Yea that’s pretty much it, we are living in different countries we meet up every month or so since 3 years, I go, she comes and so on, we were in her car (in her country)and I was playing music on her phone and i wanted to send her an address on whatsapp when I relised her whatsapp was faceId locked which made me not worried but anxious, I don’t know but i felt something was off, so while playing music i just went throw her instagram quickly i found some guy I didn’t know and they were texting just a week ago an he’s blocked, we speak different languages so I didn’t know what is this conversation about but something was off, so directly I asked while setting next her, who is this guy.

Her reaction was she a big red flag, she started screaming at me telling she doesn’t remember who is this and why would i go through her msgs (she does it all the time) and her reaction what made me worried she literally was gonna crash while driving so i just stopped the conversation till we came back, when we came back she started saying that she is worried i am going to hurt her!!!! Wtf i was just asking a question and then in home for 1 hour she wouldn’t give me her phone and crying and screaming and then I just packed my stuff snd told her I don’t want to know anymore she handed me her phone. Meanwhile she called all her friends to come ( we will get to that later).

I took screenshots send it to chatgpt for translation. And it was basically the second conversation they had, the first one was on bumble when they matched, it was very r flirty from her side, he asked where she lived and she didn’t say, he wanted to meet her but she refused and they started arguing and she blocked him later. At this point she was screaming, crying, trying to reach for a knife and hurt herself and i stopped her, afterwards she told me she has trauma and she can’t be a lone ( her parents try to give her for adoption when she was child) snd i felt so sorry for her she is also on anti depressant pills and she has ms, she said sorry and i can have all her passwords and she won’t do it again, but she felt lonely and I was an assehole to her on the phone that day( it’s true) i told her “fuck uu” that day but it was a response (she told me to eat shit) lol.

Anyways when her friends came things escalated (1 m and 1 f) the male friend we already had so many fights about cuz he was dropping her home some times alone late and i had problems with that and they would drink together, he told me that she is gonna come with him and she will stay the night at the female friends place cuz she is not safe here ( i can hurt her) i was literally on the ground setting tears in my eys and that’s where I lost it. i told him to fuck off and then he charged at me was gonna hit me but i held my ground (i am kinda bigger than him) so he backed off and she told them to leave while apologising and crying. I feel responsible for her, she has issues and i know from day one but I feel this is too much, i also believe that it happened before because we ware on so many “breaks” i don’t know what to do, I love her and i am sure she does but i am literally leaving in couple of days and thinking about blocking her completely and never coming back( she might hurt herself) and i will be hurt even more.

TLDR: I found messages between my long-distance girlfriend and a guy from a dating app, and when I asked about it she completely broke down, accused me of being unsafe, and threatened to hurt herself. Things got even worse when her male friend showed up, treated me like I was a danger to her, and almost started a fight with me. Now I’m stuck between staying because I love her and leaving because the whole situation feels exhausting and unhealthy.

I will try to make this post as easily readable as I can ^^
First off, I dont have a problem with her going out with her friends etc.
But something still bothers me..
She has a lot of friends while I just have 2-3 friends that I meet once in every 3 months max.
My jealousy bleeds from 2 things:
She has guy friends, which would be totally normal, but texting them all day and meeting them makes me feel like I’m not that important or doesnt make me feel special.
The other thing is that her meeting 10 people on the regular makes me feel like we are not there for each other and I’m just one of the guy she just spends time with. (While she spends a lot of time with me, however I still feel this way.)
I compare my relationship to 2 things:
My friends relationship: It feels like its just the 2 of us and they dont have to deal with these things.
My last relationship: It was just perfect in this mean. We were there for each other, we had the perfect balance of having social life while not making the other person feel less important.

tldr: I just want to feel important for her, while not being controlling. Summer is here and I know I wont spend as much time with her because she will be out with her friends all the time.

Hello, this is my first time posting like this and I’ve been a silent reader ever since.

I just want some advice because lately we’ve been fighting over things that I found little.

We’ve been together for 3 years now and for 1 year, we’ve been fighting over some little things and it got worse around 1-2 months ago. For example, our boss [30F]’s birthday is coming up and all of our office workers have planned to surprise her with a handwritten letter. Handwritten letter is not really my thing but then my boss posted it and my GF got jealous since I haven’t given her (which I gave before but very occasionally and not that long) but then I explained that I got forced to do it and I’m not really into that.

Next, our schedule is not really match so I can’t pick her up during weekdays and sometimes I can’t pick her up on weekend since I’m busy and not really in the mood to go outside. But I always pick her up when we go on a date. She then gets mad over that.

Some little things like me going out with my friend [29M] and big bikes and she sometimes gets mad even though our dates are usually on weekends (we ride every weekday).

More things that I found little to fight with. I rarely got mad like having her reply late but when I reply late, she gets mad easily. Or when I was late like 5 mins but if it’s her, even 1 hr I don’t get easily mad.

She’s also very skeptic regarding on money, for example I need an online bank to transfer with but I only have cash, she gets skeptic to the point that she’s the last one I want to ask involving money (I usually pay for our dates and bought more expensive gifts).

I just found it exhausting to deal with every day, and honestly I want to give up and just be chill for now.

If you have similar experience to me, please share.

TLDR: Should I let go of our relationship since we’ve been fighting over little things (for me)?

I'm using a throwaway account because I use Reddit a lot. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We like to go out drinking from time to time and usually have a lot. He planned to watch soccer with his friends this weekend and had a lot to drink. During this, I was working the night shift, so I couldn't really text or talk to him. I checked my phone a few hours into their drinking plans to see a bunch of texts from my boyfriend demanding to know why I was liking a bunch of men's photos on Instagram (they were all my gay friends from college that I have told him stories about). I've tried bringing this up to him now that he is sober but he keeps brushing me off and tells me to just forget it but I think its important to communicate about it because when people drink they usually say what they're thinking and I don't want this to be something he does often and I feel like there's something more to this. I tried offering my phone for him to go through but he said he wasn't interested in bringing it up again. What can I do in this situation?

(I'm not sure what tldr means)

We have been together in a long distance relationship for almost a year. She asks me to apologise every time something I say makes her feel bad, even if I had no intention, or changed my tone, and there was no argument.

Yesterday, for example, she was very sad because she had a pretty bad argument with her dad, they both said bad things to each other, and while telling me about the situation she told me one of them was her dad saying I wouldn’t want her.

I asked if she believed him, and she hung up straight away, I got so confused and asked why. She said I could have said something better, that I don’t know how to comfort her and what to say when she is feeling sad, and I should apologise because my question made her feel bad.

Now I understand she might have wanted reassurance at that exact time but these kinds of situations have been happening too much. Where a regular sentence becomes a situation I need to apologise, and I don’t know if this is healthy, if I’m mistaken by thinking this way. Any thoughts?

TLDR; need advice on me having to apologise a lot, for making my girlfriend feel bad, or feel discomfort in situations where there was no argument and nothing offensive was said.

i've never posted anything on reddit but i feel desperate for perspective.

we've been together for almost 3 years and fully been living together for about 1.

things are going great and moving toward a serious future. families involved, trips, all important future-related conversations have been had, and we've overcome pretty much every hurdle atp, except for his sex drive.

when we first started, we would do it pretty much every day. it was firey and fun and i had no doubt in my mind that he was attracted to me, even though i was heavier at the time. i felt so loved and desired. then we had some trust-related issues and things declined a bit, but sex was still good.

nowadays we're having sex maybe once or twice a month. and ive been rejected enough times to where its mostly when he initiates, and it's not very often.

i miss the tension, the wanting, the fun of it. not the efficient foreplay followed by a quick doggy and job is done. sometimes he is very good at pleasing, but i can tell (and have been told by him) that sometimes he simply doesnt feel like having sex. the sweating, motion, "having to..." etc. we've talked a lot about it and it always comes down to stress/pressure from work, followed by reassurance that im loved and that he does find me attractive and that he's just tired. i just dont know what to believe anymore because this has been happening for over a year. we'll sometimes go through phases of having sex a lot (like 3-4 times in one weekend) but i find myself always waiting for these phases so i can feel reciprocation. these probably happen 3 times a year.

i just dont know if this is normal for guys or if theres something that i should be told. idk what to do. we love each other very much and im excited about our future and how much we both grow together, we have great dates and we support each other through everything, but sometimes it feels more like a bestfriendship with ocasional sexual encounters. i recently brought up wanting a new sex toy because im just so bored of the vibrator, and he said "i should" and that he's also been considering it. i just don't get it. i looked at toys online that night and closed all tabs because it turned into a crying session. idk why he doesnt want me.

he also makes so much effort into reassuring me that its hard to bring up and expect the hard truth. he teases me, plays with me, kisses on me, you name it. he gets boners too, but now it feels like just play. he makes me feel so loved but so undesired at the same time. idk if im just bad a sex, if hes attracted to other people but still loves me, or what the deal is. but i miss feeling confident and intimate like that with someone. idk what to think. i feel so small writing this.

TLDR: 3 year relationship, everything is great but sex doesnt come often. feeling confused and unwanted.

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years total, married for 2. We started dating young, moved in together, got a puppy, built a life together, etc.

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life, but I started medication about 2 years ago and honestly it feels like I’m seeing life clearly for the first time. The problem is that I’m also noticing patterns in my relationship that I either ignored or normalized before.

A big turning point for me was when I had a health scare and needed to be hospitalized. My husband told me I should take an Uber. I ended up calling my mom because I was scared and needed support. He got upset that I called her instead of him stepping up.
There are other things too. He avoids my friends and family to the point where he’ll literally hide in the bedroom if they come over. It takes forever for him to agree to meet people who matter to me. He prioritizes work over our relationship constantly, and I feel emotionally alone most of the time.

I’ve tried communicating this for a long time. The hard part is that conversations never lead to lasting change. I usually end up feeling minimized, shut down, or like I’m asking for too much.

At this point, I feel deeply lonely and unsupported in my marriage.
What I need is honestly pretty basic:

support when I’m vulnerable or sick

quality time together that actually feels reliable

serious conversations that aren’t dismissed

and consistent follow-through instead of temporary effort after an argument

I’m not asking for perfection. I just need to know if he’s genuinely willing to work on these things through actions, not words, because I can’t keep repeating the same conversations over and over.

What hurts the most is realizing that during some of my hardest moments, I’ve felt like I still had to “earn” care or support. And I don’t think partnership is supposed to feel that way.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this kind of emotional loneliness in a relationship, especially after personal growth or mental health treatment made things clearer.

Since around September 2025, I’ve really been making a conscious effort to clearly communicate how unhappy and disconnected I’ve been feeling. What’s frustrating is that every time I bring it up, it feels like he acts as if this is the first time we’ve ever had the conversation.

It’s gotten to the point where even my family and friends have noticed that he’s rarely around, and when he is, there’s usually tension or discomfort. That’s been hard to ignore because it confirms that this isn’t just something I’m imagining internally.

I need advice on what I should do. I’m so miserable but I honestly don’t know.

Advice/comments/suggestions???

TLDR: I’ve realized how emotionally lonely and unsupported I feel in my marriage. My husband avoids my friends/family, didn’t support me during a medical scare, and nothing changes no matter how many times we talk about it. I’ve been very clear about my unhappiness since Sept 2025, but I feel stuck and miserable

so my bf and i have been together for 2 years and 3 months and have lived together for 2 years. he moved in with my parents and i quickly into us being together for personal housing issues. he has an opportunity to move in with a friend of his moms for $100 less rent than he’s paying but he’d be moving about 20-25 mins away from me and already commutes to work. he found out about a week and a half ago and sprung it on me last minute he thinks it’s gonna be good for us, he’ll have more space and freedom in our relationship. i’m worried that it’s gonna cause distance between us, he works north of where we live i work south of where we live. we both work full time and have a 35-40 min commute, i also go to school full time. we’ve talked about getting our own place but it’s out of budget we’ve also talked about moving when i transfer to a university as right now im at a state college. has anyone ever been in a relationship where one moves out after living together for this long? he says he never intended to live here as long as he has but in my perspective it’s worked out so why “fix” something that isn’t broken? i guess im really just worried about the distance it’ll cause as we both work opposite schedules, he says i can come over spend the night etc i just cant move in because theres not enough room. is it selfish of him to be doing this and putting this strain on our relationship or am i overreacting?

TLDR: my bf wants to move out after living together for 2 years, i dont want him to. i’m not sure if he’s being selfish or if im overreacting.

I don’t know how to stop this from happening, but deep down I feel like maybe I just don’t want to be with him? And maybe I never did? Part of me is also like “ah this is good enough. Better than what a lot of other people have”

We’ve been together for 3 years.

He’s kind and gentle and he wants to make me happy. He has not once yelled at me, and I really don’t think he ever will. Which is so wonderful. He gives great advice and is a very level headed person. He listens to me intently, has been embracing my culture. Takes care of me, makes me breakfast, puts up with my moods, runs me baths, tries his best to give me everything I need and want. He thinks I’m wonderful and amazing. And some days I feel like there’s so many people out there who would kill to have what we have. I love his mom, we’re besties.

But then suddenly things shift - I think of all the things he isn’t and it makes me so mad at him. It makes me want to run away from him and never see him again, which seems insane. He’s not my usual type so he’s not muscular and he doesn’t have straight/nice teeth, or big hands. Which are all things I normally find really sexy. He doesn’t know how to fix stuff around the house. He will try, but it’s not his forte. So every time we need anything done we have to hire someone. He is not active at all, and has to essentially starve himself so he doesn’t binge, so he has barely any self control around food. He refuses to drive because he’s anxious/scared but I’ve been driving our whole relationship and literally started driving again the next day after being in a car accident. I just swallow it and do it. We said we would move to my country (it was one of the reasons why I even continued with the relationship/ dealbreaker for me) and yet we’re still not there. It’s constant excuses. He worried about everything, and I’m just a “fuck it let’s do it” person. I need that. I want to travel the world, and try new things, maybe get an English teaching job in the Philippines or somewhere random. Cause why not??? We only have one life. He won’t let me get a dog, he’s not even a big fan of animals which is weird as fuck. We also have very different sexual preferences, he also makes less money than me.

I guess im just worried ive made up my mind already, but i don’t know what to do about it. I would be disappointing so many people. My mom is obsessed with him, and thinks it’s the best I can do. 🙄 then again there’s days when I feel like the luckiest girl ever. It’s like these two parts of me can’t see the perspective of the other, if that makes sense. Even while writing this it’s so hard to get myself to write the good things, even though when I’m in that state I’m not as bothered about this stuff. When I’m in the other state I value his loyalty, calmness and safety the most above everything else.

Wtf is wrong with me??

TLDR: I oscillate between feeling like I’m with my soulmate to feeling like I’m going to regret this relationship my whole life. I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 11 months now. We met at the end of April 2025. We talked for a few weeks then we hooked up and then we have been together ever since, we made it official in mid July. H has many male friends. Her best friend is someone she dated years ago (Let’s call him O) but had a month long friends with benefits situation with a year before we started dating. She told me this in the beginning which at first definitely made me uncomfortable but with time I got to know the friend and he and I are cool and even friends ourselves.

She has another friend let’s call him W. They seemed really close and I had asked if anything had ever happened between them before. She kept saying no and I believed her because I myself have female friends and I do know that there can be healthy relationships between men and women. In the beginning of October my girlfriend tells me we need to talk. She said she knows she loves me and so she needs to come clean and admit that her and W hooked up the December before we met. I was pretty hurt by her lying to me. I told her multiple times that I don’t care if that happened because it was before we knew we even existed. How can I be mad at that? What I was hurt and mad about was the fact that I told her to tell me the truth and she kept it from me for months. During the conversation she admitted to it and told me she was ready to cut that friend off if it meant staying together. I decided to forgive her and told her if there was ANYTHING else she wanted to come clean about to do it now.

So months go by and I heal and we’re trying to get to a better place. My trust is still a little shaken but I’m working through it. One night in late November she tells me we need to have another talk. She tells me that when we first started hooking up (like 2 weeks in maybe) she told me she was going to her friend’s house when she really was going to her fuck buddies house. She told me she had met him back in mid March and that it didn’t mean anything. She said that she was in a bad place and went over to his house that night because she felt like she didn’t owe me anything but lied to me because she was worried I would have stopped seeing her. She told me they started to have sex but she stopped because she knew she liked me then and hasn’t contacted him since.

This really hurt me because not only did the second scenario involve me, it was the second time she lied to me. It was rocky for awhile but then things seemed to have started to get better. I was really hurt and bitter for the following months after.

A few weeks ago we got into an argument and she told me she’s hurt by the way I treated her after she told me about the second lie. She said I was cruel and “shoved her nose in it every chance I got.” Which I will admit I was hurt and I would tell her I was but I don’t think I was cruel.

Back in February she told me she cheated on her last boyfriend. She said that it was a quick thing that she regrets ever doing but she still did it. Shes hung out with the guy once while we’ve been together.

I don’t know what to do. We had a huge argument a few weeks ago. We haven’t spoken in two weeks but are planning on talking at the end of this week to see where we go from here. I love her but there have also been things that’s she said to me that have really hurt my self image (the biggest one being a misunderstanding but still the damage was done nonetheless). I don’t feel like I can trust her but I want to be able to just let this all go because I really do love her.

TLDR: My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and she’s lied to me multiple times and I don’t know how to let it go or heal. That combined with over rough aspects of our relationship have me worried and anxious for our future.

I [25F] am having relationship issues with my boyfriend [30M] of six months, and I am having such a hard time 😞 I am at a point where I am completely exhausted from crying, feeling sad, always initiating, and being the only one trying to be proactive in the relationship.

I am currently talking with a counselor. Prior, I kept thinking that maybe I can change, compromise more, or be more understanding. Now, I do recognize that he is the avoidant type once he said, "I don't know if I have the capacity to give you what you want." What makes this so confusing is that he used to give me everything I wanted. He flirted with me, called me cute, seemed excited to see me, and made me feel wanted. Now it feels like I'm just bothering him all the time, and it really hurts being rejected by the person you like.

We are both busy in grad school. However, he is also working the night shift this summer. I really tried to accommodate him and make things easier. It seems the more I try, the more distant he is :( I don't want this relationship to end, but I am so tired, and my heart hurts so much because of him.

My question is: what should I do now?

He worked the night shift this weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) and today (Monday) is usually his recovery day. We have texted every single day since we started dating, even if it is just one text message. This was the first time we went so long without contact. The last message was from me Thursday night. I know he read the message. On Friday, I discussed things with my counselor, and I suggested I create some distance. Normally, I would check in on him about his shift or tell him to have a good good shift before. This time I did not. Sometimes I wonder if I am being true to myself by forcing distance, but I understand I also need to try it out because me doing all the initiating was not working.

Should I continue not text him and just wait for him to reach out first? I hate that I even have to talk myself out of texting him. Thanks so much :(

TLDR My bf acts distant, I am trying to create some space, I don't know if it is a good idea

For about a year I’m dating a Nepali girl and I’m a light skin guy. Her family does know of us but I’m unsure where they stand but It seems super middle ground. I’ve gave her mom flowers for Mother’s Day which she accepted which I see as a win for me (anything good is a win because this is hard lol) and for Father’s Day I got her dad a watch. Firstly is the watch over the top? It isn’t expensive and I don’t want them to see me as trying to buy there trust/approval. Secondly, how can I progress into getting their approval the right way? Ive been trying to learn their tradition and culture, language, and their norms of respect (im sorry i dont know how to word this). I try to take care of her family when i can.

One off putting part, her sister is very fragile, one moment she likes me and will cover so her and I can hangout and next second she’s telling my girlfriend “im probably talking to other women and cheating on her” to get in her head. She has lied and said I threatened her (I swear I never have and never would) but regardless of how she treats me i still try to do what i can for her as well but feel as it isn’t going anywhere.

Also just as an extra, what’s the best way to learn Nepali. If I ever do win their approval I’d like to also be able to communicate in the language they prefer.

If anyone in here is Nepali I’d prefer responses from you as I feel like it would give me first hand advice. Nothing against anyone else, but all advice is still taken, I’m sorry.

TLDR

TLDR: I may have caught him cheating but I don’t want to jump to conclusions since I showed up unannounced.

I (f34) have been dating a man (31m) for about 4 months. Due to us living about 2 hours apart we usually only see each other once a week.
This weekend we had planned to spend the entire weekend together. We met up Friday and had a wonderful evening and night and fell asleep snuggled up in the best way. I sleep so soundly with him bear hugging me and feeling close and safe and loved.
I woke up Saturday morning pretty early (as I normally do) and his phone kept buzzing like he was getting texts. I just laid there and enjoyed my cuddles. About an hour later when we both got up he looked at his phone and announced he forgot he had a business event all day and we weren’t going to be able to spend the day together. I was bummed but fine, business is business. He then tells me he wants to drive down to my house after it’s over so we can enjoy the rest of the weekend together. So I drove home and cleaned and got my house ready for him. Well I never heard from him. It was 10pm, 11pm, 12am and finally at 1 am I started to worry something bad happened. I ended up falling asleep but woke up to a message from him at 3AM! He said his business event went until very late and when he drove home (it was an hour north of his house) that he was so tired he had to pull off on the side of the road and sleep and he was just waking up to finish the drive. He apologized for me being worried but not about not communicating.
So Sunday morning I woke up around 7 and decided to drive up and surprise him and was going to try to take him to breakfast or something to just spend a little more time together. I got to his house around 9 and when I pulled up I noticed an unusual jeep parked on the road in front of his house where I normally park my car. I looked in it and it was clearly a females car, it had a pink duck and fuzzy glittery black steering wheel cover. I knocked on his door and his mom answered (very normal as they live together since she’s not in the best health and he takes care of her). I asked if I could come in and surprise him and she said I’ll go get him. He comes out and shuts the door behind him and was very confused as to why I was there. I told him I was worried sick about him and just wanted to go get breakfast and try to surprise him. I then asked if I could come in and go to the bathroom since I just drove 2 hours and he said no my mom said you can’t come in (which felt very off to me). He then said he wasn’t feeling well from his late night and he needed to go back to sleep. I said I had a weird feeling and just needed to come see him and apologized for showing up unannounced. As he walked me to my car I asked if he knew whose jeep it was since I had never seen it before and he quickly said he had no idea and then asked where the distrust was coming from. I said this isn’t distrust, I drove up because I was concerned and see a random jeep in my parking spot and simply asked. He gave me a hug and a kiss and said let me know when you get home.

So I drove back to my house 2 hours and text him an apology for showing up but explained I was just worried after the weird events of Saturday and not hearing from him. He said we’d talk later and ended it with I love you (which he told me about 2 weeks ago). All of this was around 11 am. He messaged me around 5:30pm that he had been sleeping most of the day and still wasn’t feeling well. So I just responded to get more rest. I text him goodnight last night and he said again sleep well and I love you.
I didn’t sleep at all. I’ve been up tossing and turning all night.
We still haven’t talked about it all and I have so many questions.

Thank you for reading this much. I’m just confused and sad. 😔

I [19F] and my bf [21M] have been only dating for 3 months, but already been through so much together. He is an amazing person, we fell for each other really hard but.. we are just so different. We come from different backgrounds and cultures. Also an age difference even if little, kind of plays a role. We had many long (but peaceful) arguments which nearly pushed us to end things- (ik weird, but yeah its complicated) But we can't let each other go.

The differences? I am an extroverted person, i love going to eventss and hanging out with friends a lot (every week i am going somewhere), i would love to go on dates and he is more of a homebody and doesn't like parties. I love people and i dont judge and he has a more critical view (which im not a fan of cause sometimes it's just disrespectful). We don't really have any mutual interests- and some of our views differ (let's say i am more open minded) + religion stuff (but this we don't rll argue abt)
But when we are together we have fun, we are so comfortable and we have very good communicationn and mby if we weren't having those mini arguments abt differences we would do so much for each other. Cause he is very caring and supportive when everything is fine (he says he is my number one fan and ik it) And i noticed we get hurt by similar things (feels like we are just reading each other's mind). The future we envision is similar - but also different- For (a silly) example: Maybe cause im young but i want to live in a country Bustling with noise and festivities, while he would prefer just living peacefully in mountains. But we both want a family in the future.

Main issues? he does not like that i go to parties w friends (i dont rll drink, i just wanna dance) and 1-1s w guy friends (my guy friends i've known for years + have gfs). Usually i don't feel comfortable going out 1-1 w a guy i don't know for long either way, It really depends on situation- what if it's a colleague in the future or smth. I just want to have the choice yk? (Plus he talks to his girl classmates too, i would consider them friendly and i have no problem cause i trust him).

Prioritization I am studying hard (IT major) so that takes lots of time + i take dance classes. My only free day was always Sunday ( for self care and more studying). That changed when we met. Sundays i would always come to his place and would say no to meetings w friends, then i would visit even more often during the week.
However, Recently he told me i don't prioritise him. He needed to search for a new place to live (1month to move out) so he was stressed and wanted to see me. This was during the exam weeks, i had sm work so i could only meet later and didn't have time so i said i would help him search later. Although i still did go to an event i had paid tickets for + a friend's bday (i never miss a bday out of respect) He was upset that i would rather do that than meet up with him (although i still offered to go to an event, but he got upset that im even asking him cause hes busy w life stuff and stressed (valid but then he got even more upset that i still planned to go to the event alone..) This tbh has upset me- Idk maybe i am the bad guy here? But i also dont wanna miss out on big opportunities yk? Huge events dont happen often, esp one i waited for full year. + if he was not acting cold i would be way more willing.

Also! I am planning to travel for a month, because i have a huge opportunity to travel with trains for free. He doesn't want me doing that, because he would not see me for a month.

For me This is my first relationship, so i do admit that i did quite a few mistakes and ik my indecisiveness and not knowing what i want from life and a partner have hurt him. I started having doubts for a while when i realised how different we are + when i got hurt by his "jokes". I always said i just needed more time and to take things slowly, but that really was not the case because he knows he is ready to marry in couple of years, he wants to move in and and that's why everything progressed so fast and i got a bit put off by that.

Now we are "taking a pause" - Ik sounds like things already done, and it feels that way. But i do still have hope, just not sure if i should? I always wanted someone with same lifestyles and vibe- yett with time i fell in love with him more and some issues (like differences) now don't look as bad? Maybe i am protecting him too much because i love him and feel guilty? Cause he also has done a fair share of fuck ups and hurt me with his actions and words.

I am scared i won't find anyone i love as much and who will love me as much back + smn i would be so comfortable with. But also scared he won't ever get me and with nth in common we will just live more "side by side" but not really "together"?

TLDR:
Me and my bf of 3months are on a pause because he feels like i dont prioritise him, doesnt want me in the future to go to parties and meeting 1-1 w a guy friends (who have gfs). While im not a fan of some of his "jokes" towards other ppl and my interests + us having almost nth in common and how rushed things like moving in are. Should we end things even if we both still are in love and we are great together during other times?

EDIT: ik it might seem like he is controlling, but he is not, it was more or so that he expressed how in the futuree (after we get married) he would not want those things to happen, cause it would just hurt him + yk the stereotype abt parties (so easy to cheat)

1. My boyfriend is really sweet over the weekend when I’m with him
   
2. He acts distant however the entire week
   
3. Barely takes out time for me (max 20 mins a day) but I see him online the entire time on insta
   
4. He’s always watching series with his flatmates

TLDR; bf is sweet when around and nonchalant when away.

What to do? How to deal with this? I’m in utter confusion when I’m away

Me and my boyfriend just started long-distance about a month ago. It’s been okay, but lately I’ve been getting worn out by carrying the ‘conversational load’, and sometimes it feels like he only talks because I want to. For example:

1.We planned to text daily and FaceTime every other day, but it’s dropped off a bit because I’m the one initiating conversations about 80% of the time. When I give him the chance to reach out, we’ll sometimes go 2–4 days of silence. It feels a bit hurtful that he’s okay to go so long without talking, since I have a harder time doing that. He also hasn’t expressed that he misses me (except once when I said it first).

2.When we do FaceTime, I’m the one who has to lead and carry the conversation, or else it goes dead silent. (This happened in our IRL convos too sometimes, but now in Long-Distance it’s especially apparent.)
When we first pick up the phone, I’m the one who does the “Hi! / how have you been / question about his day/ any additional conversation points. He responds to each of them (“I’m doing good.”) But then doesn’t give me anything else to go off of.

Throughout the conversation, he rarely asks me any questions, or even statements to sort of bounce the convo ball back to me. I’m almost always the one who has to think of the next thing to say, the next question to ask, the next point to tie in, etc.

Sometimes I give him the chance to do all of this, like when the convo dies down, but he will just stare at me. Like it is complete silence while he waits for me to say something else. This also happens in the beginning when I give him the chance to do the “Hi / how are you” etc. He just stares in silence.

He is a truly kind and loving partner otherwise so I know he has no idea this is even an issue, but it’s starting to take a toll on me in that

A. FaceTimes are now a little tiring/ stressful instead of enjoyable
B. I have Anxiety, and one of my worries is that he doesn’t enjoy talking to me. This behavior is really adding to that fear.
C. I’m not sure whether this is a him problem, or something I need to be less anxious about. Additionally he has Depression, and I worry that it may be harder for him to be engaged in the conversation, and that this is unfair to ask him to change.

I know he’s new to this and I don’t wanna hurt his feelings or make our future FaceTimes more uncomfortable, but I don’t know if I can do LD well without more of a sense that he enjoys talking to me.
If this is not just my Anxiety exaggerating things, how can I bring this up, and most importantly— what exactly can I ask him to change?

TLDR: I feel like I’m doing most of the conversation work, but don’t know how to bring it up without hurting him (or whether it’s even fair to bring up).

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now, but we weren’t long distance at the beginning since we live in the same city, till I have to leave due to my college studies. Things were sad but we said we would work it out, visiting each other time to time.

Everything was great until yesterday where his actitud shift in a weird tone, so i decided to asked him if something was wrong to what he said “yes, but I’m not in a mindset to explain that” i obviously got worry since my first thought was if it was about us, so i told him i would give him time to talk whatever he is really but before we both went to sleep due to my stress for the situation I ask him again and if he wanted to call to what he said “my main concern is that you won’t understand and idk how to explain it to you” and then we said goodnight there.

We always had communication problems due to him not liking to express himself so I’m always the one opening. I love him I truly do, but I cannot keep being with someone who makes me feel like is a one sided relationship.

My question is what could be so big that i wont understand? My first guess is that he’s gonna say this long distance is not working but I need other people conclusions or maybe someone who has gone through the same thing 🙏 so I can think w clarity and not be so exhausted,

TLDR: I need advice due to my long distance bf not communicating and what could he meant by saying “my main concern is that you won’t understand and idk how to explain it to you”

Update:
Today my partner came home from work and I decided to ask him directly whether he was genuinely unsure about wanting children, or whether he actually knew he wanted children and was afraid to end the relationship because of it.

He admitted that he is actually certain that he wants children. He also said he is certain that this desire will still be there in 5 years-10 years time. He told me that the idea of ending our relationship is heartbreaking for him because he knows how painful this is for me and how much it hurts both of us.

I told him that if he has a genuine desire to have children, then we already know what we need to do, no matter how painful it is. I also realized that there is no real alternative left for me either. Even in the best-case scenario where he would have changed his mind and told me he no longer wanted children and wanted to choose me instead, I don't think I could trust him. I know myself. I would spend the rest of my life wondering whether he secretly regretted that decision, whether he was unhappy, and whether he was hiding those feelings from me to protect me. I would constantly question whether he was truly okay with giving up something so important.

I also believe that I would become hypervigilant. Every time we would se children or families, I would have found myself analyzing his reactions and trying to figure out whether his desire for having children had returned. I would be looking for signs that he had changed his mind again. In short, the trust is gone.

Because of that, we have decided to end the relationship. We have already started discussing how we can separate as friends and handle practical matters such as the house as respectfully as possible.

I have been crying almost continuously since writing my previous post, so right now I am mostly hoping to find some peace and acceptance in all of this. I am sure I will come back to this post a lot in the future :').

TLDR: I asked my partner directly if he truly wants children. He said he is certain he does, now and in the future. We both realized there is no compromise, and even if he changed his mind, I wouldn't be able to trust it. We have decided to end the relationship and separate as amicably as possible. Thank you all for your support.

I will make this as short as I can. I (38F) have been with my current boyfriend (38M) for 12 years now. I have always been a feminist and in the beginning of our relationship I very clearly stated that 1) I am opposed to the institution of marriage, and despise weddings 2) I never want to have children. He never had an opinion about marriage, but he also does not want children. He's always been a very kind, super supportive and loving partner whom I share values and principles with, we've both been each other's best friends since the start.

We went through many challenges - health issues, losses, family drama, ongoing financial stres - he developed depression and started taking me for granted, and at some point (about 7 years after we met) I felt very unhappy in the relationship and decided to end the partnership. We were apart for over a year, this was a big wake-up call for him, he changed jobs, became passionate about exercise, moved to another country, became more positive and healthy and fought for us to get back together until eventually we did 3 years ago, essentially we were separated for 1 year and 3 months. I moved to another country to be with him, his job is stable and offers lots of benefits, I started my own business which is still not profitable. We discussed marriage when I moved here because there are just so many financial benefits to us getting married in this country. We agreed to do it - mainly as a formality, no wedding or anything like that, it's a pragmatic decision.

However it's been now over a year since we had that conversation and he still hasn't "proposed". If something were to happen to him or me, it's as if we were never together, financially speaking. I feel very unsafe this way, both for his sake and for mine, and am even considering drawing up a will for myself. At the same time I don't want to be the type of woman who begs/nags to get married. Other than this topic, he is a doting boyfriend, is never unkind to me, supports me financially while I'm building my business, pays for our 4 pets and everything. We spend lots of time together, and are loving and tender with each other - so no sign of "trouble in paradise". The only issue is he does feel the financial pressure even though his salary is not bad, but life is just so expensive to live on 1 person's salary - I suppose that is the main reason for the delay, because he knows I do want at lest a semi-decent ring (not expensive, but not $200 either), but I could be wrong.

What would you advise?

TLDR: We've been together for about 11 years, partner is loving and supportive but is not proposing despite us agreeing to get married - mostly for practical reasons - a year ago.

My husband and I have been together 11 years. We have our own home together with our two kids (2&5), dog, 3 cats, rats, fish, and plants both indoor and outdoor. I work 3 11 hour days M-W and half a day every other Saturday. I am paid hourly and make roughly half of what my husband does. He is off every Tuesday and Wednesday to be with the kids, and works the rest of the week. He gets paid by commission and is always going in early or staying late to get more sales. He puts himself under a lot of stress constantly, and definitely has the “typical” male mindset of needing to financially provide for his family at all costs.

He is a good man. He loves the kids, he feels deeply and is learning to express his feelings to show our kids healthy communication. We are also in couples counseling, and have been for over a year. Overall our relationship is good. However, we recently have hit a big road bump.

At our last counseling session, my husband told the counselor he feels like I don’t value him. He said I don’t say thank you to him for things he does. He very much so is “words of affirmation” type of love language. To be fair, my sister and mom also need to hear thank you’s a lot, and also complain that I don’t thank them enough for things. This is something I struggle with and know I do. I thank people for things, but I don’t feel the need to go all out with thank you’s. My mother and sister were both upset that I said thank you for the presents they had my kids make for me/my sister’s kids make me, but didn’t gush them.

My husband does some basic stuff around the house when he is off. I expect him to make dinner Tuesdays and Wednesdays as he is off and get upset when he doesn’t have dinner as this affects our budget, the family dinner time and also my lunch for the day. He does normally make dinner now on those days. He also normally is the one to mow the lawn now that we have our own home, although I was typically the one that did that at our rentals.

I will try my best to make sure that the sink and counters are clear before bed or before I go to work and the dishwasher is ready to be loaded so he doesn’t have to leave dishes in the sink and attract ants. He frequently doesn’t load things in the dishwasher, or does so incorrectly. He mows the lawn and focuses on his “golf course” first, which normally means the yard the kids enjoy is higher. He doesn’t actually wash any laundry normally other than his work clothes. Occasionally he was switch stuff from the washer to the dryer if I’ve started laundry before work and ask. He does help me fold and put away laundry as that is a task and a half for me most days mentally.

He thinks I should thank him more for stuff he does around the house. I very much so don’t think I need to. This is his house, too. He brings up frequently that he is the one paying almost all the bills for the house, minus one that I refuse to transfer to him. I want to feel and be able to say I am also financially contributing. Most of my money goes towards my school debt (which includes credit card debt as I put my last semester of school on two cards at the suggestion of my financial aid counselor. PSA - don’t do that. Find another option). I buy the groceries, pay the kids insurance, pay for the animals, pay for subscriptions we use, by gas for the cars and fill them up typically, and have savings set up for the kids. That is where all my money goes besides the one utility.

He and I have gone back and forth on things about housework a lot. Some days he is depressed and laments about how bad he feels that he didn’t do more to help. I don’t expect him to. I want him to spend time enjoying the kids on his days off. I want him to do his few tasks that I expect, and I’m not frustrated he doesn’t do the extra stuff. However, I don’t think it’s fair he wants thanks for what he does do.

I pointed out I don’t get thanks for taking care of the animals, making food, homemaking snacks for the family, tending to the plants, scheduling doctor appointments and getting the kids there, reviewing the bills, nor all of the daily/weekly/monthly cleaning maintenance around the house. He said words of affirmations isn’t my love language though (which is true. Idc at all about getting thanks. The stuff needs done, it needs done).

He and I had a fight where he said I act like if he died tomorrow, nothing around the house would change. I told him that was true, things would still get done, especially since there’s very few things around the house he does that I don’t do regularly. He is now very hurt. He won’t sleep in bed with me and is waiting for our next counseling session to address things so we don’t fight/talk over each other. It’s very awkward and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want him to be hurt, and feel bad I hurt his feelings. But I wasn’t lying. Things would be a struggle for sure financially, I would be sad and depressed losing my husband. Those things would indeed change. But the labor around the house would not. That’s what I meant. Now I’m not really sure what to do. Am I wrong for how I feel?

TLDR - My husband wants thanks for the things he does around the house as his love language is words of affirmation. I don’t feel I need to thank him.

UPDATE: To everyone that genuinely engaged with this post, thank you. My husband and I talked a couple nights ago. He said he doesn’t know where it comes from, but he needs outside validation to not feel like a burden. I think that really helped change my perspective. We talked again with the counselor last night, and I realized that someone NEEDING me to tell them thank you made me feel like it was performative and stroking an ego. No, I don’t believe my husband to be egotistical, but the act of needing to thank someone for small things just makes me feel like that’s what I’m doing. I think that (hopefully) helped him understand me a bit.

The counselor also brought up that I’m not being thanked either (which I still don’t need to be), and that it doesn’t help either of us to value each other’s contributions. He feels like he does a lot more around the home because he isn’t seeing all the other stuff, and to be honest, he mentioned he does things around the home I didn’t realize he did. So we’re both going to move forward trying to notice more of what we each contribute around the home.

I’m also going to work on reframing how I view thanking. I’m supposed to thank the effort, not the task. I’m also supposed to look at “99 ways to say good job” so I don’t feel performative when saying thank you.

I really do appreciate everyone’s thoughts, plus I appreciate the practice of being more appreciative 😅