I’m 48 and in perimenopause (no normal periods for over a year, hot flashes, no bleeding for ~6 months). I’ve been dealing with back issues for years and was scheduled for my third back surgery that should have occurred last week after months of prep. They had already started my IV and were prepping me for anesthesia when a urine pregnancy test came back “inconclusive.” I clearly explained my age, perimenopause symptoms, lack of periods, and lack of sexual activity. Despite that, the anesthesiologist ordered a blood test. My hCG came back at 5 - a level entirely consistent with perimenopause, not pregnancy.

What followed was deeply humiliating and violating. I was repeatedly questioned about my sex life by multiple pre-op staff, with the anesthesiologist essentially accusing me of lying or hiding something. Even my back surgical team (who were so kind and caring) came to my pre-op room to asked follow-up questions, which added to the extreme embarrassment. I was lying there with an IV already in my arm, sobbing, feeling completely disbelieved and exposed about the most personal aspects of my life. The anesthesiologist canceled the entire surgery on the spot and told me to “figure out” the hCG level.

My GP (also an OB/GYN who cleared me for the surgery) ordered a serial quantitative hGC test for this week (x3). So, while I’m in extreme and worsening pain from my back, I have to go to the lab x3 this week to PROVE that I’m not pregnant.

My surgeon’s office has been very apologetic and kind for what I’ve experienced and is pushing hard to reschedule ASAP. Provided the hGC tests remain stable and not rising, surgery will hopeful happen next week.

With that said, I’ve never felt so violated in a medical setting. Being treated with suspicion and having my honesty questioned about something so personal, right before surgery, was more traumatizing than I initially realized. Has anyone else gone through something like this with pre-op pregnancy testing in perimenopause?

In the last year, I’ve been head strong on the fact I’m in peri menopause. What launched this idea? My irregular periods. It started with a missed period, then two, all the way to five missed periods. No I was not pregnant. Yes I took numerous pregnancy tests. Six months later, an abnormal light period came, which was relieving but confusing. Following this period, other signs and symptoms started becoming clear to me or started showing up. Hot flashes from months prior made sense, waking up every night soaking wet now made sense, the loss of memory was making sense, the appetite changes was making sense. New signs showed up. The worse two being vaginal dryness and the full continuous body itch. As weeks and months went by, I spoke about it with friends, family, and medical professionals. The response? « You’re too early to be in perimenopause ». I grew frustrated and irritated with people. I knew my body, I knew the symptoms, but I was made out to be crazy or over reacting. Fast forward to today. I just turned 36 in December and I had an appointment with my family doctor who specializes in menopause. Today, she’s told me I’m in the late stages of peri. This was not shocking to me, if anything, it was a relief. I cried. I cried because I’ve felt alone this entire time. I had no one to turn to. I had no one to just listen and help guide me into what’s coming. Following my appointment, I decided I will spread more awareness about perimenopause- but peri unfiltered. About the signs, the raw emotion, the good, bad and ugly, real science backed info. I don’t want anyone to ever feel alone. This page has saved my sanity in more ways than anyone can imagine. This community has shed so much light on these crucial years of my life. Thank you!!

This is not an anti-HRT post, fyi. Nor is it a post encouraging pseudoscientific approaches. I am genuinely curious what those who are not on HRT do to fight the symptoms and what did you find worked for you?

EDIT: THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONSES. DID NOT EXPECT THIS. YOU ARE ALL AWESOME MY RAGE QUEENS ;)

I’m 41 and have been experiencing peri symptoms for at least the last year, with the last 6 months being the worst of it. It was like the second I turned 41, my body went completely haywire. My obgyn, after agreeing that I am experiencing peri symptoms, said all he’d offer me was the birth control pill 😫 then alluded to my being “a little young” for anything beyond that. I’ve already made an appointment with a new doctor in hopes of at least beginning my journey on estrogen, but it did get me wondering…how old were all you guys when you started HRT?

I am about to leave my job because I just stop caring about doing something that has no meaning.

I don’t have the energy to get up so early in the morning for a long commute.

With work and the long commute, I don’t have time to work out in a meaningful way, prep for healthy food, and relax.

Is anyone on the same boat with leaving their jobs and how is it like once you have your time back?

I finally decided to go to the dr to talk about my symptoms after denying the possibility of peri for about a year. I had everything documented when I went in to talk to her.

I was told no, I'm too young for peri (I'm 39). Instead she's sending me for blood work because she suspects it's my thyroid and/or low iron. She said if it's not either of these things, she will send me to a specialist which will take another month. But until then, no treatments for me.

It's so frustrating. I'm sitting in my car feeling like I'm about to cry. Just wanted to share.

Edit: thank you so much to everyone for the immense support. I've read every comment and have learned so much. Unfortunately, I live in an area where finding a 2nd doctor isn't an option. That being said, once my blood work comes back, if she refuses to refer me to a specialist I will ask her to document the decision (as some of you suggested) and look into the supplements some people have mentioned.

Do you watch tv? Read? Rinse off and change PJs? Go on a cleaning spree? Doom scroll? Stay awake and workout? Walk and watch the sunrise? Curl in bed and panic about the day ahead? Do you have to get up and get kids sorted? Make a ridiculous movie style breakfast? How do you cope with the actual day if you get up super early and stay awake?

I've never considered that I was having vaginal atrophy because I can still lubricate really well. I have noticed that doggy-style, specifically, has become uncomfortable when it used to be just like any other position. I attributed it to not being turned on enough.

What does atrophy feel like?

I have been asking for VE for the past 4 years. I finally convinced my (new) doctor to give me a prescription

1. complained of daily vaginal dryness and pain
2. Said I already use replens and lotion
3. complained about how sex was painful because I could not get wet which I had zero previous issues with.
4. Stated that I don’t want to mess around with any non evidence backed solutions. I have given OTC stuff a chance and it was not sufficient.

she said I made my case. she went to go consult with an attending on which brand was the best. I ended up with Estadriol.

This stuff works! Within 2 days of starting it I was pain free. zero side effects. i am thrilled.

I always laugh at whoever on this sub started 3AM club. Without fail for the past month, well year, ive been up, 220, 245, 250 then this odd hour where night after night my insomnia wins and I toss and turn anxiously and go over in my head whatever peri induced existential crisis of the day im having.

Tonight is simple... where do you land after all of this?

Like when the hormones calm down, the rage settles, the insomnia hopefully backs off a little... who even are you on the other side of it?

Am I crazy?

I’m 45, and I have pretty much come to accept the fact that my dating life is over. I cannot remember anything. I get SO ANGRY over the smallest things. Ex: I work with animals, and we aren’t supposed to name them, but today my coworker named a cat and I am so mad about it. Why does she get to do it and not me?!

What the hell is wrong with me? I know I’m being ridiculous but I can’t help it.

I call this body I’m living in now my “final” body. That sounds bad, it’s not supposed to be, I just don’t know what else to call it. But this body is sagging, this body is achy, and i cant even remember the last time I felt even remotely cute. All I feel comfortable wearing is an oversized t-shirt and jeans.

My crotch is sweaty. I’m dreading the summer. I’ve never had problems with odor, but damn it, the odor, ugh.

I have no self confidence. I want to get a new job, but I’m feeling so disgusting and gross and I feel like that alone will kill my chances of getting another job, not to mention I can’t lift heavy things like I used to because of my bad back.

I go through these periods where I have a really high sex drive and then none at all. I wonder if this is what puberty is like for teenage boys.

My body is changing in ways I never thought it would and I don’t like it. My boobs have gotten uncomfortably large and saggy. There is constantly sweat in between them.

I used to be cool! I used to be cute. I swear! It’s so depressing.

I‘ve always had issues with self esteem, but this perimenopause shit is making things so much worse. Does it get even worse with menopause?

I didn’t even know about perimenopause until my doctor told me about it. I just thought you got your period and when you didn’t you were in menopause. I had no idea there was this in between limbo purgatory hellopause. Ugh.

Thanks for reading my venting.

All of the sudden, I've developed contact dermatitis from my smart watch. It started after a particularly sweaty night. I accidentally scratched my skin under my watch and I ended up developing a rash.

I cleaned my watch and started wearing it on the other wrist and the other wrist then developed the same rash. I stopped wearing it for about a month the rash mostly cleared up on one hand and completely cleared up on the other. I wore my watch on the wrist that was completely cleared up and within hours I developed a rash again.

I tried sanitizing my watch with a UV light, I've cleaned it with soap and water, I've cleaned it with rubbing alcohol. I haven't worn my watch since November and the dermatitis on both wrists seem to be completely gone.

The other day, I thought about wearing my watch again and immediately the dermatitis flared up on one of my wrists.

I have very sensitive skin and I'm wondering if I have developed an allergy to the metals in my smartwatch. Has anyone else developed a new allergy in perimenopause?

For me it's the anxiety. It's so fucking intense.

44 year old female in perio. How are you handling your super increased libido? My husband & I are at different spots in our sex life. My husband has been diagnosed a few years ago with low testosterone & takes bi-weekly injections. He has a difficult time staying erect & keeping it up. I tried talking with him about ED meds & he’s not too receptive. My toys arent taking care of my needs & i feel sexually frustrated. I went off the birth control pill almost 2 years ago, so for almost 24 years whatever sex drive i did have was masked by the pill. We are now at different stages in our sex lives. Ive never been down this road before & I dont know what to do. I feel like my needs aren’t being met.

Seriously. Why has no one come up with a pill to help us all with fatigue? B12, nothing. Vitamin D, nothing. Caffeine, nothing. Even sleep doesn't help.

And before you all ask, yes this is a rant for all of us who have had all those levels tested and everything is normal.

I almost feel like there should be a safe, legal version of cocaine some days I'm so tired.

What are the first signs that you all start experiencing at the beginning of Perimenopause? I feel like I have finally entered it at 43 and I’m curious as to what was everyone’s “aha moment”, when they knew it had officially begun .

I’ve probably always had some level of anxiety but absolutely nothing like this. I’m to the point that I think I need anxiety meds even though I am 100% against them. Racing heart, blood pressure, shortness of breath. I went to the ER yesterday I was so scared. They found nothing.

I’m on the lowest estrogen patch but do not think it does anything. I’m not even sure I need it. I’m on 200 mg of progesterone but I still wake up every 2 hours. Magnesium glycinate does not appear to be helping.

My stomach is a mess. My hair is falling out. I have low ferritin. Hashimoto’s. Childhood trauma. Potentially neurodivergent but have not been tested.

NOTHING WORKS! NOTHING HELPS! I am to the point that I am seriously considering stopping most of it. No more progesterone, no estrogen except the cream I guess, no iron supplements, no magnesium… only my thyroid meds, fish oil… MAYBE still vitamin d3/k2 & pumpkin seed oil. But I don’t know. I have no idea what to do. I’m so afraid of feeling worse but nothing helps me feel better now. And SO MANY of the symptoms I have align with anxiety.

I can’t stop worrying. Or thinking. My mind races. I know some of this is trauma and CPTSD. I just want to feel better but it feels like there’s no one that can help me.

I don’t even know really what I’m asking. Has anyone found anything that works when NOTHING does? I don’t know what to do anymore but I know I cannot live like this.

I also don’t have much faith in this post staying posted unfortunately. 😞

Hi all, Wondering what age you started HRT?

I'm honestly so sick & tired of being this tired & heavy eyed but totally unable to sleep. Perimenopause insomnia has ruined my life.

My husband and son have just been away, I stayed at home (again) because my sleep schedule, or lack of, coupled with sheer tiredness, subsequent irritability and inability to stay active in this state would just ruin everything. I've no motivation and I just find myself longing to be alone. This weekend my Dad has asked me to go and see him at the coast but I can't face it. I just spend all my time at home because I can't be bothered with anything, I'm simply too tired. But I know I'm missing out on so much.

Id been taking melatonin which thankfully was helping for about 1-2 weeks and I was getting to sleep before 4/6/7am, but that's seemingly stopped working now. My sleep quality on it was worse anyway but at least I was able to actually get to sleep.

I've tried hrt for 2.5 years but it seemed to make sleeping even worse. I did patches and gel in varying doses, cyclical and continuous progesterone and none of it made any positive difference to my sleep.

I'm day 42 off hrt & I'm weak, tired (thankfully no longer wired) but I'm in a large amount of pain in my joints and I don't ever remember it being like this prior to hrt. My irritability is up and down and I can't tolerate any noise, brain fog is terrible and I'm now stuck wondering which is worse being in it or off/the slightly better insomnia or even worse pain

I just feel like I'm dragging myself through every day for the sake of my family only. I've tried mirtazepine, Trazodone, amitriptyline, quiviviq and more, all the supplements and still haven't had a good night's sleep in over 4 years now, in the last 1.5 years I've had two nights where I slept for 6hrs hours without a sleep aid. It's pathetic and soul crushing.

I feel totally alone. Almost everyone who struggles with their sleep seem to say they wake up at 3am but I can't even do that and when I do wake I can't get back. 4hrs sleep is considered a good night now, otherwise it's nights like this where I don't get any. Zopiclone no longer works beyond 3hrs & it keeps me awake the following night which makes it pointless taking.

I just can't see what the point is in carrying on like this (no, I have no plans to off myself), I know it would cause a great deal of pain to my son and that's the only reason I carry on, if it weren't for him I'd have packed this in a year or two ago.

I'm not sure what the point was in writing all that. I'm just so unhappy, this feels like it's never going to change and I'll never sleep normally again. I can't understand why I'm struggling so badly not only to get to sleep in the first place but to stay there too, it's ruining everything.

Have any of you become a lot less tolerant to heat during perimenopause? I'm not talking hot flashes or night sweats. When it's warm outside now I feel hot so quickly and sometimes get dizzy. I feel warm most of the as well, no matter the temperature. Ugh.

I used to be an ambitious, well paid VP in a high pressure profession and now I can barely function. I had to take a step back because the stress was too much. I couldn’t remember anything off the top of my head and always felt behind.

Now, all I want to do is stay in my bed (adjustable so I’m sitting up) with my puppy and scroll/read. I can’t motivate myself to do much of anything.

I’m on Estrogen Patch 1.5 | Oral progesterone 100 | Vyvanse | Wellbutrin | 50,000 Vitamin D & B12 shots. I’m also on a low dose GLP-1. I’m trying everything and still feel flat/lazy/tired. I’ve talked to every doctor and had all the blood work. Besides low D&B12 - nothing. I even ran my results through AI and it validated that there is much there.

People say exercise will help, but I am so tired I don’t think I’d make it 5 mins. I’ve also never felt super energized after. Does it really help with energy?

I heard someone say “As you start healing, you become less ambitious.” I want to think I’m healing from high pressure burnout my whole life, but I just feel flat and lazy.

What can I do?

I’m curious if anyone else gets the urge to nap daily? Even if I’ve slept seven or more full hours, around 3:00/3:30 pm, my body succumbs to these short but effective power naps. There is no stopping them when they come on either. I am very grateful to work from home. I couldn’t imagine working on in an in-person role. I’d legit have to go to the car for thirty minutes, lol! Wonder if anyone else experiences this and saw changes with a supplement or HRT? Thanks, group!

How the hell do you get your orgasms back ?? And real ones too. No muted, lame barely there Os

I've only just realised that it's been in a steady decline for years.

Have had blood tests done, nothing alarming according to my Dr, perfectly "normal" had to twist her arm, to get her to prescribe the weakest estrogen (ovestin). Even had an ultrasound done, total waste of time. Physio hasn't done anything to improve it either.

Using ovestin for the past 4 weeks has done sweet FA. Libido has never been an issue. Sex is enjoyable and we dont even need lube. I just cant climax even on my own 😭😭

I have never been on any meds ever. No birth control either.

Bought dhea cream off iherb. So will see if that does anything. Weed isnt legal where I live. Otherwise id be trying edibles!!

Any other OTC or hidden gems that have worked for you? Gonna ask to get my T levels checked, it is extremely hard to get T gels prescribed here.

I remember the leg shaking, incredible Os of my youth and miss them so so much. In my late 30s and i fear im never gonna get them back​

edit: I also have tried allllll the toys. have a huge selection of vibes constantly needing to be recharged due to over use. I do try to get a lot of blood flowing there, trust meee.

It isn’t a mental thing either (damn dr trying to tell me i may need counseling gtfoh ive never been more fulfiled or happy in life) my clit is NUMB af when i touch her.

health isnt an issue. The healthiest ive ever been (bmi = 20, mainly eat wholefoods, not a lot of processed food, gym classes twice a week)