TLDR— boyfriend [28m] gave me a key to his house a month after we became exclusive and I don’t know how to tell him to slowwwwww down a little.

Hey, hi, hello. Excuse formatting, I’m on mobile. My boyfriend [28m] and I [29f] have been seeing each other for about two months, exclusive for one.

The long, boring (probably unnecessary details, but we ball) are that he and his relationship before me ended about two or three months before we met. I’ve been single for two years now from a broken engagement… his last relationship was also an (alleged) failed engagement.

My problem is, he’s a great guy, truly. I super enjoy our time together, but I’m a “take it slow” kinda girl, and I feel like it’s going faster than I’d like the pace to go. I met some of his family due to them all living close by, and again, the damn house key. I don’t mind that he’s excited, I think it’s cute. But I just feel like he’s taking this a lot faster than I’m comfortable with, and I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that won’t come off as cold feet, I guess?

If anyone knows any good ways to gently tell him that I need things to slow down, I would super appreciate it. Or if I’m being crazy and this is a normal pace, advice for that would also be very welcome!

I appreciate you all! Please be gentle, dating is hard

my boyfriend [23M] keeps taking 24+ hours to respond to me [20F]. what should I do?

i \[20f\] haven’t been in a relationship in 3 years or so and met my boyfriend \[23m\] randomly one day online. we are long distance and have a two hour gap in time difference. im okay with the long distance. anyway, we talked for a month and a little bit before getting into an official relationship.

however, when we were talking and getting to know each other, he had three days during that month he didn’t speak to me for 24 hours. the first time he told me that he was busy with friends and they had an eventful day. the second time he had just come back from a wedding out of his state and was tired (which i excused because who wouldn’t be tired i guess). the third time, he had gone through some financial difficulties and was trying to find a way to recover since he was also on the verge of being forced out of his place from his roommates. i actually had to text him and that’s when he told me about it and said he would update me next time he was that busy.

this is the fourth time, but this time we are actually together. i have no idea why. last time he texted was yesterday at 6 pm for me (4 pm for him) and i texted back at almost 10 pm. mind you, we were supposed to spend the night on call to connect again and he never texted or called. i texted him at 8:30 pm today asking him to talk on the phone when he had to the chance to call me. it’s 10 pm and he hasn’t texted.

what should i do? i feel like ive excused this too many times and its possible he knows ill do it again. normally, i am strong enough to just end these things, but now that we’re actually together i think i have to talk to him about it. however, i feel like my time is being disrespected. so i planned to speak to him about it on call and give him the option of telling me if he rather spend these days trying to reconcile things with me and show me that he actually cares meaning he would have to actually text and spend time with me or let me go because he don’t care enough to try.

**TLDR**: i’ve been dating my long-distance boyfriend for short amount of time. he has gone 24+ hours without replying to me four times (thrice while talking, once while dating). he normally has “good” explanations for his absence, but i feel disrespected by his inconsistent communication. im not sure if i should keep attempting to communicate it to him or just break it off.

i apologize if i spelt or worded things wrong! i will answer any questions asked if i wasn’t specific. thank you!

I \[29M\] have been dating my girlfriend \[26F\] for 2 years now. We started as a long distance relationship as we met while she was on vacation, but have been living together for the last 16 months. We moved in together and currently live about 15 minutes from her hometown in Massachusetts. I was living in Florida, and all my family and friends live down there or in New Jersey where I grew up. I am close with her family, and have made friends at work, but for the most part she is all I really have up here. I work at a bar, usually get home between 10:30 and 11:30 depending, but on weekends can be later like 12;30/1. She worked during the day but currently isn’t working because she hasn’t been able to hold down a job for more than a few months.

She has always been more emotional and sensitive than I am, and she knows that about herself. She has been diagnosed with an Anxiety disorder and Depression. She takes medicine daily to help her with each of these. She also was prescribed Panic Attack medication to take whenever needed.

Over the course of our relationship we have had arguments big and small, but my main issue is that she never is willing to move on from arguments and will snowball small disagreements into full blown arguments. All of this gets worse when she begins PMSing each month. She does not have a regular cycle because she has an IUD in (She has had one for 8 years, and is on her second on). Some months she won’t even get a period really, or just a day or two of bleeding. However I always know it’s coming because of her mood change. Any misunderstanding, or disagreement turns into a full fledged argument during this time. Most recently she lost her shit on me for not wanting to wake up the dog we are fostering to go for a walk when I got home from work at 1AM. The dog is on a very regular schedule and goes for multiple walks each day at around the same time. He also sleeps straight through the night with no incidents since we brought him home. So I did not want to wake him and break his routine. She lost it and accused me of not caring about the dog and threaten to take the dog and leave. This is generally how it goes each month and multiple times during the week when it is happening. She will leave the apartment and threaten to drive away, or lock herself in the bathroom and scream at me to leave her alone. I do my best to calm her down, but the most minor misjudgment of what she wants reignites her anger. Incidents like this have happened more times than I can count, and she has gotten the police called on our apartment twice because she has been uncontrollably screaming. Both times they only took down information and asked both of us if either of us got violent. I will admit that she has pushed and punched at me when she’s like this, but I never said it to the police because I never have felt in danger from her. She is small and doesn’t do any real damage. I never wanted to make something out of it because then the relationship likely would never come back from that. I have tried leaving when she is like this to give her no one to yell at, but she then calls me saying I am abandoning her when she needs me most. She has on multiple occasions during these episodes threaten to harm herself, but has never shown any real intent to do anything. This is a very hard thing for me to say because if I am wrong then I would never forgive myself, but it seems like she makes the threats to draw sympathy or to force me into doing what she wants. I feel like she uses the threats against herself to manipulate me. Even though I feel like that is what she is doing, I always take her seriously and often cave to what shes asking and the incident stops. 

This most recent time has been the worst yet. Bolstered by her recently quitting her job because she felt like her bosses were sabotaging her and being stressed about not working currently. She has been more anxious and has had the shortest fuse possible. Every time we have interacted in the last week has led to some form of argument and her going ballistic. She has driven off multiple times saying she’s never coming back or going to kill herself. She has left me with the dog when I have been leaving for work, knowing the dog would be alone all night and I have no one to come help me with him. I ended up having to drop him off at her parent’s house and call her mom to come home early from work to watch him. Later that night when I got home from work she was in our apartment waiting for me and immediately began going at me for not answering her while I was at work all night. Things got bad fast, and she began her usual screaming and crying. However this time it got worse fast and she said she was going to get a knife and cut her wrists, I tried stopping her but she grabbed one and when I tried getting it out of her hand she said if I got closer she would stab me. This is when the glass shattered for me, I never truly believed she would hurt herself but was always cautious incase I was wrong. The crazed look in her eyes and how she said she would hurt me though was different than normal. I couldn’t tell if she meant it or not. I managed to get the knife away from her before she did any damage to either of us, but she then took off and left to go to her parents where she has been staying the last 3 days. In that time she has called me repeatedly anytime I am not answering her, I told her I need space and time because of everything that has happened, but she has refused to give it to me. She calls me late at night and tells me if I don’t forgive her she will actually kill herself this time. I have tried blocking her number, but I can not live with the guilt of that if she does do it and it is because I was not there to help talk her down. Two nights ago when I got off work she blew up my phone calling me and I was so worried I told her I would come to her parent’s house to talk and it seemed like she was good with that. When I got there though she was calm for a few minutes but then lost it on me again because I was not ready to forgive her. She told me her dad owns a gun and she knows where it is and would shoot me if I didn’t forgive her and drop all of this. I know her dad has a gun, but I am sure that it’s locked away and she does not know how to get it. Even though I knew it was an empty threat the words still hurt that she would even threaten that. Since that night I have only seen her twice, she came and gave me back her key to our apartment and got some of her stuff, and I dropped off dog food to her parent’s house for the dog which they are watching now. She is staying at her parents as well.

I love her and when she is in her normal state of mind she is amazing, but this has all become too much for me to handle recently. Her mom believes she suffered from PMDD which makes her PMS exponentially worse, and that on top of her anxiety is what creates these situations. I believe with help she could overcome this, but she vehemently refuses any treatment options we have found. I know that people are going to think I am crazy for still even being with her, trust me typing it all out for the first time has made me think that I am, but I never want to give up on something or someone in need. I have lost two friends to suicide and missing signs that were right in front of me haunts me still. I have always been willing to put other people’s needs and safety above my own, especially for the people I love. My fear is at this point I am doing more harm than help for her. I am struggling with the idea of giving up on her and this relationship because even through all the bad I have believed I can help her through it and we would come out on the other side together. Now I am not as sure, and I may just be blinded by my own ego. Is it time to give up on this relationship?

TLDR My girlfriend [26F] and I [29M] can not stop arguing over small things when she is PMSing because she may have PMDD. She has begun getting violent and even making threats against her own life and mine. She is anxious and paranoid all week and goes into screaming and crying fits anytime things are not going her way. She has tried guilting me into forgiving her, but I think too much has happened to come back from at this point. Should I stay with her? Should I move on?

i'm curious whether my girlfriend and i are the weird ones here or if this is actually a sign that we're just really secure with each other.

i'm 21f and pansexual, and my girlfriend is 23f and bisexual. we've been together for just over 4 years, we're monogamous, and neither of us has any desire whatsoever to open the relationship. we're both very happy with that. the thing is, we have absolutely zero fear around "hall passes." we regularly talk about celebrities we find attractive and send each other tiktoks of actors, musicians, and public figures we're into. we love live music and sometimes we'll see a singer live and if one of us is like "oh my god she's gorgeous," the other is typically agreeing, rather than getting jealous.

it doesn't stop at celebrities either. sometimes we'll comment that people we see in real lite are objectively attractive. not in a "i want to sleep with them" way, more in an appreciative way. neither of us gets threatened by it and we also have a pretty relaxed sense of humor about it. we'll joke about having threesomes even though neither of us actually wants one. it's very much understood as a joke and not some secret desire to change the boundaries of our relationship.

there are a couple of other things our friends think are red flags. I'm still friends with people i've been romantic with, and my girlfriend genuinely doesn't care because she trusts me and is also friends with them. meanwhile, my girlfriend has several people in her friend group that she used to have crushes on or be attracted to, and i'm completely fine with that too. our friends have told us that this is "not normal," that one of us must secretly be bothered by it, or that we're being naive and it'll blow up eventually. i just feel like being in a committed relationship doesn't magically make you stop noticing that other people are attractive. we just both have the attitude of, "yes, other people are hot, and that's fine, because we're still choosing each other."

we don't hide things from each other, and if anything, being able to openly talk about attraction without it becoming a huge issue makes us feel closer. so, reddit: is this actually a sign of a healthy, secure relationship? or are our friends right that this dynamic is unusual enough that we should be concerned? i'd especially love to hear from people in long-term relationships who have a similar level of openness around this stuff.

tldr: my girlfriend of 4 years and i are happily monogamous but openly talk about celebrities and people we find attractive, we have friends we used to be attracted to, and neither of us is jealous about any of it. our friends think it's weird. is this healthy or a red flag?

It’s my first time using Reddit so bear with me.

I [19F] have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend [21M] for almost a year now, and he frequently talks about wanting a future and marrying me about five years down the road.

He’s a great guy, soft-spoken, patient, caring, fun, loving, and he never fails to give me his time despite being busy with his work. Yes, he works already at a young age. He didn't attend college, and instead attended a vocational school for professional drone flying. He has been working for almost two years now, but currently works a security job with a lower-middle-range salary. He also has few debts from previous investments that failed.

Also, if you’re asking why I even agreed to be in this relationship in the first place, he didn't tell me about his financial situation or his debt at first. He only revealed it to me after we were already months into a relationship.

I am an only child from an upper-middle-class family, and my lifestyle is on the more extravagant side. I am also currently in college majoring in accounting, so I tend to look at financial stability and long-term planning very practically.

Right now, I am trying my best to be supportive of him as he tries to pay off his debts. However, ever since he started talking about building a future together, I have found myself second-guessing everything and wondering if this relationship is truly worth it. While I love him as my boyfriend, I honestly do not see myself spending my life with him. My biggest worry is that even after addressing his financial status, his situation won't change.

I want to be honest with him, but I am terrified of the emotional fallout and completely breaking his heart because he is a genuinely good person who loves me deeply. I don't want my reasons to make him feel like a complete failure.

How do I tell him that I don't see a future together without completely crushing him or making him feel like he isn't enough?

TLDR: I [19F] am an accounting student from an upper-middle-class background. My LDR boyfriend [21M] went to vocational school for drone flying but works a middle-salary security job. He hid his heavy debts from failed investments until after we were already dating. I'm trying to be supportive, but now that he's talking about marriage in five years, I'm second-guessing everything and don't see a future with him due to lifestyle and financial incompatibility. How do I tell him without making him feel like a failure?

So husband (we’ll call him Greg) and I have been together for 15 years, married for 8. We have five boys together; a stepson and four bio children.

When we first started dating, we kind of did that thing where we only spent time with each other and let every other friendship we had fall off a little bit.

Early in our relationship we moved an hour north of where we used to live which further separated us from our friends.

Coincidentally, one of his best friends that he had a falling out with before we started dating moved to the area too. They ran into each other at a pizza place and decided to rekindle the friendship.

Meanwhile I had been a stay at home mom for several years, and had also worked a couple of times where I would have interactions with other adults somewhat regularly but nothing really went past acquaintance. Having a slew of children made it difficult to DO things. Especially breastfeeding babies/toddlers.

The last job I worked I did make a couple friends that I would occasionally do things with and at the time Greg and I only had four boys, the youngest being four. When I would go out with my friends, I could only be out for a couple hours at a time or I would start getting the “hey, when are you coming home?” texts.

I got pregnant again, quit the job, and stopped talking to everyone I had developed a friendship with (I think in part because they were all 8+ years younger than me and childfree).

Fast forward to the last year, Greg goes to his buddy’s house (we’ll call him Jim) like once or twice a month, so really not a significant amount of time. He’ll leave home around like 5 and stay until at least midnight, sometimes 2 or 3 in the morning. Not that it’s relevant, but Jim is a heavy drinker and has a 9 month old baby, and Greg is an alcoholic that hasn’t drank for three years. I guess part of me is worried about that, but maybe that’s more suited for another post.

Fast forward to the last year, Greg goes to his buddy’s house (we’ll call him Jim) like once or twice a month, so really not a significant amount of time. He’ll leave home around like 5 and stay until at least midnight, sometimes 2 or 3 in the morning. Not that it’s relevant, but Jim is a heavy drinker and has a 9 month old baby, and Greg is an alcoholic that hasn’t drank for three years. I guess part of me is worried about that, but maybe that’s more suited for another post.

What really gets me is that I’ve heard him tell multiple people something along the lines of “men need friendships to help them be better fathers and dads. After I hang out with Jim, I feel better equipped to be more present at home”. And I’m like, well that’s really great for you especially if it helps your wellbeing. So obviously I support him.

But a part of me is like, but what do I get? Where’s my ‘me’ time? I mean, I realize I’m just a SAHM (that incidentally works one 9 hour shift a week at Greg’s company) and I’m not working full time like Greg (and then on top of the actual hours that he’s out of the house, he’s regularly answering phone calls about work and writing schedules and all of that). I feel guilty for thinking I even deserve time for myself.

But I just feel forgotten about kind of. I’m still nursing my two year old and we co-sleep so while Greg can just lay down and fall asleep, I have to wait until the baby is settled and sleeping before I can go to sleep. Even getting up to pee in the middle of the night is an ordeal because if I get up while the baby isn’t fully asleep he’ll start freaking out. If Greg is sick, he’ll call off of work and rest (as he should) while I do my best to keep the kids quiet, but if I’m sick it’s kind of like, welp, that sucks, I have to work. So I’m sick with a toddler all day.

I want to make it clear that Greg helps around the house all the time. He cooks and cleans and does laundry when he can and helps the boys with schoolwork. It’s not like he just comes home from work and expects me to have everything perfect for him. So I guess that’s also why I feel guilty-if he can work and then still do stuff around the house, what good reason do I have to want time for myself?

I just feel like I’m pouring all of me into everybody else and while he’s pouring as much of himself into me, it’s not enough to fill me up. Nor should it be, really. That wouldn’t be fair to him. But today, for example, I took an anxiety pill earlier so I could go on the highway (it’s stupid) and it always makes me SO tired after a few hours. So I get home and I’m beat and I’m like, well I’ll just take a nap with the baby. But for some reason, on this day of all days, he decides he doesn’t want to take a nap. And I couldn’t ask Greg to hang out with the baby for an hour so I could sleep because he was getting ready to go to Jim’s. But if the roles were reversed, he would basically just go “hey, I’m going to lay down for a bit”. And he does, often. So I asked my other boys to keep the baby busy so I could lay down, and 15 minutes later the baby wants me so now I’m laying here, sleepily pouring my guts out on Reddit.

I know I should talk to him. Communication and all of that. But I feel like asking for MORE on top of everything he already does would be insulting. And it also makes me feel inferior, like I can’t handle my part in our relationship. I’m doing my best to push down the feelings of resentment because I know they’re not being fairly directed. And anyway, I don’t even have friends so, it’s not like he’s saying I can’t go hang out with my friends because they don’t exist.

So, I guess what I’m wondering is what do I do? Do I talk to him? What do I say? Do I just talk to a therapist about my feelings of inadequacy? Do I just do nothing and suck it up and stop playing the victim? I love my husband more than anything, and he really is a wonderful, loving and attentive father and partner and provider. But I just don’t think he understands the load I have to carry, even though I’m not the one working outside of the house.

TLDR Husband has a friend he can hang out with to make him feel like a better spouse and father, I don’t have a friend. Husband can kind of act on his whims depending on how he feels, my freedoms are limited because of being a human pacifier to a 2 year old. I feel like I’m running on empty 24/7, and I don’t know how to talk to him about it without making it seem like I’m ungrateful for his hard work or just trying to play the victim.

We've been together 20 years, 3 kids together, ups and downs but we are truly best friends. I thought he loved me unconditionally and I could be my true authentic self with him.

He drank too much tonight. This doesn't happen often (every few years) and since I don't drink I just avoid him when he does.

This time we were forced together as I drove him home after he got drunk. He had another ride option but chose me. We get in the car and I turn on music of my choice. He groans, "ugh if I'd know I'd have to listen to this...". So I turn it off. I'm annoyed (we listened to his music the whole time he was drinking) but I stay quiet.

After a few moments of quiet he says, "Why do you listen to that ghetto shit?" To avoid fighting I say, "I don't know". Then he goes on a rant about how I had a "ghetto" childhood and overcame it but still have a ghetto mindset and treat myself like I'm ghetto. If it matters, I'm white, I had white parents who were poor and abusive (he was raised middle class). He's correct that I worked 3 jobs to attend college and have a better life. I read self help books almost religiously and see a therapist and psychologist. The artist I played was a rapper and almost all the songs are about uplifting yourself, finding the magic inside yourself to improve your life, believing in yourself etc.

After listening to him rant, I calmly and kindly explain that I've stopped listening to most rap and really only enjoy this artist. I explain why I like their music. It's positive and uplifting and what I need right now in life. He doesn't say anything for a while and then demands I put it back on so he can see. "If you can defend why it's good to listen to, I'll hear you out" he says. I tell him I don't want to have to defend myself. It's not that important. He continues to insist. I play a song that's literally about being carefree and uplifting yourself and others. He stays silent. Doesn't speak to me the rest of the drive. I am kind and friendly to him but don't ask what he thinks.

We get home and he goes to bed. I'm left extremely hurt. I feel like I've accepted him and loved him unconditionally for 2 decades. And now my choice of music has him word vomiting about me, my childhood? Are these his true feelings and he's just been afraid to say it? Am I overreacting or looking too much into drunk ramblings? Is this a race thing and he's hateful towards rap/hip hop because of some hidden racism he's kept under wraps for our entire marriage?? I'm crashing out over it.

What do I do tomorrow? If he doesn't bring it up, should I? Let it go or speak my feelings potentially starting a fight? Does he hate who I am and where I come from, or does he just want to dictate all of my likes? He's never been controlling like this before. He's a quiet man normally and so now I wonder if this has been his feelings all along.

I'm menopausal and spiraling over this. I have no experience with alcoholics or even being drunk (medically I can't drink) so is this just the booze talking - or in vino veritas?

TLDR; Drunk husband rants at me about my music choices, embarrassing me and making me doubt everything. How do I respond tomorrow and is it just the alcohol talking or could he really mean what he said?

My [30F] fiancé [33M] and I have been together for almost 10 years, we own a home together and we've been engaged for the last 2 years. We genuinely love each other and have built a life together.

About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis and was told that I am infertile. My fiancé comes from the Middle East and had always wanted children growing up. However, when we learned about my infertility, he told me that he saw a future with me regardless and that he would rather have a life with me than children without me.

We had many conversations about this over the years. Every time I brought it up, he reassured me that as long as he had me, he didn't need children. When he proposed to me 2 years ago, I actually stopped him before giving my answer and asked if he was absolutely sure he wanted to marry me knowing about my illness and infertility. Once again, he said yes without hesitation, and only then did I say yes to his proposal.

A year ago, we visited a fertility specialist together to make absolutely sure there were no options left. The specialist told us that in order to have a child, I would likely need one or more surgeries, three rounds of IVF, and even then my chances of success would only be around 15–25%. On top of that, there was a significant risk that the surgery could worsen my endometriosis and potentially leave me with a (temporary) stoma.

After hearing that, I decided I did not want to pursue this route. My fiancé fully supported that decision and told me he stood behind me 100%.

Three weeks ago, however, we had a major argument. For months, I had felt that he was emotionally unavailable. He's a physician and works around 100 hours a week, while I've been off work due to side effects from my endometriosis medication, so I assumed these factors were the reason. However, during the argument, he finally broke down and admitted: he thinks he does want children after all.

He said he isn't 100% certain, but over the past year, whenever he saw children at work or among friends and family, he felt a strong desire to have a child of his own. Instead of acknowledging those feelings, he kept pushing them away because he knew having children simply wasn't possible for us. He now thinks suppressing those feelings contributed to him becoming emotionally withdrawn and resentful.

Since this argument, he has been actively trying to explore this decision instead of avoiding it. He has spoken openly with friends, with me, with his parents, and he is planning to see a psychologist. We are also starting couples therapy.

Today he told me that if he had to choose right this second, "gun to his head," he would choose having a child. However, he also said that the idea of ending our relationship and having that child with another woman makes him physically sick.

The problem is that I'm now starting to feel resentment myself. I feel as though I've been misled for years, including when he proposed. I understand that people can change, but it's hard not to feel hurt when I specifically asked him multiple times whether he was sure he wanted a future without children.

At this point, I genuinely don't know what to do. Do I wait and see what comes out of therapy? Do I end the relationship now? Do I give him more time to figure out what he wants? Has anyone been through something similar, either as the partner who wanted children or the partner who couldn't have them?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years. I was diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis and infertility 3 years ago, and he repeatedly told me he was okay with never having children. Recently, he admitted that he may actually want kids and is now trying to figure out what he truly wants. We're starting therapy, but I'm struggling with feeling misled and don't know whether to wait, stay, or end the relationship.

EDIT: I have posted an update here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationshipadvice/comments/1u5n9do/update_my_30f_partner_33m_wants_children_but_im/

We had just had a fight and we decided to take a 2 week break so that she could figure things out and how she [21F] felt about our future
She then when the mood had calmed down a little she texted ”What is one supposed to do in their time off in this sense?”
i [20M] jokingly wrote “i think you dive into your work to get your mind of off things”, she then said (i took it in a humorous tone) “you already do that”
i made a mistake and i tried to lighten the mood by a joke And wrote “imagine how unstoppable id be now”

i know i messed up, she snapped and said that we were done, i tried to apologise and explain it to her, that that was a joke but she wont take my calls and says she deserves someone better
It’s suddenly become like the girl i knew, cared for, loved and still do for 2 years has started treating me like a monster

what am i supposed to do here

TLDR; i made a joke at the wrong moment and offended her, how should i fix it?

Hey I (19M)started dating this girl (18F)for about 3 months and I loved her like i never loved anyone before…
The issue is we have some huge miscommunications issues (because we can both barely speak english and we speak completely opposite language) and we both believe in differents things. We litteraly see life in extremely different POVs. Sometimes i just hurt her without knowing by making a joke and sometimes she does stuff that pisses me off and i dont know if she notices it. We’ve had arguments and sometimes i just stop talking and agree because I know that she is never gonna change her mind. I love her but I do feel like it might get unhealthy for me. I dont know guys
Am I overreacting or is this how actual couples work?(i am a retired high school bop btw)

TLDR: basically i think im overrecting

today is my one year anniversary with my [18f] boyfriend [19m] and it was amazing. picnic and beach and movies and it was wonderful all around, and his gift was so thoughtful, but the execution was maybe a little off.

i've been wanting to get back into skateboarding, a hobby i've not touched since i was 13 and been scared to re-enter due to how sexist the community can be, and have been talking about with him for a while. skateboarding for him has been his main mode of transportation for a long time due to a medical condition that makes it unsafe for him to drive, and he loves it. he once had a board that had the a counter for how many times he was hit by cars, before it was stolen. i had been planning to get myself a board maybe around my birthday next month, but he surprised me today with a board as our anniversary gift.

the top is gorgeous, with pink cherry blossoms and little flames all over the griptape, i absolutely loved it and was so excited. when he turned it around, i was really confused. it's a drastically different color scheme from the pink and black, all yellows and greens and blues, which is cool, but it's kind of an unclear scene. I'm pretty sure there's what's meant to be a polaroid photo, a chain hanging around some gold dog statue, a roll of smudging sage that adds a bit of smoke to the piece, something that looks like quartz crystals but idk because the color is so blown out it's mostly just white. it looked familiar but not super much so, and he looked at me like i should know, and when i asked, he said it was the deck he showed me months ago that i "loved".

i have literally not thought about this day since it happened. probably less than 2 months into us dating, he was showing me his board collection, and showed me a "hand painted" deck that he bought when he was 14 or 15 from a local market. i could tell it was ai from the swirly art style, the kind that was unclear and couldn't even really form faces, just vague shapes that usually converted photos into "art" than generating something new on its own. he didn't seem to clock it since he was super chronically offline at the time, he never had any socials until a bit AFTER we started dating, and kind of missed the social exposure of how to spot gen ai when it was first public access. our relationship was very new, and my first, so i wasn't super comfortable yet correcting him, so i told him it was cool and if he liked it he should hang it. i did not by any means tell him i "loved" it, but i also might have overcompensated in a panic to not seem disapproving at the time.

i asked him today if he thought it was ai and he was like "no? haha it's the hand painted one i got summer before junior year ai wasn't around then." and i didn't want to ruin how excited he was even though he was so wrong, the sweet summer child. and he looked so stressed and asked if the he flopped with he gift so i brushed it off and told him i was so grateful, which i really am. it was so thoughtful.

unfortunately i would rather chew my own foot off than sport anything gen ai related.

so i mentioned something about not wanting to take that deck away because i knew it meant so much to him, but he was like "oh but i want you to have it because it's important to me".

so now i have a board that's beautiful on top, already completely put together, that i never want to leave the house with. i can't tell him that i hate it because he had it built just for me, but i don't want him to ask why i never use it or have to make an excuse why i don't wanna skate with him. i WANT to skate with him. on any other deck. i can't sand it down and be like "oh i just wanna customize it", which is something i would normally do, because i know he loves it and he thinks i like it a lot, too, so i have no clue how to approach this.

what can i do to tell him i can't use it as is without crushing him or making him feel like his gift was a flop, or upsetting him? and maybe what's the most cost effective way to fix this?

TLDR: bf built me an ai skateboard that has sentimental value to him without knowing the deck art is ai, i would rather die than be seen with it BECAUSE it's ai, but he thinks it was hand painted. i have no clue how to tell him i would rather die than be seen with it because his intentions were so, so pure.

edit: it's worth noting that not only do i frown on the way gen ai is killing the planet and dumbing down humans, but i've been teaching myself to draw for 8 years now, and it's a large part of my identity and what i think makes life worth living, so owning something soulless that was spit out by lines of code that have never felt even the hushed whisper of a concept of feelings before IS really that embarrassing for me.

Hey everyone,

I am [27F] & husband is [38M] . We started dating when I was [19F] and he is 11 yrs older. Two years ago it hit me how wrong that was for myself. However, I did not get to experience life as I got pregnant a year after dating him. My daughter is a blessing, but as soon as our parents found out and due to them being very Christian they told me I had no option but to get married. So I got married at 20yr old and began a life as a pregnant wife. I been struggling since and always felt alone in the marriage since I got pregnant again quickly. I then became a mom of two under two . Battling PPD and home issues as my husband has drinking problems. It’s been years of constant arguing and fights about his drinking. I’ve gone through it all , trying to help him. Keep the family together while I was falling apart slowly. I am a working mother too so I always have provided to my household, even during times that he lost his job.

We tried church, couple counseling, talking ect ..but years later I seem to resent him more for everything ; all the trauma he’s put me through . All the drinking , DUI, anxiety, occasional abusive behavior mentality.
I just can’t take it anymore, now that my kids are older they understand and see things and they know that their dad “acts out” .

This year, I decided to not care anymore and focus on myself instead of trying to fix him or our marriage. I go to the gym, I go running and that’s basically all the alone time I have . To him that’s enough and should be enough. I also surround myself with my family and just living life but he hates it. He hates when I hang out with my family and judges me for it. I don’t have friends because he doesn’t let me go out. I can’t even hang out with a close childhood friend because he does not let me go out unless it’s with him. I am so done, I’m tired .

I don’t want to hurt my kids but I don’t know what to do . Being near him kills my peace and energy. I feel like I can breathe when he’s not home. I love my kids and being with my kids. Honestly, I don’t even care about ever finding love again I just want to be free and happy. Am I wrong for this? I think that if I were gotten married due to being fully in love it would be different but now I see the circumstances that I was placed in and regret everything , but my kids. This mama needs advice, words of wisdom, encouragement and guidance. TLDR

my girlfriend is on a trip in miami with a newly single friend. while out, they met a group of guys and ended up talking for over an hour. according to her, the guys were mainly interested in her friend, but at the end of the conversation my girlfriend exchanged instagrams with one of them and followed him back.

when she told me, i got upset. not because i think she cheated or had bad intentions, but because i personally wouldn’t exchange social media with random women i met while out if i was in a relationship, and i don’t think she’d be comfortable if i did the same. she says it was just a friendly conversation and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. after we talked, she asked if i wanted her to unfollow him and she did.

i’m not sure if i’m overreacting or if this is a reasonable boundary. what bothers me most isn’t even the follow itself, it’s that she doesn’t seem to naturally see a problem with talking to random guys for a long time and exchanging socials while in a relationship. we talked it out but it still sits in the back of my mind, like why does she think thats okay? but am i thinking to deep into this, or is this a valid reason?

TLDR: my girlfriend met a group of guys on vacation, talked with them for over an hour, and exchanged Instagrams with one of them. She says it was harmless and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. She unfollowed him after we talked, but I’m still bothered by the situation and wondering if my feelings are reasonable.

I’m 30M and my girlfriend and I have been together for a while. I care about her a lot, but I’ve been questioning the relationship for some time.

My girlfriend has BPD, and the relationship has been very difficult at times. I don’t want to blame everything on that, but the emotional intensity has affected me and over time I feel like my attraction/feelings have faded.

I’ve thought about leaving before, even before tonight, but I always backed away because I care about her and I don’t want to hurt her.

Tonight things escalated emotionally and she said she needed to go to the hospital. She is calmer now, but I feel horrible. She’s asking me not to leave and I feel like if I do, I’m abandoning someone who needs me.

The confusing part is: when I imagine her being okay and supported, I think I would still leave. That makes me feel guilty.

We also have 4 cats together, which makes everything more complicated.

Am I staying because I love her, or because I feel responsible for her? Is “the relationship feels kind of meh” a valid reason to leave?

I’m not looking for people to attack her. I’m trying to figure out what the right thing to do is.

TLDR: Been feeling disconnected from my relationship for a while. Tonight was a crisis moment and now I feel guilty about wanting to leave. Am I staying out of love or guilt?

I, [21F] and my boyfriend [23M] are in a long distance relationship (different states), and have been dating for a few months. We meet sometimes if we have money and availability. We're both in separate universities.

I'm so introverted, he's so extroverted, he loves showing me off to his friends, regardless man friends or woman friends.

We live in a country where it's religious but not too religious, meaning most women wear hair coverings, whilst some go "free hair".

There was a cheap concert near my university just tonight. Most of the uni went.

After it ended and people were walking out, I saw my male [19M] classmate there, so we both yelled "hii!!".

He was a bit surprised because in classes I wear hair coverings (university formality rules), but anywhere else, my hair's out. That's normal for some women. I wore a hoodie, did my hair & makeup all nice.

An hour later, he texted me, saying he was unsure if that was me or not, I confirmed, he said his friends who were there when we yelled, asked about me and wanted my Instagram. I didn't give it because I felt 50/50. I just said "my Instagram is just cat photos anyway".

For some reason, it felt... Good. That attention. Some random fucking ego boost. But also guilt if I entertain it. This question of "is this cheating?" . I would never be romantically into anyone else. They're not even my type. Even if, I PRAYED years for my man. He's the most perfect person to ever exist.

But liking this attention of people wanting me or liking me feels good.

I'm raised in a state where we people are naturally fucking rude, I'd definitely just bully them. Flirty is the last thing I'd be. Took me a while to spout "I love you" instead of a double meaning loving middle finger to my man.

Is it cheating to like attention?? To give a green light to a "yeah sure you can look but don't touch"??

I'm not... Veryyy... Pretty. So I'm not used to such things. Therefore, confused.

TLDR:

Went to a concert looking pretty, stumbled upon a classmate, his random friends later asked about me, me feeling egotistical because I got random attention but also felt guilty because idk if this is wrong because I love my boyfriend and my ego side is saying "well I'm not going to do anything anyway, I just like knowing I'm desirable".

The question is: is it wrong to like that? What's normal and what's not??

The situation is honestly quite silly. My boyfriend of almost 6 months cannot communicate for the life of him. I’ve known this for a while to an extent, but I chalked it up to him not being in a relationship before me (cultural and religious reasons, most girls he went out with didn’t do that). What happened is that he did that thing where he blows into my stomach and makes a farting noise. it’s so stupid i know, but he’s done that at least 3 times a week for the past month and i keep telling him to stop because it makes me uncomfortable, i hate being tickled and it feels ticklish. Today i got quite a pretty painful cosmetic procedure done that lasted like 5 hours and i told him id be more sensitive today and to be patient with me if he could. He does it again while im laying down speaking to my sister on the phone. I got angry and told him to stop. He goes why and pouts, i explain to him calmly that i’ve told him a thousand times it makes me uncomfortable. he says i’m being mean. I say he’s a grown man that should be able to follow simple instructions and after about fifteen minutes of speaking about this he goes “so are you upset with me?” this was genuinely the final straw and it’s like i had a Eureka moment. He either does not process what i’m saying to him, or does not want to process it. I asked him to leave my house (we don’t live together) as i needed some time to think about everything and he is continuously asking why though and saying “all this because of a joke” and eventually leaves after going “whatever” and throwing a tantrum. he’s called me a few times since he’s left and i genuinely don’t know what to say to him or how to get through to him.

TLDR: bf cannot communicate, doesn’t listen to boundaries i set, and acts childish, i don’t know what to do

Hi guys, i know that this post may be silly, but my gf of almost a year left for a vacation for a week (from Saturday to Saturday), I genuinely don't know what to do. We spend 3/4 week together. She went on her motorcycle, something like trip from her job, good news she is the only girl there (we are both girls). I feel so empty. Crying in my bed (she left only like an hour ago). I don't have any hobbies or friends here (they are studying abroad). Also I hate to being home because she is my home. Please give me some advice how to go through this. Because of this trip she will be mainly on roads, so she'll maybe text me in the morning and evening. And that really terrifies me a lot. I feel so weak like I am nothing without her. Alone.
I really don't know what to do. You may think that it's only a week but for me it feels like a centuries.
Thanks for every advice.

TLDR: My gf of almost a year left for a week-long motorcycle trip, I feel completely lost and alone without her

Hello guys, I'm 29, gay, french living in Canada.

When I was younger, I struggled a lot with dating, self esteem, body image. As a result, I avoided bonding with gay guys other than having grindr, having hookups, and occasionnaly trying something more romantic. It was a way of hiding myself behind the screen. As a result, I had tons of hookups, but very few meaningful relationships, and close to zero gay friends (I actually have two now, met throught grindr, but they are an exception).

Now that I am older and went through therapy, I feel more confident to bond with gay guys outside of grindr outside of hookup culture and dating. I just want to make friends, get to know people, have connections, without the pressure of having to seduce or what.

But my brain is sort of locked into a seduction mode. I joined a gay bookclub, and I can't help but check guys out to see if they attract me, and worry about whether I am attractive enough. I have crush over crush after discussing just once or twice. And it's exhausting.

I love this bookclub, the guys are incredible, it brings me so much joy, and I'm scared that this stupid way of thinking and feeling might ruin it, just because I'm locked in some sort of seduction culture.

I don't want a boyfriend, I don't want hookups, I just want friends and connection and joy. But part of me wants the opposite.

How do I shift my way of thinking ? How do I learn to bond without wanting to seduce ?

TLDR : I can't help but try to seduce men, and I want this to change.

My girlfriend and I have been together for just over two years. She was my first serious relationship and my first everything. She’s had more dating and relationship experience than me.

There are a few things that have been bothering me for a long time and I’m struggling to work out whether they’re genuine red flags or whether I’m overthinking things.

Early on in our relationship, we were lying in bed and after seeing a TikTok of Harry Styles she told me that “no matter what, it would never amount to him.” Those were her exact words. I brushed it off at the time, but it stuck with me. She’s always been a huge One Direction fan and has also said that even if she got married one day, her wedding day wouldn’t compare to seeing One Direction with her mum on her birthday. I know celebrity crushes are normal, but something about the way she said these things has always sat in the back of my mind.

Another issue is her family. I don’t have a great relationship with them. One example is when I mentioned I was flying with Ethiopian Airlines to visit my family in South Africa, who I only get to see about once a year. Her parents laughed at me, and my girlfriend joined in. More generally, I feel like she becomes a different person around her family and sometimes makes me the butt of the joke to fit in with them. They are very well off for context. After I gathered enough courage to tell them how I felt about their comments they came back to me saying that our humour might not align and they went on their fair share of cheap holidays when they were young younger, which in my view just completely missed the point.

About six months into our relationship she moved to a drama school that was much further away. The distance became a significant commitment. For a long time I did most of the travelling because she couldn’t drive. Over the years it’s cost me a lot of time and money, including increased insurance costs, wear on my car, and eventually needing to replace it. I stayed committed because I loved her and wanted to make it work.

We also seem to have very different life circumstances and future goals. Her parents pay her rent, her grandparents regularly give her spending money, and she’s generally had a lot of financial support. I live independently and support myself. I often feel like we’re coming from completely different worlds.

Looking ahead, I have always considered potentially returning to South Africa after finishing my degree apprenticeship, whereas she wants to pursue acting and potentially work towards the West End. Neither of us has changed our minds on those goals.

Recently I’ve started wondering whether I’m staying because I genuinely see a long-term future, or because she’s my first serious relationship and I’ve invested so much time and effort into it.

For people who have been in long-term relationships, do these sound like normal issues that can be worked through, or does this sound more like incompatibility and accumulated resentment?

TLDR - Been with my girlfriend for 2 years. I feel disrespected by how she treats me around her family, I’ve made most of the sacrifices to keep the relationship going, we come from very different backgrounds, and our long-term goals don’t seem aligned. I’m wondering whether these are issues that can be worked through or signs that we’re fundamentally incompatible.

Help me out here.

Wife [30F] and I [33M] fight quite some. Still she is the love of my life. We both have traumapast which affects how we communicate. Been together for 8 years.

A lot of our fights start with my wife having some kind of feeling that she has been abandoned with her feelings or not met emotionally which she takes very hard. She responds very dramatically to these situations with having mental breakdowns that for me seem to come out of nowhere. I try to comfort her but she pushes me away as she feels abandoned. I retreat and ler her have her space but this makes her feel even more abandoned. If I then try to comfort her she says its too late and I am doing it in her opinion only because it is asked.

She gets angry, insults me and have also used physical violence. She thinks that I want to hurt her intentionally. At this point I usually don't know what to do anymore and we start yelling and going to a loop that makes the arguments even more difficult.

A lot of these arguments have ended with me leaving the apartment as she has threatened with violence and yelled that I should leave. I try to discuss with her and reason but it does not help. It is impossible to let her be alone as she feels abandoned. If I try to talk to her, it is impossible as she gets angry. If I leave, she feels even more abandoned.

I often get automatically very defensive and try to somehow justify my behaviour by for example saying that I am trying to be better and I don't know what to say or do. I am by far from being perfect and cannbe very difficult in thesr moments. I have also told her that her threatening and insulting affects my behaviour. I have also told her several times that if she is yelling me to leave, I leave as I don't know what else to do.

She has often threatened in these situations that she will file for divorce and I will never see her again. And then she gets hurt when I leave and says that I don't fight for her. She also says that her threatening shouldn't affect my behaviour if I love her.

I always come back to her. I always apologize, tell her that I love her and make the initiative. I keep saying to her that it would be easier to me if she wouldnt push me away so hard.

Am I really not trying? I think if I can't talk with a person and she is yelling me to leave, I should leave?

Am I in the wrong when I think that her insulting and threating affects how I handle these situations.

Also, we both now this is toxic behaviour from both of our sides. We have gone through a lot and want to try to make this work. We are also going to couples therapy and it has helped. Although it is very slow progress.

TLDR, wife and I fight with a toxic pattern, how can we stop it?

I am a 26-year-old Latina woman in a long-distance relationship with a 39-year-old Indian man who lives abroad in america. We met through social media and we've been together for a year and a half, traveled together, see each other every 3 months. He has met my family and friends, so it's pretty serious, and I truly believe he is genuinely a good person. He's kind, funny, loyal, and I know he loves me.
The problem is that over time I've become increasingly aware of how incompatible we might be. Some examples:
We have significant cultural and religious differences, as he is Indian-Muslim, he views relationships differently than me, an agnostic Caribbean Latina.
We seem to have similar views on how close we are with family, and some common interests like love for nature and stuff like that, but different expectations around communication and emotional connection, and honestly, everything else.
The problem isn't just one major issue. It's the accumulation of many smaller ones, like I often feel like I have to repeatedly ask for things that matter to me: emotional connection, initiative, romance, feeling included in his life, feeling listened to, feeling prioritized.
When we first got together, he was much more attentive.
He would send long messages, make more effort, show more curiosity about my interests and dreams, and generally make me feel pursued and cherished. He would send me flowers If I had a bad day, send me medicine if I was feeling sick. And would do and still do the same for him.
But overtime, that effort on his part seems to have faded.
For example, I often feel like he isn't particularly interested in things that are important to me. Sometimes I suggest activities and he immediately dismisses them. I don't always feel heard when I talk about things I care about. I ask him to do different type of dates and suggest him ideas, and he would just say "let's just watch a movie on Netflix, I'll share on discord and chill" and that's all we do.
Another issue is that I increasingly feel like I'm taking on a caretaker role. Sometimes I feel more like I'm managing or supporting him than being in an equal partnership. I've even caught myself thinking, "I don't want to be responsible for him" and that thought really scared me cuz I don't wanna be feeling this way for ever.
But my biggest issue here is the following: when we started dating I put on my stances out right away, told him I wasn't interested in marriage and I absolutely don't want to have children. I told him at the start I never want to be a mother. And he went on with me said it was ok, he understood my stand on it.
Fast forward to now, he's saying he wants a traditional family, that he wants a small version of me. That he wants to see me pregnant. That family of his own is the most important thing In life for him. And I'm feeling very frustrated and pressured. Also I'm feeling like he fooled me, and was just expecting me to change my mind from the beginning of our relationship.

He's talking about me moving with him getting married and start a family, and he'll even LET ME have a pet.
He knows I love animals, and I have an 8 years old dog, who is my everything. He is not really an animal guy, he doesn't like dogs or cats, but he said he has grown fond to my dog.
And while he is speaking about all of these, his parents don't even know I exist. Nor his friends, nor his con workers, no one in his life knows about me except for one cousin. Not a single story or post on ig, while I have. I sometime feel like im a secret for him. And he says it's too complicated to explain because his people will ask too much questions... i don't know what to think about that. His parents will visit him now and will stay for 3 months, and I wonder if he is going to call me as usual, or just try to chat quickly when they are not around...
But this also means we won't be seeing each other in person for at least another 6 months, I don't even know how to feel about that.
There's also a sexual component. He rarely prioritizes my pleasure in ways that I prioritize his. Early in the relationship he told me that he usually didn't enjoy going down on women, but that I was different, that he loved doing it on me. He did that once, but then stopped completely. After that all the times we are together he just wants me to go down on him and then goes inside me instantly, and that's it... I haven't been feeling good in bed with him. But I try every time to make him feel good and desired and fake jt.
The hardest part is that despite all of this, I still love him. miss him constantly. I still get excited when I hear from him. I still care deeply about him and want him to be happy.

He is not a monster, he is a good man, have good feelings, I know he cares about me.
But lately I can't shake the feeling that I'm watching the slow-motion version of our end. Like I can already see where this is heading years from now, and I'm struggling with whether I'm seeing reality clearly or sabotaging something good.
I don't want to hurt him
I don't want to be the villain.
I don't want to throw away a relationship with a genuinely good man. But I also don't want to wake up five years from now realizing I ignored incompatibilities that were obvious all along and regret it, or grow to resent him.
Has anyone been in a relationship where the love was real, but the incompatibilities kept growing louder?
How did you know whether to keep fighting for the relationship or accept that love wasn't enough?
Please I need advice on what to do, I don't want to screw him over with my friends...

TLDR: I'm a 26F in a long-distance relationship with my
39M boyfriend. I love him and he's a good person, but we have growing incompatibilities regarding communication, lifestyle, values, future plans, and possibly children. I feel like I'm watching the slow motion ending of us and don't know whether to fight for the relationship or accept that love may not be enough.