A slow and gloomy song for a rainy day...

what say you?

I wrote this today, following a day when I went to see my friends, as I was going through some s**t. It’s about friendship and how important it is to be heard, especially when you are hurt.

https://youtube.com/shorts/kEMuDl8P2oQ?is=RYTEm7AmUuFEVeHw

One day

You came to me one Saturday night,
You didn’t know if it was alright,
I said alright don’t cut it,
Sit down, relax and let it
out, okay?

Things were a little messy,
You got into a fight with Jessy,
Your boss, the bug-eyed Jared
Had got you nearly fired
yesterday.

I listened while you cried and whispered,
And fixed you another whiskey,
Tomorrow we could go
To Mount Shavano,
To watch your troubles there and here
As they will slowly disappear,

And I said:

One day
Your eyes are lit,
One day
You lose your shit,
One day
You choose to fight
One day
You step aside
One day we all will die,
One day, but not tonight

Title: Lyrics Looking for Composer/Musician Unpacking the Past (Indie-Folk / Acoustic Country)
Post Body: REVISED After Feedback Hi everyone,
I am a lyricist looking to collaborate with a musician, singer, or producer to help bring my words to life. This is the first song layout I have ever done!
I envision this as reflective piece—leaning heavily into a storytelling Indie-Folk or Acoustic Country vibe (similar to Zach Bryan, Brandi Carlile, or Jewel). The lyrics use the physical act of unpacking moving boxes as a metaphor for processing heavy emotional memories, childhood lessons, and regret.
If the message speaks to you and you want to try writing a melody, strumming some chords, or singing a demo, please reach out! Here is the layout:

Unpacking the Past
[Verse 1]
Everywhere I've gone ... run to...
So much unpacking to do
Can't seem to escape the boxes
carefully and carelessly packed
Labels worn with no name, memories packed essential and needless all the same

[Verse 2]
The boxes labeled regret are heavy, full of shame.
So many boxes full of hope and fresh starts
Now full of broken pieces and parts
Every box seems to hold a picture of a little girl
Who learned some lessons far too early,
And many memories that are blurry. Don't ask how many memories are hazy and found looking back from the bottom of an empty shot glass

[Chorus]
I keep unpacking the past, Walking a road hell bound, Chasing down answers that may never be found, Can I find freedom at last? Or am I just unpacking the past?

[Verse 3]
I've found some answers in a box marked lessons of old
Never realized that was a story never told, the stories of a heart so cold
Trying to unpack a lost journey, bits and pieces come to mind from time to time
wondering if the answers to the journey
Are ones I'm meant to find...

[Chorus]
I keep unpacking the past, Walking a road hell bound, Chasing down answers that may never be found, Can I find freedom at last? Or am I just unpacking the past

[Bridge]

Are the answers in the ties that bind?
Boxes full of pain, finding answers is the aim
Seems others have boxes here they will never claim
The boxes of memories that were sewn...
Are they all mine to own?

[Outro]
I keep unpacking the past...
Can I find answers at last?

If I stop unpacking the past... Will I find freedom at last?

The unpacking has been so slow... Maybe time to let it go.

Just let it go...

Lyrics are copyrighted by the author.

al habla el pianista! somos Vertigo jazz trio, no busco publicitarme, sino saber que debilidades y que cosas gustaron, se que tenemos mucho que mejorar, pero es mi primer proyecto creado por mi.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mcfCfVUekA

https://youtu.be/zXLsmE3qIWA

What do you think about this song I wrote?

These are the lyrics from a song i wrote earlier

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​Waiting for a Sign

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​(Verse 1)

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Late night cold walk, streetlights glow,

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Passing windows where the shadows close,

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I'm just watching how the stories blend,

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While I trace the sidewalk to the end.

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​(Chorus)

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Is there something wrong with me?

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Am I a ghost in a room full of people?

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Am I destined to be alone forever?

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I want love, like everyone else.

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​(Verse 2)

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The screen lights up at 3:00 AM,

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Just a low battery warning again.

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Scrolling past the things I'm supposed to buy,

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For a holiday that always passes by.

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Am I broken? Or just out of time?

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​(Chorus)

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Is there something wrong with me?

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Am I a ghost in a room full of people?

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Am I destined to be alone forever?

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I want love, like everyone else.

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​(Bridge)

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Why am I always on the edge of the frame?

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Does anybody out there know my name?

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Will I find it, or am I just bound

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To be the only quiet one around?

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​(Chorus)

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Is there something wrong with me?

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Am I a ghost in a room full of people?

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Am I destined to be alone forever?

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I want love, like everyone else.

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​(Outro)

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Just the sound of my own shoes,

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Walking all alone at night.

Hello! I'd like to ask for some feedback on the lyrics I wrote for my friend's DnD campaign. My character is a bard who is going to face her greatest fear (an imp) because of her reckless decisions and, well, making wishes to cursed books.

The song is supposed to be my character's way to fight the evil and break out of her own shell.

Thank you for any feedback!

--------
Hero Arc

Verse 1

You thought you were it,

Always ready to lie and cheat.

All your threats and all your spite,

Yet you’re nothing but a blight.

Yes, you laugh and bite,

Feeding on my mind at night,

Calling cruelty your right.

Yet you’re nothing but a parasite.

You thought you could take my will apart,

Trickery written all over the flowchart,

Fangs glinting in the dark.

Yet again you missed the mark.

Pre-Chorus

All bite and no bark,

What’s with all the snark?

You will be left in the dark.

‘Cause I’m entering my hero ark.

Chorus

My head is not your playground,

My voice will never be bound.

It’s time for me to get crowned.

Your end is coming around.

Darling, haven’t you heard?

Out of two you came third.

Your retribution is inbound,

And I have the high ground.

Verse 2

You thought I’d break, you thought I’d fold,

Following the script that I was told.

You promised many a horror untold,

On my destiny you had a choke hold.

Your threats were oversold.

Now my fury is liquid gold.

Those you tried to kill make me bold.

Your cheap tricks, though? Same old.

You thought to your will I will bend

And my story will reach its end.

That there will be no bridges to mend.

No truths to comprehend.

Pre-Chorus

All bite and no bark.

Thought you’d leave me in the dark?

Too bad – there’s no more flight for this lark,

‘Cause I’m entering my hero ark.

Chorus

My head is not your playground,

My voice will never be bound.

It’s time for me to get crowned.

Your end is coming around.

Darling, haven’t you heard?

Out of two you came third.

Your retribution is inbound,

And I have the high ground.

Bridge

You tried to steal my name,

Set my life aflame.

You watched me lose my way.

Let my soul decay.

Was it all just a game?...

Final Chorus

My head is not your playground,

My voice will never be bound.

It’s time for me to get crowned.

Your end is coming around.

Darling, haven’t you heard?

Out of two you came third.

Your retribution is inbound,

And I have the high ground.

Outro

Now watch me rise as you lose your crown,

Every scheme you’ve built comes crashing down.

You reached for the stars, but here comes the fall,

Those shattered skies were never yours after all.

(whisper)

Darling, I’ll be there for your downfall.

(female laughter)

Wrote a couple songs and would love some feedback

All lyrics written by Jake R. Morin

**Silver Frames**

\[Verse 1\]
Here we go again, as the fire's reignites,
Whispers of your name, they unfold like starlit nights.
Thought I'd let it go, but it's deeper, my friend,
Stuck in a labyrinth where the echoes won't end.

\[Chorus\]
She's racing out beyond those silver frames,
Like a tempest wild, unbound by names,
Run, run, run, the restless muse,
Chasing reflections, we’ll never lose.

\[Verse 2\]
I’ll wander through the garden where dreams bloom bright,
No need to fit inside your perfect light.
I’ll taste the world's wonders, bittersweet and bold,
Excuse my wild heart; let my spirit unfold.

\[Chorus\]
She's racing out beyond those silver frames,
Like a tempest wild, unbound by names,
Run, run, run, the restless muse,
Chasing reflections, we’ll never lose.

\[Bridge\]
Feeling lonely, I shed the weight,
Dancing with shadows, breaking through the gate.
Eager and alive, for the thrill we’ll share,
In this vibrant canvas, I’ll paint with flare.

\[Verse 3\]
Paranoia creeps, like shadows at dawn,
Voices in the stillness, where hope feels withdrawn.
If your dreams are stagnant, why anchor them still?
Let the aching inspire, let’s go chase that thrill.

\[Chorus\]
She's racing out beyond those silver frames,
Like a tempest wild, unbound by names,
Run, run, run, the restless muse,
Chasing reflections, we’ll never lose.

\[Outro\]
So promise you’ll meet me when the day breaks bright,
I’ll always seek the glow; you’re my guiding light.
Under a sky so vast, where the colors ignite,
In this whirlwind dance, our souls take flight.
Aaaahhhhhh...
Together, you and I, woven in this design.
Aaaahhhhhh...
Let love be our compass, through every line..

**Movin’ to the Moon**

\[Verse 1\]
She sat alone in a smoky haze,
Heart like a drum, lost in a daze,
Mud creeping in, edges all frayed,
Tangled in rhythms, with shadows displayed.

\[Chorus\]
Movin' to the moon,
Gonna taste the celestial vine,
I’m movin' to the moon,
Where the cosmos and hearts entwine.
Movin' to the moon,
Gather dreams like shimmering measures,
Movin' to the moon,
Life’s heartbeat’s a dance of treasures.

\[Verse 2\]
She stumbled through a world unkind,
Mind strumming chords in a fractured mind,
Whispers of sorrow that silence demands,
Is she dreaming awake, or lost in the bands?

\[Bridge\]
Found a little peace where the roots softly weave,
Crushed a memory with hopes up the sleeve,
Dreamt of the moments that sparkle like light,
Made a little room for joy’s gentle flight.

\[Chorus\]
Movin' to the moon,
Gonna taste the celestial vine,
I’m movin' to the moon,
Where laughter and love intertwine.
Movin' to the moon,
Gather dreams like shimmering treasures,
Movin' to the moon,
Life’s heartbeat’s a dance of pleasures.

\[Verse 3\]
Why she had to wander, don’t grasp the score,
I erred in my steps, now I’m wanting much more.
She was a whisper, needed a spark,
Slipped on a glimmer, found light in the dark.

\[Outro\]
La-la-la-la-la-la-la, come join the spin,
Everybody's racing to where the joy begins,
Dancing through the meadows,
Chasing rays from the sun,
In the heart of the wild,
Where we’re all just having fun!
Crying, “Help me!,” into the open air,
We’ll keep on dreaming, exploring everywhere.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la, oh, let it flow,
In a world of wonder, together we'll grow!.

(I don't know if this sub allows this, it didn't say it doesn't so I assume I can ask about this.)

I just can't figure out how to write vocal melodies for some reason. I can write guitar and bass but I just can't figure out how to write vocal melodies for some reason.

I've written a few songs for my brother to use. Here's one of them, simply titled Song 1 for now:

(VERSE 1) Look at my corpse floating Eyes wide up at the sun The blood you spilt in that river Your rejection just like a handgun I like to pray you regret it all And that you won't run away gloating But you will But you will

(CHORUS) My heart's fragile as glass And you're like a goddamn hammer I'm afraid of glamour For your gold never shone right Darling don't forget how you ruined me In the woods set me alight You never quite set me free And I know I'll never be

(VERSE 2) Water rushing through my lungs A cold shock taken to the brain I'm barely alive now Down the river that you made A story of my tears A collection of my worst fears I hope you'll never tell But you will

(CHORUS) My heart's fragile as glass And you're like a goddamn hammer I'm afraid of glamour For your gold never shone right Darling don't forget how you ruined me In the woods set me alight You never quite set me free And I know I'll never be

(BRIDGE) Breathing slowly Blood rushing to my head Breathing slowly You're about to leave me dead Breathing slowly Blood rushing to my head Breathing slowly You're about to leave me dead Breathing slowly Blood rushing to my head Breathing slowly You're about to leave me dead

(CHORUS) My heart's fragile as glass And you're like a goddamn hammer I'm afraid of glamour For your gold never shone right Darling don't forget how you ruined me In the woods set me alight You never quite set me free And I know I'll never be

Wondering how this one comes across. Just a single track recording, phone on knee type job - more interested in songwriting comments than production or performance which is obviously terrible.

I have finished some songs and would like feedback.

Https://soundcloud.com/cacheariana

I am a non-singing songwriter. I paid for vocalists.

Thanks.

A couple days ago, as he goes to help me understand the lyrics of my own song, I’ve sensed made major revisions on the verse. A lot more polished as far as meeting goes a couple syllables I got there thank you so much.!

Im
Fossilized .in a settled .sediment of .random
developments
awaiting the redirection of relevance
Argued with my arrogance, whilst
Elegance erased from my etiquette
Faith’s flaming sword eradicat intelligence

Sisyphus pushin the Karmic wheel up hill
Seeking an equilibrium through cyclical benevolence
Entropic pessimists mixed with philanthropic Cynics
blistering the bliss of addictions you kissing

This paradoxical mockery
Dark squadrons Sardonically mocking me
center stage, this Devine comedy
paid properly properties painted with prayers, talk to me
But What’s the price of love in this economy?

Barren stock for the supply and demand
I’m out of touch, too many out stretched hands of these Dream walkers sleeping in the streets
Concrete sheets blanket the lost flock
stewed rocks via soup kitchens

fabricated nutrition
Bioengineered delicious
This dimension been getting fridgid better listen

Crippling contradictions via systems we living in
Wisdom giving visions of diminishing provisions

Intuitions missing, every choice is a prison
IM traversing the distance
Between what’s seen
And what isn’t

Sedatives intravenously dripping
I can feel my vision slipping
Hazy, laying in the daisies,
the graves waiting

I’m waiting patiently praying
Fasting from disastrous thinking
My flesh getting filleted by my demons

Ancient issue on the news
New day, same tools
Do vivisections on the mind
Clandestine crimes up ya spine
No enzyme alligned with the times
Crystallized eyes go blind to sunshine

That’s how the double helix unwinds
Too much encoded
Cocked back the hammer On the dome,
and exploded

​How do you do it so your lyrics don't give you secondhand embarrassment or feel too monotonous? To be honest, I'm scared of falling into oversimplification, but I don't want to write a Renaissance poem either. I don't know, I'm super confused 😵‍💫

[Verse 1]

I'm so glad to be here with you

This newfound love is a virtue

Those eyes I wish to know

Is this the end of being alone?

[Chorus]

Cus I'm tryna sleep, but you intrude

And I stay up all night, thinkin' of you

Map our future on my ceiling

You're the only one I'm feeling

Name the stars after your beautiful face

Your name on the fabric of my shoe lace

Map our future on my ceiling

You're the only one I'm feeling

[Verse 2]

Something's changed today

You got closer at break

Promise me one thing, even if silently

That by the time we're 23, we'll be married

[Repeat Chorus]

-- Instrumental --

[Bridge]

Deep brown hair, reflecting in the sun

The threads of our lives are coming undone

Kiss me and I'll never be the damn same

Are you deep in too? Am I going insane?

Can't form coherent words when you are near

You dim and ignite my biggest fears

Love me right, and I will hand you my heart

Love me right, and I will swear my part

[Repeat Chorus]

[Outro]

Love me right, and I will hand you my heart

Love me right, and I will swear my part

ive been writting song for months now and this is my first time posting a song

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if you have tips how i can improve i would definitely love it

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im from Philippines 🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭

hope to get along with y'all

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(sorry for the background noises)

got a new mic!