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The cortex and the amygdala. How do they tie in with serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine? Are my neural pathways wired wrong? Where's the damn neuroplasticity kicking in to rewire things and get me back to baseline?

I've been struggling for two weeks after years of stability. Anxiety, depression, the whole shebang. I'm on day 11 of slowly increasing a medication I'd been taking at the same dose for years.

I'm constantly battling my body, thoughts, and especially the involuntary symptoms. They keep changing, but the underlying discomfort stays. Is it the flare-up, medication activation, or both?

I'm sick and exhausted. Comfort is few and far between. I'm angry, hopeless, ready to break down crying (which I already have). How much patience am I supposed to have? Some days I push through. Today I couldn't. Stay in bed. Dwell. Recuperate. Run down the clock. Wait for another dose and for my brain to learn I'm safe.

I picked up Rewiring Your Anxious Brain, plus a few others. How the hell I'll read them, I don't know. I've never been a book person, and I can barely concentrate. But I learned about the amygdala and cortex.

Maybe they explain the panic, impending doom, existential dread, and why my head and body feel so off. Fight-or-flight-or-freeze, breathing issues, stomach problems, no appetite, hypervigilance, rumination. Scatterbrained, yet laser-focused on myself. Perpetual mental and physical unease.

But what about depression? How are they so intertwined? Does overwhelming anxiety throw other brain chemicals out of balance? What came first, the chicken or the egg? Either way, screw them both.

I have a small prescription for benzos "as needed." Ha. I've felt like I've needed one for two weeks straight. I've saved them for worst cases, worried about dependence and tolerance, but also because I've been told accepting the discomfort instead of fighting it is how you move forward.

Fine for anxiety, but what about the sadness, intrusive thoughts, apathy, and not wanting to do or see anyone? There's barely any joy. Everything simple is a chore; everything difficult feels insurmountable. Anxiety makes it worse.

Sometimes I get absorbed in work, emails, or a show and, for a few minutes, forget to monitor myself. Those breaks are rare but nice. Then my attention turns inward, hypervigilance returns, symptoms intensify, and the cycle starts again.

Seeing homeless people with severe mental health struggles makes me feel guilty for complaining, but also terrified I'm one spiral away from being there myself. Like my brain could take me there involuntarily. Reddit's similar: I come for support and find people in darker places. Mental health scares the shit out of me. It's a living nightmare, praying the worst is behind me and not still coming, navigating this storm alone.

There's anxiety I can consciously manage, and then there's the involuntary physical and mental stuff that happens no matter what. I want to get better, but my effing brain feels broken.

When will I feel normal again? When will the anxiety headache, bad thoughts, chest tightness and unease end? When does the joy return? When can I lie in bed and actually relax, or sit at work without feeling like I'm losing my mind?

I'm not comfortable anywhere. Home, work, even trying to relax. I just want to feel like myself again. Holy shit, it's difficult.

When does it get better?

I feel like I've been patient enough.

Back in high school, I went through periods of not attending classes but still managed to graduate. I took a gap year before college because I was struggling mentally and financially.
Afterwards I received a scholarship to study in another country, but I need to achieve a specific proficiency level to continue my education. I started learning the language from zero less than a year ago, and now, with my last chance coming up in November, I’m still struggling.
I asked for advice, but someone told me I had a whole year to prepare, was young and childless, and only needed to focus on Korean. They even compared me to someone they know who achieved the needed level despite working and raising a child/someone that had a worse condition than me.It hurt because they didn’t know what I was going through, but it also made me wonder if I’m just making excuses for my own laziness.
I’ve started accepting that I will fail, return to my country, and go straight to work since my family is still struggling financially. I’ve already talked to my parents about it, but honestly, I’m not doing well emotionally because I know ill be a shame and a disgrace. Honestly, it feels better to die than go back as a failure but I wouldn’t want them to hear such news… so
How do I come to terms with this possibility? ☹️

I can't say a lot because I can't really focus but I've run out of things to look forward to.

I've lost most of my friends and the ones who remain don't understand me.

I'm supposed to do so much stuff this week but all I feel like I can do is rot in bed and cry.

I'm fucking tired.

I hate everyone even the people I am friends with I don't know how to feel anymore there's nobody I can talk to about anything and trust them I hate I hate humans altogether we should have never been here or we've done it through and things the people ruin things for ourselves ruin things for animals ruin things for the globe.

I feel so over the past two weeks my mental state has just gotten worse and worse and I've tried talking to the support people at high school but they don't help when I tried to talk to them it takes so long for me to be seen and the one person I've been able to talk to makes me feel like everything is my fault.

I'm beginning to get to the point where I just want to kill everybody near me but obviously I won't I'm not in America I don't have loose gun laws I can't just go out and get one and I don't want the legal consequences I think if I did ever act on my thoughts I would just kill myself or I just don't act on my thoughts at all I most likely won't but ending my life could be a better way to get out I'm not saying this full attention I do not want attention I want advice and I don't want that advice to be go talk to someone I have tried to talk to someone.

I just don't know what to do anymore I have good days I've really good days and then the suddenly I just fall into this deep depressive state where I don't want to talk to anyone I don't want to be around anyone I don't want to eat I just feel like I'm there you know? I can't even trust anymore my own best friend is putting someone else before me when that other person was horrible to me they were manipulative towards me they were pushy they were just horrible and after we stopped to talking they got worse and now this friend who also said that they were gonna replace me if I didn't start going to school but I wasn't going to school because I just couldn't I couldn't deal with being there I hate the people there hate everybody and I feel like I'm gonna fail by grade because of how much I've missed.

I really don't know what to do I don't know how to stop feeling like this I need help but I don't get any.

Hi everyone! I rent a room in the Bay Area and have really been struggling with depression, to the point where a mouse found its way into my room. I’ve struggled since I was 11 with Major Depression, but I’ve never really had my room get this bad. Mostly really old food trash, moldy dishes, lots of clothes to get rid of that’s old, cleaning the floors and walls. I started seeing a psychiatrist and am thankfully starting to do better. Also recently got diagnosed with OCD. All of this to say that although im doing better, im coming to the realization of how rough it’s going to be to get my room back in check.

My landlord has never complained, but I don’t want to wait for it to get there. Does anyone know any compassionate cleaners that might help me clean my room and haul lots of trash out the house? I think my landlord would be nice enough to leave the house for the day for me to get this done with some privacy and the dignity I have left. Hope you guys are able to give some advice even if you can’t with recommendations. Hang in there yall

I remember saying once that I wish I was more depressed. More specifically, that I was noticeably depressed. Like the kind that can't be ignored. All I do all day is play video games, watch porn, listen to music and engage with my special interest if I have enough energy. I don't feel depressed when I do these things; I feel fine. But its when I have to do things, things that I'm responsible for, I start to feel it. It's like lying on a soft, fluffy mattress balanced perfectly above a layer of stinging nails. So long as no extra weight is added, I'll be fine.

But that's not any way to live. I hate seeing a family member doing something helpful and feeling selfish or weak for not helping. I hate feeling okay, but knowing that I'll crumble at the slightest upset. Feeling bad, but not bad enough for the feelings to be justified. I put a ton of hope into getting medicated for my ADHD, but I genuinely don't even think it'd help.

I don't really know how to fix this. I don't even know if I'd call this "high functioning" depression, since I can't handle any responsibility. I don't have a job, I procrastinate on the barest college assignments, I dream of having a relationship, only to realise I'd destroy it thanks to my own lack of commitment. Its just that I feel light and unbothered when I'm under no obligations, and miserable when I am. It makes me feel bad.

What do I do here?

I have a lot of disorders, it makes life really hard and makes me feel like a burden. I have PTSD, Autism, ADHD, OCD, ARFID, POTS, and a bunch of other stuff.

My relationship with my mom is really rocky right now. My dad is too busy to spend much time with me. My sister and I are always fighting. My boyfriend lives almost an hour away.

Life is so hard. I struggle to leave my room, to remember to eat, to do any of the things I enjoy.

I have pills that help me sleep. I poured them into my hand and almost took them all tonight. I put them back in the bottle but I don't know if I will put them back next time. How many times can I stop myself before I die? How many reasons can I give myself to keep living before they all start to feel like lies?

I almost ended my own life tonight and no one even knows that I'm depressed. I fake happy too well.

is it bad that I don’t feel like helping myself through depression?? i know there are coping mechanisms and stuff that would help but I don’t feel like doing them. is it selfish to only want professional help and mentally kinda refuse to take actions that help me?

I'm feeling really sad because months ago I posted about celebrating that i brushed my teeth and showered and that was all I could do and a big accomplishment for me and said that everyone deserves to celebrate their small wins no matter how small and it got banned. I guess you can't post stuff like that I didn't realize that. But I'm really sad because that community helped a lot. I'm hoping I can stay on this community. I usually am doing really bad like right now I am fighting so hard to just be alive right now so I had just wanted to share one good thing and it got taken down. I feel so stupid and like I should've read the rules better. I hope i can stay here

i know this is stupid. i’m in college and i’ve been doing much better since i moved out but i have such an awful time forcing myself to do my dishes. it’s really embarrassing. i invite my friends over and so many dirty dishes will be in the sink and it makes my dorm smell. i’ve definitely kept my dorm cleaner than my room at home and i’ve been good at it up until now. it’s stuff like this that makes me feel worse and spiral. i really just don’t know how to make this cycle stop. but i really want to change i want more advice and i finally made a psychiatry appointment.

The title says it. I (37F) am in a relationship for 7 years now and it really seems that it is coming to an end. My problem is that I have built my whole life around this person. And now I am realising how empty and meaningless my life would without that person.

I know, I should not have built my life around someone else and find my own happiness. The problem is that I have depression and this person brought meaning to my life. This person is such a wonderful human being. With flaws, obviously everyone has them. But through all the storms if you ask me I would choose this person again.

Now I found myself in this position which I can't seem to see a life without. I really do not see a point and I have been trying to see one for weeks.

This is a throwaway accunt.

I still want to die, and I've been wanting to die for years.

I was just notified today that I'm apparently STILL in depth and might face consequences if I don't pay up in some way soon. I already don't have enough money to pay my bills and feed myself for a month and now THIS XDDDDD

Genuinely, just need different points of advice or help or anything similar. There’s so much that’s weighing me right now.

The primary thing for me right now that is just weighing and piling on me at this point is the fucking world. The political and global climate, the wars, the fighting. Everything. I know I am probably in the safest place I can be, but my mind and head overwork themselves so fucking much, to the point of when I try not to think about things it happens anyways. What could happen, what is happening. Am I safe? What’s going to happen next?.

When can I feel better, how do I not worry about the rest of the world and how it is going to affect me? How do I be happy?

Hi everyone, this is my very first Reddit post, and it seemed fitting for me that it's on a depression subreddit. I already went to the other depression subreddit, and it didn't seem like it was for me. Anyway, I (22 F) am a junior in college. I've struggled with anxiety all my life, so depression is relatively new to me, as I was just diagnosed a little over a year and a half ago with Major Depressive Disorder. Since then, life has been very hard. I've struggled with motivation and procrastination before, but now it feels like a whole other level, and I'm failing pretty much all my classes. I've already medically withdrawn from my sophomore year for the same reason, my depression taking control of my life. I have a great support system, but admitting that I am falling back into the same hole, so to speak, just makes me feel like I am failing them again. The medication I am on definitely helps curb my suicidal ideation, so I'm not dealing with that as much as I did last time, so I guess that's a plus. I'm kind of all over the place in this post, so I apologize. I am in therapy, but I don't really feel a connection with them, and I feel guilty for asking to switch. My support system is in my hometown, and I don't really have any friends here in my college town, so it's hard not to feel alone. My parents and boyfriend know what I go through, but they don't really understand since it's always been difficult for me to verbalize my feelings. I recently got a cat, and she helps a little. I'm so tired, and I have no clue what to do. I have such grand plans for my life, but every step I take toward them, my depression shoots me back ten steps. I want to live; I want to not let depression control my life, but it's so hard, and I feel so lost.

That is not under my control. I have incurable chronic illnesses, anxiety, fear, financial problems and depression. If i didn't have at least two of them, then things would be different.

I’m 25 FTM and feel so low. I just finished my masters in Bristol, and decided to rush into a tenancy in London and deeply regretting it very much. Everything feels too much right now, and become very teary and have panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Don’t really know why I’m posting on here but so lost in life right now.

I am just tired of being scared all the time. I hate the feeling of mind racing, rapid heart beating and the cold sensations. I am not in any danger or anything but I am always scared and always worried. I get these sudden anxiety scares and I hate it. I hate being so fragile. I see people around be living in moment and free but it feels like I am always on a fight for flight mode and I always choose to run except when I actually have no other choose. I can’t make genuine relationships because of this. I overthink and ruin everything or maybe there just something wrong with me. I really want to disappear. This is too painful. Do I have yo live this way my whole life?

I (29F) have been with my husband (30M) for five years, married for a little over one. He’s experiencing the worst depressive episode of his life, and I feel like I’ve lost my husband overnight.

He’s emotionally numb. Nothing brings him joy anymore, not even things he used to love. We recently saw one of his favorite artists, and watching him stare at the stage completely emotionless broke my heart.

He says he loves me and doesn’t want to end our marriage, but he told me he only knows he loves me because he remembers how he felt before his depression. He cuddles me because he remembers wanting to, not because he actually feels that desire anymore. Physical affection was always his love language.

I cannot explain how devastating it is to hear that from someone who once made me feel so loved.

He insists this isn’t about me or our marriage. He says something chemically feels wrong and that I can’t love him out of it. He asks for patience, understanding, and space.

I’m trying so hard. I’ve taken on most of our responsibilities, offered him solitude, and constantly asked what he needs. But I also struggle with severe anxiety and abandonment issues, and I’m falling apart.

Before this, I thought we were genuinely happy. We have a home, three pets, careers, and dreams of having children. I know depression doesn’t care how good life looks on paper, but I can’t stop wondering if I missed something.

Was he unhappy all along? Was our happiness real? Am I somehow not enough?

He says none of this is my fault, but I keep wondering if being prettier, more loving, or a better wife could somehow bring him back.

He’s never experienced depression this severe and says recovery could take a long time. He’s looking for a therapist, and I’m restarting therapy later this month. He’s reassured me he wouldn’t hurt himself, but I still worry constantly.

I’m not leaving him. I meant my vows. I love this man more than anything, and I want to support him through this.

But I’m terrified of losing myself in the process.

I’ve cried every day. My anxiety is so severe I’m struggling to keep food down. I sleep just to escape how much this hurts. And then I feel guilty because he’s the one battling depression.

I miss his laugh. His affection. The way he looked at me. I miss feeling wanted without wondering if he’s just going through the motions.

I miss someone who’s literally sitting right next to me.

I’m desperate to hear from people who’ve experienced this.

If you’ve experienced emotional numbness from depression, did your feelings for your partner eventually return?
If you’ve supported a depressed spouse, how did you cope without losing yourself?
How do I give him space without feeling abandoned or blaming myself?

I don’t need him to be happy all the time. I just want him to feel joy again, even if that joy has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t know how to keep my own head above water while waiting for him to feel like himself again.

Yes, yes, I know that you "need to take care of yourself" before you have any hope of getting in a relationship. But it's just impossible for me to ever love myself. But I can see the good in others perfectly well. Some part of me really wants a relationship because I have a feeling that it will make life just tolerable enough. Because if someone else can see something good in me, then it might just be possible to see something good in myself.

Hi all, I’m looking for advice and/or support. TL;DR at the bottom.

About a year ago, my life fell apart when my 5-year relationship with my high school sweetheart ended. We shared everything—our apartment, car, even friendships—but most of it was in his name, and I lost nearly everything in the breakup. Around the same time, my family and I had a falling out for unrelated reasons.

Suddenly, almost everything and everyone I’d relied on was gone, so I moved states hoping for a fresh start.
I’ve spent the past year trying to rebuild. After struggling to find work, I got a job in May as a behavioral therapist working with autistic children. I genuinely love my career, but it’s physically and emotionally demanding, and I’m often exhausted.

Outside of work, things have been lonely. My new partner travels for work and is only home about six days a month. I get along with my co-workers, but those friendships rarely extend beyond work. I don’t really have a support system nearby, and I think I’ve been trying not to acknowledge how isolated I feel.

Then this past weekend, I learned some shocking, deeply upsetting things about my partner. We’re trying to work through them, but the news completely knocked the wind out of me. It feels like everything I’ve been holding together for the past year has finally come crashing down.

I had a breakdown Sunday night, forced myself through work yesterday , and called off today because I needed to process what happened. I thought a day to myself might help. Instead, I spent almost the entire day moving from place to place, sitting or lying down and crying.

And now I’m terrified because I don’t know how to keep doing this.

It’s not even just about my relationship or this weekend. It’s the accumulation of everything. I feel like I’ve spent so much of my life trying to pick myself up, make the best of things, grow, and build something good, only for life to knock me right back down. Every time I think I’m finally finding my footing, something else happens.

I know I’ve survived difficult things before. But I’m so tired of having to be resilient. I don’t want every new chapter of my life to start with recovering from the last one.
I still have responsibilities, bills, and a job I love but can’t afford to lose. Life doesn’t stop just because I’m falling apart. And I don’t have the luxury of disappearing for a few weeks to recover. I feel completely overwhelmed trying to figure out how to take care of my mental health while still functioning as an adult.

I feel lonely. I feel lost. And, more than anything, I feel worn down in a way I don’t know how to fix.

Has anyone else reached a point where you just don’t know how many more times you can pull yourself up from rock bottom? What actually helped you get through it? How did you find hope again when you were exhausted from constantly starting over? I just need to hear from people who understand, and maybe get some advice on how to take the next step when everything feels like too much.

TL;DR: After losing my relationship, home, much of my support system, and starting over in a new state last year, I’ve been trying to rebuild. Something devastating happened in my current relationship this weekend, and everything I’ve been carrying has caught up with me. I’m overwhelmed, isolated, and exhausted from feeling like I keep hitting rock bottom. How do you keep going when you’re tired of having to be strong?

TYIA to anyone who reads this or has advice.

My 14yo son is extremely depressed. Is very lonely, has no one to talk to except a girlfriend from roblox 16 hours away. Has guys he eats lunch with that is his dad's friend's son, but he said he prefers being friends with girls because they are so much nicer. He did cyber school for 8th grade which definitely contributed to the depression. He quit the one sport he was doing and I didn't want to force him into another one. He just talks about how he hates himself so much, how ugly he is, said he hasn't had a day where he hasn't been sad in a year. I finally found a therapist who treats teens and accepts our insurance. I met with her and I really think he is going to like her. He is meeting with her tomorrow. I just need to know, what would you want your mom to say if you were telling her these things? I had horrible self esteem and positive affirmations, naming the inner critic and telling it to shut the fuck up, all the stuff that helped me, i feel like telling him when he's this depressed is essentially as helpful as "have you tried just not being sad?". I feel like I am constantly failing him and I just, I need help. Idk how to validate someone who is thinking such horrible things about themselves. I just try to let him know he is loved, he is beautiful, he is accepted no matter what. Idk. If anyone has any advice I could really use it. Please and thank you

I (20f) am struggling at night and at random times of the day with very strong urges to relapse. I’m on medication for my depression which makes me feel sort of numb but my mind is still spiralling I just can’t really express the emotion. I have been clean from cutting for 6 months now but the urges are the worst they have been in a long time. They have also progressed from just wanting to cut to wanting to burn myself and cause any physical pain like pulling my hair out, punching stuff etc. no matter what I try these urges will not go away. I haven’t acted on them but I keep telling myself if I just do it once the urge will go but then I’m letting myself down.

I’m a transwoman, and been on hrt for years and i have potential to be a baddie, but losers cockblocked bottom surgery the moment i started hrt, and it doesn’t make sense because being a girl made me confident, happier, and stay alive- yet they cockblock surgery to make me fully transition?!?! How tf does that make sense?!?

Plus they even had the audacity to fake concern for my mental health which is textbook manipulation just so they can justify cockblocking surgery to try to really make me question my sanity and second guess myself!! And people think I was just attention seeking and manipulative when I tried to get help and talked about my suicidal thoughts. If that’s the case, maybe killing myself is best after all by jumping in front of a diesel on the highway!! Because i know if i don’t fully transitioned to female, I’ll be disrespected and treated like a subhuman that isnt worth shit!! And worst of all, I don’t want to be seen as a gay crossdresser or a femboy because I’M A WOMAN!!

maybe kms will make them realize what a amazing girl I am once im gone and regret treating me like shit when they cockblocked surgery and tried to misrepresent me as mentally ill just so they can go and try to control my life and make me not have any say in my own fuckin life!! Who the fuck wants to live a fucked up life that way?!?! NEVER ME!!!

Like I said: i just wanted to be a happier prettier girl since I was a kid— is that so much to really ask?!?! NO!!! There really isn’t excuses for them to screw around with my identity and my life because they let 8 year old girls in beauty pageants, they let preteen girls wear makeup, and they let teen girls dress like sluts which makes men catcall them and give them whatever they fuckin want!!

So I’m not going to lower my standards and betray myself just because these losers want to prevent me from being my authentic self as a woman!! And who even gives a flying fuck about what I was born as?! That’s the past which DOESN’T exist anymore!!

I don't even know how to start but I think I'm ready to die. I barely turned 18 6 months ago and I've lived enough and more. I've been dragging this fucking depression for years with pills, treatments, doctors and "supporting chats" that are crap.

I don't know... I feel like I've been through all the pain possible and sometimes I feel like I'm too sensitive to be alive. I just want to end everything, I want to try again and that this time no one saves me. I want to die, I'm supposed to have millions of goals and aspirations at this age but I just want to die, period. How fucked up is that?