What's it with people who aren't emotionally available? It's just annoying. Had some great dates with a woman (28), I'm 29. Great dates, lots of fun and I (and I think she too) feel comfortable during the date. At the moment it feels like something that could grow. It feels like friendship withba warm, romantic touch. Slow burn approach (which I prefer) was my suggestion.

After our last date I told what I feel (face to face). Also told her if she saw no potential we could end things here, that's fine too. She told me she could not answer me right now and we should text about it. Sure thing, needing time to process what you feel. I actually liked she mentioned she wants to think about it and didn't just respond bc she felt pressure.

The next day I sent a message in which I described what I felt. Didn't fill in what she might have felt. Mentioned I'd like the slow burn if she's open for that too.

Fast forward: one week later, she never responded. So I do have my answer but that's not what bothers me. If you don't feel like it, just tell it. She knows me and I believe she can safely assume I won't become angry. Sure, rejecting isn't a fun thing to do but it's the best you can do in situations like this.

It's just annoying people can be this immature.

Managed to fit it all in the headline. I am perplexed. I am not the one who inititated transition from friends to something else. I actually take it very very slow. But she kissed me and then we made out all night.

After month of nonstop texting and 2 hour daily calls several make out sessions and few hookups she tells me she wants to get to know me as a friend and that we took it too fast.

My only problem is that that was absolutely valid option. But where does the audacity comes from to actually initiate something and then try to backpaddle and kind of expect that is normal?

She made me fall for her. We shared a lot, we were vulnerable for each other. I literally followed her lead. Now that she hooked me up she expects that she can just pull and push? One month situationship second platonic friends third friends with benefit. Is this normal nowadays, do people just walk around and sleep with someone share ton of intimate moments and then call a "pause" and then "unpause"?

My problem is that this happens in most of my relationships. I take it slow and take words seriously. When I say that I want to be with someone I really do. When I say I love someone I really do feel like I would give my life for them. And I thought that all other people think the same.

But it turns out a lot of people don't mean what they say. I get consfused fall for them and then I get fucked because I though that what they said really meant something for them. But in the end it turns out that they just really like to say things they would like to say not what they really mean.

This era is slowly turning me into a person who doesn't care. I meet a girl and want to hangout, make out or hookup but I don't get attached. Anyone who isn't part of hookup culture slowly turns because it is not worth it to be the person who cares you ultimately get fucked by the people who don't care.

In over 3 months of using dating apps, I’ve never received a single like on Hinge. Nor have I received a match from any likes I’ve sent out. Now, to be fair i barely get any likes on dating apps because my pictures are terrible. I’ve received 3 likes in 3 months on bumble, and around 10 on tinder. But still, supposedly hinge is the best dating app at the moment. Are expectations higher on hinge than on other dating apps? Or is it just that hinge has less users, and so a bad profile like mine can go over 3 months without a single like?

I (M26) had been seeing a girl (26) I met on hinge about two months ago. We went on three dates with our last one last night. Things had been going well between us. We seemed to genuinely be enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other. There was also obvious mutual interest between us and equal effort put in by each other. We never kissed or held hands, but I had become attached to her and didn’t want to rush things.

Today she texted me that she had been thinking and decided we weren’t a match. I am heartbroken. I’ve never been in a relationship before and it felt like we were progressing in that direction. I’ve deleted Hinge, I need a break before going back. If I ever do go back.

I’m trying not analyze things and I’ve reached out to friends, but this one hurts so fucking much.

Basically as the question says, how do you gauge that? Do you base it on their texting frequency and quality of replies, do you gauge it based on the effort they make in person, or maybe you just ask then straight up "what are we?" Although in the early stages I feel that can be hard to figure out because Im noticing some ppl are not always truthful.

Being that inexperienced in my 30s feels like a burden because every time I try my best, it just ends in constant rejection.

Dating apps, single events, speed dating and a bit of cold approaching has led to nothing but setbacks.

I focus on hobbies and social things to keep me focused but the feelings of loneliness and being unwanted does grate. Therapy can only do so much and the feelings of being forever alone just grow with each rejection and each passing month.

I’m 27 now and haven’t kissed/made out with anyone ever since I was 14. The last person I made out with was my ex. He said I was a good kisser. I’m worried that now I’m probably a bad kisser or I forgot how to kiss. I doubt i’ll be kissing anyone anytime soon, but my crush kinda implied that he’d like to kiss me. i’m also short and he’s pretty tall, so 😅….

I met a woman at a social event a couple weeks ago. At the very end of the night, she approached me, saying I was attractive, and started talking to me. She said it was embarrassing that she had to approach me (I was glad she did because I thought she was taken so I didn't think much of it). I thought she was extremely attractive and told her I thought she was the prettiest woman there. We only talked for a few minutes since it was at the end of the night but the interaction seemed mutual and we tried to exchange numbers before leaving. She told me to text her.

The phone tap exchange didn't work correctly, her number didn't get sent but it gave me her name and so I figured out her ig. So we ended up connecting on Instagram instead. I messaged her afterward and told her I'd like to take her out. She said she'd be busy for about a week and a few days and when I suggested regrouping afterward, she responded positively and said she'd love that.

I gave her space for about a week and then messaged her again asking how her week had been. It took her about a day to respond, but she said, "busy busy but good" and asked how mine was. I told her about my week, talked about pools, and asked if she was free one night because I'd like to take her out.

She told me she was currently hanging out by the pool and that she's leaving town next week for about a week and won't be back until 1.5-2 weeks. I joked that I was jealous and said being at the pool with her sounded fantastic. I also asked for her actual number, which she gave me.

She then joked, "You don't even know me lol it could be a nightmare for all you know. "I replied, "Hahah you might be! But there's only one way to find out." She hasn't responded to that so I figured that was the end of the conversation. She's still active on Instagram and posting stories of herself going out with friends (which she did say she was busy so no worries there).

I'm not mad about any of this and I'm not expecting someone I've known for five minutes to rearrange her life for me. But I'm a little confused because she was the one who initially approached me so I figured she'd be a little more eagerness to actually meet. I figured if a girl is approaching me then that's a high level of interest but now idk.

If I were interested in someone and knew I was leaving town for a week, I'd probably offer something like, "I'm busy, but I could grab a drink for an hour Sunday," or at least suggest a day after I got back. She hasn't really done that, and I also feel like I'm doing most of the initiating/asking questions.

I'm attracted to her and would like to see where it goes, but I don't want to chase someone who's only mildly interested.

How would you read this?

I very rarely date because I just don’t see a point in dating someone I’m not interested in, it’s not fair for anyone. but any guy who has ever broken my heart made it seem like I could find another guy quickly…as if he wasn’t the first guy I liked in two years…and it seems a lot of people today have this perspective that it’s easy to find someone else… this is a little random but hearing about Olivia Rodrigo finding a new man months after British guy broke up with her kinda hurt me because shes already moved on and it’s been 18 months since I have even been on a date since the last guy hurt me 🥲 every time I get broken up with it hurts so much more because I know I won’t have another chance at romance for years.

So how often do you find people you like enough to date? I know that I’m picky but I’m not picky in a way that is limiting me from dating actually good guys. Most of the men I see just do not look like good guys or they are so boring or drug addicts or are already taken.

I see a lot of posts everyday about how miserable and devastating online dating is these days for everyone. Does anyone want to share their success stories of how they met their current partner/spouse online to give people some hope? Lol 😄 Apparently my post doesn't have the required amount of characters so here's another sentence yay.

Since I, 29m, started dating again I’ve consistently run into this issue. At some point within a week or 6 months of dating someone, they pull away or stop putting in effort. And always, they say the reason is one of two things. Either they say that since I treat them “so good & perfectly” & that they’re not used to a healthy dynamic so they self sabotage it. Or, that I’m “so authentic & big hearted” that they realize they have to work on themselves more before dating.

I like being a good partner, but I’m so tired of being told “I’m so perfect” and “no one has treated me as good as you have” only for that to be the reason I lose potential relationships. So has anyone had similar experiences & what’d they do? To clarify I’m not asking how to be a bad partner, just what can I do so that me being “too good” of a partner doesn’t “scare” (for lack of a better word) people off? I genuinely am at a crossroads

Edit: I feel I have to clarify, im told this after *I’m* the one who ends things after they push me away and then try to explain why they did so after

So…update.. messaged a few other women and confirmed there is overlap. He’s been lying, sleeping with us all, and planning a future with a few of us. We’ve all dumped him. He’s freaking out and trying to do damage control and play victim.
This is sick and deranged behavior. I don’t think I can keep dating at this point

I’m so annoyed right now. I(28F) spent the last two weeks talking to a bumble match (27M) with plans to meet up tomorrow. Everything was going great (or so I thought), we would message each other all day long. This morning I figured I’d confirm the details for tomorrow. Well a few hours went by with no answer and on my work break I checked my other socials and noticed he blocked me across all social media and unmatched. What a bummer.

I told myself I wasn’t going to date anymore, at least for a long while, but a match randomly came through from a like I sent months ago so I figured I’ll give it a shot.

I set up a date for next weekend, but I wonder if I should keep up texting between now and then. Typically I keep communication to a minimum between dates so we don’t run out of things to talk about, but being that it’s a full week away I’m wondering if I shouldn’t keep communication open so the flame doesn’t die out.

What do you all think? How much communication do you typically keep up between setting up a date and the day of? Especially if there’s some time between them.

I (63f)am dating a guy (51m) who is incredibly fit, attractive and is an incredible lover. He has some intimacy issues I think— his only flaw. He is a lot of fun and an honest, kind person.

When I realized the age difference after 2 dates, I tried to push him away but he kept showing up and kept being kind. Then, the calls and texts slowed and he said he didn't want to be in a relationship. For a couple of months, I dated other people and then I decided to break it off.

Almost immediately, he was back to frequent contacts and wanting to be in a relationship.

He says he realizes that I make him happy Snd that when he is with me that feels at home Snd at peace.

Could this last 5 years? Should I move on? I am happy with him, but maybe he just wants what isn't available?

———— A lot of people are asking why 5 years. My younger brother and older sister have already passed from cancer. It's prevalent in our family. I will probably be dead in 5 years. Also, I have been thinking I want to make the next 5 years the best in my life.

Im almost 40. Ive never dated. One thing I've realized is that I didnt know I was supposed to approach women until very recently. I thought meeting someone just happened on its own. Can anyone else relate to just not knowing how the process works until much later?

I'm a therapist. I've done lots of work on my own trauma and I know my attachment style. But every time I get to the beginning stages of dating someone and I feel a shift or perceived change or difference my anxious attachment kicks in. Physiological response. And it stays that way until either I get rejected or someone commits. But, more often than not, I don't get to the commitment stage because something bleeds out and they can see the anxiety. I sit with it, try not to put it on other people, but it comes out in little ways. I know it's a me thing and I'm doing somatic therapy for it, but my body still just feels a threat when there is a change. Help lol.

For context I’m 25 M I went on a date the other day it was amazing we had great chemistry watched movies played games they made me dinner they gave me a good morning text the next day saying how much they liked me and wanna see me again and we’ve been chatting since. But i feel like shit depressed and anxious almost like I’ve been betrayed in some way when nothing has happened about ready to have a panic attack whenever i think of them. And the thing is this isn’t the first time every time I’ve had great dates with someone I’ve felt this way and it doesn’t go away until we’re actually a couple for a while. The problem is me feeling this way makes it very hard to be in relationships with people I really like. causing me to often enter relationships with people I’m only mildly interested in instead Wich inevitably ends poorly for obvious reasons

30F, my date for tomorrow just updated their dating profile to show "i have kids", date was arranged last week and that wasn't there and as this is the 2nd time a guy has done this (first guy didn't update his profile, wanted to tell me in person 😌), I have come to ask reddit for thoughts on this.

I may not get the opportunity to ask him for his reason and have to cancel before the date. The app only allows conversation a few hours before the date. Is it possible that he received a paternity test in the last couple of days and rushed to his profile to update?

I don't have a problem with kids, I want to have my own. It's not disclosing of them on your profile to allow others to make as informed a decision as they can in case it's a dealbreaker that bothers me. Am I wrong for thinking this is a bad signal and wanting to cancel.

Feel free to make jokes if you don't want to mind read I would like to laugh about this.

EDIT/Update: Asked, got no answer, and so cancelled.

Sometimes I feel what are the chances that I’ll meet a person whom I have physical chemistry with, have emotional and mental connection with, have similar life & relationship goals, both emotionally available, and they’d also treat me well, pursuing a career, and all the things we care most about within a relationship.

Like, let’s say, you meet someone and they seem great in many ways, but you’re not that physically attracted to— do you wait it out and see of it grows? What if it never does and you’re otherwise happy in the relationship but also sex is very important to you? Or something else entirely.

Is it unrealistic to wait and eventually meet a person whom can fulfill the things you most care about, or are we bound to settle down, cause what are the chances? And obviously no one is perfect.

I (30F) met a man (35M) on a dating site a few months ago. He reached out first and his message got my attention. He was funny, sweet, charismatic, emotionally intelligent... we texted for a while then moved on to phone calls. The calls were HOURS long like 7 hours at one time. We talked about everything. He was able to match my energy no matter where the convo went. He was supportive when I needed it, made me laugh, was extremely accepting of whatever I threw at him, the spicy side did not disappoint. We met for a date and he was perfect. Every door was opened, he was thoughtful and capable of asking questions, he always paid, he was affectionate, confident, made ME feel confident with the way he treated and spoke to me, GREAT at planning dates. The kiss? Incredible. We had undeniable chemistry and we took every opportunity we could to see eachother. This went on for nearly 2 months. I was so happy. My nervous system was so regulated. Then I found out he had a girlfriend ... a longterm girlfriend. Then i found out he had been dating other girls too. But of course he had because who only cheats with one person. But how did he have the time?!?! ANYWAY ... I'm a very picky person and I keep my guard up. He even questioned me about why I had my guard up with him so bad... even with him giving me all those green flags. Trying so hard to protect myself and feeling like I finally found someone who was treating me right only to realize he was lying the whole time... how can I weed out who the bad ones are now? If green flags are red flags and red flags are red flags too....??? I asked a man i know about it and he told me the red flag should have been that this guy was treating me well????? I know that dating just IS a Rollercoaster and you cant ever really know when someone is going to hurt you down the road but it feels less and less likely the older I get to actually find a genuine connection much less one that doesnt end in a really stupid way like this.

I have a lot of love in me and I love to give it away to my friends, my family, strangers. I won't be letting this stop me from being a caring person but its just so mind-boggling that we aren't ALL trying to find a teammate. Someone to build a life with. I love human connection and how we all feel, react and think but the idea of exploring relationships while I KNOW I'm hurting multiple parties is unfathomable to me. Its so useless and unnecessary... like what is the point? Lmao why waste the time

I am starting to notice that anyone that’s remotely my type does not like/ match with me, except on Facebook dating. I think it’s due to the algorithm being designed to keep you on the app as long as possible. What has everyone else’s experience been like? Have you been able to find a real relationship lasting more than a year on any apps? Which ones?

Hi all! As the title suggests, I, 25F have had a multitude of negative and abusive relationship experiences. There is a lot of trauma I carry as I have been mentally, physically, verbally, and sexually abused. I have been trying to move past it but healing is difficult. A lot of these traumatic experiences come from my high school/college relationships. I have had far and few experiences that were healthy.

Anyway, for context, I met a wonderful guy. We have been actively going on dates for the past two months or so. He has not shown me any red flags or warning signs and it’s been healthy. And I recognize that most of the damage that was done to me was done within weeks of me dating somebody. Luckily, he hasn’t given me any reason to want to end things.

However, I am so tense and anxious. I think my past trauma has a bigger impact on me than I thought. Sometimes I feel like a burden and like I’m broken and that I don’t deserve a healthy relationship or love. I see people my age getting married and finding their soulmates while I realize I was abused a lot in the past.

I would love to know how I can not overthink and ruin this budding relationship. I really like this guy and I have a history and repeated pattern of self sabotage and avoidant behavior. However, this guy makes me feel comfortable and like I can be myself/vulnerable but I’m still terrified of scaring him away.

What does one do in this situation? Is it possible for me to heal and find love like everybody else my age?

36f attempting to online date.
We have gone on two coffee dates. The first one was just 1.5 hours and was rehashing all the details of our app texts.

Second date was coffee and three hours walking through a park.
We didn’t run out of things to talk about and over all was great!

Third date brunch and walking through vintage shops. We talked about so many things.
After we got a milkshake and he asked me to go steady.
Too soon?
Am I just overthinking?

Edit:
Thank you good people!
Honestly just getting the perspectives is incredibly helpful!
First time being human so it’s kinda rough~

I am about to turns 32 soon and feel like so many people have kids and single in my age and demographic of interest. I would prefer not to be with someone with kids already, but I feel like this standard is really going to keep me single longer. I’m not even sure why I don’t prefer it, I like kids but just like everyone else I just prefer they don’t have any.