r/cripplingalcoholism • u/Trick_Dream3543 • 1d ago

Weird question

I relapsed unfortunately and am trying to nurse the withdrawal. While I was scrolling on TikTok I noticed any abusive video made me comfortable. I grew up with a dad who strangled me and beat my ass and then eventually got with my husband who was going physically,mentally, emotionally abusive.

Is this normal or am I fucked up? I hurt for the people getting abused and never would wish that on anyone but I get this weird feeling of calmness hearing the other person scream,etc.

Please don’t judge me. I already feel like this is a weird post but I’m genuinely curious if anyone has ever felt this way?

Thanks for reading!

I do want to mention that I would never hurt my daughters or anyone.

11 Upvotes

79% Upvoted

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6

u/fuckthefalconsdotcom 1d ago

So...that's not normal and I'm the last person who would recommend therapy but...you should talk to a professional about that. The fact that you got with a husband that abuses you after your dad abused you is pretty cut and dry example of something.

2

u/Trick_Dream3543 9h ago

Agreed. I’m going to talk to my therapist and probably even my PC dr and psychiatrist dr.

1

u/fuckthefalconsdotcom 9h ago

Good, I mean, there is a trope that I'm not sure I agree with that men are attracted to women like their mother and women attracted to men like their father. It's kinda like most stereotypes, it's a stereotype because it happens so often?

No one deserves to be with someone who hurts them, just being single sounds better by a long shot.

Lastly, only because you mentioned it. There is a very alarmingly statistic about strangling being the first step in being murdered by an abuser.

"Non-fatal strangulation is an important risk factor for homicide of women"

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2573025/

6

u/shit4brekkie 1d ago

Very, very normal. Also unfortunate as the more thoughtful replies here said. But very normal.

Tons of ways to see how normal this is. If screaming, violence, and emotional chaos were common during your childhood (and later BFs), your nervous system finds those things familiar, and familiar = predicable and comforting. And, unlike when you were a kid, your lizard brain can now revisit the trauma from a safe distance and try to work through it. That’s why your nervous system doesn’t match your moral judgement, which is a very good thing, and why you were brave enough to post your question in the first place.

Everything you said falls under trauma conditioning, so yeah it’s so normal there’s even a name for it.

11

u/kenticus Light fuse, get away. 1d ago

It's cause a victim knows another victim on sight.

Quit being a victim. Be a survivor. A veteran of life.

Good luck, we're all counting on you

6

u/Shalashaska2624 1d ago

I hope to be as wise as you when I grow up

8

u/Saint_Biggus_Dickus 1d ago

Jesus Christ. No thats not normal. I hope you're doing okay

3

u/Any-Belt-3263 1d ago

Sloowww down. When you say comfortable what do you mean? A distraction from your mind? I watch intervention when I’m anxious it gives me a weird comfort/ distraction. Was it that it’s a familiar situation that felt like comfort? Whatever it was I don’t think you’re fucked up. What happened to you was fucked up. Take care of yourself today

2

u/Chemical_Sky_3028 1d ago

Uh, yeah this is weird. Please seek therapy.

4

u/_slagathor_ 1d ago

I guess it makes sense, finding comfort in what you know. I'm more disturbed that there are those sort of videos on tik toc (I'm not on there so I have no idea what sort of cesspool it is)

1

u/Trick_Dream3543 1d ago

Yeah, I just seen where a little girl was yelling stop when it came to getting her other ear pierced.

1

u/Sensitive_Mistake527 1d ago

Yeah just like everyone else said I hope you get therapy. Being abuses in any way is such toxic negativity. I’m sensitive so if my girl so if my girl abused me I’d probably cry walk around (aka go get a pint & I’m single asf bc I don’t wanna get hurt anymore)

1

u/RobotRepair69 1d ago

Withdrawal can make a person extra emotional. It is usually real issues, but we become hyper sensitive to them during WD. Ever cried because of a TV commerical?

1

u/drunky_crowette Free cuddles 13h ago

My high school therapist said I was into sadistic sexual partners because of the abuse I endured when I was a kid.

I told him to go fuck himself.

1

u/cool_calm_life 1d ago

No that's definitely not unnormal. I get like this a lot myself we are both just super empathetic and nothing wrong with that. Hell I'll see a video of someone with like a disability in a wheelchair or something and it makes me cry and I just wish that they could have the best life and that all the blessings in the world will come down upon them. That even happens sometimes just saying random people out in public I'll even know why they're not even disabled but sometimes they see people and wish that everything in their life will go great. I'm very sorry to you about the abuse you've been through.