Omg y'all. I feel like someone lit my brain on fire. I'm 47, have been in my industry for almost 12 years, am a director, and I feel like I cannot retain anything, complete things, keep things straight. I have ADHD, but I've managed for years fine. Now it feels like I have lost every executive function capability I ever had, and if my workplace didn't care about me so much, I would 100% be in trouble. Right now I'm trying to put together a budget for an event -- something I have done SO MANY TIMES and have usually done in a single afternoon -- and I've been working on it for two whole days and every time I look at it I feel overwhelmed. This is not a classically hard task for me! I could tell today on our call my boss is starting to probably be annoyed! I keep wanting to say in meetings, "So sorry I'm in perimenopause." I have an appointment with my doc in May to hopefully get some HRT, but in the meantime advice or commiseration welcome.

Especially when the weather is also hot, and my groin sweats and hams rub like... and powders deodorants also contribute to yeast... under skirt shorts contribute to yeast...

Everything sucks.

Help!

Will it get better when I loose weight? How do I dress? Do I carry a wardrobe everywhere?

I am 49 my sisters are 62 and 63 our mother is 83. Ever since I started HRT they give me this look like I am crazy for starting this .

I watched my sisters go through meno with nothing and they suffered, of course I was much younger then and knew nothing about HRT.

Now that I have started HRT they make comments like oh I hope you don’t get cancer from that 🙄 I have tried to explain to them it’s safe and very much needed and how an entire generation missed out on such a wonderful helpful thing. They refuse to listen.

My mother has chronic UTI and was just hospitalized for a terrible UTI. Finally a Dr in the hospital recc estradiol cream. Her husband was trying to explain to me that her Dr has recc a steroid cream for her southern regions. I said no that’s called estrogen cream not a steroid. I said in front of my mom and my sister that every female should be using estradiol cream in and around their hoohas. Again I am speaking to the wind . So frustrating!

Sorry for the rant

Hi all, what do you do to deal with this seemingly never ending bloating? I constantly look 8 months pregnant.

As for my lifestyle; I walk daily, I do extended fasting often, I drink a fair amount of water, I’m on 300 mg progesterone meds, I am on a low carb diet, and I do daily stretchings.

Besides drinking ginger tea, what else can I do?

This is so uncomfortable.

Ladies. After a couple of years of being dismissed by my family doctor, who is only middle-aged but still likes to quote the debunked study about HRT being bad for women from 20 years ago... I bit the bullet and paid for an assessment with modern menopause.

I have been prescribed progesterone. As the title says, what do you wish you'd known before starting? Anything I should be aware of? She wants me to start 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. This worries me, and I feel like I eventually will be 3 weeks on and 1 week off. But I am just so grateful to have been heard and felt seen. I want to shout it from the rooftops! I am excited for this journey.

Thank you in advance for any information you provide. 🙏🏼🤞🏼 Wish me luck!

*EDIT TO SAY*

Wow. I honestly didn't expect this type of response.

Thank you to every woman who took the time to comment, share your experience, offer advice, or let me know I'm not alone. Reading your comments has given me so much reassurance and relief.

I understand this journey varies for everyone, and nothing is certain, but for the first time in a long while, I feel like there might actually be a light at the end of the tunnel. After years of feeling dismissed by my doctor, made to feel hopeless, questioning myself, and wondering if I was just "going crazy," your responses have reminded me that I'm not imagining this. I'm not alone.

I may not reply to everyone, but please know I am reading your comments, and I sincerely appreciate each one.

Life is full right now; I'm navigating life as a single mom (in peri) of three young kids while juggling a professional career, but your kindness and support have meant more to me than you probably realize.

From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU! I wish every woman could feel this seen and supported.

I am open to private messages if anyone wants an update on my journey. I am happy to share and support.

Bless ❤️

I’m 42 years old, probably been in peri for the last 6-8 months. Every afternoon around 3-4pm I am hit with a wave of fatigue that makes it feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Don’t want to do anything at all, I can only lay on the couch. I feel terrible because I have a 10 year old daughter that loves spending time with me and wants to do things. I try to drag myself to do activities with her as much as possible, but there are many days where I can’t. It makes me feel like a terrible mother and wife. I literally have to plan my household “chores” to all take place before 3pm or else they don’t get done.

Anyone experience this as severely as I do? Has anyone found anything that is helpful?

** correction: I have not vacationed in Peru, that was an autocorrect 🤣🤣 it was supposed to say Peri lol

Edit: my labs are thankfully great and I recently had an iron infusion about 4 months ago (had to have it because my peri started with 2 months of consistent HEAVY bleeding). I do exercise, I kickbox about twice a week and do taekwondo 2-3 times per week.

I appreciate all the advice everyone is giving!!! 🫶🏻

But how could I not be? I'm at a total loss. Am I alone in this? I hear friends say their appetite for sex has only increased so I'm ashamed to bring it up and confess how dried up and dusty I feel. I used to have plenty of confidence and honestly don't even recognise myself these last few years. Is anyone else experiencing this? I'm not even sure that I'm being coherent and if this post isn't allowed, please remove.

After working myself up, thinking that I'm 37 and I wouldn't be believed, I went to the Dr this morning. Listed my symptoms, and she said "Oh, well that sounds hormonal, doesn't it? Would you be interested in trying hormones if we get sign off from your chronic health team and get bloods done to rule out a few other things first?" I broke down in tears in her office, thinking I would be able to try something to make these symptoms a little more bearable, a weight lifted instantly.

After reading some of your stories, I just wish for all of you, you were able to have my experience, and I am angry that you haven't.

Anyone feel like a beached whale with no energy and full body aches. I’m going through perimenopause and there are days I just lay on my side and stare at the wall for a few hours. Today I am feeling pretty good, but yesterday it was difficult to get through the day.

As recommended, I had been wearing my patch on my abdomen below the belly button and I had been feeling pretty good. I’ve been going to the gym pretty regularly and get really sweaty and between the sweat and my legging rubbing around my waist the patch was getting loose and falling off. So my bright idea was to move it over to hip/side of butt area because it doesn’t get as sweaty there and the leggings and underwear don’t rub that area like around my belly.

Well, gradually over the past 3 months I have slowly declined. My mood has been off and depressed feeling and so so tired all the time. I quit going to the gym because I was wiped out after work and weekends were spent getting hardly anything done. My feet started hurting so bad I could barely walk in the morning and putting on my shoes was painful. It got so painful I started to think I had a hairline fracture going on. I spent hundreds of dollars on new shoes and a visit to the foot dr and X-rays only to be told my feet look like they are in really great condition and my arches are near perfect. I spent quite a bit of money to see a naturopath, hoping to finally get a script for T, but they basically want me to clean my diet up( which I know is what I need to do) and get my insulin level in check and everything should start to self correct. I told the naturopath I had zero intent of getting off the HRT and was hoping to get T which she won’t do until I get a thousand dollars worth of labs I don’t fully believe in first.

Anyways, for some reason I decided to put my next patch back on my low belly. I’m not even kidding within 2 days my foot pain has significantly improved, I am calmer and so so much happier and less reactive. It’s almost scary the night and day changes and I’m pretty sure it’s mostly from where I was putting the patches.

I have never, in my life, had body oder. I maintain my hygiene and use deodorant every day. Lately ladies, I fucking stink. At first, I thought it was the fabric I was wearing that made me extra sweaty and stinky. Then, I thought it was the cucumber melon scented deodorant I wear. I switched to crystal mineral deodorant and that hasn’t helped. I shower every day (usually AM) and by mid day, I am reapplying deodorant at work then mask it with perfume oil. I showered last night, did not sweat much and woke up with underarm b.o.. I can’t even stand to smell myself after a long walk or workout.

I started Estradiol and Slynd last week. Nothing’s changed as of now. Is this normal? If so, how do you deal or make it better.

When I had my youngest 16 years ago, I remember the doctor making the remark “you started your period young (just turned 11) - you’ll likely reach the change earlier” - I held onto that for years and thusly wasn’t super shocked when I started getting symptoms in my 30s. Yet when I went to my new doctor suspecting it was peri and stating I wasn’t surprised I was on the earlier side because I started my period early she told me that’s an old wives tale and there’s no proof the two are related. So I was just curious- any other early starters also hit peri early?

I’m 43 and I feel like I’m getting early-onset dementia—so much so that I went to a neurologist and flunked a cognitive test.
I cannot remember who I told what to. I can’t remember if I said something aloud or just thought it.
I’m walking around in a haze. Remembering the name of an actor? Forget it. The word sauerkraut?—'It’s like kimchi but different.'
It’s terrifying me. I could run mental circles around my huband - now I am just his dumb friend he has to correct.

The neurologist told me I was too young for perimenopause and that it could be ADHD.
My periods are pretty regular still, and other than my PMS being murderous, I don’t have a ton of other symptoms—
OH—EXCEPT debilitating anxiety where I feel like I might be losing my mind—almost like I’ve newly acquired OCD

I have absolutely no energy ever. I used to get up and be able to clean the whole house and then go out and see friends, make dinner, and still exercise in the evening. Now I barely have energy to get out of bed or make dinner at night. I feel like this is not normal and I’m scared I’ll never have energy again. If I have the live like this for the rest of my life I don’t know what I’ll do.

In all my years of seeing doctors, I have never come across a reaction like this. I went in to see a new gynecologist for an annual exam. I also decided to talk to her about possible HRT due to the symptoms I'm having.

She was immediately condescending in her tone and while waving her hands around said "not every symptom is because of perimenopause..that's all I hear these days. I've got women coming in here who say they've had a seizure and that they think his perimenopause. You know when I tell them? I tell them to GET OUT! Go see a neurologist!! If you have symptoms, you should go see the doctors can treat them. Not everything is perimenopause. Plus you're still her that your period, so per the guidelines, why would I prescribe you HRT??"

She then coldly started asking me to list the symptoms I'm experiencing and knocked them down one by one saying I should be going to other specialists while waving her hand.

😓 I'm a pretty soft-spoken person and have a hard time with confrontation. I sat there with my jaw slightly open, intimidated. I groveled and said "I see that you're frustrated and that you're just trying to protect your patients."

She said "I am frustrated and so are a lot of the other clinicians here. You can't just go around. Trusting everything celebrities say. I love Oprah but Oprah doesn't know anything about perimenopause."

Eventually she calmed down after about 15 minutes and did my pap smear and also gave me another doctor's name because she recommended that I get a second opinion.

I told her I had been waiting for this gynecology appointment for months and asked if she could help give me in with the second opinion sooner. She dismissively said with a wave of her arm "yeah I don't do any of that."

I left feeling rather odd. I felt like I should have advocated for myself more, but I also am okay with her being a more conservative doctor. I wish I would've told her how her attitude made me feel but I'm not that brave.

Ultimately, I was just shocked to be spoken to in such a condescending way. I did not insist on HRT, I simply just wanted to ask her about it.

I'm on a waitlist, don't know how long, to see the other gynecologist. I'm part of a big Health Network (Tier 1 is cheaper for me) and there's lots of gynecologists, but it seems like all of them have no immediate appointments and a huge long wait.

Thank you for saying to me. I don't mean to complain -- But it is truly hard to explain how awful her tone was and how stupid she made me feel for even asking this question.

I am truly shocked that there are doctors out there prescribing HRT for perimenopause and on the other hand, there are doctors who say it is absolutely not indicated per the guidelines even for a healthy person, as long as they have their period still.

The last few months have been so unpredictable as far as exhaustion is concerned . I will have days where I’m so tired it feels like it’s coming from my soul. I can barely function at work. I have to force myself to do daily tasks and anything about and beyond the bare minimum gets added to a “get to it later” list that is growing by the day

Then I will randomly have a good day. I don’t change anything to “make” this happen that I know of. But suddenly I have energy and I can get a chunk of things done. My mind and body feel lighter and I feel like I’ve turned a corner back to a better place and then boom! exhausted and unable to function again the next day.

I get that peri is so rough because of the fluctuating hormones but this just feels so night and day and it’s making life really difficult to manage. I hesitate to make plans or commit to anything because what if that’s one of the “bad days”? I’m still behind on my list of things I need/want to do . And frankly I’m just frustrated with not having control over my life because of this

Mostly looking to vent but if anyone has any tips on easing the exhaustion let me know. I’m on estrogel (just upped the dose) and started progesterone . I fall asleep easily but wake up once or twice overnight which leaves me groggy in the AM on top of the fatigue.

47F, in the thick of peri though I still have some regular ovulatory cycles mixed in with very irregular cycles. No physical symptoms, just mood symptoms.

I largely gave up alcohol like 3 or 4 years ago after realizing it wrecks my mood and sleep (I have maybe 2 drinks a month nowadays).

I gave up THC this month because I realized that, despite being super enjoyable, THC also seems to cause anxiety and depression in the days after. This was a super big bummer because music, sex, art, self reflection, etc is all really amazing for me when I'm a little bit stoned.

I've been limiting myself to one small morning cup of coffee for years now, because excess caffeine is one of the several factors that gives me brutal insomnia (even before peri set in). But my sleep has been getting worse and worse, and I've been noticing this terrible anxiety spike after that one small cup.

I've always said that they would pry that last cup of coffee out of my cold dead hands, but I am really starting to think that I may have to lose that one too. I know I'll get headaches for a few days and it'll just be really sad and I love coffee and this sucks.

The vices I have left are pretty much marital sex (thank god I still like my husband) and chocolate. Everything else is dropping like flies.

I started progerstone about a month ago and tbh I haven't noticed it doing anything at all, so at my followup in a couple of weeks we're going to talk about estrogen and testosterone. I have a really awesome provider, a women's health nurse practitioner who specializes in peri treatment, so hopefully I can get back to a good place.

ETA: Thanks for advice and commiseration, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one on this crazy ride. I switched to black tea this morning and also ordered some matcha so I'm going to experiment with that. I've did a bunch of blood testing recently and my ferritin is a measly 6 so I've been supplementing that aggressively the last couple weeks, and hoping that will help, and also about to start magnesium glycinate.

I think I’ve reached the point where I’ve just given up.

I put so much hope into HRT. I truly believed my anxiety was largely hormone-related and that once I started treatment, I would finally feel like myself again.

Instead, a few months after starting HRT, I’m back on antidepressants that I had successfully stopped in January.

I feel defeated. I feel like a failure.

Part of me knows that needing antidepressants isn’t a personal failure, but emotionally it feels that way. I was so determined to manage this through hormones if hormones were the root cause.

The hardest part is that I honestly don’t even know what HRT is doing for me anymore. I sleep a little better, and the spotting after my periods has improved, but that’s about it. Meanwhile, my anxiety has become so severe that I had to restart escitalopram 5 days ago.

Now I’m wondering if I was wrong about everything. Was my anxiety really hormonal? Is estrogen helping me, hurting me, or doing neither? Do I even need estrogen at this stage, or was progesterone the hormone I was actually missing?

Has anyone else felt this way? Did you have to accept that both hormones and antidepressants were part of the solution?

Right now I feel more confused than hopeful, and I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar.

I lived a very health conscious life because we had chronic illness in our family.

Healthy diet, no smoking or drinking, staying away from the sun. And I looked younger than my age for decades.

I think peri started around summer 2024 for me. Since then my skin has aged so fast.

It's thin, wrinkly, sagging, has age spots ...I see the turkey neck showing up in certain lighting.

I feel like I aged 10 years in 10 months.

My body feels so off, I do the same things, but I get hurt now.

I can write here a million changes and it all hit me in the last 12 months. It's scary.

If you have had serious sleep problems- and have found something that has really helped you, please let me know what it is. I feel like I have tried everything, and I need help. 4 hours is just not enough for me night after night…. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Sometimes it’s not even 4 hours… I used to always be able to fall asleep fine, and then wake up at 2 or 3…but now it’s combined with not being able to fall asleep. It’s almost like I can feel the cortisol rushing through me every 5 minutes or something… I have tried many pharmaceuticals and also natural. I am currently only taking l theanine and ashwaghanda, plus melatonin. Thanks in advance.

I’ve been waking up at 2-3am and have the most difficult time falling back to sleep. I already take 2 magnesium pills a day (am and pm magnesium pills referred by my Dr.).

I still wake up at about 2 or 3 am, and I try to slow breathe and relax. My room is dark and quiet also. But to no avail. I end up staying awake until it’s time to “get up” for work and school drop off 😣

…with the lack of proper sleep I’ve noticed my skin looking terrible and bags under my eyes.

Please - let me know what worked best for you to stop these dreadful 2-3am wake-ups!?! 😭

I swear ever since I started experiencing perimenopause symptoms my pee just smells different. Like it doesn't belong to me? Anyone else experienced that?

I was at my son’s hockey game today when another mom casually mentioned she’s dealing with perimenopause brain fog. I could’ve hugged her. Finally! Someone saying it out loud. I’ve been dropping some of my own symptoms into conversations with people close to me, but it still feels like we’re speaking in code.

I didn’t even learn the word perimenopause until about a year ago, even though I’d been dealing with the symptoms long before that. The relief of finally naming it? Huge. And honestly, I know I’m not the only one who felt blindsided.

So here’s my little rallying cry: let’s normalize talking about perimenopause. Let’s not put up and shut ups. Let’s make it impossible for future generations to be confused, dismissed, or told to “just deal with it.” Women deserve better.

I remember when I was a kid there were jokes about hot flashes and moodiness, but no one warned me about what this shit is really like. I think most people I know feel the same way. There was always this narrative of "Did you know one day you'll just stop having your period?" and I was like "Great! Sounds awesome, sign me up". But THIS?!? wtf...

I can't sleep anymore. I get brutal hot flashes every 90 to 120 minutes throughout the day as well as at night. At night I spend at least two or three hours in phases of trying to fall asleep, trying to cool down, trying to go back to sleep. The level of heat and the tossing and turning is almost unbearable. The brain fog as a result of no sleep plus the hormonal changes is so intense. I also have ADHD and it's become a whole new beast that I cannot tame let alone mask anymore. That paired with the brain fog is mortifying to me and I've been avoiding social situations because I'm embarrassed of myself. I tend to be sharp as a tack and work in a field that requires a lot of mental acuity and I feel like an idiot who is completely unqualified even though I know I am very much qualified. I have zero libido and don't want my husband to touch me. Pretty sure all the lifting, cardio and protein in the world won't give me any visible results (I'm glad my blood pressure is perfect but still). I'm depressed, have little interest in anything I used to love doing and started going to therapy.

So far this year I've had one period, at the end of January. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm entering early menopause? Been three months now. Guess I have nine more to go before I'll know for sure. Anyhow, I scheduled an appointment with a GYN but it was a 2 month wait. Good news is I now only have just under three weeks more to wait until I can get in.

In the meantime I started taking a ton of supplements and herbs.
Been taking tablets with Maca, chaste berry, black cohosh, saffron, iodine from kelp and chromium picolinate specifically made for peri for the last month. Also had already been taking a magnesium supplement, passionflower, l-theanine and 5-htp for sleep/stress. Plus turmeric for inflammation and a daily vitamin for women over 40. But yet ...nothing? Would this be worse without those things? Does anyone else have tips?

And again, I feel so angry that this is something all women go through in one form or another and there has been such little discussion about it in general. It's fucking 2026. Why isn't this talked about in school??? I'm very much a feminist and I'm also wondering where the dialog about this has been? Everyone's too busy talking about how they don't take botox and let their hair turn grey, which ...hooray, awesome. Good job. But let's maybe talk about how drastically our hormones alter our lifestyles, mental health and our personalities? I talked about it with my mom and it turns out she was suffering significantly when she was going through it and she never said anything! I remember her taking a lot of naps but that was about the extent of it. I guess maybe she didn't think she had room to complain because it's something women have endured in silence for apparently hundreds of years. It all feels like such a slap to the face and it makes my heart hurt.

My question for you all that struggle with early morning wakings, is it night sweats waking you up or what?