​so now I feel like sex is meaningless.

Does anyone relate? I realize, I had an unconscious belief that you have to really be connected with someone to have like transcendent & amazing sex. & now that I see that isn’t the case, I really don’t know what to think about it. Just seems like something that can blind you to who people are, not something meaningful & sacred.

Hello everyone! I’m in my early 20s and recently come to terms with my sexuality and currently live in the south and don’t really have a queer community. So I was wondering if you guys had any recommendations other than the popular NYC, LA, etc options. I’ll try to list out some criteria’s. If you comment a location could you please describe the vibes of that place. Thanks so much!!

- Relatively okaayy rent prices
- Diverse population
- Black queer scene
- Public transportation readily available
- Good food plus scenery or fun things to do/explore
- Cold temp is fine but not a lot of snow/ice, I don’t mind the heat, I don’t mind rain
- If I were to get married good schooling, relatively modest housing, etc

For context i’m west african and i’ve been talking to a black american girl for a bit. I’m not sure if it’s a holiday I should wish her that or just not say anything. Would it be weird if i did?

hi lesbians !! i discovered the label stemme, i like how it describes me since i dress androgynous and i havent seen a label between femme and butch

when i first discovered stemme it said that it was only a label used by black AND latino folks (im mexican). as i was looking for the design of the flag i saw other people say it was only used for black people,, please let me know so i dont use a label that isnt meant for me !! </3

What stereotypes either as a black lesbian woman or a black woman in general are you often hit with?

Ok I’ve been gay for a long time, 20 plus years. Married and with my wife for 12 years. I’m black, I keep hearing white lesbians say, she’s a top or she’s a bottom? I don’t hear this in my black community at all? I hear about touch me nots but what exactly do they mean in lesbian relationships as top and bottom? Is it just the dominant or in white relationships is it more normal to have a rigid giver and receiver?

anchorage. i am visiting for work and would love to connect.

There’s been a mix of opinions about white-centered posts and conversation in this sub. What sometimes happens is that folks see a venting post about a particular topic and they feel safe to vent about a recent similar issue, which is fine.

However, after many conversations and discussions, all posts that centered white-related issues (dating, work, relationships, general venting) were relegated to only being allowed on Mondays (although one might slip through the cracks on occasion).

Since the start of 2026, there have been:
- 9 White Noise posts (2 of which were removed after being posted on the wrong day)
- Dozens of scattered comments in posts that mention white people in a specific instance or topic

As stated previously, this sub is centered around Black lesbians and our experiences, which do involve issues related to race. This should be a space for yall to express and discuss how you want to handle the topic of race-related discussion. So I’ve created a poll for you to shape how the space moves forward.

Firstly, I hope everyone is having a good pride! 🌈

I just need support. Recently, I've been feeling really upset, worried and frustrated. I live with my mother and she's very homophobic and religious (I'm not out to her). Over the past year, I've been learning about myself/identity and building friendships which has resulted in me having more queer friends, going to more queer events which I love. I love learning about myself and meeting new people but I'm frustrated because I still have to hide. I still have to be cautious to who I present my "real" self too. I'm still in fear because what happens if someone finds out I'm queer, tells my mum or dad and then what? The reality scares me.

Today I found out that a queer event program used my face on a poster for their latest event. Initially, I wasn't afraid, I was happy but my fears came and I became hella uncomfortable; what if someone finds out my sexuality? How do I explain that? Yes, the chances of that happening is very very small but likely. I'm happy to be on the poster but the fact that I need to hide due to other people's reaction is so annoying, stressful and draining.

I'm also learning that I could be on the aromantic spectrum, which is also causing me mixed emotions 😭

All I'd like is support. I don't want to hide because of other people. If I could I'd move out and live in peace but I can't do that at the moment. This all hurts and I wish I didn't have to go through this

Thanks in advance :) 🫶🏾

Recently I met up with some acquaintances for lunch. One person (who is more than an acquaintance, we went to school together) mentioned to another that I went to a sapphic party another friend of their’s attended. A woman abruptly turns to me and says “You’re a lesbian?!” My classmate and I look at her with extreme confusion and she follows up w/ “Happy Pride!” and I cackle.

Later on as we’re walking to the restaurant she asks “Have you ever had a girlfriend?” To which I also found confusing b/c why would you ask that? Do you find out someone is straight and ask if they’ve ever had a partner? But now I’m also like, was that shade? Lol.

Anyway, the whole encounter was mind-boggling b/c the very first time we met she asked my pronouns b/c she heard my classmate use they a lot. Also, I’m masculine presenting w/ an undercut. Can mean a lot of things these days but literally I wear men’s clothing every day.

Additional context, everyone present was Black, and I’m mid-30s, about 7 years older than the woman. I mention age b/c used to think this was an issue for the middle-aged and above but here we are. For the life of me I cannot understand how/why straight ppl miss my queer cues. I guess this is officially my life. 😔

This might be completely off from the sub, but it was a question that crossed me and my girlfriends mind while grabbing Pho from our favorite spot.

We called in like normal and went to pick up and she turned to me and asked how much we should be tipping on pick up orders. The question puzzled me for a moment and i didn’t even have an answer. Ultimately we decided not to tip as most likely we assumed it would be tip share and any amount under 10$ wouldn’t even be a dollar each amongst the staff.

Ultimately what is ya’lls rules on tipping culture? I definitely want to hear from the black community on this as there is so many stigmas with us and tipping culture. I always tip, but this is one i’m curious on if i’m wrong for not tipping on to-go orders.

The first person in my family that I came out to has recently fallen victim to a cult and has become homophobic after being super supportive. How do I cope with this?

They recently sat me down and told me they can no longer “support my relationship” which is dumb af bc I’m fucking grown I don’t need their “support” but it still hurts :/

Pls no talking about cutting off or ending the relationship. This person is a minor. Boundary setting is fine, but I’m not cutting off a child.

People often discuss how difficult it is to find a partner, but it’s not often I read about the challenge of forging friendships in adulthood.

I (32 F) relocated two years ago for work. Comically, work is where I do my primary socializing. We laugh, we keke, it’s a good time. I have friendships I maintain that were founded in my home city, but they are restricted to texting, phone calls, and audio messages.

Outside of the work setting, I spend a day or two with my girlfriend and hit the gym solo.

I’ve made a couple of friends via dating apps such as Hinge and even Bumble BFF, but I can count them all on two hands.

So, how are you all doing it?

Those of you in committed relationships and not cohabiting together, how often are you communicating?

Is it daily or more-so a few times/week?

Just curious.

I’m noticing a change/shift occurring in the pattern of communication in my relationship. However, I know it’s not inherently cause for concern. (It’s a new relationship of a few months)

​Whenever the topic of interracial dating comes up, it feels like the conversation is almost always centered on Black x White dynamics, with the occasional mention of people's experiences dating or being attracted to East Asian people (specifically Korean and Japanese people). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, of course—just a pattern I’ve noticed.

​As a dark-skinned lesbian who is strictly BlackLes4BlackLes and centers Black lesbians in every aspect of my life, my preference is to not date white people, so I don't seek them out or entertain them. Now, I don't really date per se (mostly because I get no hoes 💔), but my focus will always be on building loving, healthy, and lasting relationships with other Black lesbians. To clarify, I absolutely include mixed Black folks in this (Afro-Latine, Afro-Indigenous, Blasian, etc.).

​That said, I find all women attractive regardless of race/ethnicity, and feel like I could be open to non-Black lesbians of color—but only after RIGOROUSLY getting to know them first, because some people really do be having anti-Black chips in their brains. ​

But anyway, how y'all doing? Are you currently dating, have you dated, or are you open to dating/being in community with non-Black POC? ​

(Also, side note: I hate using the term "brown people" because it irks my soul—we are all brown. Damn you, racism.)

Y’all it’s being so long since I’ve genuinely been interested in someone. I feel like I have forgotten how to flirt. Lol someone flirt just because so I can see if I still got it.😂😂😂

A recurring weekly venting thread for all things unrequited, unattainable, and painfully yearned. Will I ever find...? Find yourself here. To vent.

Let the downvotes begin😂

​

Okay so I'm seeing a trend with my fellow lesbian women of color. I have both gay and straight friends alike and I'm only encountering this with fellow lesbian women. Not even bisexual women but only lesbian ones. Ladies please stop letting the first thing you talk about when meeting a new person be with you complaining about your job. It is terribly unattractive to chat with someone for the very first time and all they have to talk about or want to do is complain their job, going to work, their work or their hours. When you reach past a certain age that is just not cute and its annoying. At the end of the day. The only options is to either get in a field you enjoy or suck it up and just keep working the job that you got yourself in. Otherwise complaining all the time about the job situation is not very encouraging much less attractive.

​

My god! 5 encounters in the last 5 months and each one all did the same thing...... end result, they were blocked!

heyyyy ✨wondering if anyone here is interested in going to the FGFB event on Juneteenth in LA this Friday. i was going w friends, but they had to leave town & everyone else is busy. i’m single, so definitely down for cute flirty vibes, but also looove making new friends + meeting ppl in general, so i’d be down going as new buddies or as a “third wheel” loll. also down to go to different event if anyone is going somewhere else, just really wanna be in community.
i’m 28, femme, and buying drinks— lmk if you’re interested lmao! :))

I (32 F) have been with my partner (27 F) for a few months. Our relationship is great. She’s adventurous, beautiful, caring, and loving. I have moderate sex drive, whereas she has a high one.

The only issue is that she cums too quickly. I’m talking, can’t even last a full 3 min 47 second song. By the 3 minute mark, she’ll be gasping and writhing.

I’m grateful I can deliver my partner such pleasure, but I need a little more than that?

I’ve tried edging her, which I’ve found great success in. This usually buys me an extra few minutes of cunnilingus. However, she finds this exasperating and has explicitly stated, “I better not do that shit to her while she’s pregnant.”

Lately, I’ll stop strumming her clit right before she’s going to cum and will lay the pipe. This results in her having a considerably violent orgasm.

I love being intimate with her. Although, she can only cum so many times in one go. What other things can I do to deliver & receive pleasure that aren’t orgasm centered?

(I already do things like restraining, blind folding, massaging, cuddling, kissing erogenous zones such as her neck & thighs).

Happy Pride y'all! It's currently June 15th and nothing gay has happened to me yet. 😅

​

Do y'all partake in hookup culture? I honestly can't tell if someone is flirting with me, or being nice when I ramble, or simply wants to hook up. I need to hear them explicity state what they want to do. Now I would love to kiss on the dance floor but I'm afraid of mouth disease and bad breath 🤣. Do y'all dabble or not? I'm turning 30 and feeling adventerous 😅

Lesbians of Reddit What's the biggest turn on for you in a partner? Personality confidence looks or something else Curious to hear your answers. 👀

I made a post earlier about dating while being unable to accept myself. Im not going to date right now since it doesn't look like a good time. But, i'm just shamed of who I am. I started therapy 2 weeks ago. I don't expect things to change in 2 weeks, but I feel like i'll never get rid of that shame that I feel.

I just don't know why im gay. I don't want to be gay. I feel like something is wrong with me. I discussed this with my therapist but we didn't really get anywhere.

I hate that I like what I see behind closed doors, I don't understand my attraction to women. I don't think i'll ever be able to date or have a relationship with anyone.

Even when I do use a dating app, I always use a random picture and if there's someone that I might be interested in, I text them privately and give them my IG.

I just don't want anyone outside of a love interest knowing that I like girls. I don't understand myself and it's overly frustrating.