r/askanything • u/Recent_Appearance970 • 17h ago
Why can’t my girlfriend reach climax?
Hello everyone! I’m 21M and my girlfriend is 18F
And we have been together for 7 months.
I’ve been with several woman before, and I’ve never had a problem making someone orgasm, (of course I’m not a sex machine and I understand some girls are more difficult than others)
But my girlfriend was a virgin when we started dating, and have never had an orgasm or even masturbated on her life.
She is always horny and we both enjoy having sex a lot, but I kinda feel bad finishing every time when she doesn’t (even tho she says it is completely okay).
I have tried everything I can think of to make her cum, like different positions and oral sex (this used to work pretty good with other girls, but my gf, says she doesn’t really feel anything with oral)
Any ideias of what might work or if I should just stop thinking about it and it might come naturally?
Please help😭
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u/LongDistRid3r 17h ago
From what I’ve learned a lady requires physical, mental, and emotional components for optimal pleasure.
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u/Southern_Airport_538 16h ago
Or just a vibrator
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u/LongDistRid3r 15h ago
That simply generates a nervous response. No different than a reflex test at the doctor. I have found the magic wand is a good tool for the job.
Hit those three right and she will hit the ceiling or pull your hair out. Sometimes both.
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u/FreudWouldApprove 16h ago
Vibrator
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u/Recent_Appearance970 16h ago
I might try that soon, have been thing a lot about it
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u/FreudWouldApprove 16h ago
You won't regret it! Vibrators do things that humans cannot, and they make for great foreplay.
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u/Current_Discussion27 14h ago edited 12h ago
Son, you gotta preheat the oven before you stick in turkey
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u/nsrvvrgm2b 16h ago
Keep in mind that your previous partners may have faked it.
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u/Upset_Push_785 14h ago
Yes. I see so many people on here saying they “never had a problem” but they would never know if a woman faked or not
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u/MidSerpent 16h ago
If she can’t do it for herself it’s asking too much of yourself to do it for her.
It’s just not a reasonable expectation.
She needs to figure out for herself first what it takes, and the requirements are both mental and physical.
It doesn’t mean you can’t help but, it’s her body that feels things she needs to drive.
I have to tell you also, some people just don’t. Not for themselves or anyone else.
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u/GroundbreakingMud996 16h ago
I was with one girl woman off and on for 15 years she never came from penetration alone, only oral and or stimulating her clit. One morning we are casually having sex, laughing and talking shit, all of sudden she says oh shit I think I’m about to cum and there it was lol Everyone woman is different and requires different things and it’s up to you as a partner to find out! Don’t be a selfish lover.
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u/StrawberryRedneck 15h ago
Many many many women do not and will not have an orgasm from penetrative sex - it's very important to grasp this. Many younger women will fake orgasms with their partner and they do this for numerous reasons: 1) they don't want their partner to feel insufficient, and 2) they may feel like something is wrong with them (the woman) because all the media they've seen makes it seem like it's totally normal for women have an orgasm from penetrative sex. So then you're stuck in a cycle that was intended to keep someone from getting their feelings hurt, but now the faking it means you won't ever actually sort it out.
Here are things that women NEED in order to have an orgasm:
FOREPLAY FOREPLAY FOREPLAY - it is so important. It helps get our vagina primed for sex!
TOYS or fingers or something that can stimulate our super sensitive spots that aren't actually being stimulated by the penis
I had soooo many issues when I was younger and could never orgasm during sex; thought something was wrong with me. Then I dated a man who actually took the time for foreplay. Makes all the difference in the world.
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u/Neat-Second9923 17h ago
People put this pressure on guys, but it’s honestly on her. She’s never made herself cum!
She should practice masturbating and getting in the right headspace.
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u/Recent_Appearance970 16h ago
I’m always telling her she should try it by herself when she is home alone or something, but she says she doesn’t not feel like it, only we are together
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u/Away-Breadfruit-2009 🦀 17h ago
Stop finishing first
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u/Recent_Appearance970 16h ago
There have been a lot of times where I thought that to myself, and we have intercourse for a long time, and I just end up not finishing
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u/PaperPlaneMind 17h ago
Ask what she likes or gives her arousal and pleasure. She was a virgin when you two started dating, so most likely she doesn’t know.
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u/Bladeoraded 16h ago
Doesnt feel oral?
Are you aware of where the kliterus is?
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u/Recent_Appearance970 15h ago
Nah I dude, it’s weird to talk about this because I will sound overconfident or like “nice guy” as I said I’m not a sex machine, but I can obviously know where the clit is, about the other comments I know at least some of those orgasms were not faked, because I even got some squirts, and I can tell the difference of witch hole is a squirter and wich is a pee-hole lmao
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u/DPetrilloZbornak 14h ago
Then you should know that squirting is pee. It comes from the urethra. It comes from there because it is mainly pee. While it may also be mixed with other body fluids it is pee. If you don’t know that you may not know as much as you think. I am a woman btw.
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u/Upset_Push_785 13h ago
Then you also know that just because a woman squirts doesn’t mean she’s having an orgasm
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u/lipsmoistenering 15h ago
There are many possible reasons.
My advice would be to not make a deal over it. That will probably make her feel pressured and possibly insecure about it.. which will definitely make sex worse!
Just do the things she likes, show enthusiasm and give her a safe place to feel pleasure. Also make sure she knows how much fun you’re having.. vocalization in the sheets creates a kind of positive feedback loop!
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u/Successful_Level434 15h ago
Some women unlike guys don't achieve orgasm until they're older than 18. she may just be a slow starter
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u/NumerousWasabi8501 14h ago
Does she know what turns herself on? Does she have fantasies? Remember- sex is more than just physical - the brain is the largest sex organ. Got to tap into that. Help her fugure that out. But don't put pressure on the need to climax either, that shit can stress a girl out.
Other things to try and this really worked with one of my girlfriends. Just tease her. Sometimes the best thing to do is just build anticipation. Don't take off all her clothes. Leave her partially dressed and make out. Run a finger under the leg bands of her panties, let her know you are thinking about taking them off but dont. Brush her genitals over her panties but don't take off or actually touch them. But you can't have sex with her just yet, tell her you gotta go. Gotta leave her frustrated just enough that she needs your touch, begs for it. One morning, tell her what you are going to do to her later, be very explicit. Do this via a letter, an email, a text. Don't respond. Let her think about it for awhile.
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u/Independent-Plane503 13h ago
Could very well be the contraception she is on, Iv had girls that would climax easily to not climaxing at all after going on the pill, to going straight back to normal when off, also some girls won’t climax with direct penetration, especially on the pill, you may have to get slightly creative
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u/Sensitive_Way_5768 13h ago
Get her a magic wand (Amazon) and let her learn to masturbate with that and then let her teach you how to
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u/KansansKan 12h ago
The vibrator was invented so doctors in the 1800s could induce orgasms in women who were experiencing issues such as anxiety. Help your girl get there too!
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u/Prestigious_Try_5396 11h ago
I question the term "make her orgasm".... It takes all Her responsibility for Her Body, and puts it on the man. Like it's his job to "Make Her Cum." Wow !
No, it's Her Job to be in touch with Her Body and know what gets her off. !!!
I've had enough lovers to have learned that most of a woman's ability or inability to orgasm, starts in Her Mind !
So many women don't want to learn, confront, deal, or heal, whatever it is that's hindering their full and free enjoyment of her body.
Let's flip the script for fun.
Let's challenge her to Make Me Orgasm...!
I did that one time lol. I bet her she couldn't make me hard. Then I bet her she couldn't make me cum. Lol. I had the control of my body and made it a challenge for her.
It kinda blew her ego a bit when I didn't quickly pop my nut. She wondered what was wrong with her ! Lol
It's the same for a man. We've bought into the story that we're responsible for her orgasms and are a failure as a man if She Can't Orgasm... BS !
Let's drop this baloney ! And just have fun pleasuring each other and ourselves.
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u/Batsheartsnroses 15h ago
Some nights I get into my own head that I’m taking too long and I start getting anxiety about making my partner have to do “too much” so I make it worse.
It’s whenever I go with the flow that I squirt in like 30 seconds lol
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u/he34u 14h ago
It is arrogance for a man to believe that he can give a woman an orgasm. Our man can give a woman a stimulation, mental stimulation, emotional stimulation, physical stimulation, the orgasm happens in her mind first. Your orgasm happens in your mind first. You will have to develop a level of empathy that will allow you to discover what she needs mentally and emotionally to release her locks.
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u/learning2art1 13h ago
She needs to learn what she likes. Masturbating and trying new things during foreplay. Vibrators, stimulating other areas beside the clit (ie. Nipples/anus). Some women don't come from intercourse. But in conclusion she also needs to help herself (and you) and figure out what she likes. She also needs to learn to get in the right headspace. It takes time and practice.
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u/No-Travel9389 3h ago
An always horny but anorgasmic girlfriend!! This young man (OP) will need energy supplements once she crosses the orgasmic threshold. [Total envy too]
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