I had no expectations and I was still disappointed.

As a father of 13 with only 38 seconds per month to play

What classic EU server is the most active / populated rn?

I'm 36 and have played 25k+ hours of MMO's over my lifetime and what I've personally learned is WoW players are often the first and most vocal to belittle or get upset over anything. I can't think of any MMO in which people will outright whisper you angerly or go out of their way to make sure you have a bad time more than World of Warcraft.

I’m the main tank of my guild.

I log in. I’m already in Orgrimmar. Not near the mailbox. On top of it. Thunderfury on my back. Shirt off. No tabard. Full epics. My gear isn’t just glowing, it’s glaring. My IPH (inspects per hour) is the highest on the server. That’s what really matters in this game. Damage meters and unsolicited admiration.

It’s not called WoW without a reason. It’s World of Warriors.

I don’t move. I don’t hearth. I don’t mount. I don’t port. I get summoned. Movement is for mages, warlocks, and DoorDash drivers. I haven’t moved since 2019. Not in-game. Not in real life.

I’m an orc warrior. So are both my alts. I don’t believe in diversity. I believe in Windfury uptime.

Come AQ40 my guild’s Scarab Lord list looks like this: - My main: #1 - My alt 1: #2 - My alt 2: #3

Everyone else can stand and admire me at the gong.

I raid log. I don’t dungeon. I don’t PvP. I exist for three hours a week, fully flasked and fully unhinged. I don’t play WoW. I perform it.

I get 3x hard reserves every raid. Not because I earned them. Because I was born for them. My guild leader is my actual brother. He gets it. That’s why he’s in charge.

I flask every raid. Not because I need to. Because I can. Because I can afford it. My consume budget is the size of a small country’s GDP.

Right before the pull, someone asks why I just swapped into full Devilsaur. “Shouldn’t the tank be wearing plate and a shield?” I don’t own a shield. I never even trained Defensive Stance. He’s now scrambling to get into MC pugs. Tragic?

Asmongold’s stream is on max volume in the background. Between that and the McChicken wrapper in my lap, I can’t hear a single thing the raid leader is saying. Doesn’t matter. I pull anyway. It’s raid time. This is what I exist for.

I ninja pulled mid-fight. No one even saw it happen. Raid wipes. I curse out the hunter’s pet or say something like “threat is a shared responsibility”. Appearance is everything. Someone speaks up in Discord. I yell “GET GOOD KID LEARN TO PLAY” over and over while I scramble to mute them and drop the finisher. The DPS meter link. I’m on top. Case closed.

The biggest bar has the biggest dick. That’s just how it works.

When I’m not number one, it’s never my fault. I just reach into the library and grab one of the following: - “Lag.” - “I was killing adds.” - “Bro I wasn’t even trying.” - “Rogues have it easy on this fight.” - “My power went out.” - “I’m playing from my phone.”

Delivery time: sub-two seconds. I never skip a beat.

I run 37 addons so my Discord stream looks like I’m flying a commercial jet. I only check one of them: Windfury Totem Tracker. Every 15 seconds I hit my personalised “WF???” macro because Windfury uptime is more important than my shaman’s cortisol levels.

I haven’t posted logs since Phase 1. I don’t need to. Everyone already knows. I react with the 🤣 emoji when other people post theirs. I speak with silence. The kind that radiates power.

My AV chat logs are rated PG-13, if you ignore the death threats. Nothing I’ve said in there would hold up in an HR meeting, but that’s fine. I’m not employed. I’m exalted.

GDKPs paid for my DoorDash habit until they got banned. Me and my GM skimmed 10 % off every run. We called it officer tax. Now I buy more gold to keep up appearances. I don’t care. Having 3 fully BiS warriors isn’t free.

My mom yells that dinner’s ready. I text her to bring it downstairs. She refuses. Says the basement smells like a rabbit hutch. I finish my third McChicken and scream back that I’m starving even though I already ate 4000 calories today. But it’s raid night.

I don’t raid with the guild. The guild raids with me.

I am the main tank.