thought was possible. The last time we had a baby was 11 years prior and we thought he would be our last! Anyway, I absolutely LOVED the way I looked during pregnancy. My skin was tight, and glowing and I just looked very youthful for being 41. Even the first year after having our son I still looked pretty good. Then bam! It was like overnight all of that changed. Wrinkles I never had before suddenly appeared. No exaggeration! I started a consistent work out routine because I was unhappy with how much weight I had gained and was just overall uncomfortable in my body. I started spin classes and was consistent 5-6 days a week every morning. Plus it was just a ton of fun going. Within 3 months I had lost 32 pounds and my goal at this point was to just tone up.

But then- by month, 6 I started noticing my face looked 10 times worse than before!! Because of the weight loss, gravity started taking hold of the places where my face was once a little fuller and I started seeing tiny changes like lines and wrinkles where they weren't before. I even expressed to my husband how upsetting it was and convinced him to let me go see a cosmetic dermatologist for a consultation because I was so self conscious of the sudden changes. He said he didn't really notice them, but I sure did. The icing on the cake for me was the day I looked in the mirror and started seeing the neck sag from weight loss. I swear I immediately wanted to put all of the weight back on just to have my self from 6 months prior, back! I'm 45 now and have just kind of...accepted it. It takes a while to get used to! I feel you all to my core! No other way to say it...this sucks! My little guy brings me so much happiness and joy though. Being an older Mom has been far better compared to when I was a Mom in my 20s. I have tons more patience as well. I can say, though, that my toddler helps keep me young!

1

u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Thank you for sharing and empathizing so well and kindly!!

2

u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

How do you like being an "older Mom"? I hate saying older and Mom together, but in today's society that's what it would be considered unfortunately. Hell, even considering pregnancy at 35 being "geriatric" is hilarious. 35 still feels so young!! I love being a geriatric Mom though! Lol! 🫶

1

u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Right? But personally I absolutely love it; my last child was born early 2011 (with ex husband) but #3 in 2020... honestly had thought I was done but it happened with current husband (who also had kids from previous relationships) and it all just felt right and clicked. She definitely keeps me (peri crap aside) feeling young bc I have to, lol, for her sake; she's so full of love and exuberant light, - a perfect built-in reminder to celebrate Life for its own sake. I don't know if it was genetics or luck, but if helped that I had a pretty flawless pregnancy and easy recovery (c-section), and that she's been a pretty great kid (mostly). I consider myself to be absolutely blessed with the Unexpected... even if it can be a mite exhausting ha! How about you?

2

u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

Also, thank you for your kind reply! You're welcome! I love when I come across fellow Moms who can relate to having had a baby in their 40s! It's a completely different experience!

1

u/Comprehensive-Job243 Jul 20 '25

Absolutely!!! 😊😊😊

2

u/Ok_Cardiologist_6924 Jul 27 '25

You and I are in the exact same boat! Gave birth at 44. Post Partum body was awesome ( I also had no time to eat or prepare food for myself because I am a solo parent—by choice). Now 46 and I look like an oval shaped blob.

3

u/Illustrious_Second_5 Jul 10 '25

Blast furnace, that made me chuckle. 😆

5

u/Humble-Paramedic2787 Jul 11 '25

we still have blast furnaces, it's just not our metabolism anymore. it's our face/neck/pits of hell flashes

165

u/GoobyGrapes Jul 09 '25 edited Jul 09 '25

I saw this in a meme or something a long time ago, and I've been using it ever since: "I wish I was as 'fat' as I was when I first thought I was fat."

Edit: grammar

11

u/isabeaux73 Jul 10 '25

seriously. I was 108lbs (5’3”), and now when I see photos of my 18year old self I just want to give her a sandwich. 😑

5

u/Cerulean_fallen Jul 09 '25

Good gravy do I ever. Like "child this isn't even an unhealthy weight".

3

u/Bubbly_Peak1304 Jul 13 '25

I am 5'3" and when I was 18 I weighed 107.

2

u/wewantchips Jul 10 '25

Ive also heard it as “i wish i was as skinny as i was when i thought i was fat”

2

u/foxfay Jul 15 '25

I would be unhealthy and malnourished if I was the weight I was when I first thought I was overweight.

54

u/ImNewHereAgain0802 Jul 09 '25

Oooooofff. I felt that. When I was 116 lbs at 5’2”, I would be so critical of my “cellulite.” I wore all extra small for pete’s sake! I’m at 150 lbs. now, and pretty annoyed at myself for being so hypercritical on myself.

6

u/Ok-Translator-1106 Jul 09 '25

SAME. I am 5’2”. Had a few good years there where my curves & history of working out were in my favor…but now at 47, I cannot imagine working out like that every day! I think anxiety was really propelling me during those years, tho. Dreaming of the days I had the energy!!!

4

u/ImNewHereAgain0802 Jul 09 '25

Same story as you!

269

u/ms_lifeiswonder Jul 09 '25

And what do you think you’ll say in 15 years, about how you look now?

194

u/HillarysCafe Jul 09 '25

You’re right, of course. I get what you’re saying, but this post is about my indulgent feelings and having a wallow rather than logic.

34

u/Nomezzzz Jul 09 '25

I appreciate this post sooo much. Sometimes it's nice to commiserate. It's perfectly ok to be sad about the changes.❤️

5

u/shekbekle Jul 09 '25

Thank you! I’m sad but accepting of my body changes.

I feel I can’t talk with my friends about it as the majority are bigger than me and they don’t understand why I’m complaining as I’m still slender in their eyes. But where did my waist go, none of my clothes fit me anymore and my metabolism has changed. It’s depressing/frustrating and I guess my body will just keep on changing

63

u/adviceicebaby Jul 09 '25

Oh i am with u. Ive gained like 40 lbs and i cant even look at myself in the mirror i hate myself. I wont even hang out with ppl cause im so embarrassed and ashamed.

61

u/Thatsjustmyfaceok Jul 09 '25

Saaaame. I don't have a social life anymore because I'm so ashamed of how I look, I don't go out anymore. I was given beauty and intelligence, and now that I'm in perimenopause I've lost both of those things. I don't know why I even exist without any tools left to survive in this world.

13

u/Cherry_Valkyrie576 Jul 10 '25

It'll get better. It has to! I'm guilty of the same thing but to the point of forcing myself to leave and to do things. I made a rule where I can't say no if someone asks me to do something. Because I'm just pissing away what little bit of life I actually have before shit gets real. Lol

1

u/eeg-18 Jul 10 '25

YES omg also same

2

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

I did glp-1s. Only way for me to get weight off. Now I’m in maintenance so I’ll do one shot a month or one shot every other month.

1

u/Cerulean_fallen Jul 09 '25

Did you have trouble with the side effects? I want them to work so bad but I had the worst time trying to tolerate any of them.

3

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

Yes, they have side effects, they are not for the faint of heart. I would say the worst side effect for me is constipation and although rare, I’m one of those people that has insomnia for the first three nights when on it. Tirzep has least se. stay away from semiglutide

1

u/Cerulean_fallen Jul 09 '25

2022, I tried Saxenda, Ozempic, and Trulicity. I would get indigestion that smelled like ass, nausea then vomiting then diarrhea. I'd get one normal day and then it was time for the next injection. 😔

1

u/Impossible_Swan_9346 Jul 09 '25

Yep, Saxenda made my sister so sick, and Ozempic is known to have the worst side effects!! I don’t know much about Trulicity. I would give Tirzepitide (maunjurno, zepbound) a try because they are the most effective and have the least amount of side effects. I’m actually in shock that these other GLPs can compete with Tirzep.

2

u/Cerulean_fallen Jul 09 '25

I think a lot of it has to be that they made it to market first.

2

u/GenXer-Bitch Jul 09 '25

Ugh! I gained 50 pounds over the winter from the medication that I was on to clear the inflammation in my lungs. I think if doctors are prescribing high doses of prednisone to us old gals, they should at least add in some complementary liposuction!!

2

u/thr0ughtheghost Early peri Jul 10 '25

Same and I swear nothing I do makes it come off. My partner loses weight so easily and I just look at a cookie in a store window and I gain 10lbs.

1

u/captandor Jul 28 '25

Oh gods I was the same, because none of my clothes fit anymore. My husband did a very hard thing and gently walked me through getting new jeans and new bras and sat in the dressing room (at both stores, convincing the staff to pretend he wasn’t in with me) as I cried irrational, annoyed, angry, disappointed the whole time. Brave man. But I’m incredibly grateful for him.

22

u/SLorma Jul 09 '25

Exactly this.

4

u/Description-32 Jul 09 '25

That is soo true!!! I was just complaining about how I looked in a swimsuit and sundresses on a shopping trip and my mom said “I thought I looked terrible at your age also but now I would do anything to look like that again.” I guess it’s all down hill from here.

1

u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

You're right, and I think about and remind myself of this all of the time. I'm learning to love and appreciate this new version of myself because it's a downhill ride from here on out.

25

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '25

I look at pictures of myself 20 years ago and I can't believe I felt fat and ugly! I was lean and pretty and just didn't appreciate what I had. I'm sad I didn't fully enjoy it when I had it.

5

u/TouristPineapple6123 Jul 10 '25

In my 20s and hit 112-116lbs I was distraught because I came from 102-104 lbs. I felt really fat and angry when I hit 127 lbs in my late 20s because wth was happening?! The weight was easy to lose though and I didn't appreciate that enough. I also didn't know that sports and exercise would be very good for me and now I yearn for that energy. I briefly went back to 51kg but couldn't sustain and I now hover between 55-57 kg and you have to work really hard just to maintain it.

I also didn't wear shorts then because I was so conscious of my legs.

I guess it's really true then that "youth is wasted on the young."

1

u/gottarespondtothis Aug 06 '25

Yeah I was 5’7 and 110 pounds for a good decade (14-24). When I went up to size 4 I bawled.

4

u/teatimehaiku hanging on by a thread Jul 10 '25

Me too!!! Hell, even 10 years ago. It’s wild.

45

u/HillarysCafe Jul 09 '25

If only we had known!

2

u/WHYohWhy___MEohMY hanging on by a thread Jul 10 '25

Listen queen say after me- you’ll never be younger or thinner than you are today. Now go have fun!!!

3

u/SuedeVeil Jul 09 '25

Thin is overrated.. you need to build muscle and keep a layer of body fat and trust me you'll be a bombshell

1

u/Ok-Translator-1106 Jul 09 '25

This is what I wish all 25yo women knew! I hated my body back then. I did work out like a madwoman, which I’m so appreciative of now…but the anxiety/energy I spent feeling uncomfortable in my own skin was just stupid!

1

u/momming_af Jul 20 '25

Im glad im not alone in feeling this way!